LiveLikeGold6

I just wanted to ask how people get the courage and focus to talk at meetings. I really want to share and be apart of the group. When I was called on today I said, "My name is ___ and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first meeting in a long time so I don't know what to say I just want to listen. But I'm really glad to be here and I want to keep it like that."

I know my alcoholic mind makes me obsessive and over-analytical.

I really have a lot going on that I could have shared about. But my heart starts beating really hard, I start sweating, my face gets really warm and probably red, and I get sort of out of breath.

I really want to open up and be apart of this group and I know they won't care if I stutter or get red, but its such a hurdle for me.

How can I get past this so I can actually let people know who I am and make connections with people?

AskMeLater

Hi LiveLikeGold6,

You mentioned you just started going to AA meetings again. I could be wrong, but ain't it hard/scary for most people to speak up the first few times? Do you think the more you go, the more comforatble you will become. I think If you hang in there, you'll speak up when ready.......just my thought.

camedown

Take your time and listen. If you are planning on committing to AA for the long haul, you have plenty of time to get over your fears and trepidations. A lot of my anxiety has subsided, but I still prefer to sit and listen to others most of the time anyways, we learn from what others say, we all ready know what's in our heads. The more veteran members of the group will understand, especially if you attend regularly and are focused. There is also time before and after the meetings to get to know people in a more casual enviornment. Try to enjoy it, there is no specific pattern to the process other than don't drink and attend meetings, the rest will come as your higher power dictates it to. Best of luck!!!


camedown

Sapling

That will come in time...My sponsor told me to just listen for 30 days...And I was there every day and that is what I did. I think that helped me. I still like to listen but when I do share now I try and keep it short and to the point. Recovery and the 12 steps. I also pray that if I do share in a meeting that the words may be helpful to someone else...I like prayer..I pray with the energy I used to put into drinking. All I can say is the results are a lot better. Nothing ever good happened to me from drinking....with the exception that I did find the program of AA.

dawnrunner

I agree that listening is a good strategy and yo should not feel pressed to speak at any length. I think what you said was perfect.

Really listening is a mental discipline that is very beneficial in itself.

Mark75

Heck, I've been to hundreds of meetings now... I shared yesterday and got all jittery and in a sweat (I know ... go figure, LOL).

I share when I get "moved" to share... Yesterday the lead share really resonated... It's kinda like the decision to share or not is not mine.... if you know what I mean.

I always remember that I don't have to share and if I am not moved to do so, I don't. If I thought that I was and I am not called on, it still helps me, to get my thoughts in order and has importance if only just to me.

I didn't share much at all the first 9-12 months.

Elisabeth888

I was petrified to share at first and I still do get nervous. I share when I think I might have something to add that might help someone and also when I need to get something off of my chest. I try to relate it in terms of applying the steps to my life to solve the problem(s) so that it is solution based. Sometimes you just need to share what is going on with you though, like when they ask if there are any burning desires or if there is anything anyone needs to talk about.

I think that as you meet and speak to people at meetings you will be less nervous. Listen as long as you need to as people have suggested.

This is coming from a person that was afraid to do the readings.

DayTrader

A couple caveats:

you don't need to share at a meeting

sharing at a meeting may help, but it won't keep you sober "for good and for all"

when I'm nervous about talking, it's because my ego thinks I need to impress people - listening to my ego will get me drunk

sometimes, when I'm trying to impress people (to get them to like me), I'll embellish a story, I'll leave the "bad" parts out, or I'll just tell a pack of lies. We're warned over and over in the BB that continuing to live the life of a liar will NOT work with sobriety - the lying needs to stop or else my sobriety will.

So.....all that stuff being said.....what's most important about what you say at a table is that it's the TRUTH - as you currently understand it to be. Ya know, it's OK to say at a meeting "I didn't want to come today" or "I don't know anything about this step, I haven't worked it yet" or to say exactly what you said at the meeting you referenced.

I went to a funeral this summer for a guy......saw him all the time at meetings....and he seemed to always have a great message. He talked about how thankful he was, how well things were going, etc etc etc. Little did we know he'd gone back to drinking and it claimed his life. So....the message here is BE HONEST.

......It took me close to a year to be comfortable at ONE meeting. Any others I went to, right back to being nervous. Now, at about 4 1/2 years, I'm usually pretty comfortable at just about any meeting (usually - ). I still get nervous when I'm doing an open talk but so does my great-grand-sponsor - and he's given many many hundreds of them in his 53 years. Just keep going and keep being honest.......with practice, the nervousness will start to go away.

NYCDoglvr

Don't beat yourself up over this. The important thing is you're back at meetings. Do you have a sponsor? That's the ideal person to talk to, invaluable in sobriety.