MagnifiedStar

I'm a newbie, who has completely spiraled. My drinking is completely ruining my life. I have broke my mom's heart - she used to have a drinking problem, but quit 15 years ago. My dad was a raging alcoholic for 60 years. I can't understand how I let it get this bad. I sneak wine, beer, hard booze - anything. I started drinking before work sometimes. I just ruined a trip to CA with my mom. Her first time there, because I couldn't stop. She finally caught me and I fessed up to everything. Then as soon as we got home, I started again. My little brother is disgusted with me because I seem like a zombie most of the time. I used to have energy and care about things, and now I just feel completely devastated. I am going to go to a meeting today and see how it goes. I just wish I could just take everything back and start fresh.

newby1961

Don't worry if you stop and get into a life of recovery in a short while this will all seem like a bad dream.
So glad to hear you are going to a meeting but please try to listen to the similarities and not the differences like I did when i first started going.
At the meetings I go to they always ask for newcomers at the start of the meeting try to introduce yourself and hopefully they will get a meeting schedule passed around for some phone numbers. The best thing you can do is get connected right away so when your head starts messing with you like it will you will have people to call.
SR is a great support place to try checking out some of the Gratitude threads and a really cool one that I love is the Whiners Anonymous thread lots of really cool supportive peeps there.
Come back and let us know how your meeting went or PM me I want to know what you thought or didn't think lol.

hirsty

I'm sorry to hear that my friend..

Good luck with the meeting ... Something that I was told to do when I went to my first meeting for the listen to the similarities NOT the differences in other peoples shares

edit:: whoops, didn't see that this was mentioned in the post above

hirsty

[[repost]]

MagnifiedStar

Thanks for the tips and encouragement. I feel a little relieved in a way that my dirty little secret is out in the open. It was becoming such a burden and I'm excited for a new life (once I get through these next few miserable days). Reading everyone's posts here helps tremendously - makes me feel like less of a complete mess. I am having a little issue with being afraid to bump into anyone tonight, but I know that's just foolish, especially considering I could kill myself if I keep this up. I'll definitely report back on how things go.

NewBeginning010

The good news is that you can start fresh... today :-)

All of the best in your recovery.

2granddaughters

I see your join date is Oct '09 so you've been down this road before.
We have to come to the point where "Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon"

I wish you the best in your recovery.
Bob R.

Dee74

Welcome to the posting side of things MagStar

D

MagnifiedStar

Thanks 2Granddaughters - you are absolutely right, I've been down this road before. I think two years ago, I was starting to feel the negative consequences, but still fully trapped in that sick mentality of 'I can control this.' I know right now, I feel differently - I feel powerless and have no reservations about getting better. I don't want to live this way anymore. I guess I just didn't have the necessary want until now.

Anyway, on day two today and feeling better. Wishing time would fly, but I know I have to be strong now and endure. I spoke to my brother yesterday and he said he thinks my 'disclosure' if you will was a good wake up call for him too. So, he wants to try living a more sober life too. I told him mine will have to be a completely sober life, but it felt good to already know that maybe this hell will lead to positive things. Thanks for listening everyone!