jv369

hi there, i've been lurking this forum for years but just signed up today. i'm not new to AA or sobriety, i was a 24/7 drinker and went through several boughts of serious withdrawal before i finally sobered up in late 2006. i did the steps twice, went to meetings and stayed sober for 4.5 years.

i'm not sure what led me to believe i could drink again, but i had convinced myself give it a shot(by taking a shot). surprisingly i kept it under control quite well for almost a year. i never missed work, paid all my bills and otherwise led a productive life. but since christmas it has been a bit of a battle and my body is starting to protest. i've been kind of on and off for a month or so, drinking for a few days then sober for a few days. still that alcoholic thinking of "i can handle this, i just need a break". well, last week i stayed sober for 7 days and i honestly felt fantastic, then the last 3 nights i have been drinking and i feel terrible. i've finally gotten to the point that i know it just isn't worth it.

i haven't gotten anywhere near the bottom i hit in 2006, and i'm thankful for that. i feel like crap today, but i know i won't have bad withdrawals and i will feel good tomorrow if i don't drink. all i want right now is to be healthy again and to start doing something with my life, so that's what i'm gonna do.

time to hit a meeting.

on a side note i'd like to have my dad try to quit with me. he's been a functional alcoholic for years now and he's fully aware of it. he's been wanting to quit for a long time, and he has a few times to limited success. trouble he has is my mom is also a heavy drinker and she is in complete denial about it, with absolutely no intentions of quitting or even admitting she drinks too much. i know that right now i have to help myself first, but i would really like to see my dad get sober(i like to see my mom get sober too, but right now there's no point......like talking to a brick wall). any tips for him and his situation?

2granddaughters

You get sober jv, the old man may follow but don't bank on it or base your recovery on it.

Best of luck.

Bob R

Dee74

welcome to SR jv - great to have you with us

I think your dad has his own journey just like you have yours - there are many people here and at AA whose spouses drink - if he wants sobriety, it's a hard situation but not a dealbreaker

D

langkah

Glad you're back on this side of it. In reviewing step 1, why not delve deeper into why the moderation didn't work out, getting to the reasons why you needed to try that and what happens when alcoholics take that route clear in your mind may shut that door for good this time around.

jv369

thanks for the responses. i know that i need to focus on myself and i should not at all use someone else's recovery(or lack there of) as a driving force of my own.

that said, i decided to open up today to my dad. we both went out and took the dog for a long walk, which helped some with the anxiety. he didn't know that i had been drinking again(another alcoholic tendency i was pretending wasn't there, lying), so i told him all about it and how i intended to go back to meetings and make a go of it again. we also talked about his drinking. he's been trying the moderation thing lately, trying to keep it to 2 or 3 and only on the weekends etc. well, sounds like he has come to the realization that moderation just doesn't work for him as he drank himself silly last night. he has always been reluctant to go to aa(thinking he's stronger than that and can do this by himself) but for the first time he is considering checking out a meeting.

so we will see how this goes, right now i'm just gonna take it a day at a time. my last drink was at about 6am this morning so it's been 12 hours. i'm just now starting to feel a little better, the anxiety isn't as bad now. i will likely get a bad nights sleep and wake up drenched in sweat, but tomorrow i should be better. if the night goes really bad i have an ativan prescription my doctor gave me to cope with the withdrawals.

it already feels good to be back in a recovery frame of mind and opening up about this, even if it is to strangers over the internet.

TonyB

Keep coming back. Get a sponsor and get back to meetings. What you are starting to feel is the result of checking things off your "yet" list. It only gets worse the longer you go. I've been there. You are here, that is a start, but it isn't enough. I'll bet you already know this. Being a retread, you know the deal, so stop fooling about and start recovery.

jv369

thanks for the words. day 2 now, got some sleep last night. it's rainy and miserable outside, but i feel pretty darn good right now.

this run out didn't get near as bad as i had it back in 06, but i remember all of those events much more vividly now that i've gotten a taste of the bad stuff again. and your right, i know the ropes, i know what to do. today i start by hitting a meeting.

TonyB

First things first, and a meeting is a good place to start.
I appreciate you sharing with me. I can really identify with your posts. I had over 12 years and went back out and wasn't long till I began to understand incomprehensible demoralization. When I came back almost 6 1/2 years ago, I was broken. Good thing about being broken is that I was willing to do whatever it took to get and stay sober. I didn't know how to do it on my own and only another alcoholic could help me.
Get a sponsor, that is the next right thing, then make a 90 in 90 commitment. That is a good start. I'm glad you made it back, you are a lucky one... Lots don't, I have lost some good friends to this disease. And if I don't take care of business, I'm next. Someone had enough balls to speak truth to me when I came back, by telling me what I needed to hear rather than what I wanted to hear. He got through, and I'm still grateful to him today.
We are here for you, so keep coming back. And whatever you do, just don't drink.