Trying again!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 19
Trying again!
Long story short, I'm 31 and I've been drinking daily for the last several years. I have been having a constant dull liver ache for over 2 years, and I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and I've been diagnosed with a fatty liver.
I've had a couple LFT and all have come back fine. The latest one (3 months ago) showed ALT elevated a couple points, but the doctor didn't seem too concerned as all the other numbers were will within range.
I'm starting to really feel the effects of long term alcohol abuse. The liver pain is the most alarming, but I bruise really easy, I have a slight itching, and I just feel like crap most the time. All are more prevalent right when I wake up.
I find I'm telling myself every day that I NEED TO STOP, but by the time the end of work comes around, the liver pain isn't as bad, the itching has gone away and so it's time to DRINK again. It's so frustrating!
I was able to quit for 3-4 days around Christmas, but then we had a big sales conference, and I completely fell off. I will have to say those 4 days were amazing, I was completely bored but all my symptoms had more or less gone away in just that short time, and I lost like 5 lbs!
So I'm trying again! It's so very difficult. I want to talk to people in my life about this but I'm scared to because they'll try to get me to stop drinking. (silly I know) Especially my wife... If I bring this up to her she'll know when I fall off again and make my life hell. UGH...
As I type this I realize how insane I sound! But it's truly how I feel. I don't want to never drink again, I just don't want to feel like I have to do it every day of my life.
I've sort of come to grips with just taking it day by day. Right now, all I have to do is not drink today. We'll see how it goes!!
I've had a couple LFT and all have come back fine. The latest one (3 months ago) showed ALT elevated a couple points, but the doctor didn't seem too concerned as all the other numbers were will within range.
I'm starting to really feel the effects of long term alcohol abuse. The liver pain is the most alarming, but I bruise really easy, I have a slight itching, and I just feel like crap most the time. All are more prevalent right when I wake up.
I find I'm telling myself every day that I NEED TO STOP, but by the time the end of work comes around, the liver pain isn't as bad, the itching has gone away and so it's time to DRINK again. It's so frustrating!
I was able to quit for 3-4 days around Christmas, but then we had a big sales conference, and I completely fell off. I will have to say those 4 days were amazing, I was completely bored but all my symptoms had more or less gone away in just that short time, and I lost like 5 lbs!
So I'm trying again! It's so very difficult. I want to talk to people in my life about this but I'm scared to because they'll try to get me to stop drinking. (silly I know) Especially my wife... If I bring this up to her she'll know when I fall off again and make my life hell. UGH...
As I type this I realize how insane I sound! But it's truly how I feel. I don't want to never drink again, I just don't want to feel like I have to do it every day of my life.
I've sort of come to grips with just taking it day by day. Right now, all I have to do is not drink today. We'll see how it goes!!
Sober is Better
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 153
Originally Posted by Krass 
I've sort of come to grips with just taking it day by day. Right now, all I have to do is not drink today. We'll see how it goes!!
Thats a great mentality... i say to myself EVERYDAY when i wake up 'if i can get through today without drinking i can drink tomorrow'... and i have been saying it everyday for 9 days... something my sponsor said to me, it makes sense
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 8
To Stop or Not To Stop (and stay stopped)
hey krass
it sounds like you're trying to do this all by yourself!?!? if you can do that, then the question arises as to why you haven't. maybe you don't really want to stop. many of us have come to realize that what we were hoping for was a basic change in ourselves that would occur if we could stop for a while. what change you may ask?? the change into someone who can drink and enjoy it without having to control it or stop all together. if you have the disease of alcoholism (and it IS a disease or if you would rather...a disorder of the brain) you are not going to change from an alcoholic to a non-alcoholic.
so back to doing it by yourself. many have tried to do that. a few succeed now and then but here's the problem krass. drinking is not your BASIC problem. the guy who started AA knew this. he said drinking was but a symptom of underlying causes and conditions. AA is a program that deals with those causes and conditions so that we can STAY STOPPED and do it COMFORTABLY. i don't mean to preach to you so i apologize for that but check it out my friend. you're drinking is about fears and feelings. if drinking is still working OK but if it isn't, you now have at least two problems...the drinking and the reasons you drink or as the guy said, those causes and conditions. good luck
it sounds like you're trying to do this all by yourself!?!? if you can do that, then the question arises as to why you haven't. maybe you don't really want to stop. many of us have come to realize that what we were hoping for was a basic change in ourselves that would occur if we could stop for a while. what change you may ask?? the change into someone who can drink and enjoy it without having to control it or stop all together. if you have the disease of alcoholism (and it IS a disease or if you would rather...a disorder of the brain) you are not going to change from an alcoholic to a non-alcoholic.
so back to doing it by yourself. many have tried to do that. a few succeed now and then but here's the problem krass. drinking is not your BASIC problem. the guy who started AA knew this. he said drinking was but a symptom of underlying causes and conditions. AA is a program that deals with those causes and conditions so that we can STAY STOPPED and do it COMFORTABLY. i don't mean to preach to you so i apologize for that but check it out my friend. you're drinking is about fears and feelings. if drinking is still working OK but if it isn't, you now have at least two problems...the drinking and the reasons you drink or as the guy said, those causes and conditions. good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 19
Yrag, I see what your saying and have been researching some AA alternatives. SMART Recovery has group meetings all over my city. I did open up to my wife a bit. Finally told her I think I have an issue with drinking and that I want to stop.
So I've made it to 2 days. A bit of insomnia, restless legs, paranoia. Tomorrow should be fun. At least I'll have work to keep my mind off things for most the day. We'll see how long I can keep this up. I'm feeling positive about my chances of staying without a drink for another day!
So I've made it to 2 days. A bit of insomnia, restless legs, paranoia. Tomorrow should be fun. At least I'll have work to keep my mind off things for most the day. We'll see how long I can keep this up. I'm feeling positive about my chances of staying without a drink for another day!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by Krass
I bruise really easy, I have a slight itching, and I just feel like crap most the time.
Cirrhosis of the Liver Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Treatment on MedicineNet.com
If AA is not your thing by all means try SMART. Lots of great support here too.
Chutzpah
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 115
Originally Posted by Krass
So I'm trying again! It's so very difficult. I want to talk to people in my life about this but I'm scared to because they'll try to get me to stop drinking. (silly I know) Especially my wife... If I bring this up to her she'll know when I fall off again and make my life hell. UGH...
As I type this I realize how insane I sound! But it's truly how I feel. I don't want to never drink again, I just don't want to feel like I have to do it every day of my life.
I've sort of come to grips with just taking it day by day. Right now, all I have to do is not drink today. We'll see how it goes!!
As I type this I realize how insane I sound! But it's truly how I feel. I don't want to never drink again, I just don't want to feel like I have to do it every day of my life.
I've sort of come to grips with just taking it day by day. Right now, all I have to do is not drink today. We'll see how it goes!!
Only you can decide when you are truly ready or quit or how bad your problem is with drinking. I would also encourage you to talk to your wife. I don't believe she is trying to make your life hell by getting on to you about quitting. She probably is very concerned. You will need her support. I wouldn't say she is making your life hell, but the alcohol is the demon..
Best of luck, one day at a time is a good approach!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 19
Yeah, I've read into this, and this is what has freaked me out enough to try stopping again. I have been to the doctor probably 5-6 times in the last year because of these symptoms and have had lots and lots of tests done. Ultrasound, CAT Scan, LFTs, physical exams. Aside from a fatty accumulation, everything has come back fine. Of course he's tempered this good info with some caution. Keeping this up WILL eventually cause major damage to my liver.
I'm on day 3, and feeling good. Liver uncomfortableness is subsiding, no itchiness, and I actually haven't had any unexplained bruising in a couple weeks. I have a beautiful 2 month old at home, and a loving wife. Gotta keep this up for them AND me.
I'm on day 3, and feeling good. Liver uncomfortableness is subsiding, no itchiness, and I actually haven't had any unexplained bruising in a couple weeks. I have a beautiful 2 month old at home, and a loving wife. Gotta keep this up for them AND me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast of Virginia
Posts: 60
Hi Krass... yes you do need to keep it up. Your family needs you! And you need you! You can break the chains. Millions have done it and you can do it. Get help if you feel you need it. I'm on day 7 without drinking and I feel better than I have in years. Luckily, I stopped also before I did any real damage. I have a 6year old and a 13year old and wife who needs me. Your never going to find that kind of love in a bottle that's for sure. The only thing that in that bottle is long term misery and pain and eventually....death. Stay strong my friend and so will I.
Scott
Scott
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