BigTex5

I wanted to start this thread so that I can chronicle my journey into sobriety.

36, 3 kids, loving wife. I own 6 different businesses, am happily married, and by most accounts, have it all. Except I'm a raging drunk.

Most nights I'll down 10 beers. I'm a coward and hide them around the house throughout the night so that nobody can witness me. It's exhausting.

I joined this site in 2010 under a diff username, and made this same post no less than 10 times about how TODAY will be a different day.

Except that tomorrow is my Day 1. I'm determined. I'm in a good spot mentally. I'm excited, and I'm ready to move on and do what I have to do.

My brother just entered rehab ( we had a a messed-up childhood), and I don't want to end up there. I'm determined to stop the bleeding and move forward. I've looked at this from every angle and understand that when my eyes open in the morning, I'm ready to move forward and become the man I always knew I could be....

for my sake....
for my kid's sake....
for my wife's sake.....

I'm ready.

See you in the morning...

Ghostly

I hope that this is the beginning of a long, peaceful and healthy Recovery for you!

As far as your brother in rehab...that can be a good thing. A lot of families would love the user / alcohol abuser in their life to go to rehab.

Either way...Good Luck!

Sounds like a good way to see things.

Curious why you registered with a different name than your previous 2010 name?

Dee74

welcome back BigTex

I had a million day ones too - eventually I had to make some pretty hefty changes to my life.

what's your plan?

I really hope you can make this time your time

BigTex5

Thanks for the replies.

I changed my old username simply for the fact that I cannot figure out what old email I used. That's all.

Well, I'm on day 2. I started a workout program yesterday that is 90 days long. Felt GREAT. Watched a movie with my wife. At the end, she said "I'm proud of you". I hadn't said a word about quitting (cause I've said it and failed about a million times). Smiled. Went to bed.

Strangest part - slept like a log. Previously I'd wake up soaking wet and barely sleep a wink. Last night I slept like I haven't slept in years.

The sun is shining and it's a glorious day in Central Tejas.

Onward to Day 2!!

soberjim

Hi BigTex...Welcome back. Read your post. Definately relate to the 'exhausting' part. Keep posting, let folks know how you are doing...

Jim

BigTex5

Well....I'm on day 4 and I'm feeling pretty good.

The temptations have gotten a little more intense, but that's just because I'm feeling so much better, the weather is beautiful, etc. This is quite normal for most, I'm sure.

But I'm doing fine. I am confident I'm well on my way to day 5.

I'm telling ya - the strangest thing has been my sleeping. On previous attempts, my first few nights were MISERABLE. But on this try, I'm sleeping like I'm in a coma. It's been glorious. I haven't made it past 7 days in probably 5 years. I'm so excited!

Dee74

congratulations on your progress Tex

D

lookinforward

Keep on trucking Big Tex! I was a beer drinker and semi tried to quit drinking through my 30's. I never made it very far. I am 41 now and knocking on a year sober....best thing that ever happened to me....SR and my baby girl asking me to quit. It can be done. There will be hard days and nights when drinking would be the easier route.....play it through and think of all the things that you want and dont want when this happens. I will tell you right here and right now.....those few hours of drinking are not worth it. ON top of that....the "control" starts to slip away over the years. Keep up the good work and stay sober. You will not regret it. Take it from an ex 12 to 18 a night beer drinker....Life is good.
Keep fighting the fight
Dave

Tobo

Glad to hear yor on day 4 tex! I agree about sleep. The few times input together any sober time I felt sleep was one of the biggest benefits. Nothing like laying in bed sober at end of day and naturally falling asleep. Def beats passing out and being so tired in morning

Tres

Good job BigTex!

sissy07

Big Tex,

Yep, it was a beautiful day in Austin - I assume you are close by! You have a great attitude. And I am so glad you are sleeping well, exercising, etc.

It is great that you are doing something now - with a great family like that, you have a lot to look forward to. Congratulations - stay strong!

FlyerFan

that is a great positive attitude tex! please keep coming back and talk to us whenever you feel like you need a drink! I have only 35 days myself but I know that it helps everyone tremendously if we all help each other in times of need.

BigTex5

Woohoo - Day 5!!

Slept like a baby again. It's funny....I know that I COULD go pick up a 6 pack, but oddly, I really have no desire. The doc gave me a prescription of Xanax to get me through the 4pm-6pm area that is my danger zone, so I typically pop one during that time, and then I'm home free and haven't really been fighting off any major temptations.

It's strange - remove yourself from your old routine, and you look at it from the outside going "Exactly WHY was that so attractive? Let's see- slinking around the house hiding drinks, struggling for reasons to hide for a few minutes so I could pound a beer..." It is sooooooo stupid.

Thanks for the support!

FlyerFan

you got it!

RobbyRobot

Hi BigTex,

Good to hear things are working well. I read its been awhile since you had more then a week sober, like 5 years or so. Tough times thru those 5 years for sure I can imagine. I mean it, tough times for sure. Good to see you stepping up and trying again. Good man.

I dont wanna get into your head, but your share talks about having some thinking that you could pickup a 6 pack, and then goes on to talk about pounding a beer. You know its stupid, so, yeah, but stupid never stopped me, and I dont think it ever stopped you, imo.

Alcoholism likes to play games in our head, you know, and so we do best that at anytime we have any thoughts of drinking, we do best to appreciate those organised thoughts as a kind of mental desire setting up a tense back and forth with ourselves.

Yeah, its not obsession, which happens after a drink is taken, its thinking with an alcoholic mind is what it is. Your just getting sober, so your alcoholic mind is working overtime to convince you to pickup that 6 pack. Eventually it will try even more to play like a violin with your feelings and self-esteem, like with the stupidity of pounding a secret beer is already getting some air-time.

Do you believe that chronic alcoholism inherently creates a state of an alcoholic mind within our heads, and it is well beyond our choice and power to have control of that alcoholic mind?

I hope your days are continuing good, BigTex.

Workingdrunk

Bigtex, your habits, the hiding, sneaking around, finding an excuse to leave the room so you could pound down another beer sounds alot like my situation. Yesterday, I feel like I hit bottom, at least bottom for me in my life. I know it can get much worse than that bottom, but I do not want to be there. I will follow your progress and wish you all the best.

My plan is no more, no way!

BigTex5

Day 6!

Interesting story: I have told my wife I'm quitting about a million times. So, naturally, she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm quitting. As I made the resolution to quit this time, I didn't say a word. I figured, "Why tell her? She won't believe me anyway." (I wouldn't believe me either.)

Anyway, she mentions something about finding a full beer hidden in the back of a drawer in the bathroom. (yes, this was an old tactic of mine).

I said, "I'm on day 5."
She says, "No way."
"Yup - day 5. I saw that beer, too and poured it out."

And with that, the conversation was over. No real point to this story other than to say I'm incredibly excited to be taking this opportunity to regain my self-respect and trust with my wife.

Onward and upward....

Zebra1275

Welcome back to SR!

I can relate to finding beer cans in strange places. I found an open can, 3/4 full in the back of a drawer in my basement shop 8 months after I quit drinking. I poured it out, but I did feel shame about how I used to live. I brought the experience up in an AA meeting and that helped.

Workingdrunk

I can relate to finding half full old beer cans that you forgot about. Isn't the floating mold and smell so appealing? I bet if you were forced to pound down the can full of old beer with the mold growing, that would cause you to never look at another beer again.

BigTex5

Wow, so I'm back again on day 2. Ugh.

Had a friend show up on Super Bowl Sunday unexpectedly and come barging through the door with beer. Needless to say, I wasn't ready for him and I caved. This then completely broke my will, and I've drank every day since. Until yesterday.

I finally picked myself up, dusted off, and am ready to drop this weight again and keep moving in the right direction.

So onward we go...