Terminally Unique

There are somewhere, but whatever helps you, I suppose. In the end, though, the Beast of AVRT is just the desire to drink/use. Physically, it is essentially a blob of grey matter in your brain, and I recall Trimpey likening it to an oyster somewhere. Personally, I use "Beast" or "IT", although "the parasite" might be fitting as well. I have noticed that the AV is essentially formless. It can come out in many forms -- male, female, seductive, charming, commanding, etc.

If they are strictly AVRT-related, that might be good, since others could benefit from any questions.

Right now, INH, you need to knock it off for a week to let your head clear. By all means, read through the thread, though. It will, at the very least, give you something to do instead of drinking.

InsertNameHere

That is the plan brother, thanks!

InsertNameHere

that was supposed to read "now that it has been" didn't catch that till this evening haha.

InsertNameHere

Well I am outa here for tonight ladies and gents as I am about to fall asleep in my chair. Lets hope I can sleep when I lay down and don't start to freak out again.

InsertNameHere

Took a while but got some sleep woke up a couple of times and had the sweats but that is to be exected I am mainly happy that I slept. so now waking up I have 48 hours, two days and going for three. They better have coffee ready upstairs.

PS I just looked through all the smilies how is there not one drinking coffee? That just seems wrong.

InsertNameHere

Starting to get that anxiety feeling that I always dread. I should be okay I will just be freaking out a little this evening and not able to concentrate on any one thing because everything seems like it is the most important. going to start doing some breathing excersizes and maybe get some actual excersize in this afternoon to calm me down. I wonder if this is going to be another sleepless night it seems like it might be headed that way. Oh well I have to go through this to get where I want to be, and I have been through worse.

RobbyRobot

For me when I was just quitting drinking anxiety was a mental cluster-fukk driven by waves of troubled feelings and emotions seemingly without end. I projected this, that, and the other thing, without rhyme or reason on whatever action i was to fearfully attempt next. Wow. I still remember...

Eventually I learned to pay attention to my feelings and ignore most of the noise in my head. Chasing those thoughts and ideations only created more feelings for fuel for my anxiety. Letting go of the mental puzzle attraction to divide and subdivide my mental gymnastics was no easy task of course, but absolutely an honorable and productive desire to be more myself was created as I kept letting go -- which did wonders for mitigating my self-imposed exile from humanity.

Hey, INH. Anxiety is nothing more then alot of feeling / emotional energy going nowhere anytime soon, imo. Fear based and failure approved, anxiety is always hiding in the first place I look for it. Looking past the darkness and into the sweetness of knowing that feelings fuel / drive anxiety experiences into my head sideways and backwards really allows me to calm myself down starting in my belly and working from my heart.

Staying outta my head when there's a perfect storm abrewing is a learned art I have come to appreciate on so many levels.

Good on you for creating those 48 hours outta seemingly nothing.... way awesome, InsertNameHere.

desertsong

INH, I'm in early sobriety too, and have those occasional moments of anxiety that seemingly come out of nowhere. I was prescribed meds for that, but decided not to take them because I know I have to learn how to deal with my feelings - both pleasant and unpleasant - without "help." That's why I drank in the first place ... so I wouldn't have to feel those things. When those moments come now, I'm learning to just close my eyes, take a deep breath and allow myself to feel them, however unpleasant. When I fight them and let myself get carried away by them, I only feel worse and feel that way longer. Surprisingly, when I quit fighting them, they go away. Funny how that works.

48 hours is awesome!!

Terminally Unique

This fundamental skill, which does not come naturally, will be elevated and refined to an art form as INH learns and uses AVRT.

GirlFromCO

Just for you INH:

InsertNameHere

YES!! I knew I had seen that before I just couldn't find it in the smilies!!! Thanks CO! I am going to use that one often especially now that I am sober and coffee makes me feel good rather than picking me up enough to slog through my hangover/still drunk.

I know, I know its another addiction but one that I will gladly live with if I can kick drinking beer!

Just testing

GirlFromCO

Just take it step by step. Coffee isn't going to hurt you like alcohol will. You have got bigger fish to fry, my friend.

InsertNameHere

Thanks for the vote of confidence TU. To be honest I haven't had to face, or rather not face but deflect, much as yet surprisingly. I haven't had the nagging BEER NOW! thoughts much these last three nights. I have been repeating to myself whenever even the barest inkling shows up "I never drink, and I will never change my mind". So far none of the arguments or constant drumming or BEER BEER BEER ad nauseaum, but I am not letting my guard down just because it hasn't happened yet. I am well aware that my beast is just lying in wait, waiting for something bad to happen during my inspection next week. Or supposing I pass my inspection and do better than I thought I know that it is just waiting for that also. I am preparing myself now. I have been hit with a couple fleeting thoughts of this weekend, but dismissed them easily enough.

On a side note as I spend a lot (like 95% of my time alone) one way I deal with stress is to talk to myself and imagine conversations in different situations with different people, I fill in for whomever might be there and form the conversation as it could go. Occasionally today I have been picturing myself 6 months or a year from now being presented with a drink at a bar, or at a member of my families house, or running into one of my old friends that knows I drink. I picture me saying thanks but no, I don't drink, at the bar they insist and still say no, my family shrugs it off no big deal (only a couple of them have any idea), my old friends are astounded. I get rather detailed and construct entire conversations in my imagination with varying endings. In this way I kinda prepare myself and ingrain a bit of insistence in my responses for the inevitable time that it is in front of me, or offered. I don't know if this is healthy but I doubt it could hurt as all of the situations even the ones with people adamantly insisting or demanding (not all of them are realistic) that I drink end with me firmly stating no. The most firm answer I came up with was "the only way you are getting that into my body is to literally hold my head in it until I pass out and drown by breathing it in". I don't know if it helps but I feel like it is building confidence in my choice of abstinence.

Yeah I am a weirdo and have spent WAY to much time alone growing up and as an adult by myself but i'm okay with it (as long as no one is watching then I get embarrassed).

See I ramble even when I am not freaking out!

Thanks again everyone I am ending today on a good note and even if I don't sleep well, I do not feel like I will even be tempted to drink tonight. Just in case I will do some more reading on the AVRT thread (I am somewhere on the second one) and prepare some more for whenever the beast decides to pounce.

Terminally Unique

INH,

AVRT is a "NOW" approach — i.e. "I never drink in the present moment." You are allowing the Beast to suck you in to ITS concerns about future drinking opportunities. Since it is always now, let the Beast worry about then. When 'then' actually comes, it will still be now, and you can do the same thing. See this post:

• Static Time :

If you are wondering why the Beast might be concerned about future drinking opportunities, here's a hint... The Beast knows something that you don't yet — that you are fully capable of depriving it of that drink.

GirlFromCO

It doesn't matter if you're tempted or not. It wouldn't matter if you walked in to your very own surprise party with 99 bottles of beer on the wall with your name on each one. You said you don't drink, and you said you're not ever going to drink again. That pretty much solved that problem. Have a great night!

InsertNameHere

Well didn't sleep but the suns up to dawn on 72 hours! I am going for a run and then breakfast some coffee and getting to work like a madman! all with this strange little smile on my face even if my eyes are tired

eh1988

Congrats on 72 hours, the first 3 days are the hardest IMO, keep up the good work!

InsertNameHere

Holy Cow did that run make me feel good afterwords. I know all about the release of endorphins and all that but man I didn't even go that fast but four miles later and I feel pretty darn good whisteling down the halls in a second to take a shower then its off to work, though I am in my office as I type so I won't have to go far

InsertNameHere

Whew first sign that sleeping one out of three nights is a bad thing especially when quitting drinking! after the run euphoria ran out I got tired so I put my head back for a little nap. I am not sure if I fell asleep or not but I woke up cold, shivering all over cold. I practicaly ran to the shower to get myself under the hot water. that felt better but now I am really tired. I will sleep good tonight, and might need a nap this morning.

Terminally Unique

In another 72 hours, you should feel like a new man. Don't be screwing it up -- you don't want to start this whole thing over again. The exercise in the morning is a good idea, as it will let you sleep.