My first AA meeting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 145
My first AA meeting
To be honest, I'm a little intimidated. It's a huge challenge to the loner mentality that is as much a part of me as my own skin. I did share, and I listened to what everyone had to say. Everyone was much older than I am. After the meeting, a bunch of people came up to me and talked to me, gave me their numbers, told me about other meetings, etc. It was very thoughtful and kind of them. I can't knock that. But my instinct not to trust was firmly in place. This part of me wanted to run away. They gave me a copy of the "Big Book," because I'm new to the whole thing, which was very nice of them.
I feel guilty even saying this, because they were all clearly very caring and they all listened to what I had to say. A couple of people even told me about a weekly meeting for younger people, which I'll be checking out in a couple days. I did get something from the experience, and I think I'll attend next week, if only to simply not be rude. But I currently don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I guess I'm just in a state of confusion because of a few different elements (being so much younger than everyone, having to put myself out there, trusting people and finding a sponsor, the spiritual aspect of it all, etc.) But I'm trying to keep an open mind.
I feel guilty even saying this, because they were all clearly very caring and they all listened to what I had to say. A couple of people even told me about a weekly meeting for younger people, which I'll be checking out in a couple days. I did get something from the experience, and I think I'll attend next week, if only to simply not be rude. But I currently don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I guess I'm just in a state of confusion because of a few different elements (being so much younger than everyone, having to put myself out there, trusting people and finding a sponsor, the spiritual aspect of it all, etc.) But I'm trying to keep an open mind.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
I understand. Good job on going. I gave it a try last year, got to the 4th step and quit. I just could not get into it, but I am thinking about giving it another go. I can definitely see that it works.
Congrats on your progress.
Congrats on your progress.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Before you make too many judgments I do encourage you to attend the young people’s group. There are so many dynamics that come into play when we first stop hiding in a bottle, that the stark reality of a bunch of people saying, "I am .......... and I am an alcoholic" just confirms our worst fears; those being that our lives are never going to be the same, and after all who really likes change?
When I walked into my first AA meeting I remember that what I wanted the very most was to be DIFFERENT! Strange as that seems, who wants to be an alcoholic? I spent several weeks looking for those differences. I was older, I was much better off financially, I was better educated, and I dressed better, yada yada yada....
I made up my mind I was only going to stay for 90 days max, and then I was going to drink moderately and never, never let my drinking get as bad as it had been, because after all, I had never been in jail, I had a big home and nice cars, etc. I JUST WANTED TO BE DIFFERENT!!!!
This all took place some 13 years ago; I stayed even though I wanted to be different. My reason was one gentleman who I saw and listened to in my first meeting. He seemed so relaxed, and enthusiastic and HAPPY and I wanted what he had. I introduced myself to him after the meeting and he listened to my rambling about being different and simply told me, "Keep coming back no matter what." I was desperate so I did and Tom, the guy who I liked and I are now very close friends. We have a cup of coffee about twice a week and try and "be the guys that someone else might feel free to come up to after a meeting so that we can pay back those who came before us.
I sure hope you will give AA a chance and look for the similarities and not the differences.
Regardless, best wishes,
Jon
When I walked into my first AA meeting I remember that what I wanted the very most was to be DIFFERENT! Strange as that seems, who wants to be an alcoholic? I spent several weeks looking for those differences. I was older, I was much better off financially, I was better educated, and I dressed better, yada yada yada....
I made up my mind I was only going to stay for 90 days max, and then I was going to drink moderately and never, never let my drinking get as bad as it had been, because after all, I had never been in jail, I had a big home and nice cars, etc. I JUST WANTED TO BE DIFFERENT!!!!
This all took place some 13 years ago; I stayed even though I wanted to be different. My reason was one gentleman who I saw and listened to in my first meeting. He seemed so relaxed, and enthusiastic and HAPPY and I wanted what he had. I introduced myself to him after the meeting and he listened to my rambling about being different and simply told me, "Keep coming back no matter what." I was desperate so I did and Tom, the guy who I liked and I are now very close friends. We have a cup of coffee about twice a week and try and "be the guys that someone else might feel free to come up to after a meeting so that we can pay back those who came before us.
I sure hope you will give AA a chance and look for the similarities and not the differences.
Regardless, best wishes,
Jon
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by Noro 
To be honest, I'm a little intimidated. It's a huge challenge to the loner mentality that is as much a part of me as my own skin. I did share, and I listened to what everyone had to say. Everyone was much older than I am. After the meeting, a bunch of people came up to me and talked to me, gave me their numbers, told me about other meetings, etc. It was very thoughtful and kind of them. I can't knock that. But my instinct not to trust was firmly in place. This part of me wanted to run away. They gave me a copy of the "Big Book," because I'm new to the whole thing, which was very nice of them.
I feel guilty even saying this, because they were all clearly very caring and they all listened to what I had to say. A couple of people even told me about a weekly meeting for younger people, which I'll be checking out in a couple days. I did get something from the experience, and I think I'll attend next week, if only to simply not be rude. But I currently don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I guess I'm just in a state of confusion because of a few different elements (being so much younger than everyone, having to put myself out there, trusting people and finding a sponsor, the spiritual aspect of it all, etc.) But I'm trying to keep an open mind.
I feel guilty even saying this, because they were all clearly very caring and they all listened to what I had to say. A couple of people even told me about a weekly meeting for younger people, which I'll be checking out in a couple days. I did get something from the experience, and I think I'll attend next week, if only to simply not be rude. But I currently don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I guess I'm just in a state of confusion because of a few different elements (being so much younger than everyone, having to put myself out there, trusting people and finding a sponsor, the spiritual aspect of it all, etc.) But I'm trying to keep an open mind.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
There's a "12-step support" section here on SR that's full of AA members........many with lots of experience and time in the program who'd be happy to help you.
Most ppl are nervous about their first meeting.......it's natural to be somewhat uneasy about almost anything new so what you're going through is common. It's good practice though, because working the AA program will challenge you to continue to push yourself to do things that seem unnatural - things like forgiving others, looking at yourself when things bother you, facing fears, and so forth.
My great-grand-sponsor has 53 yrs and one of his "trademark sayings" is this, "If you want to get and stay sober and happy.....you're going to have to do a lot of things you don't want to do." The quote in my signature also applies here....as does another favorite quote of mine "To get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done."
Congrats to you on taking some of the first steps down this new road.....the road of recovery. Know that there are a LOT of ppl who are willing to help.
Most ppl are nervous about their first meeting.......it's natural to be somewhat uneasy about almost anything new so what you're going through is common. It's good practice though, because working the AA program will challenge you to continue to push yourself to do things that seem unnatural - things like forgiving others, looking at yourself when things bother you, facing fears, and so forth.
My great-grand-sponsor has 53 yrs and one of his "trademark sayings" is this, "If you want to get and stay sober and happy.....you're going to have to do a lot of things you don't want to do." The quote in my signature also applies here....as does another favorite quote of mine "To get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done."
Congrats to you on taking some of the first steps down this new road.....the road of recovery. Know that there are a LOT of ppl who are willing to help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 145
Thanks for the responses. I definitely feel obligated to continue to attend the meeting that I went to tonight, although I have a feeling I'll find the meeting with people my age more comfortable. However, quite a number of people gave me their numbers, talked to me, and were very nice to me, during and after the meeting tonight. And at the end of the meeting, they gave me a copy of the Alcoholics Anonymous book. I can't just not show up again, even if I prefer the other meeting. So I'm going to make sure to be there next week, and hopefully I'll eventually find some level of comfort there. I do appreciate everyone there, and I'd like to stick with it. I feel like it's the right thing to do.
And anyway, there were two people that attended tonight's meeting who were the one's that informed me about the younger people's meeting, so they'll be there too. So if people wonder why I didn't come back, they might just bring up that I was at the other meeting. I want to at least show appreciation.
After hearing their problems, the length of their drinking years, and how bad it got, there's a part of me that's telling me how I'm so young and just didn't have the discipline to put down the drink; that I'm not actually an alcoholic and that I should just head to the bar and be like anyone else in their mid-twenties.
And anyway, there were two people that attended tonight's meeting who were the one's that informed me about the younger people's meeting, so they'll be there too. So if people wonder why I didn't come back, they might just bring up that I was at the other meeting. I want to at least show appreciation.
After hearing their problems, the length of their drinking years, and how bad it got, there's a part of me that's telling me how I'm so young and just didn't have the discipline to put down the drink; that I'm not actually an alcoholic and that I should just head to the bar and be like anyone else in their mid-twenties.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
As far as their ages go......If it was me looking for a guide through AA......i'd want someone with some success and some experience. Meetings, when you're new, need to be about you learning.....not socializing. I'm sure you realize that but I wanted to bring it up anyway.
There's a group of 16 - 24yr olds who all hang out at a Friday meeting I go to. That's cool....they're friends.....but they don't know what they're doing and, one by one, they've been dropping off. .......it's too bad, yanno?
There's a group of 16 - 24yr olds who all hang out at a Friday meeting I go to. That's cool....they're friends.....but they don't know what they're doing and, one by one, they've been dropping off. .......it's too bad, yanno?
MINEr
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 505
AA's philosophy is to love you till you love yourself. As newly sober people, we are not used to being loved, it takes some time. I have almost nine months and I'm still uncomfortable at times, but I know that's me, and not AA. Just keep an open mind, and check the Big Book out, it's wisdom has many layers. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Great that you shared this Noro. If it helps, you might consider that AA is difficult for many because what is done there is most often the direct opposite of what comes naturally to an alcoholic.
Because the person we took there needed to drink to get by in life, we are changed by our experience through the steps in many ways to alter our reactions to life, our character, and what we view as important and get a better functioning set of goals.
Those who offered to help and listened to you were once not the type to offer help or listen. Because becoming that type of person allows them to get by in life well, and incidentally sober too, that's what you'll see in AA.
The people in front of you are your evidence this thing can work for you too.
Don't worry about becoming too good, no danger there. But you will become better and can live an extraordinary life.
Or you can have another drinkie.
Because the person we took there needed to drink to get by in life, we are changed by our experience through the steps in many ways to alter our reactions to life, our character, and what we view as important and get a better functioning set of goals.
Those who offered to help and listened to you were once not the type to offer help or listen. Because becoming that type of person allows them to get by in life well, and incidentally sober too, that's what you'll see in AA.
The people in front of you are your evidence this thing can work for you too.
Don't worry about becoming too good, no danger there. But you will become better and can live an extraordinary life.
Or you can have another drinkie.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
Noro - you hit the nail on the head when you identified your "loner mentality" - that was me then and 16 years later i still have to acknowledge it. Meetings give me the ability to change that part of my behavior.... and i have been thru more than one period where i really had to drag myself thru those doors: didn't like someone there, was bored by same ol stories, had a bad relationship with someone at that meeting or just wanted to sit in my own s**t ....
But my experience, before and after recovery, has demonstrated that i do not have the luxury of doing that old habit. Before- it was solo binging, after- was a recipe for spiraling into depression.
So i go - 2 or 3 times a week. Not surprisingly, i usually find i have gotten out of me for a bit- and thats essential to my recovery
But my experience, before and after recovery, has demonstrated that i do not have the luxury of doing that old habit. Before- it was solo binging, after- was a recipe for spiraling into depression.
So i go - 2 or 3 times a week. Not surprisingly, i usually find i have gotten out of me for a bit- and thats essential to my recovery
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by Noro
After hearing their problems, the length of their drinking years, and how bad it got, there's a part of me that's telling me how I'm so young and just didn't have the discipline to put down the drink; that I'm not actually an alcoholic and that I should just head to the bar and be like anyone else in their mid-twenties.
Whatever you do, just give this program a trial run before deciding if its for you or not. Stick it out for a couple months and see. I no longer have that mentality that "im too young, im not an alcholic" because I've been hanging around meetings for almost 2 months now and I have learned that age just isnt a contributing factor. It's a sickness that can affect anyone of any race/age/gender, etc.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 145
Went to my second AA meeting. It was somewhere else, for younger people, and there were a lot more people than the previous meeting. So it was a lot different.
It's strange not having anything in my system yet still trying to present myself as me. I'm so used to me + booze or me + drugs but now it's just me. I'm visibly anxious a lot lately, and I'm sure people could tell tonight. A couple of people knew me from the first meeting I went to, so they saw me sitting by myself in the back and they called me over and had me sit with them.
A part of me feels like solitude will help me heal through this tough transition into sobriety, but at the same time, there's a reason why AA works for so many people, and I've made some promises that I'd give this a real shot. So I'll probably keep going to meetings. Maybe I'll become more comfortable. Maybe I'll feel like part of the "fellowship" in at least one of these groups. Right now I just have this instinct not to trust. I'm not used to the positive energy. I've been living in a negative place, and have been around negative people, for so long that it seems to be all I understand right now. I really want to get comfortable with this but it's difficult for me. So many new people saying introducing themselves to me, being nice and friendly, offering help, etc. It may sound silly to a lot of you, but I don't know how to react. Sometimes I just want to hide. Listening to people share is very inspirational, and I respect them a lot. I can think of all the times I've thought about how great it would be to be around people I can actually identify with in a positive way, and now that it's in front of me, I feel this instinct to run away.
It's strange not having anything in my system yet still trying to present myself as me. I'm so used to me + booze or me + drugs but now it's just me. I'm visibly anxious a lot lately, and I'm sure people could tell tonight. A couple of people knew me from the first meeting I went to, so they saw me sitting by myself in the back and they called me over and had me sit with them.
A part of me feels like solitude will help me heal through this tough transition into sobriety, but at the same time, there's a reason why AA works for so many people, and I've made some promises that I'd give this a real shot. So I'll probably keep going to meetings. Maybe I'll become more comfortable. Maybe I'll feel like part of the "fellowship" in at least one of these groups. Right now I just have this instinct not to trust. I'm not used to the positive energy. I've been living in a negative place, and have been around negative people, for so long that it seems to be all I understand right now. I really want to get comfortable with this but it's difficult for me. So many new people saying introducing themselves to me, being nice and friendly, offering help, etc. It may sound silly to a lot of you, but I don't know how to react. Sometimes I just want to hide. Listening to people share is very inspirational, and I respect them a lot. I can think of all the times I've thought about how great it would be to be around people I can actually identify with in a positive way, and now that it's in front of me, I feel this instinct to run away.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by Noro
Went to my second AA meeting. It was somewhere else, for younger people, and there were a lot more people than the previous meeting. So it was a lot different.
It's strange not having anything in my system yet still trying to present myself as me. I'm so used to me + booze or me + drugs but now it's just me. I'm visibly anxious a lot lately, and I'm sure people could tell tonight. A couple of people knew me from the first meeting I went to, so they saw me sitting by myself in the back and they called me over and had me sit with them.
A part of me feels like solitude will help me heal through this tough transition into sobriety, but at the same time, there's a reason why AA works for so many people, and I've made some promises that I'd give this a real shot. So I'll probably keep going to meetings. Maybe I'll become more comfortable. Maybe I'll feel like part of the "fellowship" in at least one of these groups. Right now I just have this instinct not to trust. I'm not used to the positive energy. I've been living in a negative place, and have been around negative people, for so long that it seems to be all I understand right now. I really want to get comfortable with this but it's difficult for me. So many new people saying introducing themselves to me, being nice and friendly, offering help, etc. It may sound silly to a lot of you, but I don't know how to react. Sometimes I just want to hide. Listening to people share is very inspirational, and I respect them a lot. I can think of all the times I've thought about how great it would be to be around people I can actually identify with in a positive way, and now that it's in front of me, I feel this instinct to run away.
It's strange not having anything in my system yet still trying to present myself as me. I'm so used to me + booze or me + drugs but now it's just me. I'm visibly anxious a lot lately, and I'm sure people could tell tonight. A couple of people knew me from the first meeting I went to, so they saw me sitting by myself in the back and they called me over and had me sit with them.
A part of me feels like solitude will help me heal through this tough transition into sobriety, but at the same time, there's a reason why AA works for so many people, and I've made some promises that I'd give this a real shot. So I'll probably keep going to meetings. Maybe I'll become more comfortable. Maybe I'll feel like part of the "fellowship" in at least one of these groups. Right now I just have this instinct not to trust. I'm not used to the positive energy. I've been living in a negative place, and have been around negative people, for so long that it seems to be all I understand right now. I really want to get comfortable with this but it's difficult for me. So many new people saying introducing themselves to me, being nice and friendly, offering help, etc. It may sound silly to a lot of you, but I don't know how to react. Sometimes I just want to hide. Listening to people share is very inspirational, and I respect them a lot. I can think of all the times I've thought about how great it would be to be around people I can actually identify with in a positive way, and now that it's in front of me, I feel this instinct to run away.
Eventually, I clicked with a couple people and we always went to meetings together. In fact we went to 90 meetings and 90 days. Try your hardest to find a sponsor as soon as possible to start working on the steps. One of the best feelings I have ever experienced was the freedom I felt after completing my 5th step. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by babycat
I understand. Good job on going. I gave it a try last year, got to the 4th step and quit. I just could not get into it, but I am thinking about giving it another go. I can definitely see that it works.
Congrats on your progress.
Congrats on your progress.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
I felt exactly the same the first times I went. But hopefully unlike yourself I took feeling like a standout sore thumb among the happier and healthier people to mean I was not like them instead of understanding I was seeing the results of the efforts they'd made on the steps, and the physical, mental and emotional healing that takes place when we've sobered up for a while.
They were sick and sorry too when new. Listen for that and you'll hear it. What happens is we get better based on the actions we take. You're among people who have taken some actions, so you have good visual clues as to what you can expect for yourself.
You do a few things and you'll soon be amazing newcomers too. Although some will take your state of health to mean you were never as screwed up as they feel and will use that as their excuse to drink again, a few will be attracted by your friendliness and obvious concern for their well being.
You could do those things and be that man and join that healthy crowd and make that difference for new and sick alcoholics, or you could have another drinkie.
They were sick and sorry too when new. Listen for that and you'll hear it. What happens is we get better based on the actions we take. You're among people who have taken some actions, so you have good visual clues as to what you can expect for yourself.
You do a few things and you'll soon be amazing newcomers too. Although some will take your state of health to mean you were never as screwed up as they feel and will use that as their excuse to drink again, a few will be attracted by your friendliness and obvious concern for their well being.
You could do those things and be that man and join that healthy crowd and make that difference for new and sick alcoholics, or you could have another drinkie.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I can identify with that whole post Noro.... I dealt with most/all of that stuff too. I wasn't always comfortable at meetings, didn't always like the ppl, and didn't always love the AA program in general. Deep down though, something kept telling me I needed to be there. In time, I got comfortable at the meetings, started to like the ppl and absolutely fell in love with the program.
I did a lot of running form being uncomfortable both as a child and as an alcoholic adult. Sometimes that old "flight" instinct kicks in but through recovery, I've leaned that being on the run doesn't work so well. The whole deal is new to you so you're going to feel uncomfortable for a while.
Dig into the process, the steps and the fellowship though and those uneasy feelings will subside. And bear in mind....I'm not suggesting JUST the passage of time will work....it'll probably take some active involvement on your part (as it did for me) for things to change.
I did a lot of running form being uncomfortable both as a child and as an alcoholic adult. Sometimes that old "flight" instinct kicks in but through recovery, I've leaned that being on the run doesn't work so well. The whole deal is new to you so you're going to feel uncomfortable for a while.
Dig into the process, the steps and the fellowship though and those uneasy feelings will subside. And bear in mind....I'm not suggesting JUST the passage of time will work....it'll probably take some active involvement on your part (as it did for me) for things to change.
Chutzpah
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 115
Well, Noro, I am very proud of you trying it! No shoe fits every foot, just ask Cinderella. AA may not be the answer for you, maybe the younger meeting will be more fitting. But great job getting out of the house and learning new stuff.
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