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Just don't know how

Old 01-10-2012, 10:36 AM
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Just don't know how

Hello everyone,
I am a 34 year old male.And have been drinking since I was about 15.I am not what you call a raging alcoholic.But I do have a problem.I drink about 6 beers a night on work nights,then on weekends around a twelve pack.I am a functioning alcoholic.
I make it to work everyday and on time.I don't get mean or do dumb things.I am just sick of drinking.It is like a prison for me,my whole life revolves around it.I try to imagine myself not drinking and I cannot.My wife has had enough also.I just don't know how to quit,I have tried several times.I don't think I would like the AA thing at all.I have been researching different meds to help with it.I see a doctor thursday.Well enough of my rambling..ALL advice will be greatly appreciated.Thanks
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Old 01-10-2012, 11:32 AM
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Realizing you may have a problem, and seeing a doctor is great.
Only you can decide if you have a problem with alcohol. How much does it interfere
with your life? Would you feel better off without it?

If you're sick of the cycle, it may be time to quit. You're already taking steps in the right direction. Good for you.

Best to you.
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Old 01-10-2012, 12:31 PM
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Thanks ghostlight,
Yes it is a problem I know that for sure.I am just sick of it.but at the sametime I would hate to give up the social part of it.I enjoy hanging with buddies and having a few.If I could just stick to that it would not be a problem to me.But I can't I have tried.
Does anyone know anything about the meds that they use.I know there is like 3 of them.one makes you sick when you drink,the other takes away the pleasure of alcohol.and forget what the otherone does.Thanks for the response though,going to be spending sometime here I think.
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Old 01-11-2012, 07:38 AM
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Welcome Stubbs, you're on the right track. Yes, missing out on the social aspect of it sucks, but you'll find other social activities that don't focus on alcohol. I'm an AA girl myself, because I like that it teaches me to tools to use throughout my new sober life. But if AA is not your thing there are plenty of other options.
From one functioning alcoholic to another, "just good enough" only gets you so far. I always made it to work on time, but I was never great at my job. I always spent time with my family, but I also was always thinking about when it would be over so I could drink. I always paid my bills, but my wine cost per month was as much as a car payment. I had no control over my thoughts or actions, and this is desperate living. Well done for recognizing this and making a change!
Wishing you the very best in your journey!
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Old 01-11-2012, 11:40 AM
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We often trick ourselves with this whole "functioning alcoholic" thing. Yeah, we can go to work and pay some bills and have fun and stuff, but we aren't living our lives the way we know that we could and should. We don't have to be jobless and destitute and living under a bridge in order for alcohol to be having a negative effect on our lives.

When my car needs an oil change, it's still "functioning," but not running at its highest level. And if I don't get that oil changed in a timely manner, the car will stop "functioning" and will end up in a state of disrepair, and it may even be damaged beyond repair. Best to handle those issues before they ruin everything.

If your whole life revolves around drinking, and if it feels like your life is a prison, that's no way to live. Sure, you can function inside a prison (I did it in jail...only for 3 days, but I survived). But the question before you now is: Do you want to live a life where you merely function, or do you want to really live life on your own terms?
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Old 01-11-2012, 12:49 PM
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Good for you for deciding to take this on before something bad happens. Unlike you I did do stupid things when I drank. The consequenses of one of those stupid things is what it took to make me want to quit.
I didn't take any meds when I quit, but I didn't experience any withdrawal symptoms. The only advice I have is at least in the beginning just focus on staying sober 1 day at a time. Just wake up in the morning with the conviction that you will not drink that day.
Good luck!
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Old 01-11-2012, 12:50 PM
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All you really have to do is quit drinking
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Old 01-11-2012, 01:17 PM
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When I went to the Recovery Home they took all my meds away. Like walkertall says, we have to quit... and stay quit one day at a time.

But, as alcoholics, we can't do it alone, we need help. I strongly suggest AA.
I'm not a fan of meds but to each his own. What you go through drying out is what we all went through, you can do it.

We can't have our cake and eat it too. Good luck in your recovery.

Bob
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Old 01-11-2012, 01:19 PM
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Hey stubbs...congrats on deciding to see a doc and quit. I know it's not an easy one! I can't speak to the meds, but I wanted to welcome you. I couldn't imagine going without it either, but over time, it gets easier. Breaking bad habits and making new ones. And you might find that being social without it, gets easier, too. I go to bars to listen to a friend's band occasionally and I've gotten so good at not drinking, it doesn't bother me anymore, and people really don't care what you're drinking. You'll find that, too! I just wanted to put out there that it's possible and it doesn't have to be miserable. You'll be fine and you'll be SO proud of yourself and happy you did it, and your wife will too! Best wishes to you!
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Old 01-11-2012, 02:18 PM
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Hi and welcome Stubbs

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

I don't think any of us can easily imagine our lives without drinking - it was certainly a central and fundamental part of mine for 20 years or more.

I took it a day at a time. Making a commitment not to drink today seemed more achievable than 'forever' to me, at least in the beginning.

The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - do something, Stubbs
In my experience, action really is the 'key' out of that prison

D
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Old 01-11-2012, 07:46 PM
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thanks

Thank you to everyone.It is great to have such a support base.I am wondering what your talking about walkertall.You are a person who simplifies things I take it.I kinda have that mindset, as I am inspired by financial trading which takes a simple approach.But this is a whole new monster to me.
I revolve EVERYTHING around drinking.I have a little story for you guys.I watched a couple tv series on Danny Bonaduce.He was in some celebrity show about him.But it changed my whole paradigm.He got sober for a little while.I quit drinking for three months.and was completly happy about it.I thought I would never go back to it.I almost felt manic on how high I felt off life being sober
It was just that little shift in my thinking that did it.But now I can't find that.I try now and get veeery iritable.I take it out on my wife to cause an arguement so I have an excuse to drink.I really believe in mindset being the key but dont know how to get there.is my anger and derpression part of the withdrawl?I dont get the shakes or anything else.I dont think I drink enough for that.thankas a million to all of you who replied.I am going to try my best to beat this and you guys may be a main factor in it.godbless you all.
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Old 01-11-2012, 07:51 PM
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I dunno about you, but I found I had to do less thinking and more doing Stubbs.
Sometimes it all starts from deciding today is day one, y'know?

D
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Old 01-11-2012, 08:57 PM
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Walkertall said the answer to your problem is very very simple. Bob Newhart said it too, 'JUST STOP IT'. This is only as complicated as we need it to be.
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Old 01-11-2012, 09:15 PM
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Stubbs this too is my first time here. Crazy to me how you sound EXACTLY like my husband! He is in your shoes too. Its great hearing you speack honestly about your problem. As you, he drinks apx the same amount but tries hiding most\all of it from me while I'm at work... Have you also experienced that behavior? I would also like to know what your expectiaions from your wife are now? If i complement what a great day (no drinking) it is he gets made; If I dont say anything he feels like his efforts are all for nothing... Im confused, If you could give some insite that would be great.
BTW you should be SOOOO proud of yourself!
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Old 01-12-2012, 05:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Joggermum View Post
Stubbs this too is my first time here. Crazy to me how you sound EXACTLY like my husband! He is in your shoes too. Its great hearing you speack honestly about your problem. As you, he drinks apx the same amount but tries hiding most\all of it from me while I'm at work... Have you also experienced that behavior? I would also like to know what your expectiaions from your wife are now? If i complement what a great day (no drinking) it is he gets made; If I dont say anything he feels like his efforts are all for nothing... Im confused, If you could give some insite that would be great.
BTW you should be SOOOO proud of yourself!
Hi joggermum and welcome to SR. May I suggest that you check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics board here? It's full of people on your end of the situation, they are affected by another person's drinking and are taking steps to free themselves of the insanity of addiction and co-dependcy. You will find many "double winners" on there who are recovering alcoholics but they are also affected by someone else's drinking. You will find a world of experience, strength and hope over there. I hope you will check it out.

Take care,
Kellye
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Old 01-13-2012, 09:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Joggermum View Post
Stubbs this too is my first time here. Crazy to me how you sound EXACTLY like my husband! He is in your shoes too. Its great hearing you speack honestly about your problem. As you, he drinks apx the same amount but tries hiding most\all of it from me while I'm at work... Have you also experienced that behavior? I would also like to know what your expectiaions from your wife are now? If i complement what a great day (no drinking) it is he gets made; If I dont say anything he feels like his efforts are all for nothing... Im confused, If you could give some insite that would be great.
BTW you should be SOOOO proud of yourself!
Thank you for all your support.
Jogermumm.I have went as far as buying a non alcohilc beer and putting real beer in the bottle.I have a serious problem.My wife has brought divorce up a lot.I dont get stupid she is just sick of the everyday thing.I just went to the doc and he said meds are a game. he suggested AA.he has an alcoholic cocaine addicted son that lives in a motel.he said his advice is go 5 times a week......dont know about that
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Old 01-14-2012, 05:19 AM
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What would you do to keep your wife, if you were a medieval knight, raised in the code of chivalry? Your name, your honor and your life have been committed to protecting her. What if someone is taking her away?

Would you not arm yourself, shout up your squire to saddle your battle horse and ride out in hot pursuit? Would you not lay your life on the line and fight manfully to bring her back? What kind of a knight would lay back, pop another cold beaker of mead, and say "That looks too hard to me...maybe some day I'll go after her, today is for beer"?



Is it not worth your wife, your name, your honor, and your life to stop drinking? Maybe even dare to walk into an AA meeting (whether that is your permanent choice of recovery or something else takes its place, millions of people have been helped in AA) and perhaps be pleasantly surprised, as I was.

I wish you the best. Today could be that day you have been thinking about and training for, Sir Knight!
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Old 01-14-2012, 05:43 AM
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They told me in the beginning to do 90 meetings in 90 days.

If I didn't think my life was greatly improving after the 90 days that I was free to leave and pick my misery back up as I left the door.

YMMV

Wishing you the best in your recovery.

Bob
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Old 01-14-2012, 06:05 AM
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I think the notion of the "functioning alcoholic" is a logical fallacy. We all function to some degree, and when that functioning causes desirable results we proudly claim we are functionngi alcoholics. Got a job, pay my bills, own a home, support my family, etc etc.

But "functioning" is relative. I used to believe that smoking pot made me a better musician, that drinking alcohol made improved my social skills, etc. etc. And this may have been true up to a point. But the question left unasked and unanswered was always...."what if I took the time and energy to do it "on the natch?" The fact that mood and mind altering substances alter our moods and minds means that they distort reality and impair my functioning in various ways....one of which is the overuse of denial, by which I cannot identify myself as the cause of my problems. IOW....I don't notice and refuse to admit the problem(s).

What if I was clean and sober. Would my functioning life be even more functional? Would my successes be greater? My relationships more loving? Is just being functional....attaining a certain level of comforable survival enough? Why is it alright to settle for less?

Just because the extent or degree of my non-functioning might not be so noticable (especially to me), does not mean I"m firing on all cylinders. Most often the dysfunction isn't identified until it is seriosly impacting my life, and by that time it will be much harder to fix. And part of the effect of these substances is they produce a lack of self awareness that plays into the denial that there's anything wrong with ME. When challenged, I can claim to be "functional"...until I"m not. And one of my favorite strategies was to find someone or something else to blame.

Alcoholism/addiction is progressive. It gets worse, not better, over time. Like any other problem, the longer I wait to address it, the more difficult it becomes to change.

Stop being merely "functional" . I had to learn to respect and love myself more than just being functional....just surviving.

It may be what "they" meant when they suggested I "get a life."

blessings
zb
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Old 01-14-2012, 06:57 AM
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What Walkertall said is correct.

Quitting drinking is the easy part, it's the living a life without alcohol that's the difficult bit. You've said you've been drinking since you were 15, sounds as if you know no other way of living.

AA has taught me how to live a life without alcohol and be the person that I know that I am, not the drunken one that others see. Why rule out trying an AA meeting? It sounds as if you're on the verge of losing something that you hold dear, it also sounds as if you're unsure how to live without it.

In my time in AA i've met hundreds of people that were in a similar position to yourself, i'm one of them too. Why not just approach with an open mind and see how these people have done it?

I had reservations about AA, but someone said to me, 'why not try it for 3 months? After those 3 months the pubs, off licences will still be there waiting for you...the places you buy alcohol from are never going to go away and what's 3 months out of the number of years you've been drinking. ' I heard that at my first meeting and thought what the hell, he's got a point.

Unfortunately the guy who gave me that advice is no longer with us, he went back to those alcohol stores and this year I attended his funeral, he was 38.

This disease is a killer, but not just a killer of the body...it strips everything you hold dear away...it destroys dreams, destroys the person you want to be and kills the soul of the living.

If you are an alcoholic, and nobody is going to call you one, then have an open mind with regards to AA as you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Paul
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