Just don't know how
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Stubbs even if you don,t get to AA I strongly advise you to read the Big Book free online.
I was a high functioning alcoholic, I now function much better in all areas of my life. I now realize how out of touch I was.
My fears about a life without alcohol proved to be ungrounded. Alcohol poisons our core being, and blinds us to it.
I was a high functioning alcoholic, I now function much better in all areas of my life. I now realize how out of touch I was.
My fears about a life without alcohol proved to be ungrounded. Alcohol poisons our core being, and blinds us to it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by instant 
Stubbs even if you don,t get to AA I strongly advise you to read the Big Book free online.
I was a high functioning alcoholic, I now function much better in all areas of my life. I now realize how out of touch I was.
My fears about a life without alcohol proved to be ungrounded. Alcohol poisons our core being, and blinds us to it.
I was a high functioning alcoholic, I now function much better in all areas of my life. I now realize how out of touch I was.
My fears about a life without alcohol proved to be ungrounded. Alcohol poisons our core being, and blinds us to it.
I sent you a pm.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by bmwcycle
Hope you are doing well Stubbs.
I quit without AA but did find reading the Big book quite helpful and use it as a resource now. Give it a try, can't hurt.
I quit without AA but did find reading the Big book quite helpful and use it as a resource now. Give it a try, can't hurt.
Yeah just picked it up from library.Just hope it can help me get on with life again.Can't beleive how much I revolved my life around it.I am pretty determined though.I need to hold onto my family.I just want to live a normal fun exciting life again.Really liking this place I have a couple supportive friends.But the majority of my friends are alcoholics.This place is a huge help!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
No worries.
I was like you a little over a year ago. I could not fathom not drinking, my social and work life revolved around drinking, or so I thought. After time I came realize that there is so much more to life than getting as messed up as my wife's checkbook every night.
I take time and dedication but it is worth it, I just got back from a big conference in sunny south FLA, with four cocktail parties to attend Tuesday night. When I was drinking I would have been like as happy as a sailor in a nickle whorehouse with a bag of quarters. Last year at this time I would have been as nervous a short nun on a penguin hunt, cause I just given up the booze.
But now after a year of time to adjust and grow as a non-drinker I was confident in my resolve not to drink and most importantly well aware of why I was there to conduct business and get to know the people who work in my industry. Had a great time made stops at all parties drove some new friends home who could do that for them selves and politely said that they were welcome when they all thanked the next morning driving back to pick up their car.
sorry to ramble on, anyway read the book I hope you find it as helpful as I did.
I was like you a little over a year ago. I could not fathom not drinking, my social and work life revolved around drinking, or so I thought. After time I came realize that there is so much more to life than getting as messed up as my wife's checkbook every night.
I take time and dedication but it is worth it, I just got back from a big conference in sunny south FLA, with four cocktail parties to attend Tuesday night. When I was drinking I would have been like as happy as a sailor in a nickle whorehouse with a bag of quarters. Last year at this time I would have been as nervous a short nun on a penguin hunt, cause I just given up the booze.
But now after a year of time to adjust and grow as a non-drinker I was confident in my resolve not to drink and most importantly well aware of why I was there to conduct business and get to know the people who work in my industry. Had a great time made stops at all parties drove some new friends home who could do that for them selves and politely said that they were welcome when they all thanked the next morning driving back to pick up their car.
sorry to ramble on, anyway read the book I hope you find it as helpful as I did.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by stubbs
Still kinda lost and bored,like something is missing.
The newcomer said he had a hole in his soul, something was missing ....
The oldtimer said that he would soon find that the hole was just about God-size.
Best wishes and good luck to all.
Bob
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Originally Posted by bmwcycle
I take time and dedication but it is worth it, I just got back from a big conference in sunny south FLA, with four cocktail parties to attend Tuesday night. When I was drinking I would have been like as happy as a sailor in a nickle whorehouse with a bag of quarters. Last year at this time I would have been as nervous a short nun on a penguin hunt, cause I just given up the booze.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
I remember the first time I heard about the "hole in the soul". I could so identify.
The newcomer said he had a hole in his soul, something was missing ....
The oldtimer said that he would soon find that the hole was just about God-size.
Best wishes and good luck to all.
Bob
The newcomer said he had a hole in his soul, something was missing ....
The oldtimer said that he would soon find that the hole was just about God-size.
Best wishes and good luck to all.
Bob
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by Dazee
Hang in there. I'll be hanging on too! The "Friday high" at quitting time is really hard to fight. Thanks to SR I know I'm not alone.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
Good for you Stubbs. I'm trying to tell myself this day is no different than any other day of the week. It helps me get out of the "it's okay to drink now" mindset. It's another day (repeat mantra).
So far so good!!!!
So far so good!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 110
Stubbs,
Your story sounds just like mine. I'm 34, started when I was 15 and progressed to where I drank a 6 pack per night and a little more on weekends for the past 5 years. Never got in trouble, always employed and never missed work from drinking but certainly have had useless days at work due to hangovers. I finally stopped 5 days ago. Longest I've been sober in years and going to do everything I can to stay that way. I also don't think AA is for me. I have family members in the program and have gone to meetings and I know it works wnders for a lot of people but I don't think I'm one of them. If you have never been to AA, thean you should definitely check it out for yourself before deciding. I am just sick of the cycle. One thing I've had in my life for a few years is martial arts training. Muay Thai and jiu jitsu. That allows me to meet a lot of people with common interest who happen to not drink because of their dedication to fitness. Maybe find something like that or crossfit or another group activity that will let you make new friends that don't revolve around drinking. That is one thing I feel lucky to have right now, social outlet with no pressures to drink
Your story sounds just like mine. I'm 34, started when I was 15 and progressed to where I drank a 6 pack per night and a little more on weekends for the past 5 years. Never got in trouble, always employed and never missed work from drinking but certainly have had useless days at work due to hangovers. I finally stopped 5 days ago. Longest I've been sober in years and going to do everything I can to stay that way. I also don't think AA is for me. I have family members in the program and have gone to meetings and I know it works wnders for a lot of people but I don't think I'm one of them. If you have never been to AA, thean you should definitely check it out for yourself before deciding. I am just sick of the cycle. One thing I've had in my life for a few years is martial arts training. Muay Thai and jiu jitsu. That allows me to meet a lot of people with common interest who happen to not drink because of their dedication to fitness. Maybe find something like that or crossfit or another group activity that will let you make new friends that don't revolve around drinking. That is one thing I feel lucky to have right now, social outlet with no pressures to drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by quitter13
Stubbs,
Your story sounds just like mine. I'm 34, started when I was 15 and progressed to where I drank a 6 pack per night and a little more on weekends for the past 5 years. Never got in trouble, always employed and never missed work from drinking but certainly have had useless days at work due to hangovers. I finally stopped 5 days ago. Longest I've been sober in years and going to do everything I can to stay that way. I also don't think AA is for me. I have family members in the program and have gone to meetings and I know it works wnders for a lot of people but I don't think I'm one of them. If you have never been to AA, thean you should definitely check it out for yourself before deciding. I am just sick of the cycle. One thing I've had in my life for a few years is martial arts training. Muay Thai and jiu jitsu. That allows me to meet a lot of people with common interest who happen to not drink because of their dedication to fitness. Maybe find something like that or crossfit or another group activity that will let you make new friends that don't revolve around drinking. That is one thing I feel lucky to have right now, social outlet with no pressures to drink
Your story sounds just like mine. I'm 34, started when I was 15 and progressed to where I drank a 6 pack per night and a little more on weekends for the past 5 years. Never got in trouble, always employed and never missed work from drinking but certainly have had useless days at work due to hangovers. I finally stopped 5 days ago. Longest I've been sober in years and going to do everything I can to stay that way. I also don't think AA is for me. I have family members in the program and have gone to meetings and I know it works wnders for a lot of people but I don't think I'm one of them. If you have never been to AA, thean you should definitely check it out for yourself before deciding. I am just sick of the cycle. One thing I've had in my life for a few years is martial arts training. Muay Thai and jiu jitsu. That allows me to meet a lot of people with common interest who happen to not drink because of their dedication to fitness. Maybe find something like that or crossfit or another group activity that will let you make new friends that don't revolve around drinking. That is one thing I feel lucky to have right now, social outlet with no pressures to drink
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
rough day
Well day 6,
I had some news I heard today that brought me close to drinking.I drove to liquor store and sat outside in parking lot for 15 minutes deciding what to do.I did not walk in,I went back home.I am proud of myself for not drinking but kinda ashamed of myself that it came that close.This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to accomplish.
I had some news I heard today that brought me close to drinking.I drove to liquor store and sat outside in parking lot for 15 minutes deciding what to do.I did not walk in,I went back home.I am proud of myself for not drinking but kinda ashamed of myself that it came that close.This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to accomplish.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by gaffo
It sounds like you need one last little push to really try the sober life style. Maybe an AA meeting or five would do that if nothing (or everything) else. No matter what program you pick you need to really want it. There is no magic pill. The good news is that you can have it. It can be simple. Don't drink. If you do that for long enough it will get easier and your life will get better. Keep coming to SR. Have faith.
These words--me. My thoughts are of negativity, hopelessness, grief and guilt.
I have been to AA meetings, and while I think that talking and being with "your own kind" is certainly helpful, I am turned off by what I believe just lays more guilt on you, as well trading dependency and well the God thing. I know that higher power doesn't have to be God. As far as the amends, I have made those. For a short period of time, I was an *******--mainly at work--ego; arrogant, and just. It nice. I apologized to those that experienced my wrath. I don't have a long drinking career of mishaps and hurting people because of drinking. I haven't had three DUI's (none) but yes, there's the luck factor. I've been through depression so dark that I thought I would be much better off if I were dead. I wouldn't kill myself--just that I was "gone." in a short period of time, I left and divorced my husband of 20 years, had an affair, lost my job, and was unemployed for almost a year. That drove me to the depths. I still loved my husband, but years of anger and mental abuse took their toll. But he was also loving and good to me at the same time. My alcholism--I won't say didn't contribute to some of our problems, bit I left because I was just tired. But I left him cold. I had and still have guilt over that. Two years ago he died. I've wallowed in guilt and remorse ever since. As well as resentment and anger--over many things. I have quit drinking only twice in my whole drinking career. (age 15)
I quit in July and was back to "just a couple" a day. I knew in my mind I'd be right back. And here I am. I lost probably 7 pounds of belly fat in one month. Now the belly is back. When I quit, I was determined. But I believe loneliness got me. I have two dogs and they keep me from going out. Really. Plus, I still didn't do anything. I was still depressed. Life is passing me by. Yet I just have apathy and not much desire to do anything. I hate my job, and that contributes to drinking. My life is passing me by. I turn 50 in two weeks. I do need gratitude for what I do have. I'm scared of losing my job and losing my home. I deep like if I just had a partner, I could rest easier and have stress alleviated.
Ah blah blah. Whiny. I know all of this, but yet I continue to "need" alcohol. I went in a dating site, and have had many inquiries. I have only been on two dates. They weren't right. U k is I resist even responding because I drink--but also that I don't "love life." I don't have kids. I sometimes wish I did, because I wouldn't be so alone. I'm not the person I used to be, and I don't know if I'll ever be. It's depressing to think about. I am still attractive, have a home and seem to have it all together. HA!
I--and everyone have always thought I was a strong person. I've used drugs and alcohol my whole life to deal with a painful childhood--and stress.
As you know--it's a cycle. You drink because of stress, yet it only causes more stress. Same old "it's how I cope." I know--for a few hours. Some days I care but a lot of them I don't. Ha, I'm looking for one of you to say the right thing that will wake me up. I hem jaw on going to aa meetings because of the reasons listed above, but I think talking might help. I didn't fit in to the meetings I went to. I can't travel all over town. Why, I can't leave my dogs at home for 11 hours at a time. Excuses? Perhaps, but I worry about my dogs if I'm not tending to them. I'll try another meeting around here. Maybe I could get by with just a few a week. I don't want to hear that I have to work the steps or il forever be in hell because I haven't made amends. I can't make amends to the person I want to--he's dead.
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