Just don't know how
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR, ads.
I don't have that power. Wish I did. I suggest you re-read your own post. When the pain and disgust of living with alcohol outweighs your fear of quitting, maybe you'll be ready to try.
We're here to support you.
Originally Posted by ads62 
I'm looking for one of you to say the right thing that will wake me up.
We're here to support you.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 449
Originally Posted by ads62
I can't make amends to the person I want to--he's dead.
I hope you get what you need.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
I have a "hole in the soul," alright. It was created by alcohol, and it is shaped like a whiskey bottle. No use trying to fill it with anything else, because like a lock and key, only one thing fits. It would be like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, an exercise in futility.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome to SR ads
feel free to start your own thread if you like - you'll get more response that way.
just hit the big blue 'new thread' button on the top left hand side of the main forum page
D
feel free to start your own thread if you like - you'll get more response that way.
just hit the big blue 'new thread' button on the top left hand side of the main forum page
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
awesome day today!
so many things fell into place today for me.been working on schooling,it came through.Took a test today, passed.Lead on a better job.and someone did something really thoughtful for my family today.Also day8 of sobriety.There have been ups and downs, but I think positive attitude,persistance,and god are bringing me better things.Just a damn good day!Have a great evening you all and morning to the ones on the otherside;-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
day 9
Another great day,
Been getting along with my wife better than we have in a long time.The desire is slowly getting weaker for a drink.Been doing my reading and focusing on my future without alcohol.Good day!
Been getting along with my wife better than we have in a long time.The desire is slowly getting weaker for a drink.Been doing my reading and focusing on my future without alcohol.Good day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
Well I failed today.
I gave in today to the beast.....Does not mean I give up.But I do feel guilty ashamed,and now I have to start at day 1 again.What kind of thought process should I have from here?just dont like the day 1 again. Felt so good with 9 almost 10 days sober.
I gave in today to the beast.....Does not mean I give up.But I do feel guilty ashamed,and now I have to start at day 1 again.What kind of thought process should I have from here?just dont like the day 1 again. Felt so good with 9 almost 10 days sober.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by stubbs
Well I failed today.
I gave in today to the beast.....Does not mean I give up.But I do feel guilty ashamed,and now I have to start at day 1 again.What kind of thought process should I have from here?just dont like the day 1 again. Felt so good with 9 almost 10 days sober.
I gave in today to the beast.....Does not mean I give up.But I do feel guilty ashamed,and now I have to start at day 1 again.What kind of thought process should I have from here?just dont like the day 1 again. Felt so good with 9 almost 10 days sober.
My perceptions were terribly distorted...based on my damaged "thinker." I had feelings (suddenly) but I couldn't identify what they were, why they were or where they came from. I gradually came to understand that I didnt NEED to understand. I didnt need to analyze my thinking, my feelings or my behaviors. My sponsor told me that it wasn't so much that I ought to learn to think like someone else, but that I really had to stop thinking the way I had been thinking . Spiritual thought is quite the opposite of ego., just as love is the opposite of fear. I had to stop thinking and relearn everything.
The best news I ever got was that I could not, at that stage of my development, trust my thinking or my feelings. They were both under the control of my lying ego. I simply HAD to stop listening to myself until I could dial down the noise and simply pay attention to the guidance offered me by others. Yes, I went to meetings, got a sponsor, started step work, read the literature and continued to use ;-(
I finally learned to stop seeking approval...from me, my sponsor or anyone else. Good grades were not required.
What WAS required was that I become willing to TRUDGE. "Trudge the path of happy destiny." Not fun. not easy. Really nothing to be proud of (pride goes before the fall). I simply needed to DO what was suggested, without analyzing, judging, second guessing and be patient enough to WAIT for the results. They seldom came quickly...perseverance is essential. I had do what worked for others and I needed to believe that if they didn't work for me, I was missing something.
the bare truth, per DR. bob Smith is just TOO simple: Trust God,
clean house. Help others. And it does work better without a drink. Stop seeking approval. You don't need to please others or prove anything to anyone
Just trudge....preferably in the company of fellow travelers. For gods sake, try to stop thinking about it.
When you finally get that it's all in the trudging......welll, you can let us know how that is.<G>
blessngs
zb
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think the best thing to do is look at what happened and why - and then think about what you need to add to what you've been doing, stubbs.
apart from SR do you have any support?
D
apart from SR do you have any support?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by zbear23
Stubbs. I had to learn to act my way into right thinking rather than try to think my way into right acting.
My perceptions were terribly distorted...based on my damaged "thinker." I had feelings (suddenly) but I couldn't identify what they were, why they were or where they came from. I gradually came to understand that I didnt NEED to understand. I didnt need to analyze my thinking, my feelings or my behaviors. My sponsor told me that it wasn't so much that I ought to learn to think like someone else, but that I really had to stop thinking the way I had been thinking . Spiritual thought is quite the opposite of ego., just as love is the opposite of fear. I had to stop thinking and relearn everything.
The best news I ever got was that I could not, at that stage of my development, trust my thinking or my feelings. They were both under the control of my lying ego. I simply HAD to stop listening to myself until I could dial down the noise and simply pay attention to the guidance offered me by others. Yes, I went to meetings, got a sponsor, started step work, read the literature and continued to use ;-(
I finally learned to stop seeking approval...from me, my sponsor or anyone else. Good grades were not required.
What WAS required was that I become willing to TRUDGE. "Trudge the path of happy destiny." Not fun. not easy. Really nothing to be proud of (pride goes before the fall). I simply needed to DO what was suggested, without analyzing, judging, second guessing and be patient enough to WAIT for the results. They seldom came quickly...perseverance is essential. I had do what worked for others and I needed to believe that if they didn't work for me, I was missing something.
the bare truth, per DR. bob Smith is just TOO simple: Trust God,
clean house. Help others. And it does work better without a drink. Stop seeking approval. You don't need to please others or prove anything to anyone
Just trudge....preferably in the company of fellow travelers. For gods sake, try to stop thinking about it.
When you finally get that it's all in the trudging......welll, you can let us know how that is.<G>
blessngs
zb
My perceptions were terribly distorted...based on my damaged "thinker." I had feelings (suddenly) but I couldn't identify what they were, why they were or where they came from. I gradually came to understand that I didnt NEED to understand. I didnt need to analyze my thinking, my feelings or my behaviors. My sponsor told me that it wasn't so much that I ought to learn to think like someone else, but that I really had to stop thinking the way I had been thinking . Spiritual thought is quite the opposite of ego., just as love is the opposite of fear. I had to stop thinking and relearn everything.
The best news I ever got was that I could not, at that stage of my development, trust my thinking or my feelings. They were both under the control of my lying ego. I simply HAD to stop listening to myself until I could dial down the noise and simply pay attention to the guidance offered me by others. Yes, I went to meetings, got a sponsor, started step work, read the literature and continued to use ;-(
I finally learned to stop seeking approval...from me, my sponsor or anyone else. Good grades were not required.
What WAS required was that I become willing to TRUDGE. "Trudge the path of happy destiny." Not fun. not easy. Really nothing to be proud of (pride goes before the fall). I simply needed to DO what was suggested, without analyzing, judging, second guessing and be patient enough to WAIT for the results. They seldom came quickly...perseverance is essential. I had do what worked for others and I needed to believe that if they didn't work for me, I was missing something.
the bare truth, per DR. bob Smith is just TOO simple: Trust God,
clean house. Help others. And it does work better without a drink. Stop seeking approval. You don't need to please others or prove anything to anyone
Just trudge....preferably in the company of fellow travelers. For gods sake, try to stop thinking about it.
When you finally get that it's all in the trudging......welll, you can let us know how that is.<G>
blessngs
zb
You make complete sense.I am really against groups though.I don't want to share my problems with strangers.For some people this may work great,but for me it isnt really even an option.Any advice zbear on how I can do what you describe in a non group setting?Thank you again for your time and support,you too dee.
Self Recovered with AVRT
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 108
Stubbs,
After decades of heavy daily drinking, I was suddenly cured of my compulsion to drink. How did this happen? I was fortunate enough to have had a profound realization...that I could never drink again. That may seem so simplistic, but it took much liquor and damage to get to that point, for me. On the brink of annihilation, I had a moment of absolute clarity.
Since I made the decision that I CAN NEVER DRINK AGAIN, and I also decided that I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND about this, there has been no struggle with alcohol. The cloud has been lifted. The chains removed. Bam!
Whatever path enables this to happen for you, I am in support of. I can tell you that, for me, rehab did not do it, nor did multiple serious attempts at 12-step recovery through AA, nor did Smart Recovery meetings, nor did counseling in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, nor did anti-drinking medication, nor did religion. I tried all those things to cure myself, but all of them absolutely failed (this is just MY history...those methods clearly have clearly proven effective for certain other individuals).
So, question is, does one have to reach the brink of annihilation to be able to actually and successfully make his/her mind once and for all that he/she will never drink again? I guess that depends upon the individual. But, I can tell you that once I had that realization that I must not, cannot, and will not ever drink again, I was able to follow through with it by using AVRT.
The Rational Recovery book by Jack Trimpey is a guidebook to help assist the occurrence of this profound realization and making the decision to never drink again, and on how to nurture and sustain this decision. In this book, AVRT is spelled out. This book has been most helpful for me.
After decades of heavy daily drinking, I was suddenly cured of my compulsion to drink. How did this happen? I was fortunate enough to have had a profound realization...that I could never drink again. That may seem so simplistic, but it took much liquor and damage to get to that point, for me. On the brink of annihilation, I had a moment of absolute clarity.
Since I made the decision that I CAN NEVER DRINK AGAIN, and I also decided that I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND about this, there has been no struggle with alcohol. The cloud has been lifted. The chains removed. Bam!
Whatever path enables this to happen for you, I am in support of. I can tell you that, for me, rehab did not do it, nor did multiple serious attempts at 12-step recovery through AA, nor did Smart Recovery meetings, nor did counseling in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, nor did anti-drinking medication, nor did religion. I tried all those things to cure myself, but all of them absolutely failed (this is just MY history...those methods clearly have clearly proven effective for certain other individuals).
So, question is, does one have to reach the brink of annihilation to be able to actually and successfully make his/her mind once and for all that he/she will never drink again? I guess that depends upon the individual. But, I can tell you that once I had that realization that I must not, cannot, and will not ever drink again, I was able to follow through with it by using AVRT.
The Rational Recovery book by Jack Trimpey is a guidebook to help assist the occurrence of this profound realization and making the decision to never drink again, and on how to nurture and sustain this decision. In this book, AVRT is spelled out. This book has been most helpful for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by hereigo
Stubbs,
After decades of heavy daily drinking, I was suddenly cured of my compulsion to drink. How did this happen? I was fortunate enough to have had a profound realization...that I could never drink again. That may seem so simplistic, but it took much liquor and damage to get to that point, for me. On the brink of annihilation, I had a moment of absolute clarity.
Since I made the decision that I CAN NEVER DRINK AGAIN, and I also decided that I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND about this, there has been no struggle with alcohol. The cloud has been lifted. The chains removed. Bam!
Whatever path enables this to happen for you, I am in support of. I can tell you that, for me, rehab did not do it, nor did multiple serious attempts at 12-step recovery through AA, nor did Smart Recovery meetings, nor did counseling in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, nor did anti-drinking medication, nor did religion. I tried all those things to cure myself, but all of them absolutely failed (this is just MY history...those methods clearly have clearly proven effective for certain other individuals).
So, question is, does one have to reach the brink of annihilation to be able to actually and successfully make his/her mind once and for all that he/she will never drink again? I guess that depends upon the individual. But, I can tell you that once I had that realization that I must not, cannot, and will not ever drink again, I was able to follow through with it by using AVRT.
The Rational Recovery book by Jack Trimpey is a guidebook to help assist the occurrence of this profound realization and making the decision to never drink again, and on how to nurture and sustain this decision. In this book, AVRT is spelled out. This book has been most helpful for me.
After decades of heavy daily drinking, I was suddenly cured of my compulsion to drink. How did this happen? I was fortunate enough to have had a profound realization...that I could never drink again. That may seem so simplistic, but it took much liquor and damage to get to that point, for me. On the brink of annihilation, I had a moment of absolute clarity.
Since I made the decision that I CAN NEVER DRINK AGAIN, and I also decided that I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND about this, there has been no struggle with alcohol. The cloud has been lifted. The chains removed. Bam!
Whatever path enables this to happen for you, I am in support of. I can tell you that, for me, rehab did not do it, nor did multiple serious attempts at 12-step recovery through AA, nor did Smart Recovery meetings, nor did counseling in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, nor did anti-drinking medication, nor did religion. I tried all those things to cure myself, but all of them absolutely failed (this is just MY history...those methods clearly have clearly proven effective for certain other individuals).
So, question is, does one have to reach the brink of annihilation to be able to actually and successfully make his/her mind once and for all that he/she will never drink again? I guess that depends upon the individual. But, I can tell you that once I had that realization that I must not, cannot, and will not ever drink again, I was able to follow through with it by using AVRT.
The Rational Recovery book by Jack Trimpey is a guidebook to help assist the occurrence of this profound realization and making the decision to never drink again, and on how to nurture and sustain this decision. In this book, AVRT is spelled out. This book has been most helpful for me.
I have just got that book last week.just getting threw the first quarter of it.This technique has pulled me threw sometimes when I thought I couldn't resist.I am trying to reach that point you speak of.I can only keep moving forward and do my best to beat this.I have been regaining my faith as well,seems to also help with conquering this beast.Thanks a bunch!everyone have a great day!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
^^^^^ cool post hereigo.
Whatever works......works.
Stubbs, it seems that what you tried didn't work. So, look at whether it was a valiant effort. Did you do everything (reasonably) that you could? Realistically and reasonable, should you have / could you have done something more or different? (I say reasonable and realistic because sure, we "could" have locked ourselves in a solitary confinement jail cell and not drank......but that's not a realistic plan, yanno what I mean?)
I mean, let's be frank here.....every single one of us is going to do a little as we need/have to do. If you can just control it with your mind.....then do so. If you need more......got GET more. If you need to do more.....then you're going to HAVE to do more. And here's the kicker, whether you WANT to or not.......that doesn't mean $hit to me or to alcoholism. I don't WANT to do a lot of the stuff I do......but I do it because I have to.......because it works, it makes me feel better in the long run and it's proved to be a successful way to live free from alcohol. Not wanting to isn't anything new or special, there are numerous references to it all through AA's book.....so believe me, you're not alone in "not wanting to." The question is, can you fix it yourself using one of the other methods of 'mind over alcoholism' or not.
Whatever works......works.
Stubbs, it seems that what you tried didn't work. So, look at whether it was a valiant effort. Did you do everything (reasonably) that you could? Realistically and reasonable, should you have / could you have done something more or different? (I say reasonable and realistic because sure, we "could" have locked ourselves in a solitary confinement jail cell and not drank......but that's not a realistic plan, yanno what I mean?)
I mean, let's be frank here.....every single one of us is going to do a little as we need/have to do. If you can just control it with your mind.....then do so. If you need more......got GET more. If you need to do more.....then you're going to HAVE to do more. And here's the kicker, whether you WANT to or not.......that doesn't mean $hit to me or to alcoholism. I don't WANT to do a lot of the stuff I do......but I do it because I have to.......because it works, it makes me feel better in the long run and it's proved to be a successful way to live free from alcohol. Not wanting to isn't anything new or special, there are numerous references to it all through AA's book.....so believe me, you're not alone in "not wanting to." The question is, can you fix it yourself using one of the other methods of 'mind over alcoholism' or not.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
I know that as soon as I make somethng into an issue that I must struggle against, I am playing to my ego.. I have no reason to tell anyone, including myself, that I won't ever drink drink again. Chances are pretty good that I'd become just lie about it, making it worse. Just WHO am I trying to convince???? That is IMO another expression of my fear (whistling past the graveyard).. I've never really articulated that I don't eat dirt, or drink bleach. Somehow I knew not to do it and not make an issue out of it. btw....young children have been known to eat dirt, but think they're able to stop. I need not speak against it if I truly believe that I'm done with it.
I think I've heard or used every excuse. People say all the time that thay cannot do the steps because one needs to be willing to share honestly and openly rather than be fearful of the consequences. They make it into a joke (I don't want to tell anyone where the bodies are buried,,,,etc) And I understand a situation in which one's livelihood could be threatened by revealing the truth. It is always fear that prevents me from being open and honest. Ego runs on fear. Addiction feeds on it. I won't get into the specifics of different fears...god knows there's enough fear available to keep everyone drunk<g>.. What I do know though, is thatnot being honest and forthcome (having secrets) would be my downfall.
Love requires courage, and courage is the path out of fear. Every reason I've ever heard over several decades has just been an excuse dressed up like a reason. The real reason for me was ALWAYS....I was scared. I actually had a therapist (true story) tell me grow up. Now THAT really really scared the s--t out of me. <G> 'but....I DID survive!
blessings
zb
I think I've heard or used every excuse. People say all the time that thay cannot do the steps because one needs to be willing to share honestly and openly rather than be fearful of the consequences. They make it into a joke (I don't want to tell anyone where the bodies are buried,,,,etc) And I understand a situation in which one's livelihood could be threatened by revealing the truth. It is always fear that prevents me from being open and honest. Ego runs on fear. Addiction feeds on it. I won't get into the specifics of different fears...god knows there's enough fear available to keep everyone drunk<g>.. What I do know though, is thatnot being honest and forthcome (having secrets) would be my downfall.
Love requires courage, and courage is the path out of fear. Every reason I've ever heard over several decades has just been an excuse dressed up like a reason. The real reason for me was ALWAYS....I was scared. I actually had a therapist (true story) tell me grow up. Now THAT really really scared the s--t out of me. <G> 'but....I DID survive!
blessings
zb
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Really great thread, brought back a lot of memories for me.
'I don't know if it's really a problem...ok, it's a problem.'
'I'm not sure if I need to actually stop or not...ok, I need to stop.'
'I can fix this...ok, I can't fix this.'
'I don't want to do anything to help myself...ok, I need to do something.'
Really beautiful and balanced. As are the things to come. The next one is 'I'll do this and it will be plenty good enough...'
'I don't know if it's really a problem...ok, it's a problem.'
'I'm not sure if I need to actually stop or not...ok, I need to stop.'
'I can fix this...ok, I can't fix this.'
'I don't want to do anything to help myself...ok, I need to do something.'
Really beautiful and balanced. As are the things to come. The next one is 'I'll do this and it will be plenty good enough...'
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by stubbs
thinking AA I can't do this alone.
"Thinking AA" tells me that you are focusing more on the solution than the problem. Good stuff. Keep trudging.
blessings
zb
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