Tired of AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 128
Tired of AA
I'm at a little over four months, and I'm starting to (finally) settle in with my feelings and accept that I'm an alcoholic who can never drink again. I've worked through most of my fourth step and in particular I have identified and examined specific resentments I've been drinking around for years, and I have made good strides toward acceptance of these things, as well.
So now I'm lingering on the edges of that pink cloud, I guess, and I'm feeling like I've done the stuff I need to do (even though I've not finished the steps) and feeling less motivated to keep going to meetings.
Oh, I still intend to keep going, I'll go to a book study tonight and go to my weekly regular meeting tomorrow, but I just wanted to throw that out there.
So now I'm lingering on the edges of that pink cloud, I guess, and I'm feeling like I've done the stuff I need to do (even though I've not finished the steps) and feeling less motivated to keep going to meetings.
Oh, I still intend to keep going, I'll go to a book study tonight and go to my weekly regular meeting tomorrow, but I just wanted to throw that out there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 737
Being in AA myself and observing others progress, I've seen this reaction a few times. I dare say that feelings like you are having are fairly common both during and after the 4th step (?). Certainly more experienced folks will have more to say on what is only my presumption, and please note I'm just sharing what I've experienced and seen in my infinitesimal tenure in AA. What I do know is that for many of us the 4th step is heavy, and about as serious as a heart attack. It can leave us drained of emotions and a bit spiritually exhausted (temporarily of course).
I'd suggest you continue working the rest of the steps, in that this reaction to step 4 - for you - might be the necessary beginnings of a breakthrough that will be revealed as you move forward through step 5 and beyond.
Just my 0.02.
I'd suggest you continue working the rest of the steps, in that this reaction to step 4 - for you - might be the necessary beginnings of a breakthrough that will be revealed as you move forward through step 5 and beyond.
Just my 0.02.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Retread59 
and I'm feeling like I've done the stuff I need to do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 128
Thanks to you both. I do intend to keep working the steps, though I guess part of my problem is that, at this point of feeling relief, I have begun to wonder if the steps are the solution-- for me-- though I don't doubt they are the solution for many.
And I do hear what's implicit in that, or what could be, that "I" am somehow different from other alcoholics and therefore one day I may be able to drink again. Not going to go there. I know that I can't drink like other people. I guess I just have to keep working it and work through my reticence.
And I do hear what's implicit in that, or what could be, that "I" am somehow different from other alcoholics and therefore one day I may be able to drink again. Not going to go there. I know that I can't drink like other people. I guess I just have to keep working it and work through my reticence.
MINEr
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 505
I think its a good sign that you're recognizing these feeling and not reacting to them but thinking them through. That in itself is progress for us instinctually driven alcoholics. I went through similar things, and just shook up my schedule a bit, hit some strange meetings. It seemed to work for me. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 449
I'm not clear about what you're tired of. Is it the fellowship or the program ?
You've gotten to Step 5 ? Or are you just holding onto your inventory within yourself ?
Step 4 is an emotionally taxing step. And despite the "one step at a time" and "steps are there in order", the brain can't shut off the notion of what's ahead.
Step 5 - Talking to someone else about the exact nature of the wrongs identified in the inventory. I went to a Priest. I know they're closed mouthed and it got me passed the fear. In time, FREE of them, I then began to share them with close - closed mouth buddies - in the fellowship where I think my experience might help them. My sponsor is one of them. My first 5th Step, I felt a sense of power, vitality, and PEACE I hadn't felt - ever - or at least in a very very very long time, even prior to my drinking.
Step 6 and 7 - Of course I wanted to be rid of them, they were a waste of time, effort, and with the exception of anger - they wore me down. Anger on the other hand, I was deluded into thinking gave me "power". It's going away. Discernment is replacing judgement. Right action, clear of judgement, is beginning to replace angry reaction. Slowly.
Steps 8 and 9 - That's a scary one indeed. Making amends, admitting I'm wrong, listening to the damage I've caused the people closest to me and asking them how I can set things right. For the most part, I got off easy, an encouraging word. Where money was owed it's either been paid back or donated. Much of my amends are living amends, when I'm in the right frame of mind - I carry out my day as such. I don't do it perfect. But the 9th Step is where I really get to get FREE of - my selfishness, self centeredness, delusional thinking and often - fear.
By the time I get to Step 10, I'm feeling rejuvenated, I feel a sense of power and vitality running through my core. It continues for awhile as I engage in the discplines outlined in Step 10 and 11. It gives me power to operate in Step 12 among my fellows outside and inside the fellowship. Within the fellowship I get to bring back concrete experience with the steps - the solution. I don't get nearly as tired or bored at meetings I attend. To be helpful, is my only aim. I go to give and come away with unexpected fullfillment and inspiration.
I've been at it for nine years. We hit walls at times. There's a link in the 12 Step forum where a guy breaks down the "seasons" in sobriety. It made sense and this guy had 20 plus years of sobriety. I had a resentment once towards my AA sponsor and didn't feel as if I could speak to him about it. Further, I didn't want to discuss it with anyone in the area as they knew him as my sponsor and I didn't want to sully their perception of him. I felt the higher power of "reality" working in me. I got over the resentment and we since have had our sponsee / sponsor relationship continue and grow. Prayer, meditation, inventory, seeking counsel if necessary and more prayer and meditation. The right answer came.
Nine years isn't much compared to him and others but I have found that faithful practice of the program and faithful participation in the fellowship that ---
I've been spared the obsession of the mind returning - in high spots and low spots - I'm safe and protected.
I'm sober and free.
I don't know if it helps. We all get tired and hit walls from time to time. But do it anyway and see what happens. Work the program, talk with the sponsor, go to the meetings. I know there were times when I was DEAD tired after work and wanted just one or two drinks to relax and then sleep - and wouldn't you know - a miracle happened. With one or two hours of sleep the night before, my weary mind and body would come ALIVE with a few drinks of alcohol and I'd drink for hours upon hours and usually pass out. But only after drinking more than I intended, and getting into trouble I didn't intend. So I drank tired too when I was tired of drinking and it worked.
The AA program of action works too, when I work it, tired or not. The results make me less inclinced to boredom within the fellowship.
Good luck and God Bless.
You've gotten to Step 5 ? Or are you just holding onto your inventory within yourself ?
Step 4 is an emotionally taxing step. And despite the "one step at a time" and "steps are there in order", the brain can't shut off the notion of what's ahead.
Step 5 - Talking to someone else about the exact nature of the wrongs identified in the inventory. I went to a Priest. I know they're closed mouthed and it got me passed the fear. In time, FREE of them, I then began to share them with close - closed mouth buddies - in the fellowship where I think my experience might help them. My sponsor is one of them. My first 5th Step, I felt a sense of power, vitality, and PEACE I hadn't felt - ever - or at least in a very very very long time, even prior to my drinking.
Step 6 and 7 - Of course I wanted to be rid of them, they were a waste of time, effort, and with the exception of anger - they wore me down. Anger on the other hand, I was deluded into thinking gave me "power". It's going away. Discernment is replacing judgement. Right action, clear of judgement, is beginning to replace angry reaction. Slowly.
Steps 8 and 9 - That's a scary one indeed. Making amends, admitting I'm wrong, listening to the damage I've caused the people closest to me and asking them how I can set things right. For the most part, I got off easy, an encouraging word. Where money was owed it's either been paid back or donated. Much of my amends are living amends, when I'm in the right frame of mind - I carry out my day as such. I don't do it perfect. But the 9th Step is where I really get to get FREE of - my selfishness, self centeredness, delusional thinking and often - fear.
By the time I get to Step 10, I'm feeling rejuvenated, I feel a sense of power and vitality running through my core. It continues for awhile as I engage in the discplines outlined in Step 10 and 11. It gives me power to operate in Step 12 among my fellows outside and inside the fellowship. Within the fellowship I get to bring back concrete experience with the steps - the solution. I don't get nearly as tired or bored at meetings I attend. To be helpful, is my only aim. I go to give and come away with unexpected fullfillment and inspiration.
I've been at it for nine years. We hit walls at times. There's a link in the 12 Step forum where a guy breaks down the "seasons" in sobriety. It made sense and this guy had 20 plus years of sobriety. I had a resentment once towards my AA sponsor and didn't feel as if I could speak to him about it. Further, I didn't want to discuss it with anyone in the area as they knew him as my sponsor and I didn't want to sully their perception of him. I felt the higher power of "reality" working in me. I got over the resentment and we since have had our sponsee / sponsor relationship continue and grow. Prayer, meditation, inventory, seeking counsel if necessary and more prayer and meditation. The right answer came.
Nine years isn't much compared to him and others but I have found that faithful practice of the program and faithful participation in the fellowship that ---
For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that.
I'm sober and free.
I don't know if it helps. We all get tired and hit walls from time to time. But do it anyway and see what happens. Work the program, talk with the sponsor, go to the meetings. I know there were times when I was DEAD tired after work and wanted just one or two drinks to relax and then sleep - and wouldn't you know - a miracle happened. With one or two hours of sleep the night before, my weary mind and body would come ALIVE with a few drinks of alcohol and I'd drink for hours upon hours and usually pass out. But only after drinking more than I intended, and getting into trouble I didn't intend. So I drank tired too when I was tired of drinking and it worked.
The AA program of action works too, when I work it, tired or not. The results make me less inclinced to boredom within the fellowship.
Good luck and God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I've worked through most of my fourth step and in particular I have identified and examined specific resentments I've been drinking around for years, and I have made good strides toward acceptance of these things, as well.
I think this is where she is at TJT....
I think this is where she is at TJT....
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
I didn't "accept" my resentments for step 4, I listed them, as the big book tells us, then continued with the 4th step with the guidance of my sponsor. A sick brain won't heal itself. Try finishing the 4th step with your sponsor's guidance, move on to the 5th step and continue.
Stopping on any step is lethal for us alkies.
The steps, as written, are what we've done as a result of working the 12 steps.
Stopping on any step is lethal for us alkies.
The steps, as written, are what we've done as a result of working the 12 steps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I'm hoping she talked to her sponsor and is writing or praying as we speak....You're getting close retread....Don't stop now. Good things started to happen to me after that fifth step. I was delighted.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
If you haven't had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps (that means ALL the Steps), then you haven't experienced AA. What is there to be tired of if you haven't been there yet?
Having been there, I never want to leave there. I'll never get tired of an inspired life beyond my expectations, with a sense of purpose, usefulness, and peace I'd never known before.
Having been there, I never want to leave there. I'll never get tired of an inspired life beyond my expectations, with a sense of purpose, usefulness, and peace I'd never known before.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
A lifestyle centered primarily around doing what I wanted to do (pre-AA) didn't work out so well for me. I bet your experience is similar.
The more I worked the program, the better I felt and the more I loved it. If you keep going, you'll likely get the same result. Stall out and, well....you'll probably get something different.
The more I worked the program, the better I felt and the more I loved it. If you keep going, you'll likely get the same result. Stall out and, well....you'll probably get something different.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
Is lack of power your dilemma? Steps 2 thru 12 aren't about steps 2 thru 12. They are about what I saw in step 1. So, here we are at inventory, quite frankly this first place where the book directs us to any kind of action. And this the most common place along with the making of amends where we usually balk. The solution of course is to persevere and move forward. This where I found that willpower could be useful and I moved from being a sprinter in the game of life to being a marathon runner. You can too. Just remember this is your head, alcoholism and ego saying....."isn't this a bit much to do for a person that just wants to not drink". When it's saying that to you, take a look back at your first step experience. Does any of the work AA ask of you compare to what a glass of whiskey asks you to do? AA is for people who need power.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 128
Thanks to everyone who responded to my whining. I've been to two meetings today, met up with an AA friend after the last one, and just now got home again. The second meeting was very powerful-- a step study meeting, and the topic was the seventh step, so there was a lot of talk about humility vs. self-will. Good, engaging talk, and just what I needed to hear tonight.
I realize that this is the part of the program where I'm likely to run away if I don't just put my head down and keep moving forward. I have to move through these periods where I lack motivation and there's nothing else for it but to keep moving. I heard what I needed to hear, both here and in the rooms today, and I'm grateful for that. I'm also grateful that I have friends who also need me, so there's someone to give something back to, and that's something I need.
I realize that this is the part of the program where I'm likely to run away if I don't just put my head down and keep moving forward. I have to move through these periods where I lack motivation and there's nothing else for it but to keep moving. I heard what I needed to hear, both here and in the rooms today, and I'm grateful for that. I'm also grateful that I have friends who also need me, so there's someone to give something back to, and that's something I need.
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