BlueMoon

Someone once explained it to me like this: you’re not “tattling” on someone – you’re asking someone “is this right?”

That’s helped me out a bunch of times over the years . . .

Dee74

As a former codie, I generally try to keep things in my 'hula hoop' too....but in my recovery I've become involved, interested and connected in my surroundings again.

I spent too many years drunkenly going with the flow.

I'm a great one for the underdog - I'm not a rabble rouser but wherever I see things happening - serious things that I feel shouldn't be happening to people, children or animals who can't advocate for their own well being - likely as not you'll find me involved.

I'm ok with that - it fits in with my ideas of recovery, of Christianity, and of humanity - I'm not sure I could sleep at night otherwise.

Personally, I think you 'did good' BD and I know already you're a great dad
D

2granddaughters

The Serenity Prayer would help in this situation as well .....

freethinking

We all do, this isn't unique to you. Still, it seems like, for an ongoing situation you seem particularly angry about it right now. When people **** me off that much, I have to look at myself.

Hanna

Chiming in to say what you already know - you did the right thing. I wouldn't hesitate to call the cops on all those neighbors when their nonsense is obvious. I think the hula hoop idea is fantastic until you get into the reality of the fact that children are being put at risk and your own wife and child doesn't need to be subjected to neighbors who are beating the hell out of one another and drugged out on meth.

As for how to handle the rest? Keep your distance and maybe take a book with you when you have to be outside around these folks if you want to make the lack of interaction less awkward. It reminds me of friends who took their dogs to the park to play on a daily basis- everyone knew ever dog's name and interacted with the dogs, but the people barely spoke to one another.

More long term, I would look for ways to meet other parents whose values line up with your own and get together with them and their spouses and children. As your daughter gets older and into school and more activities, you might have less neighborhood time and less of a problem.

As for feeling judgmental about your non-neighbor friends' behavior - well it's hard not to be bothered when you see people you care about doing harmful things to themselves. Is the problem really your own feelings, or is it time to step back a bit from people that aren't taking good care of themselves and are repeatedly making bad decisions? Are you possibly holding on to people that you shouldn't keep so close because you think that keeping every friend forever is a good quality in a person?

BullDog777

normally...again...you might be right...maybe i am getting too mad except what are my motives for becoming so angry? that's what i have to ask myself

after alot of careful self examination and alot of good advise from people here today, i think my frustration is at the parents for screwing up their kids to the point where it could effect their development. it's seeing innocent little people get s#itty stations in life that don't deserve it.

i don't think you can get too angry at that short of violence.

so to me, i think it's just having a heart and a set of stones to do the right thing.

hopefully that answeres your question.

BullDog777

that means the world to me coming from you.

BullDog777

this is exactly how i feel. you wrote it better than i think i could have. thank you.

freethinking

no motives, but sometimes people irk me when they remind me of the worst in myself. it also tends to annoy me when i feel like people are skating by doing the bare minimum when the rest of us can't live like that. and then i have to remind myself that i am still more fortunate than them to have the mental capacity to have pulled myself out of whatever hole i used to be in, and not to get so high and mighty with my anger with the way they live their life.

are you a single dad by any chance?

Ranger

With utmost respect, BD, I must disagree. Sadly, your neighborhood's rap sheet is, well, awful.

Perhaps in sobriety you're coming to realize that your living situation is wholly unacceptable? Could be worse, Friend, some folks come to realize the same about their spouses!

Put another way, could it be that your neighborhood continues to reflect the chaos of your drinking life, which you are so, so over?

Kindergartener's make friends like old fogey's make farts. If you have the means, I recommend planning an escape.

freethinking

I was thinking this too - usually ever neighborhood has someone who either has a drug or alcohol problem, but what you describe sounds like a hot mess! Could you downsize and move somewhere else?

TheJungianThing

Your sure this isn't in Manassas Park ? :rotfxko

Just kidding. Doing the next right thing does take a set of stones, civic duty and all that. Plus helping these parents become aware of their actions - might be considered as service to them and their kids. Nobody expects anything bad to happen - or else they wouldn't do it - and only the most awake and conscientious are able to consider the potential negative that might happen. The law is blind. And if I recall the Northern Virginia area's rat race lifestyle has had several cases where babies have died lock in cars during the summer - legal system doesn't want to hear it. So who knows maybe you were the man "fate" chose to help wake some people up.

All that aside though, if it's eating your lunch so bad maybe you can consider some things. I don't know what you do in terms of your recovery and all that but I hear the Manassas District has some good program centric meetings and people in it. Might help your inner turmoil. If AA isn't your thing I am sorry I bring it up, I mean nothing by it but I do get some perspective in them. I've been at meetings where retired cops and other folks who can't afford to make "live and let live" synonymous with apathy - keep it real.

Anyway just a thought from a fellow Virginian.

Good luck with all this.

topspin

Bulldog,

Who knows, maybe that Mom will realize she desperately needs a double jogging stroller

.....for starters.


BTW, initially I thought you were referring to a 5 year old only; and was a little puzzled.

But, imho,......you def. did the right thing.

5 yr olds make great running partners when you give'm a bike, and 2 yr olds are even better running partners in a stroller.

BullDog777

nope...married for 13 years...it could be a combination of what you said and what i mentioned. it really pisses me off when i see kids getting a raw deal because their parents are headlong into thier own bulls#it.

BullDog777

i'm not sure how long ago you lived here, but you're right that Manassas park is BAD NEWS.

That being said, I live right off of the battlefield on the other side of town between the Bull Run shopping Center and where the new Safweway is. Our development was built in the last 10 years right next to the mcmansions that went up right outside of Bristow.

these people are business owners, 2 doctors, a military family, a computer programmer and a personal chef.

dosen't matter if you live in a single family home or a 1 bedroom apartment in manassas park..seems like addiction is everywhere nowadays. the only difference is a nicer place to crash.

I appreciate the advise, but AA is not for me. sober recovery has been all i've needed and i'm at peace with the situation now.

I can't control what they do. i can only control what i do. i can't make anyone do anything, i can only lead by example and take care of of my family the best i can.

i'm ok with that.

TheJungianThing

I'm by Wellington and the armory. Well it's cool that you're cool with it now.

Hey, if you don't mind a question, my son just turned 4 and I'm assuming the UFC in your info means Ultimate Fighting. Any recommendations as to which martial art would be good, which age to start him at and schools in the area ?

BullDog777

Vanguard gym has a great reputation in the MMA world. they teach BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu ) muai thai, wrestling....etc..they are a great place to start. Vanguard Gym | Mixed Martial Arts, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Thai Boxing, Fitness, CrossFit, Kids Martial Arts, Kickboxing, Northern Virginia, Manassas

as for what age to start...that's tricky. some are ready by 4-6 some need to wait till they are 7-8. my best recommendation is to call and schedule a time to take a tour and see what best fits your family.