deltaxv

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now. He is a sweet, kind, and loving man. I couldn't have asked for a better emotional match for me. He is very sensitive to my needs and seems to understand where I am coming from most of the time.

Two months into our relationship, he was hospitalized for he called a "gastrointestinal problem". Little did I know, it was actually for alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I didn't even know that he drank at all! I showed up to the hospital and just happened to catch the doctor lecturing him about laying off the alcohol.

I have become very close with his family and they felt the need to fill me in on his past. Apparently he has not been dry since he was 18 years old. That means that he has been addicted to alcohol for 15 years- since he is now 33 years old.

More recently, he was hospitalized AGAIN this week for alcohol withdrawal. I searched his apartment while he was in the hospital and found 10 empty liter vodka bottles that I know had not been there 2 weeks previous.

I feel like such a fool. He hasn't told me the truth from day one and I fell for it.

Now I am conflicted as to where to turn and what to do now. I have given the ultimatum for him to attend an inpatient rehabilitation treatment facility or I will be out the door, but what if he won't go?
What if he begins this treatment and doesn't complete or follow through with it?

Surely someone out there can identify with my situation!

Bikeguy

You don't have to feel like a fool, us alcoholics are very good at hiding it. There is a group for friends and family and you can find it here Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to Sober Recovery!

suki44883

Giving an ultimatum without being willing to back it up is useless. You cannot control him and if he wants to drink, he is going to drink. Threats mean nothing. Instead of trying to control what he does, learn to set boundaries for yourself.

Boundaries are like rules you make for yourself, not them. A boundary would be something like...I will not be in a relationship with an active alcoholic. I will not be in a relationship with someone who lies to me. Boundaries don't require the other person to do anything other than what they normally would, so you aren't attempting to control them. They are still free to do whatever they want.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. If you choose to stay in this relationship, I strongly suggest that you attend al-anon meetings where you can get face-to-face support from other people who share their lives with an alcoholic. You can learn to detach from whatever he does or says, and live a peaceful life regardless.

Please check out our Friends and Families forums. You will find a lot of support there.