Hurting

Hi,

I just started periodic drinking after 11 years of wonderful sobriety. My life is a 180 from 11 years ago. I am undergoing challenging levels of stress and it appears to have broken me enough to lift tip the glass again. I'm seeing a therapist but incidents of drinking are becoming more frequent. Is there anyone who can relate (dumb question) who has .2 worth of encouragement or advice for me. I am spiralling and can't seem to stop. It's amazing after all of these years. I've done this w/o AA. I tried AA but could not hang with it.

Thanks...

Anna

Hi Hurting, I believe all of us are just a drink away from the downward spiral you're experiencing. You've had 11 great years and that's a tremendous accomplishment. You know how to stay sober so you can do it again and maintain it. You mention the challenging levels of stress in your life. If that is the problem, is there anything you can do to lessen the stress? Is whatever you're stressed about worth losing your sobriety? Hang around here and chat with us - we'll offer you all the support we can.

Hugs and love,
Anna

Hurting

Hi 51anna,

Thanks for responding. My belief is that nothing should be worth going back to drinking. I had a rough year. I had a debilitating injury from which I'm almost recovered, my relationship of 10 years is in trouble, my mother lives 3000 miles away and has dementia and will not let me help her, I just found out I am adopted after 45 years of living. I am seeing a therapist weekly but the weight feels so great. I am very scared as I have really loved life during sobriety. The old me was in arrested development and I have finally grown. I do not want to become a child again.

I appreciate this board. It's good to have people like yourself out there to help

Anna

Wow, Hurting, you do have a lot on your plate and all at the same time. Please don't forget to take care of yourself. We're always here to listen and offer support, so hang around. And, remember how much you loved your sober life. Don't let that go.

Love, Anna

CarolD

Hello Hurting...Welcome to SR..Sorry for your troubles.

I suggest checking out a support group. I use AA...a church or alternative 12 Step program are options too.

Hope you find your answer to quitting. :shades:

panadolsandwich

Hello Hurting,

Please don't be too hard on yourself. I don't think you need any advice or encouragement to be sober. I can fully understand why you feel you need to escape from reality.

Can you take time off to go on a holiday? Just getting away from familiar surrounds I've found has helped me. If you do drink don't beat yourself up about it, you don't need another reason to be depressed.

You need time to grieve, to think clearly, to decide on a course of action and follow it through. Mind there are somethings in life you just can't change, recognise the ones that upset you and excise them from your mind, at least for now.

No matter what, you should realise you're not going to hurt like you do now forever. This will pass, like a storm always does. Keep posting, we need you as much as you need us. 11 years of being sober is an impressive achievement, I'm curious how you managed it.

Hugs,

Mark.

AvieG

Hurting, the fact that AA didn't work LAST time, doesn't mean it won't ever work for you again.

I first went to AA over 20 years ago, and I said, "No way - NOT for me - I CAN'T go along with all this God stuff"

I went back again after seven more years of bingeing hell, and IT WORKED, and is still working today for me. Sobriety is definitely NOT something I can do alone.

Welcome to SR

Music

Hi there Hurting,
I'm bothered when I hear or read that someone has been off the booze for a period of time and then starts up again. I find myself wondering, "What the hell did he do to cause that to happen?" I didn't have to wonder about this one though. You answered the question for me. Carol mentioned AA or some other support group. AA worked for me, and continues to work for me. Thing is I've always wanted AA to work for me and I was and am willing to do the work AA requires(suggests). I have no idea what would make me pick up a drink today....if anything! That's why I continue to go to meetings, sponsor people, and work the steps to the best that I can. And, the most important thing is that I have a deep faith and trust in God today which I never used to have. So, I have my support group. The AA program, people, the steps and my Higher Power. You said, "I've done this w/o AA." My best ideas and all the intelligence I could muster got me to my first AA meeting. Why would I think I could quit drinking on my own without some support? Maybe I'm just not as bright as you or maybe I'm constitutionally weak that I need the help of AA and people like me. But, here's a little quote from the AA Big Book that might be of interest.

"So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible."

I just want to submitt this notion to you for your consideration. Do you think it's possible that if you'd had some kind of support group(I've always used AA)that maybe you wouldn't be in this fix?
My wife found out at the age of 37 that her Dad wasn't her real Dad. Yes, there was some confusion for a while but now she's been reunited with a brother and two sisters she didn't know about either. What is it they say about clouds and silver linings? I can never remember how that goes.

I was at a meeting last night and a guy mentioned that the only way to really know whether a perons has hit bottom or not is by whether or not they drink. I thought that was brilliant!!:p

With support I can survive. Without support I'm doomed.

Peter

I drank primarily because I lacked the ability to face the painful events that life had to offer me.

If I go back and pick up a drink today it will be because of the same thing.

When I had my "relapse" after ten months of sobriety I had to get honest with myself and ask myself some important questions:

"Have I truly admitted that I am "powerless" over alcohol and the effect it has on me ?"

"Have I accepted the fact that as an alcoholic I will never be able to safely pick up a drink again ?"

"Do I have any "reservations" about drinking? Do I feel that there is some painful event in my life that I just could not face without alcohol, like the loss of a loved one ?"

I had to get honest with myself and answer these questions with a resounding NO because secretly I had been romancing the thought of maybe one day taking a drink when I had a couple of years sobriety under my belt or that if I ever had to face a particularly traumatic episode in my life I would need to return to the soothing "comfort" of alcohol.

I celebrated six years of sobriety a week ago and even though today I am going through the breakup of a twelve year relationship with my S.O. the thought of taking a drink has not crossed my mind.

Why ?

Because for the past six years I have been in recovery and learning a new way to live. I am learning to face life without alcohol.

Even though I am going through one of the most difficult things I ever had to do in my life by letting go of someone whom I still love very much I have to keep reminding myself that this is what recovery has been preparing me for over the past six years........The ability to face the cold harsh reality of "FACING LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS."

I have to keep reminding myself that this is it........"this is not a drill."

How I act now will determine how well I have worked my programme and the quality of my recovery.

But Music is right. I could not and I cannot do it alone. I need the loving support and understanding of other people and I was able to find that support in my AA fellowship.

More than ever I rely on my friends in recovery to help me to get through these difficult times.

For me now picking up a drink would be the worse thing I could possibly do in my life. If the pain now is so intense I cannot possibly imagine how much worse it would be if I were to add alcohol.......the pain would be unbearable and I know it would probably kill me.

Hurting I empathise with your pain and I know how great your sadness must be but the only suggestion I can give you is to tell you what worked for me.....Alcoholics Anonymous......

Counselling and therapy is great but the great beauty of AA is that I have a circle of friends who are there for me always.....twenty four hours a day..........either way whatever recourse you cjhoose I wish you the very best and I want you to know that you will always be welcome here .

Bradley004

Hi Hurting, I totally agree with Music. Problems are only problems when you choose to be self-destructive about them. Being adopted is NOT the end of the world. We have an adopted one in our family and he is everyone's blessing. Speaking from a woman and a mom...getting pregnant is the easy part ..it's raising the children that takes a gift. I have no doubt our nephew (my sister's adopted son) was a HUGE sacrifice to his birth mother but she did it out of love for him. And we are sure greatful as I hope one day she can see that by how wonderful a life she gave him. My sister only has one other son and he as cirebal palsy (spelling)? So Michael (adopted one) is one of great blessing and he helps his brother and inspires us all.

We all get sick...nothing new. I feel for you with your Mom but God will get you both through it. It's tough..my grandfather refused all help but lived to 98. He just continued to want to drive at that age...lol. I personally believe sickness is another aspect of life to gain strength through God, not avoid it.

And regards to your relationship issue...JOIN THE CLUB!!!!! I have continuous relationship issues but have learned to be happy w/or w/out a man! Your not alone but trust me..all things work for a reason. And this could be a blessing...if you learn and gain strength from it. No one wants to be alone but sometimes being alone is the best thing. Who knows,,,,it can work out, you could meet someone else...NOT WORTHIN FRETTIN OVER.

God bless and keep the faith. Get a grip and get back to your wonderful life of Sobriety. You mentioned your life is different now but it was not then? You had no issues then? I doubt it. You just need to get your priorities straight. Your sobriety can help you through this. I hope you do give AA a try.

God bless

Bradley004

Peter, I just read your post. VERY WELL SAID, and God bless you too.

Bradley004

Hurting, I just wanted to empathize as well with your issues. I didn't mean to minimize them. I was at a place of desperation as well in terms of relationship, lonliness, etc. I just have learned that all that pain was necessary and life is still good. I don't know your situation or what may happen but if it's "any" hope at all you can still have Joy and you will get through this. It's amazing what we see as unsurmountable God sees as opportunity.

Hurting

Wow. I just checked this for tyhe first time since last night and cannot beleive the response, love and support. Thank you all for your words of advice and support. Many of you suggest I try AA but I am not of that mind. I tried the program and respect it's value. The reason I went online is to find you all. I realize how many people AAhas helped but I know that I will eventually find it within myself to simply stop.

I saw my therapist today and told her about this site and she was very pleased to have seen me take this step at least. I realize that all things in my life will work themselves out and that I have to find the "sober" strenght to deal with them. The reason I was able to quit 11 years ago was because I realized that I would die if I didn't. Not necessarily a physical death (although that is a strong reality to the active alchoholic) but definitely an emotional and spiritual one. I honestly asked myself if I loved or hated me. I decided that that I loved the "real" me. I chose life over death and it has sustained me all this time. I do not feel guilt and am not beating myself up for my relapse. I am just scared. I am scared of my potential to drink my way to a self induced hell. They say that backsliding can be a strong reminder of how good your sobriety is. I am trying to use this as a lesson to strengthen myself. I realize that drinking will make nothing disappear, except possibly life.

Thank you all for the support and allowing me to ramble on. You are all wonderful.

Jhana

Hurting,

I relapsed after 13 years of sobriety, and have been slipping and sliding around since then. One thing though, reading through all these posts has made me realize how important it is to be honest, to live in your own skin. I have said things here on this board I could never say to anyone, and it is making a change in me. Perhaps that is the way life changes...through pain.

I have...11 hours since my last drink, and I am determined to get through today (Christmas Eve, for God's sake) pun intended. If there is a God he/she has been very good to me, letting me live through this when I have been so precariously close to death by the direct and indirect effects of alcohol.

I hope you keep coming to this site, and thanks for your posts,

Gianna

Hurting

Hi Gianna,

Thanks for your support. I drank on Saturday night and am swearing I'll not do it again. Perhaps we should both make it our early New Year's resolution to go back to sobriety. 13 years is impressive and I am sorry to hear that you slipped. I'm being told that backsliding can be a reinforcment of the fact that we still have the problem. It certainly is. I've noticed that when I have had these slips I have no internal debate concerning what I'm about to do. I am like a robot w/o emotion. I just bee line it to a bar and order drinks as if I do it all the time. My great fear is to lose the gains made over the last 11 years. I'm certain you feel similiarly. Life is so much better now. I guess we all need to embrace the positive achievements we've made thanks to abstinence from alchohol. I really do not want to revert back to my old self and lose everything. This of course is the consequence for all of us on this site.

I hope that you just stop. Keep the posts coming. This does help. We are not alone. FYI. I'm an ex-pat NY'er myself. I thought leaving would cure it all 20 years ago. It took 9 more years to get sober. The moral is the demons are with us wherever we go.

Have a happy and sober holiday.....please...........

Ninerfan

My advice is to check out some AA meetings. You might have changed your opinion in the last eleven years. They might be of help now. Go with a completely open mind, as if you never heard of AA before. Get some new facts, then decide.

Don W

Hi Hurting, I once drank after 5 years. I have learned that you have not lost those years. What you need to do is get right back on the road to recovery. They talk of this at my VA Hospital meetings. Many of us will drink and stay out for years because of our sense of failure. I found it just as easy to drink after 5 years, 2 years 15 months as it was after 1 day. I belive that regardless of time we only have today. Past experence can be used as a tool. Join us for today. You've made that first step. You know what's needed to be done. You have experence that new comers don't. There are many in the same position, you can help. Don W

Jhana

Hi Hurting,

Are you still with us? I hope now that the holidays are over it will be easier to stay on track. I did make it through and am at Day 16.

I was just wondering how you were doing,
Gianna

docdave

Those who forget there past history are doomed to repeat it...Winston Churchill....

Laci

Hi Hurting,

I went back out after 10 years sobriety. It took me 14 years to make it back and those 14 years were not pleasant years. For me, AA works. That is my choice. I would suggest giving it another look as AA has really changed in many ways since I came back. The principles are still there, the 12 steps and soforth but I felt a much different atmosphere when I came back. I cannot explain it but I like it! Well...whatever works for you, just do it because it doesn't get better. Our disease is progressive and drinking will not make an already bad siutation any better. Again, AA is my choice and I am not here to promote AA. I am here as it is a tool to help me remain sober and learn to live in recovery. However you did it, get back to it. You have 11 years behind you and that is wonderful. You have had a rough year and I can sympathize with you however you know in your hear that drinking won't solve the problems. Glad to hear you are seeing a therapist and hope you keep coming back here.

Love,
Laci

Dr. Dave...I love your quote. I say it to myself every day. That and also "To Thine Own Self Be True"