Recovery by choice
Growing Up
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: right here
Posts: 614
Jayhay - more than reasonable!
Infact, what I wanted to tell you guys may be perfectly timed for you Jay. Everything happens for a reason
I am taking a break from the forums for a bit - Don't worry, I am doing really good, and if you know me at all you know that I would not lie to you. You and all my SR friends are the real thing: people who aren't pretending their identities. We should all be so real in person!
Keep reading that book, you who are, and support eachother - because I say so! hahaha. No, really, let the book discussion go on if its helpful, it sure has been for me!
love,
MG
Infact, what I wanted to tell you guys may be perfectly timed for you Jay. Everything happens for a reason
I am taking a break from the forums for a bit - Don't worry, I am doing really good, and if you know me at all you know that I would not lie to you. You and all my SR friends are the real thing: people who aren't pretending their identities. We should all be so real in person!
Keep reading that book, you who are, and support eachother - because I say so! hahaha. No, really, let the book discussion go on if its helpful, it sure has been for me!
love,
MG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: at the computer
Posts: 121
MG - Now you too? Help- where are you all going? I hope you do come back soon.
I had a tough day yesterday. I went grocery shopping - one of my toughest triggers, and repeated the mantra all the way through the store (people were looking at me strangely, wonder why?
). I walked right past the liquor store part, and even looked in there at all the people standing in line just to see what I thought - like a challenge to myself. I felt nothing really, other than strong.
So why was my day so rough? Because after that, I had major cravings. Not because of the liquor store, but because of everything else at home. Husband is stressed out and depressed about his relationship (on the rocks) with his brother and brother's family. He and I disagree how to handle it. So, this all got to me yesterday, and I just wanted to go to the store and buy some beer. But I didn't. I huffed and puffed and sighed and grumbled. But I didn't. When 9:00 pm hit, I sighed a huge relief (no alcohol sold after 9:00). And then was happy.
The thing that was rough during those hours before 9:00 was reading this board though. It brought me down. I don't want this board to do that to me. But it has been such a positive place for me, more than a frustrating place. That's where it's at.
take care,
Jayhay
I had a tough day yesterday. I went grocery shopping - one of my toughest triggers, and repeated the mantra all the way through the store (people were looking at me strangely, wonder why?
). I walked right past the liquor store part, and even looked in there at all the people standing in line just to see what I thought - like a challenge to myself. I felt nothing really, other than strong.So why was my day so rough? Because after that, I had major cravings. Not because of the liquor store, but because of everything else at home. Husband is stressed out and depressed about his relationship (on the rocks) with his brother and brother's family. He and I disagree how to handle it. So, this all got to me yesterday, and I just wanted to go to the store and buy some beer. But I didn't. I huffed and puffed and sighed and grumbled. But I didn't. When 9:00 pm hit, I sighed a huge relief (no alcohol sold after 9:00). And then was happy.
The thing that was rough during those hours before 9:00 was reading this board though. It brought me down. I don't want this board to do that to me. But it has been such a positive place for me, more than a frustrating place. That's where it's at.
take care,
Jayhay
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi Jay !
I am so sorry that you had a down day ! But the important thing is that you got thru it, and next time it will be easier cos you will know, that " this too will pass" lol
Mountain Girl! We will miss you , hope you will be back soon. Stay safe my friend .
Jay , dont let the trivial posts on the boards affect you , just dont click on them. I had a brief look, but decided that my Sobriety was to valuable to me , to let a childish argument put it in jeopardy , so I just dont click, and leave them to it . I use many message boards, and it seems as if it is a common phenonomen., wether they are recovery boards or just general. DONT get involved and dont let the negativity , and nastiness, affect YOUR sobriety , that is what I reckon anyway
HUGX and LUV
Lee
ps btw i had the shipping confirmation of my book from Amazon yesterday so it shouldnt be long
I am so sorry that you had a down day ! But the important thing is that you got thru it, and next time it will be easier
cos you will know, that " this too will pass" lolMountain Girl! We will miss you , hope you will be back soon. Stay safe my friend .
Jay , dont let the trivial posts on the boards affect you , just dont click on them. I had a brief look, but decided that my Sobriety was to valuable to me , to let a childish argument put it in jeopardy , so I just dont click, and leave them to it . I use many message boards, and it seems as if it is a common phenonomen., wether they are recovery boards or just general. DONT get involved and dont let the negativity , and nastiness, affect YOUR sobriety , that is what I reckon anyway
HUGX and LUV
Lee
ps btw i had the shipping confirmation of my book from Amazon yesterday so it shouldnt be long
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: at the computer
Posts: 121
Thanks for the support ((Lee))
I feel a heck of a lot better today. Those evening hours are always the roughest, since that is when I usually drank. Having a husband who is extremely emotional and sensitive and dealing with his own issues is tough too. I think that is part of what triggered my drinking - I stuffed all the emotions - caring , frustration, guilt, whatever - I had toward husband and his own issues into a bottle or glass of wine and drank them down. I was never good at dealing with difficult emotions or conflicts, perhaps because of my lack of assertiveness or low self-esteem that I let control my life for so long. And now I’m letting myself feel those things…thus, the blubbering idiot comes out. And I’m not depressed! Not like I was about 9 yrs. ago, when thoughts of suicide would linger. The crying is just letting myself feel.
I was not getting brought down by those other threads… other than feeling sorry that people I really care about felt that they needed to leave because of it. And then mg said she was taking a break – that on top of just being bummed out was almost the straw on the camel’s back. But, I didn’t let any of that control me and my drinking, see? I used to use my husband’s difficulties and emotional outbursts as “excuses” and thought “If he would only snap out of his rut, and be present” “If only he would……” blah blah blah. He didn’t make me do anything. He didn’t make me drink. Just as nobody here “made” me *not* drink. That is my own choice. I learned from another message board about detaching, and not letting other people’s issues or problems control you. Emotion takes over cognition so often, and I had to learn how to undo that cycle. I'm constantly telling myself "I'm not going to let my or someone else's frustration/emotion x, y, or z control me. I'm too strong for that."
Not sure where I’m going with this, just sifting through some thoughts. But, I think they are appropriate for this thread, since we are talking about triggers, choices, and changing attitudes.
Take care, Lee, as always thanks for being there.
Gianna, Laci, Anna, anyone else wanting to join in…let’s continue forward.
Love, j
(PS Lee - what are you doing posting at the hour it is there? What is it, like 4:00 AM or something? Glad the book is coming to you soon!)
I feel a heck of a lot better today. Those evening hours are always the roughest, since that is when I usually drank. Having a husband who is extremely emotional and sensitive and dealing with his own issues is tough too. I think that is part of what triggered my drinking - I stuffed all the emotions - caring , frustration, guilt, whatever - I had toward husband and his own issues into a bottle or glass of wine and drank them down. I was never good at dealing with difficult emotions or conflicts, perhaps because of my lack of assertiveness or low self-esteem that I let control my life for so long. And now I’m letting myself feel those things…thus, the blubbering idiot comes out. And I’m not depressed! Not like I was about 9 yrs. ago, when thoughts of suicide would linger. The crying is just letting myself feel.
I was not getting brought down by those other threads… other than feeling sorry that people I really care about felt that they needed to leave because of it. And then mg said she was taking a break – that on top of just being bummed out was almost the straw on the camel’s back. But, I didn’t let any of that control me and my drinking, see? I used to use my husband’s difficulties and emotional outbursts as “excuses” and thought “If he would only snap out of his rut, and be present” “If only he would……” blah blah blah. He didn’t make me do anything. He didn’t make me drink. Just as nobody here “made” me *not* drink. That is my own choice. I learned from another message board about detaching, and not letting other people’s issues or problems control you. Emotion takes over cognition so often, and I had to learn how to undo that cycle. I'm constantly telling myself "I'm not going to let my or someone else's frustration/emotion x, y, or z control me. I'm too strong for that."
Not sure where I’m going with this, just sifting through some thoughts. But, I think they are appropriate for this thread, since we are talking about triggers, choices, and changing attitudes.
Take care, Lee, as always thanks for being there.
Gianna, Laci, Anna, anyone else wanting to join in…let’s continue forward.
Love, j
(PS Lee - what are you doing posting at the hour it is there? What is it, like 4:00 AM or something? Glad the book is coming to you soon!)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Hi Jay, Lee and all,
I am still here and intend to stay. I am sure MG will be back-it could be more of a time management thing. As for all the squabbles, just remember we are a bunch of alcoholics looking for sobriety, but we are masters of creating drama. It'll die down, and the people who have left are back already. Principles before personalities, as the saying goes.
It is a busy week for me here, catching up with what didn't get done the last two weeks and I have guests this weekend so I probably won't be around much, but Jay, you are a fav of mine! Chin up, things will change, with you and with your husband and his family. Don't miss today waiting for tomorrow.
Lee, I am getting awfully fond of your white horse (I guess it's a unicorn). The other white horse I love to see is Anna's.
Think I am off to bed,
See you in the AM
Gianna
I am still here and intend to stay. I am sure MG will be back-it could be more of a time management thing. As for all the squabbles, just remember we are a bunch of alcoholics looking for sobriety, but we are masters of creating drama. It'll die down, and the people who have left are back already. Principles before personalities, as the saying goes.
It is a busy week for me here, catching up with what didn't get done the last two weeks and I have guests this weekend so I probably won't be around much, but Jay, you are a fav of mine! Chin up, things will change, with you and with your husband and his family. Don't miss today waiting for tomorrow.
Lee, I am getting awfully fond of your white horse (I guess it's a unicorn). The other white horse I love to see is Anna's.
Think I am off to bed,
See you in the AM
Gianna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: at the computer
Posts: 121
Simply,
Happy Happy Joy Joy!
I'm feeling great, thanks for the support. I know that you have all been a wonderful support system, but, as I said in another thread, I am ultimately responsible for how I act and feel. You have all helped me become more perceptive and interpretive each day. But, it is my interpretation of what people say - and my changing attitude throughout this process, that is making me grow. Thank you for being my fertilizer!
(and NO - I don't mean that you are manure - one of the best garden fertilizers)
-j
(i've decided that I am simply "-j" since there are several variations of "Jamie"or "Jaymie" or "Jaime" names around. Not to mention Jay Walker who often goes by "Jay" as I do. so, from now on I'm just 'j' - my first initial).
Happy Happy Joy Joy!
I'm feeling great, thanks for the support. I know that you have all been a wonderful support system, but, as I said in another thread, I am ultimately responsible for how I act and feel. You have all helped me become more perceptive and interpretive each day. But, it is my interpretation of what people say - and my changing attitude throughout this process, that is making me grow. Thank you for being my fertilizer!
(and NO - I don't mean that you are manure - one of the best garden fertilizers)
-j
(i've decided that I am simply "-j" since there are several variations of "Jamie"or "Jaymie" or "Jaime" names around. Not to mention Jay Walker who often goes by "Jay" as I do. so, from now on I'm just 'j' - my first initial).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: at the computer
Posts: 121
Hello "RBC groupies"
mountaingirl brough up something on the newcomer's board that I though appropriate to discuss here as well.
She said: "How do you think YOU have changed since you started your recovery? Anyone who wants to answer that question, I'd love to hear your answers too."
It is so true that even if some people here still slip up on occasion, inwardly I believe that we've changed. A slow process, slower for some than others. But recovery is definitely a process of "un-covering" ourselves.
I haven't had much chance to do more in the workbook, but I certainly will be thinking about how I've changed as I go through the next section.
Keep up the good work, everyone!
-jay
mountaingirl brough up something on the newcomer's board that I though appropriate to discuss here as well.
She said: "How do you think YOU have changed since you started your recovery? Anyone who wants to answer that question, I'd love to hear your answers too."
It is so true that even if some people here still slip up on occasion, inwardly I believe that we've changed. A slow process, slower for some than others. But recovery is definitely a process of "un-covering" ourselves.
I haven't had much chance to do more in the workbook, but I certainly will be thinking about how I've changed as I go through the next section.
Keep up the good work, everyone!
-jay
Growing Up
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: right here
Posts: 614
Hi RBC buds,
Firstly, thanks for cutting me a break... can't believe how much I missed my routine of checking in.
As Gianna said (she knows me well) I just needed to get a grip on my time, which I'm still trying to do.
Memo to Me:
Check email twice a day only, and limit visits to 1 hour.
Do not ignore children.
If you can believe it, that would be cutting back for me. I read a lot of threads here that I never post on, just because I find it interesting and fresh. As you know, I also cope with panic, so I cruise the mental health forum too. I did feel bad about my timing though. I was not a part of the little tiff going on among some SR folks, so taking a break had nothing to do with that for me. I was aware of it, but kept my nose clean.
So where are you all at lately with the book? What do you think of it, Lee and Gianna?
hugs,
Firstly, thanks for cutting me a break... can't believe how much I missed my routine of checking in.
As Gianna said (she knows me well) I just needed to get a grip on my time, which I'm still trying to do.
Memo to Me:
Check email twice a day only, and limit visits to 1 hour.
Do not ignore children.
If you can believe it, that would be cutting back for me. I read a lot of threads here that I never post on, just because I find it interesting and fresh. As you know, I also cope with panic, so I cruise the mental health forum too. I did feel bad about my timing though. I was not a part of the little tiff going on among some SR folks, so taking a break had nothing to do with that for me. I was aware of it, but kept my nose clean.
So where are you all at lately with the book? What do you think of it, Lee and Gianna?
hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Somewhere in the Mojave Desert
Posts: 498
Hey Everyone! This thread is really great.
I have intended to buy Under The Influence but just have not got around to it. Well, my sister just asked me if I had ever heard of this wonderful book Under The Influence because she just bought it to understand more about my niece (her daughter) and her addiction problems (which I knew nothing about) I was so surprised! I am going off to the bookstore tomorrow to get all of the books mentioned so I can start reading them and become part of the group here (if that is okay)
Mountaingirl, I really liked the analogy about building up muscles. This thought struck home as it really is like having to build up new muscles. The grocery store is a hard one for me to and I usually am not even aware of the liquor dept until I get to the area and get a few moments of panicking...just a few seconds and then I mumble incoherently to myself about heading past to the ice cream! It is a tough one but thinking about the building of new muscles is a great way to look at it.
I also became a bit down re some other threads but as a lot of us have said it is best to just click past some comments, or take whatever good we can get from the person and go on. The important thing to me is our sobriety!
Thanks for letting me join in! Off to bed and then the bookstore in the morning!!
Love,
Laci
J...you said the doggie in the avatar looked like your girl...what a gorgeous girl she must be!
I have intended to buy Under The Influence but just have not got around to it. Well, my sister just asked me if I had ever heard of this wonderful book Under The Influence because she just bought it to understand more about my niece (her daughter) and her addiction problems (which I knew nothing about) I was so surprised! I am going off to the bookstore tomorrow to get all of the books mentioned so I can start reading them and become part of the group here (if that is okay)
Mountaingirl, I really liked the analogy about building up muscles. This thought struck home as it really is like having to build up new muscles. The grocery store is a hard one for me to and I usually am not even aware of the liquor dept until I get to the area and get a few moments of panicking...just a few seconds and then I mumble incoherently to myself about heading past to the ice cream! It is a tough one but thinking about the building of new muscles is a great way to look at it.
I also became a bit down re some other threads but as a lot of us have said it is best to just click past some comments, or take whatever good we can get from the person and go on. The important thing to me is our sobriety!
Thanks for letting me join in! Off to bed and then the bookstore in the morning!!
Love,
Laci
J...you said the doggie in the avatar looked like your girl...what a gorgeous girl she must be!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: at the computer
Posts: 121
Morning Laci!
Hope you get to the store today! We'd love to have you join in. You don't *have* to have the Recovery By Choice book though. But, it certainly has been good for me so far. The RBC workbook is only available online, however, if you want to get it.
Yes, my doggie is a beauty. Only in looks though! she's a wild thing, and loves to play and get dirty. You should see her at the dog parks - certainly no pride there with the other dogs!
-jay
Hope you get to the store today! We'd love to have you join in. You don't *have* to have the Recovery By Choice book though. But, it certainly has been good for me so far. The RBC workbook is only available online, however, if you want to get it.
Yes, my doggie is a beauty. Only in looks though! she's a wild thing, and loves to play and get dirty. You should see her at the dog parks - certainly no pride there with the other dogs!
-jay
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