Linz

I don't seem to have many physical triggers that make me want to drink a whole bunch of beer, but when I get irritated, (which is certainly no rarity,) I want to go to the bar, sit for the day or evening, and get plastered.

I had just completed my homework at the school library this afternoon (12:00) and the thought of a beer popped up. I got irritated that the thought was there. Meetings do not cure me of my urge to drink. Talking does not kill the urge either. Writing only postpones it, and eating just makes me feel like a slob. (Eating a ton to get rid of the urge.)

The urge has been with me since 12 noon today, and it is now 6:15 where I live. I feel so IRRITATED and depressed. Also, why on Earth should I feel GUILTY for wanting a beer? I feel as if I feel like I'll let other people down more than I feel I'll let myself down.
One of my thoughts goes like this: "Well, you're only on your 4th day... better screw up now rather than on your 14th day!"

I feel very angry and restless and irritable.
If you couldn't tell.

BullDog777

you're doing the right things. you need to stay busy. however, this new in sobriety, everything makes you wanna drink. it''s just knee jerk reactions right now. they'll start to subside the longer you stay sober.

i wished i could tell you some trick to it all, but what worked for me was staying busy, exercise and time. if you need to be angry for awhile it's a perfectly normal reaction to what your body is going through, but it does get better.

you just need time.

hang in there.

smacked

Go workout.. go to a meeting.. make an appointment to get some counseling.. what are your reasons for getting sober?

Bikeguy

Hang in there Linz! Go for a walk, go to a movie, call it an early night, clean your place, wash your hair just don't pick up, you will be so happy tomorrow that you didn't drink today.

keithj

Meetings don't cure the urge to drink for any alcoholic I know. Neither does talking. That's why AA is a spiritual program of action, an why the BB contains a set of specific and precise directions for how to recover.

If meetings or talking or writing or any other thing worked for us, we wouldn't have the 12 Steps and we wouldn't need AA. Thankfully, we do them for those of us that need them.

Linz

Thanks for asking, Smacked!
My reasons vary.
I guess my main concern for my drinking habit is that it is slowly killing me. I miss work and school at least twice monthly. I have extreme panic attacks when I do drink (or actually when i'm hungover,) and I've pretty much just spent the last five years wallowing in my own self pity. The drinking does help.
Also, through the last five years if I wasn't in a hangover, I was in the blackout.

It's really no way to live... I'm 25, and I just want to have a clean, sober, and happy life.

artsoul

It's really does get better, Linz...... It can be a bumpy ride at first with lots of mood changes, but even day you stay sober is another step in the healing process.

Be patient with yourself (a little pampering helps, too!). I found that reading a lot of posts on SR helped keep me grounded and sometimes all I needed was a good night's sleep.

Congrats on 4 days!

TwelveSteps

You need to practice not considering drinking as an option. Instead of asking, "I feel crummy, should I drink to fix it?" think, "I feel crummy and since drinking is how I've solved that in the past, what other things can I try now that I'm not drinking?" Taking a walk really helps me, or going to see a movie, or meeting a friend for dinner.

GG

Linz

TwelveSteps, thanks for the ideas! I did take the option of going for a walk... That was the most insane walk that I have ever taken! I have a little chihuahua and he comes with me when I walk around the neighborhood. There was a husky loose, she attacked him, and (hate to say this) but after I yelled at her and tried to shove her away, she had my dogs head in her mouth so I had to kick her in the throat to get him loose.
Afterward, I wanted to drink more than before the walk LOL.
I knew it wasn't an option, so I opted to go to the movies! Saw "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close." Excellent movie! When I got out, the 7 hour urge to drink was gone.

Thanks again!

freshstart57

You sound like one tough cookie, Linz, able to see what needs to be done, and then doing it. I think you know what you need to do next about staying sober, whatever it might be. Keep posting because we have some investment in you, you know, and want to support you in this. Hang in!

tanja

Linz,

Congratulations! You really flexed an emotional muscle. If another dog attacked my dog that would provide a powerful trigger to drink. But, you didn't! That just demonstrates that you are far more powerful and stronger than you think.

Threshold

Do you have a recovery program? If not, I suggest you find one you are comfortable with, ideology wise as well as being able to commit to the "work" of it.

Then you will have real tools and options for what to do OTHER than use when life gets tricky. The best defense is a stronger offense.

And you absolutely did right to protect your dog!

rooblet

This is going to sound lame, especially since I'm looked at as the muscle-bound big guy that never smiles. But in the early days a scorching hot bubble-bath with a giant jug of ice water and a book did the trick for me. Up at 3:00 AM thinking about a beer... bubble-bath. Up late thinking about a beer... bubble-bath. And use your toes to turn the hot back on every 20 minutes to do a warmup. The cost of water and electricity was way less than the cost of beer.

2granddaughters

If I was agitated or couldn't sleep, I'd pick up the Big Book and start reading. Shortly I'd be feeling a lot better and sleep like a baby.

If I'm "out there in the real world" and the going is getting tough, I have to consciously ask my HP for help and try to stuff some AA into my spinning head-bone.
If I just do something distracting the problem isn't addressed, just postponed. When I'm suffering or disturbed it is an excellent opportunity to work my program.

Glad you're back on track, Linz

Bob R.

Linz

Thanks all, for the helpful and useful replies.
Threshold, I do not really work a recovery program. I have been to three AA meetings in a row this week, but couldn't go on Thursday or yesterday because of a vacation. My birthday is on Monday and my boyfriend took me away on a getaway.
I did not find a sponsor in those three days, and did not start working the steps. I do have a 12 & 12 book and the Big Book, both of which I have been avidly reading. It does help.

The getaway is actually good for me, because even when I was drinking I tended to drink way less when I was away from home/the city that I live in.

Again, thanks to all of you. I very much appreciate your help.

FaithButterfly

Hey girl!

I can totally relate to what your saying. But I can also tell you that the obsession will lift if you work at it. It will get easier. "move your feet, and your head will follow". Seriously, try to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Can you not drink for this next minute?, yes! I believe yoy can....eventually the minutes add up ) your doing great, hang in there. what works for me when im obessing is to "think the drink through"...from the first sip, all the way to the dat after feeling like ****..guilt, shame,etc. Then the thought of drinking no longer seems so glamorous. Its not something that I feel like im missing anymore....im chosing to live...and feel my emotions instead of numbing them. Seriously, some days are rough.however, Im filled with joy every night when I lay my head on my pillow.....sober ) and wake up sober.....its those feelings/days that if you allow yourself that will get you over the hump. You deserve it. I, too have anxiety....ive learned now that alcohol aggrevated...so there are many benefits from not poisining your body!!! Keep your head up, take care of yourself. The better you feel spiritually..the less you will have cravings. (at least for me)