newdayfortoday

I'm back after getting on and off the wagon every several days. As I like to phrase it I have gone way off the reservation on this last bender. I think I drank about two weeks in a row very heavily but I'm not even sure on the time frame. Promised myself to sober up, did for about three days and went through the nausea, itching and irritability of withdrawals only to fall right back off over the weekend. On Saturday I over did it so much that I was throwing up all day on Sunday. Now I'm back at work and trying to figure out how to break the cycle.

I know I will go to bed sober today but it's the following days that worry me. It's like this obsessive thought pattern that I am just having a really big problem with fighting off the cravings. Once they hit me really strongly I end up caving and it's very hard.

I just came to say I'm still trying and I'm hoping that I am able to get some sober days behind me and start fighting this disease again.

WhySoSerious

just hang in there. just wake up everyday and tell yourself, no matter what today throws in your face you are going to make it through today without drinking and that you can drink tomorrow. If you wake up and tell yourself that EVERYDAY it makes it a lot easier, at least for me. i was a lot like you on again and off again, been sober now 14 days and hoping to keep it going

...This is a strange little story/anecdote/riddle a friend told me once...
How do you eat an elephant? hard question right off the bat, simple answer... one bite at a time.

How does an alcoholic stay sober? just the same way, one day at a time.

just my 0.02 i wish you the best!!

newdayfortoday

Thanks for the support. I was sober for 90 had a slip then another 30 days and I'm not sure what happened but eventually I just fell down the rabbit hole and now here I am struggling to get out. I know I have to look at it that way because that's what helped me in the beginning last time. It's just these darn cravings are so difficult to fight. I will though because I have to. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of not meeting my own personal goals or forsaking what's important to me to be drunk or hungover. It's not right and I can't live like this anymore.

penny74

You have a choice.. go on as you are doing now, or do something about it.
What would seem the best to you at the moment ?
Ofcourse it's hard and your only human...
Maybe you are stronger than you think..
Good luck mate, and l really mean that.

"Sometimes a stumble can prevent a fall"

Dee74

Hi newday
I'm glad you're back

I remember very well that timelessness thing - it's a little scary.

I really think if you want a different outcome this time, maybe it's time to do things a little differently?

What have you been doing for your recovery so far? whats your support?

D

sugarbear1

don't buy any tomorrow and try to focus on today.?!.

Glad you are here!!

2granddaughters

If it gets really bad, you can go to AA.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

newdayfortoday

Thanks for all the support. As for a new plan for sobriety to make it stick I'm still working on it. I still have to find what works for me. I am on Day 3 of sobriety and I'm still dealing with the withdrawals. I slept from the time I got home from work 5pm until this morning at 6am. At least I'm catching up on my sleep. I'm nauseous, still shaky, clammy, brain fog and slightly itchy. The worst is over so it's just the ending part no where near as bad as I was. I'm reading literature about my disease which is helping me see a bit more clearly. I have a healthy diet planned out for the day with lots of water. I'm going to try and get in some exercise and even though AA hasn't really had a good fit I think I'm going to go to a meeting on Thursday. It helps to be around like minded people who understand what this is and how you feel. Especially in the beginning.

Again thanks for all the well wishes and advice. I really hope that I will make it this time. I control my own life so I have to fight for my life right now because I don't want to go any further down then I already have. I haven't lost everything but I've lost things that matter to me like taking time to do things I'm passionate about instead of sitting in a bar or at home getting wasted. I don't want to look at life through the bottom of a bottle anymore.

priceyjunk

Hey newfortoday, I'm a repeat offender myself, looks like we kinda of crawled back on the wagon at the same time, this time round. All the best, I'll be rooting for you

dawnie24

i take it its a day on day off thing?! im like that ill have a big binge then the next day all i wanna do is sleep and its not fair on my partner having to sort children out on his own

soberlicious

"the wagon" implies that this is something you can get on and off of at will, and that's what's happening. I understand that it's a commonly used phrase, but words can have power in the mind. Instead, I rephrased things like that and define myself as a non-drinker. There are no more wagons, hence no more getting on and off.

Jitterbugg

When I get cravings for booze, I eat something immediately and the craving fades. It obviously has something to do with the 'reward' system of the brain. On the way home from work, I walk past liquor stores and if a craving hits, I look for McDonalds or something. I sit and eat for 10 mins and then I no longer crave.

newdayfortoday

That's a good idea, food definitely helps a lot. I notice if I'm hungry then I start to crave really badly.

Soberlicious, I agree with words are power and that actually is a good way to look at things which might help my brain stay on the I'm not a drinker train of thought.

Yes on and off again would be defined as; I would drink maybe one day off the next then maybe on for five to ten days then off for one until I was just getting sick and knew it was time to really get serious, put on my big girl pants and take a stand to really get my life back.

It has been four days and my withdrawal symptoms are fading but my brain fog is definitely there and I still have some but not too much shakiness. My emotional side is starting to peep out so I'm hoping that doesn't get too crazy. I'm reading literature on my disease and coming to this site to keep me present and to educate myself on how to deal with this.

InsertNameHere

Hey Newdayfor today, I just figured I would tell you that you are not alone here with the on again off again. I have been getting a few days sober and then a few days drunk. recently much worse than normal. But like you I am going at it again, hang in there.

INH

Terminally Unique

Beautiful !!!

I say assign 'going on the wagon' to the scrap heap, right along with 'I had a relapse' and 'I had a slip'.

lilac0721

Hi, Newday! I totally understand what you are going through. I've been in a very similar pattern myself for a long time. Get sober for a few days, a couple weeks even, then fall and fall hard. Binge drinking and avoiding the world for several days even weeks in a row.

I've been told that the important thing is that i keep picking myself back up. I have also been told to try something different this time.

No matter what, I hope it helps to know that you are not the only one on here with your drinking pattern! There are a lot of us who have been in that same situation. Be good to yourself.

findingt

Hi New,

Trying to quit is very very hard, one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I did and I fully believe we are all capable of quitting. It's going to take a major change in lifestyle though, and it's not going to be easy... I can't remember how many times I cried when the cravings got really strong. Nothing worth doing is easy, otherwise there wouldn't be forums like this one.

You gotta put the same dedication, passion and desire to be sober that you're putting into drinking. Don't keep alcohol at home, and be honest with yourself, if you know that you can't do it alone there's a lot of help out there. I personally saw an addiction therapist for 6 months, that was really helpful especially during that first month.

Stay positive and work on little changes, it's your life and you deserve to have a healthy happy sober life.