Did a codependent ever relapse you?
Sober is Better
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 153
i feel you slayer... my father and my brother both have been trying to drag me back into it. my brother will call me at 6:15pm daily (knowing that my meeting is a 7) telling me to F the meeting come party with me. I've gotten to the point i dont even answer anymore. I actually talked to him saturday and he said the same thing. my response was this...
"_______ <--brothers name, why would i come party with you when i have friends waiting on me (my AA friends and my meeting). I'd rather go party with the people that partied so hard they don't even party anymore!"
It's given some of my friends a good laugh, but i think my brother is starting to understand that i'm serious about my sobriety and dont want to be bothered, he didnt even call on Sunday.
Best of luck to you with the father/(and i assume) son relationship, just focus on your goal and everything will work itself in the end.
"_______ <--brothers name, why would i come party with you when i have friends waiting on me (my AA friends and my meeting). I'd rather go party with the people that partied so hard they don't even party anymore!"
It's given some of my friends a good laugh, but i think my brother is starting to understand that i'm serious about my sobriety and dont want to be bothered, he didnt even call on Sunday.
Best of luck to you with the father/(and i assume) son relationship, just focus on your goal and everything will work itself in the end.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Columbia, Missouri
Posts: 34
GET AWAY FROM HIM!! He's a sadistic bigot he knows exactly what he's doing. If he can hurt you or keep you enslaved to his money he'll keep doing it because that way he can feel better than you and make you have to realize how great of a dad he is. He wants you to bow down at his feet and tremble in fear and amazement at his splendor "see how great and wonderful I am, witness my unfathomable greatness..." I've dealt with kind of BS myself and believe me if you don't get away from him your screwed. Go to a homeless shelter if you have to. Megalomaniac!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Springfield, IL
Posts: 10
Slayer,
I worked the night shift (10PM-6AM) at a convenience store (which sold liquor) for about five months last year. It did keep me off the booze five nights a week, but in the end it really wore on me. Firstly, I suffer from depression and the night shift is depressing by itself and secondly, the people I was working with were alcoholics. In fact, one of them would show up drunk or call in because he was hungover. That said, I'd probably do it again if the pay was better and being exposed to the drunks reminded me of what an ass I was when I was drunk.
Regarding your Dad, I empathize. My Dad had no problem buying me alcohol when I was only 17 (I live in the states) but wouldn't fork out the money or invest any time in furthering my education or anything like that. Looking back it really pisses me off, he calls me about once a week and just bitches about the same stuff over and over, I don't know why I even bother picking up the phone. I'm a co-dependent too so I tend to attract negative people. My advice to you would be to please find whatever support system you can and start surrounding yourself with positive people. If you're around negative people too often, they'll domineer you. Hope things look up for you soon.
I worked the night shift (10PM-6AM) at a convenience store (which sold liquor) for about five months last year. It did keep me off the booze five nights a week, but in the end it really wore on me. Firstly, I suffer from depression and the night shift is depressing by itself and secondly, the people I was working with were alcoholics. In fact, one of them would show up drunk or call in because he was hungover. That said, I'd probably do it again if the pay was better and being exposed to the drunks reminded me of what an ass I was when I was drunk.
Regarding your Dad, I empathize. My Dad had no problem buying me alcohol when I was only 17 (I live in the states) but wouldn't fork out the money or invest any time in furthering my education or anything like that. Looking back it really pisses me off, he calls me about once a week and just bitches about the same stuff over and over, I don't know why I even bother picking up the phone. I'm a co-dependent too so I tend to attract negative people. My advice to you would be to please find whatever support system you can and start surrounding yourself with positive people. If you're around negative people too often, they'll domineer you. Hope things look up for you soon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 7
It must really be upsetting, stress-making to have the challenge of an addiction, to then, on top of that, feel as though a parent or other family member/friend is intent on sabotaging your efforts in change/recovery. I can imagine that just entertaining the thought that a loved one is intentionally or even unintentionally trying to derail your efforts as being enough to cause at least some amount of anxiety.
Clearly, an anxiety/stress response, to most anything, is something we do better to recognize in ourselves and steer ourselves away from, in the interest of defining healthiest problem-solving for ourselves. I think once we've become 'aware' of areas of our life that we have identified as ones we want to make a change in; it's not going to support/increase our sense of self efficacy to place any responsibility on others for what we ultimately choose to do in response to their actions.
I think we can unintentionally cause our own setbacks, in whatever kind of change we are working toward increasing our momentum in, by unconsciously placing ownership for 'our' process of response/choice to the actions/words of others -be it parents/family members, friends, co-workers, or even people we don't know.
We enable ourselves to respond effectively, (or not so effectively) in terms of staying on course with our identified goals of change. 'We' enable ourselves to meet any perceived problem/challenge by consciously engaging our very capable coping mechanism of response, asking ourselves "what is it I might do in these circumstances to maintain my sense of individual empowerment and accountability serving to protect and enhance my momentum in my recovery/change process?"
In this way we retain/conserve our precious energy in support of 'our' intentions/goals rather than using any of it to speculate about how others are concerned with or how they are not concerned with our identified goals.
Keep on keepin' on :0)
Clearly, an anxiety/stress response, to most anything, is something we do better to recognize in ourselves and steer ourselves away from, in the interest of defining healthiest problem-solving for ourselves. I think once we've become 'aware' of areas of our life that we have identified as ones we want to make a change in; it's not going to support/increase our sense of self efficacy to place any responsibility on others for what we ultimately choose to do in response to their actions.
I think we can unintentionally cause our own setbacks, in whatever kind of change we are working toward increasing our momentum in, by unconsciously placing ownership for 'our' process of response/choice to the actions/words of others -be it parents/family members, friends, co-workers, or even people we don't know.
We enable ourselves to respond effectively, (or not so effectively) in terms of staying on course with our identified goals of change. 'We' enable ourselves to meet any perceived problem/challenge by consciously engaging our very capable coping mechanism of response, asking ourselves "what is it I might do in these circumstances to maintain my sense of individual empowerment and accountability serving to protect and enhance my momentum in my recovery/change process?"
In this way we retain/conserve our precious energy in support of 'our' intentions/goals rather than using any of it to speculate about how others are concerned with or how they are not concerned with our identified goals.
Keep on keepin' on :0)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Eastern, PA
Posts: 112
people who can allegedly "make me drink"
Hi folks,
I'm basically dealing with this type of situation now, as we speak. And it doesn't sound paranoid. It sounds familiar.
Here is how i would phrase this.
I was in situations in which my co dependent family member could NOT make me drink. They were NOT able to affect me like that. This arrangement of living away from home lasted for decades -- arguably with success.
But when i moved back home my family member COULD "make me" drink. This is simply because i am NOT strong enough to deal with this situation in a healthy way. I stop functioning like an adult professional. I start acting like a stressed out 5 year old who has unlimited access to alcohol.
[I view it as similar to being an alcoholic who capable of staying sober so long as he does not walk in to a bar. Like the addict who can stay clean as long as she stays away from certain parts of the city. People, places and things.]
So whether or not a family member is capable of making me drink is a matter of whether i am letting them. I can put myself in a situation where they are NOT capable of making me drink. Or i could GIVE them absolute power over my sobriety.
I think this is fairly consistent with advice that others have given. It's just phrased differently.
Originally Posted by Slayer 
I may sound paranoid, but my dad seems to relapse me on purpose. Its like he wants me to be a drunk. When I beg for money he won't give it to me. So I will find a way to get money.
Here is how i would phrase this.
I was in situations in which my co dependent family member could NOT make me drink. They were NOT able to affect me like that. This arrangement of living away from home lasted for decades -- arguably with success.
But when i moved back home my family member COULD "make me" drink. This is simply because i am NOT strong enough to deal with this situation in a healthy way. I stop functioning like an adult professional. I start acting like a stressed out 5 year old who has unlimited access to alcohol.
[I view it as similar to being an alcoholic who capable of staying sober so long as he does not walk in to a bar. Like the addict who can stay clean as long as she stays away from certain parts of the city. People, places and things.]
So whether or not a family member is capable of making me drink is a matter of whether i am letting them. I can put myself in a situation where they are NOT capable of making me drink. Or i could GIVE them absolute power over my sobriety.
I think this is fairly consistent with advice that others have given. It's just phrased differently.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by Slayer
I'm 4 day sober no withdrawal so I am never going back.
YEs, best act now while you can have a better fighting chance. Im 27 and I quit drinking. I'm finally 11 months... wow... Im really 11 months sober!!! It feels good to say that for once! I use to think my room mates were the cause of my relapse. My room mate who rented a basement room would invite me down to play 360 with him and drink beer. He never forced me to. I chose to. SAme with you.... you need to realize it's your alcoholism doing this not your father. And if he is... maybe he's afraid youll have a better life sober.
As most said. No one can make you drink, its not like your tied down and hes pouring it down your throat. U choose to, you just need to realize that your doing this action and work on it.
Ive been in aa for 3 and a half years now. I'm finally grasping onto being sobered this long. Im happy... with some down days of course. But I choose the down days over being hungover and depressed for what I have done by picking up. My dry date and time grew less and less last year. I drank with room mates or an old drinking friend alot of the time. I was sober 1 month at a time... even got down to 2 weeks of being sober and then 1 week being sober.... then I got back on my feet and took my program seriously. "Your young and it makes it that much harder" I've heard many say this to me. I dont believe it... I believe I wasn't really ready to admit I was an alcoholic until last year when Iwas losing myself in it.
Sure you have no withdrawal right now.... and just for now. As you continue it will come. Action Now! Stop! Put your foot down! Admit your defeat to alcohol and do something about it before its too late or too hard to quit. Because I quit early some envy me because I'm young and I have a long life ahead of me to live happy and in love with my girlfriend.
Good luck we're all with you, your not alone as they say!
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