Will they ever believe me again?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester
Posts: 179
Will they ever believe me again?
Hi guys,
I am new to all of this, and I just feel like this is a place I can really speak to people who understand.
I have drank heavily since being 16. I used to confine it to drinking when I was out at weekends, and that didn't seem a problem. Everyone drank and I didn't, at that point, have a dependency. However, I went to university, and that is when alcoholism really got my by the throat. In my first year everyone told me I was 'the life and soul' of the party, as I was always drinking, having fun, getting drunk and being silly. However, I realised quickly my drinking was a problem as I started blacking out, missing lectures, waking up with bruises and cuts, losing mobile phones, wallets, etc. I went to a black tie party for my university and was sexually assaulted whilst drunk and hurt quite bad. That devastated me and I spent weeks in my room drinking myself stupid and crying basically.
I went back in my second year and I was then (looking honestly at it) a full blown alcoholic, as I drank a bottle of vodka every day. I tried to talk to a counsellor, but found the service was not to my liking. In December of that year (2008) my best friend staged an intervention and made me go home. At this point I was a total mess and my parents couldn't understand as I was a straight A student. I couldn't tell them about the drink or the assault, but I just asked them to support me.
I met a guy and he was a teetotal, and after seven months I moved in with him. It really helped that he didn't drink, but he hated it when I did. It always caused arguments. In January last year I left him after he cheated on me. He said he was so angry with me for constantly promising to give up and always getting drunk. It broke my heart.
I moved in with a friend and reverted back to serious drinking. I would visit bars 4-5 times a week, often after work, and get blazing drunk with my bar pals. I would then go to work hungover, but it got so bad I kept missing work. In July this year I admitted for the first time to my friends I was an alcoholic. I have four very close friends who all knew I was an alcoholic and had been so worried about me, and when I told them they were so happy.
From August to December though this year I have had different stints of sobreity, my longest being seven weeks. However what I am so ashamed of is I would lie to them and tell them I wasn't drinking, when I was. I would miss social events as I was too drunk. My best friend- he is like a brother- threatened to walk away as he felt I was drinking myself to death, and he couldn't handle it. I promised it, and meant it in my sobriety, I would try. Yet the vodka bottle always called...
I had a massive relapse over X-mas and drank for eight days solid. I know this has broken my friend's hearts. I have been three days off the booze now, but I know when I speak to them about trying to go sober, they think it is another lie. It breaks my soul as I love these people so much. And I do not want to die. I am 23 and have trouble with my heart due to booze, and raised enzyme levels in my liver. I used to be a fit and healthy (and not being arrogant but good looking lad) and now I look about 30. I feel like my body is closing down. And because of this I truly want to go sober. I have even arranged to go to an AA meeting tomorrow. But I can't get that look of disbelief on my friend's faces when I say I will try this time. And I can't blame them.
I guess this is a rant so I am sorry if I have sounded negative, but I don't feel like I can talk to anyone at the moment.
I am new to all of this, and I just feel like this is a place I can really speak to people who understand.
I have drank heavily since being 16. I used to confine it to drinking when I was out at weekends, and that didn't seem a problem. Everyone drank and I didn't, at that point, have a dependency. However, I went to university, and that is when alcoholism really got my by the throat. In my first year everyone told me I was 'the life and soul' of the party, as I was always drinking, having fun, getting drunk and being silly. However, I realised quickly my drinking was a problem as I started blacking out, missing lectures, waking up with bruises and cuts, losing mobile phones, wallets, etc. I went to a black tie party for my university and was sexually assaulted whilst drunk and hurt quite bad. That devastated me and I spent weeks in my room drinking myself stupid and crying basically.
I went back in my second year and I was then (looking honestly at it) a full blown alcoholic, as I drank a bottle of vodka every day. I tried to talk to a counsellor, but found the service was not to my liking. In December of that year (2008) my best friend staged an intervention and made me go home. At this point I was a total mess and my parents couldn't understand as I was a straight A student. I couldn't tell them about the drink or the assault, but I just asked them to support me.
I met a guy and he was a teetotal, and after seven months I moved in with him. It really helped that he didn't drink, but he hated it when I did. It always caused arguments. In January last year I left him after he cheated on me. He said he was so angry with me for constantly promising to give up and always getting drunk. It broke my heart.
I moved in with a friend and reverted back to serious drinking. I would visit bars 4-5 times a week, often after work, and get blazing drunk with my bar pals. I would then go to work hungover, but it got so bad I kept missing work. In July this year I admitted for the first time to my friends I was an alcoholic. I have four very close friends who all knew I was an alcoholic and had been so worried about me, and when I told them they were so happy.
From August to December though this year I have had different stints of sobreity, my longest being seven weeks. However what I am so ashamed of is I would lie to them and tell them I wasn't drinking, when I was. I would miss social events as I was too drunk. My best friend- he is like a brother- threatened to walk away as he felt I was drinking myself to death, and he couldn't handle it. I promised it, and meant it in my sobriety, I would try. Yet the vodka bottle always called...
I had a massive relapse over X-mas and drank for eight days solid. I know this has broken my friend's hearts. I have been three days off the booze now, but I know when I speak to them about trying to go sober, they think it is another lie. It breaks my soul as I love these people so much. And I do not want to die. I am 23 and have trouble with my heart due to booze, and raised enzyme levels in my liver. I used to be a fit and healthy (and not being arrogant but good looking lad) and now I look about 30. I feel like my body is closing down. And because of this I truly want to go sober. I have even arranged to go to an AA meeting tomorrow. But I can't get that look of disbelief on my friend's faces when I say I will try this time. And I can't blame them.
I guess this is a rant so I am sorry if I have sounded negative, but I don't feel like I can talk to anyone at the moment.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
Welcome to SR! You will find a lot of support here. The best way to regain the trust of your family and friends is by your actions. They have heard your words before, probably many times, so words have no effect. By following through on your promises to quit drinking and by finding a support program and sticking with it, you will slowly be able to regain trust.
Good luck! Keep reading here and posting. It will help.
Good luck! Keep reading here and posting. It will help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I ended my drinking days as the stereotypical neighbourhood drunk. It was a long way back from that, reputation wise, but you can do it too 
Like Suki said, the best way to regain trust & respect is just to live to right - live sober.
You have to do it for you - not to 'show' anybody - but people will notice.
I had one 'never call me again' experience with an ex, but by and large those who love you will trust you again
D
Like Suki said, the best way to regain trust & respect is just to live to right - live sober.
You have to do it for you - not to 'show' anybody - but people will notice.
I had one 'never call me again' experience with an ex, but by and large those who love you will trust you again
D
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
The only person who has to believe you are getting sober is you. Get sober, stay sober and it won't be an issue of whether people believe you or not. Your actions will speak for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester
Posts: 179
Thanks it is really helpful. I feel like I want a sober life where I am not being controlled by alcohol. And I guess deep down I know that my actions will speak louder than words. Fingers crossed eh?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree with (((Suki))). My DOC is crack, and I'd been clean then relapsed. I never told my family I was in recovery, wasn't really sure I could STAY in recovery, but started doing things that showed I was responsible. TBH, my family doesn't have a clue what "recovery" is. What they do know is my actions show a responsible and dependable person - something I most definitely was not when I was using.
It took time, but I did earn the trust of my family and friends. My words? I'd said stuff too many times before, and they meant nothing.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It took time, but I did earn the trust of my family and friends. My words? I'd said stuff too many times before, and they meant nothing.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 43
Blue,
I really think you should try AA. If the higher power isn't your thing, there is also AA for atheists/agnostics. But what you'll find at AA is something your family can't possibly give you - understanding. Your friends and family do not understand the disease. It's not their fault, but unless they are alcoholics, they don't get it. They just don't. And they really can't. They think you can just 'will' yourself to have one or two and go home. But alcoholics know it doesn't work that way. If it did, AA wouldn't exist!
The people you find at AA do get it. And they want you to succeed. And they will be there for you, sitting in those rooms, whether you fall flat on your face 100 times or get it right the first time. That's the difference that being in a room of other alcoholics makes. You never have to feel shame around them. You can be honest for the first time in a long time. It's absolutely liberating.
It's natural for us to want to lean on our family for support. But I've found that the best support my family can give me is to tell me to 'get my ass to a meeting.' lol. Otherwise, they're mostly clueless (except for my dad who has 20+ years in AA)
I wish you the best as you sort all this out.
I really think you should try AA. If the higher power isn't your thing, there is also AA for atheists/agnostics. But what you'll find at AA is something your family can't possibly give you - understanding. Your friends and family do not understand the disease. It's not their fault, but unless they are alcoholics, they don't get it. They just don't. And they really can't. They think you can just 'will' yourself to have one or two and go home. But alcoholics know it doesn't work that way. If it did, AA wouldn't exist!
The people you find at AA do get it. And they want you to succeed. And they will be there for you, sitting in those rooms, whether you fall flat on your face 100 times or get it right the first time. That's the difference that being in a room of other alcoholics makes. You never have to feel shame around them. You can be honest for the first time in a long time. It's absolutely liberating.
It's natural for us to want to lean on our family for support. But I've found that the best support my family can give me is to tell me to 'get my ass to a meeting.' lol. Otherwise, they're mostly clueless (except for my dad who has 20+ years in AA)
I wish you the best as you sort all this out.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
It will take time to mend together friendship with those affected. Sadly it's hard for people to accept you want to stay sober. I've been through this recently. I'm sober 4 months now but my parents still have some skeptical feeligns about me wanting to stay sober. I moved out in March of 2011 and within a week started drinking again. From there I was on and off with my drinking and each time my parents found out, they got angry until around May they refused to ever speak to me or invite me over because they kept being destroyed by my drinking over and over. Back in August 2011 I finally crumbled from too much drinking of 4 days straight and I was close to death from drinking and even though they really didn't want to bring me back home to get back on my feet they came a day after my binge and wanted me to come back home. One major problem was the fact that my place I lived in was run by party animals who loved to drink and even though I drank too much each time we drank they said I was fine and nothing was wrong with my drinking.... a subtle hint they are alcoholics for sure. But even though I made several promises to not drink they taken extra precautions and I have to follow house rules. People ask me if its hard to live back home with rules meant for a kid when really, I'm 27. I said no. I'd prefer to live under rules and be sober rather then my other life style of pure drinking and not giving a damn about my job or health or family. Now that I'm sober I care about my family, my health and this special girl I've met and considering her to be my girlfriend soon, without AA and my parents help I wouldn't have been able to meet this person lol. But anyway getting off track here.
It'll take time and hard work. As I said. I'm 4 months sober but it's not the first time I've obtained 4 months but I live by one day at atime and focus only on today now. I use to believe I'd be sober till I die but that never worked out. So I promise to remain sober just for today.... and it really works. So I wish you luck on your journey, if you really want to be sober you have to work hard for it as have I and everyone here in the SR community. You can do it, it may seem impossible... but anything is possible. Good luck once again.
It'll take time and hard work. As I said. I'm 4 months sober but it's not the first time I've obtained 4 months but I live by one day at atime and focus only on today now. I use to believe I'd be sober till I die but that never worked out. So I promise to remain sober just for today.... and it really works. So I wish you luck on your journey, if you really want to be sober you have to work hard for it as have I and everyone here in the SR community. You can do it, it may seem impossible... but anything is possible. Good luck once again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 24
Recovery is a great thing yes, but it also doesn't happen over night.
We all have our falls and we just have to get back up and keep going. Eventually they will trust and believe you again, but that takes time. You have to have faith. My question is you want your family and friends to believe you, but do you yourself believe IN yourself that you have the ability and the will power to success and take it one day at a time?! Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. That's how you have to do it. And each day they will believe and trust you a little more. Tell them you need their support that you are trying but they need to understand addiction and that everyone has their slips.
We all have our falls and we just have to get back up and keep going. Eventually they will trust and believe you again, but that takes time. You have to have faith. My question is you want your family and friends to believe you, but do you yourself believe IN yourself that you have the ability and the will power to success and take it one day at a time?! Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. That's how you have to do it. And each day they will believe and trust you a little more. Tell them you need their support that you are trying but they need to understand addiction and that everyone has their slips.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
Hey Blue, welcome to SR.
As others have said above - your actions will speak louder than your words. And as dog said, remember: You are the most important person in your sobriety. Even if they don't believe you, it is YOU who has to believe in you.
I hope you hang around SR - it's a fantastic community that has helped me through some very miserable times. In fact I don't know where I'd be without these guys in here.
As others have said above - your actions will speak louder than your words. And as dog said, remember: You are the most important person in your sobriety. Even if they don't believe you, it is YOU who has to believe in you.
I hope you hang around SR - it's a fantastic community that has helped me through some very miserable times. In fact I don't know where I'd be without these guys in here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 25
Hey ..
me and the rest of your classmates are here for you! i believe u can do it, u just need to have faith in urself, and try to concentrate on urself getting better and getting over alcohol instead of thinking if others believe u or not.. I only told one friend and he doubted me, and made fun! lol, so im not talking about it to anyone, and just keeping a positive attitude (although i have the worst headache today lol) anyways cheer up mate, and best of luck! =D
me and the rest of your classmates are here for you! i believe u can do it, u just need to have faith in urself, and try to concentrate on urself getting better and getting over alcohol instead of thinking if others believe u or not.. I only told one friend and he doubted me, and made fun! lol, so im not talking about it to anyone, and just keeping a positive attitude (although i have the worst headache today lol) anyways cheer up mate, and best of luck! =D
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by walkertall 
If you want to quit drinking.....you have to quit drinking. It really is that simple......good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester
Posts: 179
Thanks everyone. I have been to my second AA meeting (never thought in a million years I would say that!) and it has really helped. I am starting to realise I need to come to terms with my own feelings on alcoholism and live my life one sober day at a time, and then eventually people will realise I am conquering this addiction. It is so true...actions do indeed speak louder than words. I never in a million years thought I could go to AA, and I have proven myself wrong. Now I need to prove myself right in knowing I can beat alcoholism.
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