I hope I am ready
Random Guy
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I think that post was the kinda the yo-yo of emotion that many people here seem to feel. sorry about that hope I didn't worry anyone. I am feeling better now that a couple hours have past not what I would call good but better.
INH
INH
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What got me out of the laziness, depression, etc. was taking some actions.
I didn't feel like doing half of what I did. But, I had to keep moving in order to keep the beast at bay.
I would do something physical, such as excercise (instead of excercising in my mind), I tackled a project I had put off (cleaning a closet, etc.). I re-hydrated my body after a drinking binge, fed it some good food and then rested when I needed to. I forced myself into a "routine" of sorts to keep me moving forward. This alcoholic was undisciplined. I went thru the motions of my day, but, when drinking really didn't accomplish what I wanted to, or what I needed to.
I had to do something different, to have something different happen.
Today can be the beginning of a new life for you, as it has for so many of us. Come join us in the journey known as life...
I didn't feel like doing half of what I did. But, I had to keep moving in order to keep the beast at bay.
I would do something physical, such as excercise (instead of excercising in my mind), I tackled a project I had put off (cleaning a closet, etc.). I re-hydrated my body after a drinking binge, fed it some good food and then rested when I needed to. I forced myself into a "routine" of sorts to keep me moving forward. This alcoholic was undisciplined. I went thru the motions of my day, but, when drinking really didn't accomplish what I wanted to, or what I needed to.
I had to do something different, to have something different happen.
Today can be the beginning of a new life for you, as it has for so many of us. Come join us in the journey known as life...
Random Guy
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I am getting to work and not spending literaly all of my day on here. It takes me a long time to get stuff accomplished because I get distracted easily and can't really keep my thoughts together for very long right now. But hopefully I can ride this wave of desperation into action.
INH
INH
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Just a suggestion, try rephrasing "hopefully I can ride this wave of desperation into action, to "I Will ride this wave of desperation into action".
Removing hopefully, takes out the wiggle room.
Removing hopefully, takes out the wiggle room.
Random Guy
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Man I am freaking out again but I am finding that TU and a few others sugestions that I read on other threads (I'm alcoholic and I deserve a drink) is helping. As much as I can I am keeping my mind blank whenever that urge comes and not engaging in conversation at all it is hard but so far it seems to be working. Trying to concentrate on work but it is slow going. Every so often I check in here just to give me something to do that is calming and not making me freak out more.
Yesterday i didn't drink as much as I normaly would because I was so tired i fell asleep pretty quickly, but that is only helping a little. I don't know if I am going to be able to sleep tonight but I will give it a shot here in a few hours god knows I could use it.
INH
Yesterday i didn't drink as much as I normaly would because I was so tired i fell asleep pretty quickly, but that is only helping a little. I don't know if I am going to be able to sleep tonight but I will give it a shot here in a few hours god knows I could use it.
INH
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I was editing my above comment after the 15 minute mark when an idea that I am sure you all have been trying to drill into me hit me a little.
I am trying to reason out why I ended up drinking, at what moment did I decide it would be okay to get drunk? I know that I was bored and didn't want to be where I was but couldn't leave at first. but during that stage I still wasn't going to drink. It was after when the others started to leave and some of my coworkers broke out a board game to end the night and they were all drinking I remember saying that i'm going to grab a beer and have fun with these guys. so I am thinking that I still equate drinking to fun. I think most would agree that is how alcohol started out and i know there have been tons of threads on this very same subject. As a matter of fact I think I will search for a few and see what I can find about changing that pattern of thinking.
Alan Carr told me to equate alcohol to devistation and poison, but I don't think it stuck for one reason or another. I might have to reread that book, or I suppose it is possible that like any other habit good or bad I have wired my mind to think alcohol=fun for many a year and only now am trying to change that to alcohol=pain and suffering. I was doing so well or so I thought up untill that point I had gotten over the worst of the withdrawls I was going to go back to work and get some sleep or some work done. But I love games so I decided to play the game with them. That would have been fun on its own, just the night before I had done the very same thing with them and had a blast completley sober even though they were drinking. I even noticed that one of them had gotten sloppy drunk and took note of how he behaved, how he couldn't think and slowed down the game and aggravated people including me. I noticed it a little last night in me, I heard my words slur and knew that I was taking longer to figure things out than the night before. I guess I still think drinking is fun or,
Edit:literaly as I was typing the above line of thinking was interupted by what follows.
I just had a thought that interupted that line of thinking. It was;
"F this I am going to start thinking in RR terms instead of pussyfooting around as this isn't going to work if I keep considering it and wondering if it is right so I never put it into practice to see if it works."
maybe not those words exactly but that was the jist of the thought.
So in that case my AV thinks that drinking is more than fun, he thinks he needs it badly and right now. In order to get it he told me;
"hey this game is going to be fun you know what would make it better beer! With alcohol it will be a whole lot more fun! It will make you talk more and relax with these people, you have been akward and shy up till now and without alcohol you will continue to be so."
Again maybe not those exact words but basically that.
I know that is a lie because just the night before I was finishing up the last game at 0230 AM and had a blast all while sober. Well lesson learned there. I am going to read some more on RR and start working on putting it into practise.
Thanks guys/gals for reading my random bitching and offering advice even though you could probably tell I was reading and agreeing with you but not really understanding and applying.
INH
I am trying to reason out why I ended up drinking, at what moment did I decide it would be okay to get drunk? I know that I was bored and didn't want to be where I was but couldn't leave at first. but during that stage I still wasn't going to drink. It was after when the others started to leave and some of my coworkers broke out a board game to end the night and they were all drinking I remember saying that i'm going to grab a beer and have fun with these guys. so I am thinking that I still equate drinking to fun. I think most would agree that is how alcohol started out and i know there have been tons of threads on this very same subject. As a matter of fact I think I will search for a few and see what I can find about changing that pattern of thinking.
Alan Carr told me to equate alcohol to devistation and poison, but I don't think it stuck for one reason or another. I might have to reread that book, or I suppose it is possible that like any other habit good or bad I have wired my mind to think alcohol=fun for many a year and only now am trying to change that to alcohol=pain and suffering. I was doing so well or so I thought up untill that point I had gotten over the worst of the withdrawls I was going to go back to work and get some sleep or some work done. But I love games so I decided to play the game with them. That would have been fun on its own, just the night before I had done the very same thing with them and had a blast completley sober even though they were drinking. I even noticed that one of them had gotten sloppy drunk and took note of how he behaved, how he couldn't think and slowed down the game and aggravated people including me. I noticed it a little last night in me, I heard my words slur and knew that I was taking longer to figure things out than the night before. I guess I still think drinking is fun or,
Edit:literaly as I was typing the above line of thinking was interupted by what follows.
I just had a thought that interupted that line of thinking. It was;
"F this I am going to start thinking in RR terms instead of pussyfooting around as this isn't going to work if I keep considering it and wondering if it is right so I never put it into practice to see if it works."
maybe not those words exactly but that was the jist of the thought.
So in that case my AV thinks that drinking is more than fun, he thinks he needs it badly and right now. In order to get it he told me;
"hey this game is going to be fun you know what would make it better beer! With alcohol it will be a whole lot more fun! It will make you talk more and relax with these people, you have been akward and shy up till now and without alcohol you will continue to be so."
Again maybe not those exact words but basically that.
I know that is a lie because just the night before I was finishing up the last game at 0230 AM and had a blast all while sober. Well lesson learned there. I am going to read some more on RR and start working on putting it into practise.
Thanks guys/gals for reading my random bitching and offering advice even though you could probably tell I was reading and agreeing with you but not really understanding and applying.
INH
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
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Originally Posted by InsertNameHere
So in that case my AV thinks that drinking is more than fun, he thinks he needs it badly and right now. In order to get it he told me;"hey this game is going to be fun you know what would make it better beer! With alcohol it will be a whole lot more fun! It will make you talk more and relax with these people, you have been akward and shy up till now and without alcohol you will continue to be so."
Again maybe not those exact words but basically that.
I know that is a lie because just the night before I was finishing up the last game at 0230 AM and had a blast all while sober. Well lesson learned there. I am going to read some more on RR and start working on putting it into practise.
Again maybe not those exact words but basically that.
I know that is a lie because just the night before I was finishing up the last game at 0230 AM and had a blast all while sober. Well lesson learned there. I am going to read some more on RR and start working on putting it into practise.
Random Guy
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@Langkah-If I get fired and sent back home I very well might, till then the only way is admitting my problem to my boss and getting canned anyway and sent back. Sometimes I think that would be the best thing for me.
@Soberlicious- I wouldn't give me to much credit mainly the realization was that I as I played out the situation in my head and was typing it out, I was saying that "I still think drinking is fun" and had a moment where I thought why are you not using what you have been learning about and at least use the term it like AVRT says it won't do you any good if you don't start applying it. like I said before it wasn't exactly that kind of a feeling and thought at the same time but it made sense to me. So for now, I will finish reading AVRT next week in what little spare time I allow myself. And make myself apply it in my thinking when I realize I should.
INH
@Soberlicious- I wouldn't give me to much credit mainly the realization was that I as I played out the situation in my head and was typing it out, I was saying that "I still think drinking is fun" and had a moment where I thought why are you not using what you have been learning about and at least use the term it like AVRT says it won't do you any good if you don't start applying it. like I said before it wasn't exactly that kind of a feeling and thought at the same time but it made sense to me. So for now, I will finish reading AVRT next week in what little spare time I allow myself. And make myself apply it in my thinking when I realize I should.
INH
Random Guy
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Just getting through the Beast that keeps comming back part. I guess that might have been a case of the mingiling of beasts and made me think about my sense of beast humor. Yeah I am pretty bad at those parts. Well anyway I am going to read till I can go to sleep so have a good day everyone thanks for putting up with me 
INH
INH
Random Guy
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Just got up and started reading, got to page 184 of RR and wow if that isn't me right now I don't know what is. So I need to associate my negative feelings with that of the Beast feeding me thoughts that it knows have provoked my drinking in the past.
"The sky if falling, the sky is falling, you are a horrible person and would be better off dead! You are going to get fired and there is nothing you can do about it. in fact you enjoy life so little that you might as well die. so you might as well do the only thing that you enjoy, drink!"
it goes on to say that there is a difference between people that are depressed and people that drink and are depressed, the former would take some medication perhapes see a counslor and very well might be cured. While the latter is depressed not because they are clinically depressed but because they drink to feel good or deep pleasure and have lost touch with any other way of feeling good so therefore when not experiencing that deep pleasure they feel horrible and thier beast uses that to suround them with negitive thoughts that it knows will promote that next drinking session. I think that is something that deffinetly applies to me, and will have to do some work on avoiding those thoughts in the future.
Anyhow those were my thoughts after reading last night then getting to sleep (yes I actualy slept ) and then getting up and reading again. I am going to finish this book then follow the advise that TU gave me and start working on the threads regarding the AV and how to recognize it in secular connections then read the book again. I have said that before but it is starting to make more sense to me as I go along, and I am actually thinking this could work if I use it instead of just reading and agreeing with it. Well that is my morning rant after a cup of strong coffee and no breakfast. haha I have to start getting in the habit of eating something in the mornings but that is another matter.
INH
"The sky if falling, the sky is falling, you are a horrible person and would be better off dead! You are going to get fired and there is nothing you can do about it. in fact you enjoy life so little that you might as well die. so you might as well do the only thing that you enjoy, drink!"
it goes on to say that there is a difference between people that are depressed and people that drink and are depressed, the former would take some medication perhapes see a counslor and very well might be cured. While the latter is depressed not because they are clinically depressed but because they drink to feel good or deep pleasure and have lost touch with any other way of feeling good so therefore when not experiencing that deep pleasure they feel horrible and thier beast uses that to suround them with negitive thoughts that it knows will promote that next drinking session. I think that is something that deffinetly applies to me, and will have to do some work on avoiding those thoughts in the future.
Anyhow those were my thoughts after reading last night then getting to sleep (yes I actualy slept
) and then getting up and reading again. I am going to finish this book then follow the advise that TU gave me and start working on the threads regarding the AV and how to recognize it in secular connections then read the book again. I have said that before but it is starting to make more sense to me as I go along, and I am actually thinking this could work if I use it instead of just reading and agreeing with it. Well that is my morning rant after a cup of strong coffee and no breakfast. haha I have to start getting in the habit of eating something in the mornings but that is another matter.INH
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Good call, INH. Keep reading. That section you just read on the addicto-depressive condition is important. Be sure to read the transcript on an AVRT session on pages 274-291 after you finish reading Part II. It's tucked away in Part III, but crucial, IMO.
I'll see you in the secular forum.
I'll see you in the secular forum.
Random Guy
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I am going to be honest I drank last night.
It amazes me how quickly my thoughts change, I was doing well yesterday, I got a good nights sleep (which I really needed) and wasn't feeling down about things at all. In fact I was feeling rather uplifted after reading from RR and sitting there on a patio in the morning trying some of the excersizes.
I am not uber depressed or freaking out today, but I am dissapointed in myself. I think there might still be a little alcohol in my system now so maybe the horribleness will come later. I don't want this to turn into another three days of drinking where I end up feeling like crap all over again. So I am going to try to repeat what made me sucessfull at not drinking last time which is just to not go home.
I realize that I made the decision (yes I do mean I) to go home yesterday, I made the decision to listen to that part of me that desired a drink, I made the decision to open the beer and after thinking about it for a few minutes I made the decision to drink it, no one but me did that. I am saying it like such to convince me that I do not have to do this, that I can recognize and yet ignore the side of me that wants to drink.
I think that I still want to drink sometimes, I have not made a "big plan" I have not told myself sincerly "I never drink" have I said the words of course, but did I mean it? I didn't get any fearfull response from my "beast", I didn't feel an "OH MY GOD NO BEER? THAT CAN'T BE!" thought. So I am going to wait until tonight when I think I have completley gotten it out of my system and read before bedtime here at the office because I obviously haven't gotten the hang of it yet.
I am gratefull that I didn't go crazy overboard and therefore don't feel completley like hell today, but I know that in the past I have used that as an excuse to drink again, and again, and again, until I do feel that way. I know that right now it is easy to say that I won't drink tonight, as I have been through this circus before. But this evening when the call comes I have a terrible track record with saying no.
INH
It amazes me how quickly my thoughts change, I was doing well yesterday, I got a good nights sleep (which I really needed) and wasn't feeling down about things at all. In fact I was feeling rather uplifted after reading from RR and sitting there on a patio in the morning trying some of the excersizes.
I am not uber depressed or freaking out today, but I am dissapointed in myself. I think there might still be a little alcohol in my system now so maybe the horribleness will come later. I don't want this to turn into another three days of drinking where I end up feeling like crap all over again. So I am going to try to repeat what made me sucessfull at not drinking last time which is just to not go home.
I realize that I made the decision (yes I do mean I) to go home yesterday, I made the decision to listen to that part of me that desired a drink, I made the decision to open the beer and after thinking about it for a few minutes I made the decision to drink it, no one but me did that. I am saying it like such to convince me that I do not have to do this, that I can recognize and yet ignore the side of me that wants to drink.
I think that I still want to drink sometimes, I have not made a "big plan" I have not told myself sincerly "I never drink" have I said the words of course, but did I mean it? I didn't get any fearfull response from my "beast", I didn't feel an "OH MY GOD NO BEER? THAT CAN'T BE!" thought. So I am going to wait until tonight when I think I have completley gotten it out of my system and read before bedtime here at the office because I obviously haven't gotten the hang of it yet.
I am gratefull that I didn't go crazy overboard and therefore don't feel completley like hell today, but I know that in the past I have used that as an excuse to drink again, and again, and again, until I do feel that way. I know that right now it is easy to say that I won't drink tonight, as I have been through this circus before. But this evening when the call comes I have a terrible track record with saying no.
INH
Random Guy
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I have already started to talk myself into drinking again, I will be fighting this all afternoon. I will try to do it a new way though instead of arguing I am going to simply recognize that I feel that way and ignore it as much as possible.
Breathe in Breath out, just because you are stressed dosen't mean you have to drink its okay.
INH
Breathe in Breath out, just because you are stressed dosen't mean you have to drink its okay.
INH
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I keep bouncing back and forth between wanting to go home and drink and wanting to stay at work so I don't drink, I don't know where I am going with this just that I really have a hard time dissasociating between myself and my AV, I know how to describe it but I don't know how to put it into practise. I guess maybe I should start reading.
INH
INH
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Originally Posted by InsertNameHere 
I guess maybe I should start reading.
Random Guy
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TU I think you are absolutly right a problem that I have in spades on top of drinking is my procrastination and passive attitude in life in genral. In fact those coupled might be a bigger problem than my drinking as they contribute to staying on the beer. Thank you for the input, I know that I have a lot of work to do personally and profesionally but I keep putting it off or not wanting to do it till the last minute and then it is half assed. I got some advice from my sister that I think might help, basicaly it was don't try to solve everything at once as that just leaves you dissapointed and full of self doubt. I don't know what else to say at this point so I am just going to stop.
Have a good Tuesday everyone.
INH
Have a good Tuesday everyone.
INH
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You can do this.
Your sister is right, you are trying to save the world today.
I was amazed though,once I gave myself the gift of allowing my mind and body to be rid of the poison, I was able to tackle the other areas of my life that needed attention.
You can do this....IF you want to.
Your sister is right, you are trying to save the world today.
I was amazed though,once I gave myself the gift of allowing my mind and body to be rid of the poison, I was able to tackle the other areas of my life that needed attention.
You can do this....IF you want to.
Random Guy
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Haven't been posting as I have nothing usefull to say, still reading other pages but nothing good to report on my end. I am trying to force myself not to post on day one as I am not sure what the hell my thoughts are on that day. Going to call my sister tomorrow see what she has to say, of the two of us she is the more put together one at least in the head. Weird how we are opposites, I am doing much better proffesionaly and am unhappy, she leads a very different life and seems sastisfied and much more balanced.
INH
INH
Random Guy
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Did some reading and came up with the thought that I might be using alcohol as a "scapegoat", I think I am blaming all of lifes difficulties on the fact that I drink. I know that not everything will be "fixed" if I stop but thinking that all that I am doing or not doing that i should be is because I am drinking is false as well. So I may have quite a few areas of my life to fix and I realize now that they aren't all "because I drink" they are a part of who I am. Thoughts like this are fleeting for me though and I very well might change my mind or "forget" that eventually.
INH
INH
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