Sponsor
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Someone who's got what you want. And a good sponsor will tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear necessarily.
Most importantly, make it a woman......
Best of luck
Bob R
Most importantly, make it a woman......
Best of luck
Bob R
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I suggest finding a sponsor who's had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps. Go early, stay late, and listen. Most folks who've been around awhile can talk well in a meeting. I wanted a sponsor who'd taken the steps and applied them to life outside the rooms. That's real recovery, and that's what I wanted.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Awakening...
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
Go to some meetings, all of them are different so try some out for size. Ask people who would make a good sponsor. We often don't know how to choose a sponsor who would be good for us. So ask for a 'referral' if you will.
BTW, you will get better answers if you post in the alcoholism 12 Step section.
BTW, you will get better answers if you post in the alcoholism 12 Step section.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
I've always been told to pick a person who you don't necessarily like all that much, because they will push you to succeed, but I haven't chosen a sponsor myself yet. I'm still shopping around. lol
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
My sponsor wasn't a Big Book thumper
who memorized it all. She was a lady
who showed me recovery thru her actions.
The way she lived the steps in her everyday
life. Who generously gave of herself with
service work, baking awesome treats to
bring to her meetings and driving patiants
in rehab to outside meetings.
That was where i found my first and only
sponsor. 21 yrs ago while in rehab.
She never told me what to do, but rather
thu suggestions guided me lovingly thru
recovery incorperating the steps and principles
set down before us many yrs ago.
Her actions spoke volumns loudly to me which
was a huge impact on my own recovery.
Im forever grateful to those who paved the
way for me to remain sober today some many
one days at a time later.
who memorized it all. She was a lady
who showed me recovery thru her actions.
The way she lived the steps in her everyday
life. Who generously gave of herself with
service work, baking awesome treats to
bring to her meetings and driving patiants
in rehab to outside meetings.
That was where i found my first and only
sponsor. 21 yrs ago while in rehab.
She never told me what to do, but rather
thu suggestions guided me lovingly thru
recovery incorperating the steps and principles
set down before us many yrs ago.
Her actions spoke volumns loudly to me which
was a huge impact on my own recovery.
Im forever grateful to those who paved the
way for me to remain sober today some many
one days at a time later.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
My friend had a sponsor who was never married and who had no children; it didn't work out. Sometimes we need someone who is in a similar situation as we are, sometimes it will work anyway.
Women stick with women, usually, as there can be intimacy problems. Sometimes it's a non-issue.
My sponsor, after 26 years still works with a sponsor who has a sponsor....something about someone working with another who can work with another....etc.
I have a sponsor who "walks the talk" which means they do what they say. they have a design for living. Their whole life is not AA. They volunteer their time and energy, help others outside of AA, sponsor more than one person, have hobbies, and have employment. A generally well-rounded life is led. I want that.
I heard a woman tell her story and I could relate to her pain and to her story. She helped guide me through the steps and is available when needed. In my observation, her actions outside of the rooms of AA are sober actions; she walks the talk. She isn't pretending when she speaks of her life today (nor of her past). She also knew that I had to be taken through the steps quickly, the first time, for relief. We had both been in and out of AA as alcohol was our solution. She showed me that the steps are a new solution. My life has changed because of the step work I do.
I meet at least once a week with my sponsor, as they know that if we don't stay ahead of our disease (or whatever you want to call it) our disease will take us back out. I get to meetings with my sponsor at least 2 times a week and often attend conventions together. I am not told to do things they won't do. We agreed on a commitment of the number of meetings to attend weekly, not daily, or I wouldn't have time to live life. The ground rules were set together. My sponsor is honest, gentle and forthright. I hear things I don't want to hear, but I need to hear.
My sponsor leads by example, always reaching out for the newcomer. I like all this sober stuff. It's refreshing.
Remember, we are working together. I wish you well in finding someone who can help guide you through the steps. Ask your Higher Power to put the "right" person in your life and they will appear. Stay stopped. It's a new life without alcohol!
Women stick with women, usually, as there can be intimacy problems. Sometimes it's a non-issue.
My sponsor, after 26 years still works with a sponsor who has a sponsor....something about someone working with another who can work with another....etc.
I have a sponsor who "walks the talk" which means they do what they say. they have a design for living. Their whole life is not AA. They volunteer their time and energy, help others outside of AA, sponsor more than one person, have hobbies, and have employment. A generally well-rounded life is led. I want that.
I heard a woman tell her story and I could relate to her pain and to her story. She helped guide me through the steps and is available when needed. In my observation, her actions outside of the rooms of AA are sober actions; she walks the talk. She isn't pretending when she speaks of her life today (nor of her past). She also knew that I had to be taken through the steps quickly, the first time, for relief. We had both been in and out of AA as alcohol was our solution. She showed me that the steps are a new solution. My life has changed because of the step work I do.
I meet at least once a week with my sponsor, as they know that if we don't stay ahead of our disease (or whatever you want to call it) our disease will take us back out. I get to meetings with my sponsor at least 2 times a week and often attend conventions together. I am not told to do things they won't do. We agreed on a commitment of the number of meetings to attend weekly, not daily, or I wouldn't have time to live life. The ground rules were set together. My sponsor is honest, gentle and forthright. I hear things I don't want to hear, but I need to hear.
My sponsor leads by example, always reaching out for the newcomer. I like all this sober stuff. It's refreshing.
Remember, we are working together. I wish you well in finding someone who can help guide you through the steps. Ask your Higher Power to put the "right" person in your life and they will appear. Stay stopped. It's a new life without alcohol!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
"Women stick with women, usually, as there can be intimacy problems. Sometimes it's a non-issue."
my sponsor suggests that cross sex sponsorship is really only applicable to first 3 steps. I have seen it work otherwise but only once- the rest were.not good results'
yep - what has been said: someone who made me WORK on my recovery. Someone who had what i wanted -in and out of the rooms. Someone who was available.
my sponsor suggests that cross sex sponsorship is really only applicable to first 3 steps. I have seen it work otherwise but only once- the rest were.not good results'
yep - what has been said: someone who made me WORK on my recovery. Someone who had what i wanted -in and out of the rooms. Someone who was available.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
My current sponsor is male. No problems at all. I am not the only woman with a male sponsor, all working quite well at this time. I also have a network of strong women. I'll let you know when or if a problem ensues. 
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