Really Want to quit for good... Keep relapsing
 

Hey all,

I've been on this forum for about a year now, intermittently. I initially began in AA last January, I stayed sober for about 4 months, before I felt better, and got busy and went back out.

Since then, I'd been in and out of the rooms. In when things got bad, then back out when I felt better. Recently (about a month ago), I decided that I was definitely done with alcohol. I didn't have a new major bottom. I'm just realizing that my life has become totally unmanageable if I'm drinking, and that to accomplish my goals, and to live the life that I want, I have to stop drinking. I absolutely want to stop drinking entirely.

I came back to AA ~3 weeks ago, and went to meetings every day, but somehow managed drinking again after 8 days. I got back on the horse, and went to another meeting the following day. I kept myself clean for another 8 days, going to meetings and really feeling like it was working well, until I drank again yesterday. I really want to quit. I feel resolute about quitting up to, and even while I'm drinking. The urge sometimes just overpowers me and I cannot stop myself from drinking.

I think this could be a couple of things at play. My past attempt at AA was in a different metro area, and I have since moved far enough away that I can't regularly go to meetings with my old group of AAs. I don't have a sponsor, and I don't really have anyone around here that I know in the program yet. I'm essentially trying to find my "niche" this time around. There are fewer meetings and certainly fewer young people's meetings.

I just want to be done with this, but I know it takes work, and I have to put my sobriety before everything.

I'm not sure of the point of this post, but I needed to get it out.

Thanks

Obviously, this was not working well. And just as obviously, what you may 'feel' is working well, is not working so well.

Nowhere in the BB does it say that we recovered by hanging out at AA meetings. Instead, it says 'Here is what we have done to recover', and lays out specific and precise directions for doing so.

I've never seen it fail for anyone that really does it.

Your post is great, and has lotsa salient points.

I suggest you shoot that horse dead. Walk away, let it rot, and don't look back. If you really want to be done, stop looking for a free ride into sobriety. Most times you'll be doing good if you can manage a painful crawl. As a matter of fact, you'll be more than lucky, you'll be changing and getting good and sober.

Its a tough journey to get all your tickets punched and get it going, but since you know it takes work as you say, and you know to put sobriety first, you're already primed into writing across your soul what your reading from that AA Big Book. Read the book. Look at yourself. Put what is there into action. Rinse and repeat.

Hey, congrats on your earned sobriety!

Just stay sober for today. Focus on one day at a time. Don't worry about "for good."

LOL.. yea I get that.

My experience was that if I was working the steps that I felt that the pain had a purpose and hence tolerable... compared to suffering in darkness.

I think you are straddling the fence in AA.
You have to commit to AA, not just be involved.....
The difference is like a bacon & egg breakfast,

The chicken is involved and the pig is committed.

What does your sponsor say about your condition ?


Wishing you the best in your recovery

First of all, forget "stopping for good", just don't drink today.

A sponsor is a godsend, especially in early recovery. Instead of picking up a drink you call your sponsor. I couldn't get sober on my own and the fellowship carried me until I was stronger. It's a good sign that you're asking for help, for advice.

we get a sponsor & a network of people & keep in daily contact so we make it a point to be honest. it is suggested we pick up the phone before picking up a drink. meetings alone don't keep many sober.

start again, find a program that you can commit to following.

best wishes on staying stopped!

Good advice, one day ay a the and pick up the phone. Even if the meetings are not convenient, the phone should be. Keep posting and asking for advice. Gad you are here.

:grouphug:

This is classic. Someone states that they really want to quit for good, that they can't afford any more relapses, and they are told not to even try. RunnerMD2be, if you want to quit for good with AA, I suggest you find someone in the 12-Step forum that knows how to go about it. There are a few on there.

Yup, that's the sad truth of it. :headbange

Friday night at 8 pm in Vienna, VA speaker big book 12 step meeting. 900 East Maple Avenue (and route 123/Chain Bridge Road) at Emmaus United Church of Christ. Talk to Gabe, Brad or Rob. work the steps!

Just tell them you heard they know how to guide someone through the steps and you need help. They may not look old enough, but they have long time sobriety that is solid.

I didn't even see Fairfax, VA. Some good AA going on in Fairfax. Centerville, VA is pretty good I hear as well. If AA is going to be your thing get with some big book steppers and get into the deal.

Good Luck, I spent a year relapsing after I vowed I was done for good and all. You can get that way. I took the "one day at a time" thing as just comforting a "baby" crying for his bottle - until I didn't cry for it anymore.

But it's for good and for all.