Why you drank
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 184
Why you drank
I just read a post that asked about the quantity of alcohol intake. It got me thinking.
What were some of the reasons WHY you drank? I hear a lot about fear or anxiety in social situations, loneliness, boredom, etc...
I also hear, and agree with, "I drank for ANY reason I could. Because it was cold out, or it was hot, because I had a good day or a bad one, etc."
I'd like to know your story behind the reasons WHY you STARTED drinking, and what pushed you to continue on your way to alcoholism.
Thanks to all.
What were some of the reasons WHY you drank? I hear a lot about fear or anxiety in social situations, loneliness, boredom, etc...
I also hear, and agree with, "I drank for ANY reason I could. Because it was cold out, or it was hot, because I had a good day or a bad one, etc."
I'd like to know your story behind the reasons WHY you STARTED drinking, and what pushed you to continue on your way to alcoholism.
Thanks to all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: london
Posts: 52
i was a drunk from my first drink at 13 years old i believe that whole heartily i would think about it alot not that i was drinking all the time at that age . by my late teen i was first in the pub last one out all the madness came later if i had never tryed a drink i would of still been a drunk i just would not of known it if that makes sense ?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I started drinking to feel more comfortable in social situations...
Then I also started drinking in earnest and drinking dangerously to forget someone...
then I ended up an alcoholic by also drinking to self medicate my pain and depression...by the end I was one of those 'any reasons' guys.
D
Then I also started drinking in earnest and drinking dangerously to forget someone...
then I ended up an alcoholic by also drinking to self medicate my pain and depression...by the end I was one of those 'any reasons' guys.
D
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
I was a social drinker and did not drink alone. I loved being the crazy one at the bar or party. I loved talking to people when drinking. I felt like the most awesome, beautiful woman on earth. Drinking alone bored me bc I needed others to "bounce" off of so to speak. I have binge drank since college (18 years) and although horrible things have happened (rape, alcohol poisoning, etc) I never stopped. I guess that right there is the thing. I NEVER STOPPED. I have not ever thought of it like that, always wondered if I really had a problem, but for 18 years I have been doing the same stupid thing over and over. Some years it was only once every other month or so, but I never stopped.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I had my first beer at age 3. My mom gave it to me thinking it would help my upset stomach. Really began drinking in my teens and hit it hard in my 20's. My 30's were sober, since I was having and raising kids, but when my 40's arrived, it was "game on" again. I am still learning why I drank ... but I think it is a combination of "junk" from my life that I never dealt with (I tend to bury feelings), boredom, eventual physical/psychological dependence, and family history (both of my parents are alcoholics). It was only very recently that I realized that this has been a problem my entire life, not just in my 40's. Very sobering (no pun intended). 
Sober Date: 01-01-2012
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 31
The mental compulsion to drink is what kept me drunk for all of those years. Rational Recovery calls it the "Addictive Voice". Allen Carr sums it up nicely by describing the cycle of alcoholism as a series of mental cravings and withdrawal relief. Basically, craving relief is the only reason I continued to consume alcohol.
Life is so much better now. No longer am I trapped in the daily cycle of craving and relief. Although my Addictive Voice still bothers me from time-to-time, its influence diminishes with each passing day.
Life is so much better now. No longer am I trapped in the daily cycle of craving and relief. Although my Addictive Voice still bothers me from time-to-time, its influence diminishes with each passing day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
My Dad drank. All my friend's dad's drank. All the people I looked up to drank.
I wanted to be a member of that club. It took 2 or 3 years for me to "develop a taste" for the poison. I remember throwing up a lot in those early years - how ridiculous in retrospect.
After that it was just something that we did - my friends, my family, everyone. Slowly the addiction developed over 25 years or so until I realized that something had to change. Something had to give. I'm glad that I figured it out in time.
I wanted to be a member of that club. It took 2 or 3 years for me to "develop a taste" for the poison. I remember throwing up a lot in those early years - how ridiculous in retrospect.
After that it was just something that we did - my friends, my family, everyone. Slowly the addiction developed over 25 years or so until I realized that something had to change. Something had to give. I'm glad that I figured it out in time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 223
Started out as a lot of fun with my friends and family. I'm very social so it was just another thing to do with my friends. Party, have fun, meet all sorts of people. But in the end of my partying career, it wasn't fun anymore. I never learned the tools I needed in life to deal with stress, grief, or any kind of emotions for that matter. So ultimately, that is why I drank. It started out being fun most of the time, but in the end, if I had even one beer, I knew it would lead to a blackout. Then it was no longer fun for me. If I thought for a second that I could have fun drinking again, I'd probably do it. But after I got to a certain point, i realize that drinking will never be fun for me like it was in the beginning. It will never help me solve any of my problems, or help me deal with stress and grief. Therefore, there is no place for alcohol in my life and I am learning to deal with life's problems without it
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
I drank for what ever reason!!! example ..its rainy,snowy,happy,stressed,sad,mad, bored, bad day at work,good day at work,family and the list goes on! I started drinking around the age of 23 socially by the time I was 30 I pretty much wanted to drink every day...I didn't always drink every day back then. ...but close, not like I have for the last several years. My husband said he didn't understand what I got out of it because my behavior when I drank really did not change a lot (in fact alot of people never could tell when I was drunk)...But it made me feel HAPPY on the inside real happy!!Not that I'm a unhappy person when not drinking...just drinking made me feel sooooo good!! So you can see that someone like me can have alot of triggers..crazy when I think about it
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 57
For me, it was the boredom and monotony of being a SAHM. Missing the career that I had before I had kids and being around other like-minded moms who drank too much was what did me in. First having a 'girls night out ' once a week, hanging out on the week ends with other couples who drink eventually evolved to drinking almost every night. And then drinking during the day. By myself.
I didn't have a traumatic childhood, in fact it was privileged and indulged. I've never been raped, beaten, or mistreated by a man. Nope, I never had a 'good' reason or justification to drink. The only thing I was trying to escape was boredom.
I didn't have a traumatic childhood, in fact it was privileged and indulged. I've never been raped, beaten, or mistreated by a man. Nope, I never had a 'good' reason or justification to drink. The only thing I was trying to escape was boredom.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 184
I started drinking when I joined the Navy at 18. I've since never seen such an enormous group of people that consume alcohol. I started drinking because it seemed that no matter how many different friends I had, or what activities they liked to do, alcohol was always a staple.
I continued to drink throughout my twenties and was probably considered a "partier." When friends started to settle down, have children, get married...one by one they stopped the party scene....and I just kept on going. By this time I realized that it was difficult for me to "not" have alcohol.
Then I got married and soon after realized that he was actually not the person that I wanted to spend my life with. I was too ashamed to speak up and get out of the relationship. After all, my whole family thought he was just the "perfect" man and "the best thing that had ever happened to me."
This was the fuel to the fire of my alcoholism. I used it to numb. I could not stand him unless I had a buzz. Sounds mean, but it's true.
Eventually, I did get divorced and when I didn't have to act like perfect little wifey anymore, I went hog wild and almost off the deep end.
I hated my life with my ex husband, but I almost ruined my new life with alcohol. Realized that this is my chance to make my life what I want it to be. I just want to be happy. It is at this point, after many humiliating blackouts that I am here, and finally sober.
I continued to drink throughout my twenties and was probably considered a "partier." When friends started to settle down, have children, get married...one by one they stopped the party scene....and I just kept on going. By this time I realized that it was difficult for me to "not" have alcohol.
Then I got married and soon after realized that he was actually not the person that I wanted to spend my life with. I was too ashamed to speak up and get out of the relationship. After all, my whole family thought he was just the "perfect" man and "the best thing that had ever happened to me."
This was the fuel to the fire of my alcoholism. I used it to numb. I could not stand him unless I had a buzz. Sounds mean, but it's true.
Eventually, I did get divorced and when I didn't have to act like perfect little wifey anymore, I went hog wild and almost off the deep end.
I hated my life with my ex husband, but I almost ruined my new life with alcohol. Realized that this is my chance to make my life what I want it to be. I just want to be happy. It is at this point, after many humiliating blackouts that I am here, and finally sober.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Linz 
I'd like to know your story behind the reasons WHY you STARTED drinking, and what pushed you to continue on your way to alcoholism.
I think you've got something a bit mixed up in that statement above. I don't think alcoholism isn't a disease (or illness, or whatever you want to call it) of drinking too much. If it was, then stopping drinking would be the solution. For me, I could stop...and things might be fine for hours......maybe a couple days. Sooner or later though, I'd start to feel depressed and/or pressure. Pressure from anxiety, from wanting to measure up to my ideals but always seeming to fall short, from believing I wasn't enough, from what I thought you all thought about me, from wanting to blow off some steam, from needing to relax, from wanting to go out and have a good time. <--- those things are a big part of alcoholism. That's how my alcoholism "feels." Interestingly enough, a handful of drinks TREATS alcoholism.....it makes me feel better.
So, to answer your question.... I started drinking because of my alcoholism. (my drinking didn't lead to it.....). I just didn't know that's why I was drinking at the time - I thought it was because I was deciding to......
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Most of my colleges drink a lot, and in the circules that I travel in it is pretty customary to be an alcoholic to one degree or another. I started drinking on the weekends because that is just what everyone did. Literaly if I didn't do that I would have been locked away in my room because everyone around me drank over the weekend. Then I moved to a new place (where everyone drinks again) but I didn't know anyone and didn't have anything better to do so I started drinking alone and everyday out of bordome I think. Eventually it got to where I didn't really know how to do anything else, and didn't really want to. I would go out to the bars and things like that but I don't dance and would just play pool and drink beer. After work change out of work clothes start up the BBQ and crack a beer (not necessarily in that order). Now I am having to remember how to live without beer as I am just that accustumed to it.
INH
INH
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
Why I started drinking? Because I liked the effect of alcohol. Whenever I went out with my friend we'd go play pool and have drinks. We'd be at the pool hall from 8pm till 2am and we'd always be the last ones out and the ones who paid the most cash on drinks that night. I still think thats how they stayed in business for so long lol I was forking out money like it was from a fountain of unlimited funds. Once I tried to stop drinking the pool hall closed up, not enough people buying stuff and drinks.
At first it was all for fun. I had a blast and kept wanting more, so my friend and I would meet up after dinner, hang out then head down to the pool hall. Then we'd drink and play pool all night. No arguments, no fights, just pure fun and kidding around. That's when drinking was so much fun but as time went on my drinking became worse. My friends started disliking me a little each time. They moved into an apartment together and they invited me over to party. Well I had too much to drink and broke one of his girlfriends collected Olympics Glass which couldn't be bought in stores and she was so pissed but I don't remember breaking it. I was always a blackout drinker, I don't really remember any of the things I did.
Time went on and I still lived the illusion that I could enjoy drinking like back in the earlier days of my drinking career. I was mistaken. I then met a guy at work who was shy and never really spoke and we became friends. Well we started hanging out and I looked for the awesome fun I use to have with my old friend except this time around as I planned it out I'd go to the liquor store and buy personal size vodkas... about a shots' worth and down them before we met up and by the time we got together I was plenty buzzed. Then we'd reach the pool hall and I'd down drinks even more and I'd be in total blackout mode. Again... nothing bad happened until one night he was freaking out about two guys who tried to break into his house while his little sister was there, he kept ranting on and on "what if they raped her when they broke in?" I tried to shut him up for 2 hours till 4am in the morning behind a closed fast food place and he wouldn't stop so I stormed off to go home and left him and he went his own way home when he was suppose to spend the night and trust me... he was hammered as heck too so I don't know why to this day I let him go home which was in another town in the countryside.... he made it home somehow... at least he told me that, thats where I started to believe he was responsible for turning me into an angry drunk, because everytime we hung out I never knew how I would react to him. As usal. fun at the start then too much to drink then arguing, we even got into a fight one time where I knocked him out and left him passed out in the snow bank and I ran for it not wanting to get in trouble with police, but stopped and turned back to get him because it was dead winter at 3am in the morning and if I left him there knocked out he might have died overnight. So fourth, recently. Things got so worse I drank just to get things off my mind. I'd drink so I could play call of duty online better and had a "blast" and I quote that meaning it wasn't a blast. Then I so happened had been able to call on this friend of mine and we hung out alot and drank and fought alot. Well one night he got me back, you know how they say there are alot of things that can be buried inside that your sobered self never talks about but when your drunk it just comes pouring out? Well my friend and I got into a fist fight in his rented room and he beat the stuffing out of me. I vaguely remember him saying stuff like "Pay Back" "How you like it?" "Your not a friend" I can't remember full details because he was wailing on me and I was asking him to stop. Cops were called and I was taken to the hospital and I didn't press charges or anything. vise versa (I kinda broke through his screen window it was summer and he freaked thats how the fight started) So I learned to drink on my own and I got so worse I'd be thinking on sick ideas on how to pay him back double everytime I drank. Even called him to come over and we drank, had "Fun" and we got into an argument again and there was some shoving and punching the wall (Not hard enough to break it though) and my room mate tried to break it up and I told him off and he was sober and he said not to tell him off again or I'd be sorry. Well I guess aggressive feelings got to me when I drank because I even yelled at my landlord who was eating my food without asking and thats when our room mate guy confronted me and punched me in the jaw. I called the cops but I was so drunk they wanted to take me and not him to a drunk tank. But luckily my landlord and room mate convinced the police to not arrest me and take me away, instead they escorted me to my room and as soon as I hit the pillow I passed out. Crazy eh? It still all feels like a dream but it's very real.
I've been sober 5 months now and it's been great. None of this stuff I wrote down while drinking has ever occurred and I was just announced today that I was being put up into 30 hours for work next week instead of 22 which I've been doing for the past 3 months. I've really proven that I am back on track with my job so luckily my boss has shown mercy and given me another chance with my hours back again. I know if I pick up again I'll lose everything, my job and my family. I keep living one day at a time and it really has worked and after all the relapses and after all the promises not to drink again, something has really changed within for the better good. Even my sponsor has noticed a real difference in my attitude this time around that was never there when I kept saying I wouldn't drink before. I feel different, maybe because I was holding onto a thread and came this close to losing everything. I almost lost myself in drinking. I remember vaguely once I was hammered and got mad and said to myself "I DON"T CARE. I want to DRINK. It's MY CHOICE. NOT MY FAMILY OR JOB." it was so bad. but luckily I never went through with continuing to drink, especially the night after my 4 day bender there were 3 cans of mixed drinks sitting beside me and my mind kept saying drink them and the other side DON'T! It was a battle. I was on here at the time in the chatroom and told everyone what was going on, told them about the cans and that I was tempted to drink them, they cheered me on as I got fed up and poured the drinks down the drain and I felt this weight come off my shoulders. I was happy I didn't drink or my dry date wouldn't have been August 15th 2011. Thank god for these rooms, aa and my higher power and my family and sponsor. Sorry for the long response lol. Just kept writing and writing lol
At first it was all for fun. I had a blast and kept wanting more, so my friend and I would meet up after dinner, hang out then head down to the pool hall. Then we'd drink and play pool all night. No arguments, no fights, just pure fun and kidding around. That's when drinking was so much fun but as time went on my drinking became worse. My friends started disliking me a little each time. They moved into an apartment together and they invited me over to party. Well I had too much to drink and broke one of his girlfriends collected Olympics Glass which couldn't be bought in stores and she was so pissed but I don't remember breaking it. I was always a blackout drinker, I don't really remember any of the things I did.
Time went on and I still lived the illusion that I could enjoy drinking like back in the earlier days of my drinking career. I was mistaken. I then met a guy at work who was shy and never really spoke and we became friends. Well we started hanging out and I looked for the awesome fun I use to have with my old friend except this time around as I planned it out I'd go to the liquor store and buy personal size vodkas... about a shots' worth and down them before we met up and by the time we got together I was plenty buzzed. Then we'd reach the pool hall and I'd down drinks even more and I'd be in total blackout mode. Again... nothing bad happened until one night he was freaking out about two guys who tried to break into his house while his little sister was there, he kept ranting on and on "what if they raped her when they broke in?" I tried to shut him up for 2 hours till 4am in the morning behind a closed fast food place and he wouldn't stop so I stormed off to go home and left him and he went his own way home when he was suppose to spend the night and trust me... he was hammered as heck too so I don't know why to this day I let him go home which was in another town in the countryside.... he made it home somehow... at least he told me that, thats where I started to believe he was responsible for turning me into an angry drunk, because everytime we hung out I never knew how I would react to him. As usal. fun at the start then too much to drink then arguing, we even got into a fight one time where I knocked him out and left him passed out in the snow bank and I ran for it not wanting to get in trouble with police, but stopped and turned back to get him because it was dead winter at 3am in the morning and if I left him there knocked out he might have died overnight. So fourth, recently. Things got so worse I drank just to get things off my mind. I'd drink so I could play call of duty online better and had a "blast" and I quote that meaning it wasn't a blast. Then I so happened had been able to call on this friend of mine and we hung out alot and drank and fought alot. Well one night he got me back, you know how they say there are alot of things that can be buried inside that your sobered self never talks about but when your drunk it just comes pouring out? Well my friend and I got into a fist fight in his rented room and he beat the stuffing out of me. I vaguely remember him saying stuff like "Pay Back" "How you like it?" "Your not a friend" I can't remember full details because he was wailing on me and I was asking him to stop. Cops were called and I was taken to the hospital and I didn't press charges or anything. vise versa (I kinda broke through his screen window it was summer and he freaked thats how the fight started) So I learned to drink on my own and I got so worse I'd be thinking on sick ideas on how to pay him back double everytime I drank. Even called him to come over and we drank, had "Fun" and we got into an argument again and there was some shoving and punching the wall (Not hard enough to break it though) and my room mate tried to break it up and I told him off and he was sober and he said not to tell him off again or I'd be sorry. Well I guess aggressive feelings got to me when I drank because I even yelled at my landlord who was eating my food without asking and thats when our room mate guy confronted me and punched me in the jaw. I called the cops but I was so drunk they wanted to take me and not him to a drunk tank. But luckily my landlord and room mate convinced the police to not arrest me and take me away, instead they escorted me to my room and as soon as I hit the pillow I passed out. Crazy eh? It still all feels like a dream but it's very real.
I've been sober 5 months now and it's been great. None of this stuff I wrote down while drinking has ever occurred and I was just announced today that I was being put up into 30 hours for work next week instead of 22 which I've been doing for the past 3 months. I've really proven that I am back on track with my job so luckily my boss has shown mercy and given me another chance with my hours back again. I know if I pick up again I'll lose everything, my job and my family. I keep living one day at a time and it really has worked and after all the relapses and after all the promises not to drink again, something has really changed within for the better good. Even my sponsor has noticed a real difference in my attitude this time around that was never there when I kept saying I wouldn't drink before. I feel different, maybe because I was holding onto a thread and came this close to losing everything. I almost lost myself in drinking. I remember vaguely once I was hammered and got mad and said to myself "I DON"T CARE. I want to DRINK. It's MY CHOICE. NOT MY FAMILY OR JOB." it was so bad. but luckily I never went through with continuing to drink, especially the night after my 4 day bender there were 3 cans of mixed drinks sitting beside me and my mind kept saying drink them and the other side DON'T! It was a battle. I was on here at the time in the chatroom and told everyone what was going on, told them about the cans and that I was tempted to drink them, they cheered me on as I got fed up and poured the drinks down the drain and I felt this weight come off my shoulders. I was happy I didn't drink or my dry date wouldn't have been August 15th 2011. Thank god for these rooms, aa and my higher power and my family and sponsor. Sorry for the long response lol. Just kept writing and writing lol
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 5
I cant say why I began, genetic perhaps. But I can remeber my first drinks clearly.
Age of 7 sneaking sips of 7-7's at family parties; the best soda pop I ever drank. Then a can of Old Style at the age of 10 behind the garage here and there.
Age 12 parent left me alone and I hit the ancient Jack Daniels bottle in the cubbard, got sick and refilled what I drank with water before they got home. 3 years later I went full throttle with booze, cannabis and psychedelic drugs.
I thankfully quit the drug use 15 years ago cold turkey but I am damaged from it. Sadly I am sill supported by the crutch of alcohol. Pathetic.
Age of 7 sneaking sips of 7-7's at family parties; the best soda pop I ever drank. Then a can of Old Style at the age of 10 behind the garage here and there.
Age 12 parent left me alone and I hit the ancient Jack Daniels bottle in the cubbard, got sick and refilled what I drank with water before they got home. 3 years later I went full throttle with booze, cannabis and psychedelic drugs.
I thankfully quit the drug use 15 years ago cold turkey but I am damaged from it. Sadly I am sill supported by the crutch of alcohol. Pathetic.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 15
I drink for a few reasons. I use it to self medicate my anxiety, depression and insomnia. I know that doing this does more harm and makes all of those symptoms worse as soon as the binge ends.
I also drink out of boredom and loneliness as well as to loosen up in social situations.
I also drink out of boredom and loneliness as well as to loosen up in social situations.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Maple Shade, NJ
Posts: 22
I started because im naturally shy and kind of introverted. It was great at first because i was able to "be myself" without feeling self-conscious. Then i started to be more of myself than i really wanted to share, then i did it just to stop shaking lol
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: TN
Posts: 162
I'd like to know your story behind the reasons WHY you STARTED drinking, and what pushed you to continue on your way to alcoholism.
I don't know when I took my 1st drink. I'd had little sips of wine, etc throughout childhood. I do know that I drank alcoholically for the 1st time when I was 13. I had enough beer to get drunk and I did. I didn't do it because I was an alcoholic, or because I felt a need to fit in, I did it because we were 13 year old kids living in a small town, we weren't supposed to have beer, much less drink it, so we did. THEN, I realized that I liked the effect. I liked how it made me feel. It lowered inhibitions, fears and insecurities.
I kept drinking because the damage that alcohol had on my life was slow, almost imperceptible. For the 1st 10 years, the benefits outweighed the consequences. Around age 23, when friends slowed down drinking/partying and left college and started adult lives, I didn't know how to live without alcohol. It had become a mental crutch for every aspect of life. Coping mechanism, celebration, social lubricant, blowing off steam... alcohol worked for them all. Honestly, had it not gotten any worse than the hangovers, occassional embarrasment, etc, I could have lived with this and kept on.
However, it got alot worse. Eventually, the question is not "what pushed me to continue on my way to alcoholism", but what pushed me to get into recovery? I think that my being an alcoholic was a line that I crossed somewhere without even knowing it. Could I have stopped and put it down at age 20 and not have had to go through it all? Maybe I could have, but I never would have because I had experienced no consequences at that time. After I crossed that line, personally, I wasn't going to quit (couldn't quit) until the pain/consequences outweighed any benefit.
I don't know when I took my 1st drink. I'd had little sips of wine, etc throughout childhood. I do know that I drank alcoholically for the 1st time when I was 13. I had enough beer to get drunk and I did. I didn't do it because I was an alcoholic, or because I felt a need to fit in, I did it because we were 13 year old kids living in a small town, we weren't supposed to have beer, much less drink it, so we did. THEN, I realized that I liked the effect. I liked how it made me feel. It lowered inhibitions, fears and insecurities.
I kept drinking because the damage that alcohol had on my life was slow, almost imperceptible. For the 1st 10 years, the benefits outweighed the consequences. Around age 23, when friends slowed down drinking/partying and left college and started adult lives, I didn't know how to live without alcohol. It had become a mental crutch for every aspect of life. Coping mechanism, celebration, social lubricant, blowing off steam... alcohol worked for them all. Honestly, had it not gotten any worse than the hangovers, occassional embarrasment, etc, I could have lived with this and kept on.
However, it got alot worse. Eventually, the question is not "what pushed me to continue on my way to alcoholism", but what pushed me to get into recovery? I think that my being an alcoholic was a line that I crossed somewhere without even knowing it. Could I have stopped and put it down at age 20 and not have had to go through it all? Maybe I could have, but I never would have because I had experienced no consequences at that time. After I crossed that line, personally, I wasn't going to quit (couldn't quit) until the pain/consequences outweighed any benefit.
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