My mom is dying.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 94
My mom is dying.
Hello...
My mother is on her way out. Though it's not directly due to alcohol, I think its related. She is dying of breast cancer. I am numb. All the women on that side of the family are fine, old, and fine.
My mom was an alcoholic till the end. I can't help but think that it compromised her immune system at least. I don't know what to do... I have't voluntarily talked to her in 13 years. My brother told me last night that she could go any day now. What do I do?
She was pretty much abusive to me as a child. And my way of dealing with it?,,,drinking.
Desperate and sad....
Now seems like the time to quit 100%, yet it's like a comfortable blanket. I need to quit now. For myself, for my son, for everything......
it's hard to quit at the same time Im mourning my mom.
My mother is on her way out. Though it's not directly due to alcohol, I think its related. She is dying of breast cancer. I am numb. All the women on that side of the family are fine, old, and fine.
My mom was an alcoholic till the end. I can't help but think that it compromised her immune system at least. I don't know what to do... I have't voluntarily talked to her in 13 years. My brother told me last night that she could go any day now. What do I do?
She was pretty much abusive to me as a child. And my way of dealing with it?,,,drinking.
Desperate and sad....
Now seems like the time to quit 100%, yet it's like a comfortable blanket. I need to quit now. For myself, for my son, for everything......
it's hard to quit at the same time Im mourning my mom.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I'm sorry IrishEyes.
I can't imagine hard that must be, but I hope you'll decide to stay sober - I know your mom and family will need you right now.
You're not alone either - there's a ton of support here and elsewhere if you want it
D
I can't imagine hard that must be, but I hope you'll decide to stay sober - I know your mom and family will need you right now.
You're not alone either - there's a ton of support here and elsewhere if you want it
D
dude in recovery
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Gulf Coast, TX
Posts: 1,504
Sorry to hear that IE88, cancer is one of those few things that's even worse than alcoholism in it's (often) blind persecution of us. I hope you can be there for her and the rest of your family. When my father died in '05 I was very much stuck in my drunken hell, I still hold self-resentment about that time now. I am glad that I have been there and sober for my mother who has been in the hospital for over a month (she's doing better now).
Best Wishes.
Best Wishes.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
So sorry for what is happening, IrishEyes. Very sad. I hope you can quit for yourself, your son, and everything... as you say. It is hard to quit. You'll find good support here while you quit. I'm sorry you're in such pain.
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
I'm very sorry for this situation. I wish you the best. Please try to stay sober so you can be there for her and the other family members. You have a lot of support here too. Please, keep us posted.
Getting Healthy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Neverland
Posts: 539
I grew up In a highly dysfunctional relationship w my mom too. She died 5 years ago from lung cancer due to smoking. Even though the past 13 years were not spent w her, she is still your mom. I agree with the others. Try and go see her. Hugs and prayers.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 94
Thanks everybody. I can see this as an awakening moment and start living life to the fullest, or i can deal with it with destructive behavior and let my life fall apart around me. I prefer the first choice.
I've decided not to see her though. While i haven't had contact with her, my brother has and continues to be hurt over and over. I'm sure many of us have cut contact with an alcoholic as a form of self-protection. When we find out their time is limited, does that suddenly make it ok to accept verbal abuse and utter hatefulness? i can't put myself through that.
Such a sad situation. It just shows how alcohol can destroy entier families.
I've decided not to see her though. While i haven't had contact with her, my brother has and continues to be hurt over and over. I'm sure many of us have cut contact with an alcoholic as a form of self-protection. When we find out their time is limited, does that suddenly make it ok to accept verbal abuse and utter hatefulness? i can't put myself through that.
Such a sad situation. It just shows how alcohol can destroy entier families.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
I'm sorry Irish Eyes, and I completely understand your feelings.
My mother died of lung cancer several years ago. She had been extremely abusive to me, physically and verbally until I left home. She never acknowledged any regret or sadness for what she did. When she was dying, I considered reaching out to her. However, I knew for certain she would belittle my attempts and I refused to allow that to happen to me again. I did see her and speak with her, but there was no reconciliation. I took care of myself, something I hadn't been able to do when I was growing up. It was the right thing to do for me.
My mother died of lung cancer several years ago. She had been extremely abusive to me, physically and verbally until I left home. She never acknowledged any regret or sadness for what she did. When she was dying, I considered reaching out to her. However, I knew for certain she would belittle my attempts and I refused to allow that to happen to me again. I did see her and speak with her, but there was no reconciliation. I took care of myself, something I hadn't been able to do when I was growing up. It was the right thing to do for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((IrishEyes))) - I'm so sorry you are going through this. Though I was not yet an addict when my mom died (she was my best friend), people I worked with offered me "something to get through this" and I declined.
On the one hand, I wanted something to take the pain away. However, I knew it would come back later along with my own shame of numbing it out.
As far as seeing her, do what is best for you. As far as wanting recovery - my "join date" here doesn't show the time I lurked (well over a year), relapsed, etc. I hope you do reach out for recovery - you deserve it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
On the one hand, I wanted something to take the pain away. However, I knew it would come back later along with my own shame of numbing it out.
As far as seeing her, do what is best for you. As far as wanting recovery - my "join date" here doesn't show the time I lurked (well over a year), relapsed, etc. I hope you do reach out for recovery - you deserve it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I'm very sorry for what you are going through....And I may be way off base here...If so I apologize...I just don't see how one alcoholic...Can't forgive another alcoholic...When I know what I know about this disease. Again...I'm sorry...That's just the way I feel. I just wish you the best and send prayers that you find recovery and change your life..For you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by Sapling 
I'm very sorry for what you are going through....And I may be way off base here...If so I apologize...I just don't see how one alcoholic...Can't forgive another alcoholic...When I know what I know about this disease. Again...I'm sorry...That's just the way I feel. I just wish you the best and send prayers that you find recovery and change your life..For you.
She chose to abuse, manipulate, use, and then abandon her children and let alcohol totally take over her soul...and then never ever show regret. I don't think that's forgivable.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by Anna
I'm sorry Irish Eyes, and I completely understand your feelings.
My mother died of lung cancer several years ago. She had been extremely abusive to me, physically and verbally until I left home. She never acknowledged any regret or sadness for what she did. When she was dying, I considered reaching out to her. However, I knew for certain she would belittle my attempts and I refused to allow that to happen to me again. I did see her and speak with her, but there was no reconciliation. I took care of myself, something I hadn't been able to do when I was growing up. It was the right thing to do for me.
My mother died of lung cancer several years ago. She had been extremely abusive to me, physically and verbally until I left home. She never acknowledged any regret or sadness for what she did. When she was dying, I considered reaching out to her. However, I knew for certain she would belittle my attempts and I refused to allow that to happen to me again. I did see her and speak with her, but there was no reconciliation. I took care of myself, something I hadn't been able to do when I was growing up. It was the right thing to do for me.
In fact, the last time I saw her was about a year ago. It was in the parking lot of the grocery store, and she didn't see me. I had to run to my car, shaking and heart pounding. She really instills that much fear in me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by IrishEyes88
I do see what you're saying, but despite the presence of alcoholism in a person, we can all still CHOOSE how to live our lives. I strive to keep advancing in life and protecting my son from what I went through as a child.
She chose to abuse, manipulate, use, and then abandon her children and let alcohol totally take over her soul...and then never ever show regret. I don't think that's forgivable.
She chose to abuse, manipulate, use, and then abandon her children and let alcohol totally take over her soul...and then never ever show regret. I don't think that's forgivable.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 92
Dear Irish Eyes,
Thank you for posting and reaching out. I can't imagine how hard this time must be for you and your family. You seem like a very resilient and strong person, qualities which will be helpful to you should you decide to embrace recovery. I hope you do! It sounds like you have been through it and you deserve to live a healthy and happy life. I will be praying for you, please take good care of yourself! xoxo
Thank you for posting and reaching out. I can't imagine how hard this time must be for you and your family. You seem like a very resilient and strong person, qualities which will be helpful to you should you decide to embrace recovery. I hope you do! It sounds like you have been through it and you deserve to live a healthy and happy life. I will be praying for you, please take good care of yourself! xoxo
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