blackkitty

Hi guys,

I just want someone to help me understand. Why do alcoholics take so many
Unnecessary risks. I mean why does it seem like their alcohol is more important than their relationships, jobs, freedom and more importantly, themselves? I am in a relationship with an alcoholic and I'm just trying to understand him better. Thanks all.

PaleMale

Alcoholics lose choice. It's an addiction. The addiction is camouflaged as our personalities and our free choice, but it is neither. This is why the only diagnosis of alcoholism that matters is the alcoholics. We need to start seeing the insanity we've been fooled into protecting. The sense of choice is an illusion.

For example, my mother in law used to say "I just love to smoke cigarettes." They did nothing for her but remove the addiction for a few minutes. She died of lung cancer. So is it with alcohol and other addictive substances. The addiction uses our minds against us. Only we can change our minds... taking that power back is recovery.

WhySoSerious

agreed palemale... l non-alcoholics have a hard time understanding why an alcoholic does the things that they do. only your boyfriend can decide what he wants to do and when he wants to do it (change) when it comes to alcohol. the serenity prayer says it all for me not just about alcoholism but about everything in life.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change

The courage the change the things that i can

And the wisdom to know the difference

Ive only been sober for 11 days now but ive realized that the only thing i can change in any way that i want is myself, i have no power over other people and their actions. As much as i may want to be able to control other people that will just never happen and if i try its just going to eat me up inside and make me depressed and want to drink

GOD bless

Charon

The primitive brain evolved much earlier and is much stronger than the reasoning mind. Impulse trumps thinking. It is a huge battle to try and reverse that and get back some semblance of control. Personally, I can't have any money. My obsession is way too strong at this point. My wife gives me a dolllar for my daily meeting and that's it. The option of buying alcohol is off the table. It's the only way I can combat the disease right now. Perhaps someday I will be able to trust myself with money - but for now, if this is what it takes, so be it. It's way worth the inconvienence.

Charon

There is a variation on the serenity prayer that I also like a lot:

Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change
The courage to change the one I can
and
The wisdom to know it's me.

Scottneedspeace

For me, alcohol was my only tool for coping with the world. If you lose your coping tool (and it's a false tool) where does that leave you? I'm on day four and have found other avenues in coping with life's problems. Alcohol is a one road to a very dark place that I do not want to go. The alcoholic does not realize that they ( At least I wasn't) choosing alcohol over their loved ones. They have to be shown another way of coping. Hope this helps you.
Scott

Workingdrunk

The slow but eventual realization and acceptance that I was choosing alcohol over my loved ones is what caused me to finally make a commitment to quit. I had even brought pictures to work to remind me why not to buy beer on the way home in the evening. (My habit was to buy my 6 tall cans of beer for the evening everynight on the way home from work). I would look at the pictures, made me feel guilty and stupid for continuing to drink but I kept buying "just one more time". Then on Feb 1, 2012 the depression and guilt got so bad that I found myself trying not to breakdown in the middle of a busy street corner in the middle of the day. This had been going on for while, but never that bad. That was the turning point for me. After that I opened up to myself and a watershed of thoughts, emotions, regrets came tumbling down and I made the committment to stop.

Coincidentally, I found this site and have been posting ever since. I find the ability to openly, but anonimously tell others on this site who have experience with the addiction what I am going through to be very helpful. I really find all of the comments quite informative in many respects.

Dee74

I look back at the decisions I made when I was drinking - they seemed logical at the time, but they're insane now.

I hope your partner find the same 'moment of clarity' I did blackkitty - prayers for you both

D

Scottneedspeace

Keep coming back. Ill be here if you need support. I may bend your ear from time to time as well
Scott

Zencat

I chose alcohol over my family, friends, job and the list goes on because alcohol was more important to me that even my own health. Addiction had hijacked my brain, causing me to crave alcohol/drugs so intensely that I would do anything to satisfy my desires to get loaded.

The way out for me was to chose a practice of addiction treatment in place of my choice for alcohol.

Ghostly

The only risks I felt like I was taking at the time, was running out of my beverage. My risk was that it would be after when it was not sold, by law, for the night. So the risk, that I dreaded and feared, and made sure never happened...was that I would run out, and not be able to replace it till the next day! This thought made me cringe, and breathe hard, and get sick to my stomach...I needed my magical drink!

So, this is the risk I dealt with. Now, alcohol did not become more important than my job, nor my girlfriend turned fiance turned wife...however, I could not keep drinking like I was and not have it affect my work. That was coming. That actually helped me out as I was getting scared of the amount it took for me to get wasted.

Still until that point... alcohol was my crutch, my bed, my fun, my E S C A P E...my medication to Numb the effin pain. So while alcohol wasn't everything...it WAS everything. I needed it to function. I needed it, I loved it, I embraced. These are the reasons for the risks we took. It ran things. Alcohol never got mad at me, never slapped me, never told me no...it embraced me and warmed me up.

I am so glad I broke free from that evil. Id be lying, if I didn't say that I want one more battle, battle with a bottle of vodka...that's what I want. It'd feel so good. The immediate warmth, the immediate being wasted as I suck it down. MMMMMMMMMM, yeah, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that.

Ok...so I need to be on guard for how I feel. I have this to say to alcohol...this: You almost got me again. I got 677 days...and you ain't worth it. I'm staying sober.

sugarbear1

I'm pretty sure the medical community is also wondering about this, still.

blackkitty

Hi Scott, thanks for taking the time to write back. I understand what you are saying and being Assn addict myself, I understand some parts of the alcoholic stuff. However, when I was string out on cocaine and I was about to lose my kids, I quit, immediately. That is the part I don't understand about alcoholics, isn't ANYTHING more important than their drinking? Erhart has to happen before they realize there is something wrong? I'm just confused. Thanks for your help.

vichloe

For me, there were a few things more important than alcohol. I NEVER drove drunk or even after one drink. I never would to kill anyone else. Slowly killing myself was okay though.

I thought my kids and husband were more important but I negelected them when I was drunk. I'd sit outside many nights and drink alone. My husband would give them their baths and tuck them in.

My little girl opened the door outside a couple weeks ago and said, "Mama, please come inside and put your "swine" down and kiss me nite-nite." I wasn't fooling her, she knew my "swine" was more important than kissing her goodnight. That was my wake up call. I wasn't just killing myself, but my family too.

Alcoholics lose their inhibitions. They are selfish and really don't care about anything but copping a buzz. For me, I saw my own mother that night. My little girl called me out and I swore I would never become a drunk like my mom. I realized I had..

blackkitty

It seem like alcohol is so much worse than any other drug almost,, id say except heroin, I don't know. It is evil. It hurts everyone involved.

Workingdrunk

I did a lot of dumb risky things too, all in the name of satisfying the need to refill my blood alcohol levels to where my addiction wanted it to be. This was of course disguised by how good a cold beer tasted. Looking back on it I recall endless times when I would be very critical of myself the next day, the next week etc. for what I had done or what I sacrificed or put second in favour of drinking beer for that moment. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I kept doing it using the crutch that I will stop tomorrow, that went on for years and years.

What is important for me NOW is that I have accepted that it was wrong and that beer or any sort of alcohol is off my To Do List. I cannot dwell on the past misdeeds or stupid things that I did, the thousands upon thousands of dollars spend on alcohol ( I estimated about $75,000 over 13 years and all things considered I do not think that I am too far off the mark$) etc. What I have done (I only at 22 days sober by the way) is accept that what happened, how I behaved etc was due to the alcoholism and that if I return to it I will repeat the same behaviours no doubt.

One of my motivators to stay sober is that I never want to behave like that again. I know that I will if I give in to the urge to have a beer.

Scottneedspeace

I guess alcohol is seen as a life line to some. They're afraid they might die if they stop. And this is very likely to happen if your a hardcore drinker try to stop by yourself. People in this category should be medically supervised when stopping.
Anyway....this is the only reason I can think of why some alcoholic put their drink above their family. I'm sure there are a lot of other reasons.
Scott

doggonecarl

The worse drug is whatever drug the addict is addicted to. Tell the mother who has seen their child curdle their brains, or worse, die, from huffing chemicals that alcohol is worse. Addiction, any addiction, is horrible.

Sorry you are having to bear the burden of a loved one suffering from this affliction.

doggonecarl

Duped

blackkitty

Hey I agree with that thing on the bottom about people with mood/mind disorders being twice as likely to abuse drugs, Ive been suffering from depression for all my life and ive been and am addicted to many things.
























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