nico08

Hi. I need your help and advice.

My sober date is 9/17/2004. When I got sober, I remember thinking one of the biggest challenges for me to maintain my sobriety would be when my mom died. Back then, I told myself to focus on one day at a time, and didn't try to dwell on the time when my mom would pass away. Well, that day came yesterday. My mom's condition had been declining over the last year, and got extremely bad in the last three months.

Right now, I don't necessarily want to drink, but I want to feel numb. I don't want to feel the pain connected with losing my mom, she was a very close friend in addition to being my mom.

These are some things I have done to try to prevent myself from going back to the bottle:

Maintain active relationship with a sponsor.
Attend a lot of meetings.
Started to see a therapist to talk about the grief of seeing my mom decline and pretty much knowing that she was going to die.
Seeing a psychiatrist and beginning an anti-depressant therapy.

I think that some of these things have helped my sobriety. But I don't think that I am doing enough, and I would like some advice about what else I can do to get through this difficult time without drinking.

I appreciate any advice or insight that you may have.

dawnrunner

I believe you are doing everything right. You have a good plan.

Allow yourself to grieve but not to self-pity. Distract yourself from the grief process with exercise and reading of non-death related material.

Line up a list of physical comforts you can indulge when you feel ratty: a hot bath, a nice meal, a dose of perfume, a massage, a walk with your dog, go through all the things you love about living and step them on to your schedule as possible.

I am very sorry about your loss. This is a most trying time for your sobriety and you are dealing with it so well. Keep posting and stay strong.

whiskeyman

the problem we all have is that we even think of booze as an option.
try and not even consider it. I know I know easier siad than done.

use every support line you can, leaving booze out of the equation.

Do whatever it takes.

Dee74

I'm so sorry for your loss nico.

I was always afraid of grief and of sadness - but I learned that grief and sadness are a natural reaction to losing someone, and in fact I think it's necessary and healthy to go through that grieving.

I understand the drive to make ourselves numb - I don't think that's something unique to alcoholics either. I've grieved friends altho my parents are still alive....but being numb never helped me deal with anything - it just wasted me a year or two...and then I still had to deal with my grief when I got sober.

It sounds like you have a great support network and a decent plan in place tho - and lots of support here too Nico

D

TheJungianThing

We buried my grandfather when I was almost 6 years sober, I remember - had he made it another week I could have put my 6 year coin in the coffin with him.

Mom and dad both worked so I spent a lot of time as a youth with my grandma and grandfather. His passing wasn't unexpected though and with alzheimers as bad as he had it was actually a blessing. His quality of life being diminished to an in house care nursing home. Being told what to eat and when. An Officer in the Army, a Gentlemen, hocking loogies on the wall, lashing out at people. License taken away, home taken away, and he was lost.

I got put together his military uniform for the burial service. Which was also burying my delusion of ever serving in the Army (the reason I got sober in the first place). Keeping it about him, about being of service to my family throughout and focusing on NOT being a burden or a drama queen about my own feelings helped me. My brother caught me slipping once and woke me up. Oddly I responded with grace and dignity, this is God helping me here - normally I would have reacted and escalated the situation.

Anyway, Pop tried to help me get sober once, and was always concerned about my drinking. I got to put a 5 year chip in his coffin. He was all about duty, in life. I tried to pay homage to that by focusing on my duty to him and my family. The pain and tears, weren't harmful pain and tears. I grew, my relationships with my family grew. I wasn't the drunk idiot causing a scene. I was a sober, useful member of the family.

That's my only experience with the death of a very close relative at this point.

macknacat

Hi Nico- I'm so sorry to hear of you your loss. I have buried my father and a brother while in recovery. I have gone thru my only son's coma and Traumatic Brain Injury. It is much as Jungian describes. I am grateful that i was not the drama queen - that i was there -reliable and supportive - for those that might need me. I allowed myself to grieve. I also did what you are doing, close contact with my sober family, meetings. Time does take Time. But we are held .
And we need not fall.
hugs

gravity

I've been through some difficult events in my sobriety (separation/divorce, death of a close friend, death of my aunt, cousin committed suicide).

Get it through your head: Alcohol will do absolutely nothing to improve your situation. You are a non-drinker now. You have to deal with life on life's terms. NOTHING can MAKE you drink. Loss of a parent, though sad, is a normal part of life (sorry about your loss. My dad passed away just before i quit drinking).

To get through challenges, I pray a lot and try to focus on being there for other people. I also rely on my sponsor and program.

2granddaughters

Prayers to you, nico.
Stay on the beam and you'll be OK.

Bob R.

LovesToTravel

I am so sorry for your loss but drinking will make matters much worse. My father was in the hospital when I was 6 months sober. He was so worried that the stress was going to put me back. I told him not to worry that I would be fine. He died unexpectedly. I didn't drink..what would it have accomplished? You need to keep yourself with a clear head. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.