James18

Hi, I just (sort of) recovered from a hideous hangover resulting from a 24 hr drinking binge that has left me feeling completely ill,tired, run down, scared and depressed. I've been going through the binge/hangover/saying i'm quitting thing for years, but have finally had enough. The hangovers are getting worse and I'm drinking more and more. I have no idea how to stop - I use drink partly because I'm shy and without it find social situations awkward. ALL my friends are drinkers too and have no intentions of giving it up, and feel like they don't want me to either. Even the thought of it scares me but I have to do it. I've been a regular drinker since I was a young teenager and use it as a coping mechanism.I used to use drugs too but stopped a few years ago, but this something that I know is gonna be a struggle for me, especially as it feels like I don't have any support. I no longer enjoy it and know it is doing me no good. It is gonna lead to health problems and I can attribute every mistake in my life down to drinking and have had enough. I want to stop badly.

Anyway, just thought I'd say hi...

langkah

Welcome, sure identify with all that. The difficulty in not drinking was never very great when I'd recently made myself sick as a dog from drinking.

What will you do this time to make this decision last, since it doesn't last?

2granddaughters

Hello James, been there.. done that.

We all come into AA with out tail between our legs. Call AA in the phone book and find out where the meetings are. You are no different from any of us when we first began sobriety.... just BEGIN !!

Best of luck, let us know how you are doing and what you are feeling.

Bob R. in the colonies

James18

Hi. I really don't know...Other than try to keep how badly I felt/still feel at the front of my mind.

langkah

There's a good chance that you can do that for a few weeks or months. I could do that on occasion, and I quickly felt better until I had to drink again. Staying sober until I couldn't stand it, then drunk until I couldn't stand it, then sober until...

If that's good enough for you then go for it. That got old for me and I wound up doing all the AA stuff to stay comfortably sober for what has turned into a long time now. No reason to go there until you're willing to do a lot of things you don't want to do and don't much like doing in order to not ever drink again.

When you're at that point, then you'll know it's time for you to begin a great life. In the meantime fight the good fight for as long as you can stand it. I know well how hard that is at times.

James18

2Granddaughters - I've always felt like I wasn't an alcoholic and feel like I don't belong at AA. I'm doing something I don't want to any more though and can't stop. I suppose there's only one word to describe that.

James18

I can usually manage about three or four days. Then I fold at the first offer to go out drinking. The only way I could go weeks is if I didn't go out, which is obviously no good. I think I could go longer if I had more to do that didn't involve being in that world. My life needs to change, not just my drinking.

langkah

You're exactly right, James. Alcoholism has very little to do with alcohol, and recovery from alcoholism has very little to do with not drinking.

Most of us take a long while to understand that's true. You're very astute, my compliments.

dawnrunner

I hope you can make the changes, whatever they need to be.

Many people who give up alcohol are quite surprised to find that they are actually much more (cool, charming, social, conversational, not-shy, etc.) when sober than when drunk. That person who gets tanked and laughs loudly is not actually you but some alcohol-created Franken-You, who then abandons you when you pass out, and leaves the real you to observe and inhabit the wreckage in the morning.

Repeat indefinitely in a kind of Groundhog Day celebration of not getting free. Cue the definition of insanity: doing over and over again what has never worked.

I highly recommend a visit to an MD, inquiry into out-patient rehab (which helped me a great deal), and a look at where the AA meetings are within your travel range. Take one step. the first is the hardest. We are rooting for you.

And please don't be tethered to our so-prevalent stereotype of "an alcoholic" as a helpless shaking smelly penniless trainwreck. So many people come on this board and say, "I could not be an alcoholic, because I am employed, have a lovely spouse, take a shower every day, don't wake up in a pool of vomit, etc.". At my first AA meeting I encountered (among many other quite diverse people) a local specialty surgeon, about whom I had read in the newspaper just the previous day that he had purchased a multi-million dollar historical mansion in our town. He was in the throes of addiction just like the rest of us, but still fully employed and as we all say 'functional'. Just, dysfunctional as could be and about to lose it all if he didn't turn himself around.

Best wishes to you and please keep posting!

CarolD

Depression is why I quit and I found AA works great for me.
Welcome to our recovery community...

James18

Thanks CarolD. I really hope I can get somewhere with stopping this time. It needs to end. I guess i'm suffering from some form of depression and these horrible hangovers are magnifying it. Addressing my drinking seems like the tip of the iceberg in some respects.

2granddaughters

Addressing your drinking is the absolute first step in addressing the iceberg....
once the drinking is arrested, the iceberg usually isn't nearly so large.


The last statement in my sig was most important to me in the beginning, and it's true.

Justsam

James,
If your hangovers are getting worse and you're having really bad anxiety after drinking, you're probably experiencing withdrawals because you've drank enough to become physically addicted. Everyone will tell you that once you reach this point it only gets worse.

Promise yourself you're never drinking again. If you break this promise then go to an AA meeting and just sit in. I wish I had started AA when I was 24. AA is so much more than what it appears to be on the surface. For me it was like a puzzle that I just didn't get but when it finally clicked and the light came on I was pretty awed by the ingenious of it all.

Good luck.

BackToSquareOne

James18, be very careful because the pattern most follow is to have a lot of resolve when sick in withdrawal but that quickly fades when health returns. The Rational Recovery book is a good tool to help you recognize the cravings for what they are. The face to face support of AA would also be great. Try them both and see which one clicks for you.

James18

Thanks, I'll check the book out and (MIGHT) try AA. I've been in the situation you mention a thousand times and this time so far it's no different (i mean it every time I say it!). Hopefully, this time next week I'll be in a better position to judge where my head is at. I think though it's finally dawned on me how much drinking affects my life in one way or another - some of which aren't immediately obvious, but are important. I'm beginning to notice a pattern of behaviour I'm not happy with.