Linz

Hi all and happy holidays!

Just wanted to share and maybe get some feedback about other's experiences with this phenomenon;

Today is my 4th day without a drink, my 12th day without a cigarette, and absolutely no cravings whatsoever for either yet.
But as we all know, the booze craving will come, and I will struggle.

BUT

During some of my other drinking hiatuses in the past, I have been faced with alcohol, (other people are drinking it, I'm bored, etc...) I just start to drink it... I start to drink it and I don't even want to be drinking it! There have been times where it hurts my stomach while I'm drinking it, and I drink it anyway! What in the world?

Anyhow, has anybody else ever experienced this? What did you do about it?
Some of my family is coming in and my mother, father, boyfriend and I get to spend time with them, (my brother and his fiance.) They're all pretty HUMUNGOUS drinkers, and will be drinking steadily from 5 until they fall asleep each night that they're here.

Any coping mechanisms? I am not going to be in my hometown, we are going to Tennessee to stay in a cabin and watch some show, so it's not like I can just escape from time to time.
I feel as if I'll succeed in this stint of sobriety throughout this period, but I'd still appreciate some feedback.

Thanks all!

SSIL75

That's pretty typical alcoholic behavior, IME.

The standard advice is 'don't drink, ever'. If you are unable to not drink around these people then you have to go back to rule number one (don't drink, ever) and not go. Note I'm not saying 'don't go'. But if you truly feel that you have no input or control over the situation then I don't think you have any other options. Unless you're going to tell yourself that you're 'not ready' or you'll 'start in the new year' or any variety of BS I used to tell myself to enable my drinking.

doggonecarl

Congrats on four days, Linz.

I am sure there were times that I drank when I didn't particularly want to...but if so, they were very few and I don't remember. I always wanted to drink. That's why I'm here. But I'd say the way the deal with it is by NOT DRINKING. The same way you deal with drinking when you want to. And since you AREN'T DRINKING, Linz, it shouldn't be a problem.

As for dealing with your family and their drinking, sounds like it is going to be a challenge. I have no tips for coping, unless you'd consider not going.

I'll pray that you find the strength to get through holidays sober.

Charon

Were it me I would take a few really good books, a portable DVD player & earphones with some movies and TV shows, and a CD (will play on the DVD player) loaded with tunes. When they start drinking I would grab some snacks and something non-alcoholic to drink and go to my bedroom and enjoy myself. I would enjoy their company while they were not drinking but I'd avoid situations where the booze was flowing. They won't be that good company/conversation when sloshed anyway.

babycat

God, do I ever understand this. I will have no craving, no desire to drink but then I do. I will feel like a zombie, just mindlessly picking up a drink. I have no advice, but its nice to hear I am not alone.

RobbyRobot

I have not experienced what you are sharing. You not having *any* cravings while initially quitting both cigs and alcohol but *expecting* to having them later and struggling from that point on; those circumstances have not ever been in my experience.

The times of my not wanting to drink and finding myself drinking anyways, just like nothing, i have indeed experienced.

I'm not sure what you understand about addictive cravings and mental obsessions. Are you sure you are not already experiencing any struggle?

Seems impossible, you know?

In any case, it sounds like you think the holidays are indeed gonna be some kind of struggle sooner or later. Not sure what to suggest if the only struggle you have is when alcohol is actually in your presence?

irab

The main thing is not to drink, hour by hour, day by day.

Go lots of meetings 90 in 90 days. Get a sponsor.

The urges or cravings are just thoughts, these thoughts, are impermanent, and pass.

As long as you don't act on the thoughts, you are safe.

We all have the thoughts, urgings, cravings. They are normal

Sounds like you are doing well. Go to meetings and ventilate.

Pick a sponsor with lengthy sobriety, whose lifestyle you admire.

Work the steps !

Good Luck !

Dr IraB

CRAZE

When I was drinking I used to drink all the time when I didn't think I felt like it.
Drinking is just what I did and I figured if I wasn't drinking then what else was I going to do. This would happen most on weekends when I was recovering from friday nights drinking but still had to go to the bar on saturday, and I had to go to the bar on saturday because thats what I did. Drinking was almost like a job. Not drinking just because I didn't feel like it was no excuse, just like not going to work because I didn't feel like it was no excuse. That just shows how much I allowed alcohol to become a part of my being. If I wasn't at some point in the process of intoxicating myself I wasn't being myself.

DayTrader

They don't "have" to come back and you don't "have" to struggle. I did that route for a while but never was able to beat it - not permanently anyway. There ARE recovery paths that will guarantee the opposite.....that they won't return. Hopefully your path will work or that at least you'll learn something from it. When I was fighting the desire to drink, I won some battles but never the war. You CAN totally recovery from all that crap though.....it IS an option.



I'll tell ya what...lol... alcoholics in the world, that's what. That was pretty common for me back in the "I'll try to control it" days. I'd just start drinking.....almost subconsciously picking up and swallowing. And the spooky part is.......there is absolutely NO self-defense for that type of drinking (there is defense though.....but, obviously, it's going to have to be some defense outside what you're able to do on your own). Your memories, the ability to remember how bad it was, the time to think through the drink......NONE of those are options when you're not even IN your conscious mind when you pick up a drink. One of my mentors calls it 'being struck drunk' and that crap happened to me quite a bit......especially near what became the end of my drinking career.


Sure have experienced it...and it's a sobriety killer for the chronic alcoholic. And for someone who's suffering from chronic alcoholism, I've never heard of one coping mechanism that's worked, sorry. (yeah, it bummed the hell out of me when i heard that for the first time too.......). But, there is an alternative....it's not a gimmick, it's not a coping mechanism....it's not a way to manage your sobriety or your life ..... it's a whole NEW life. I figured that sounded pretty good and not knowing how to engineer one for myself, I took the path of least resistance....the easy way out.....and started working with the 12 steps in AA under the guidance of some pretty hip folks who were more than happy to show me the way. When you just CHANGE and the problem is NONEXISTENT, there's no need for any coping mechanisms - and AA guaranteed me that would be the case if I was willing to do the work.

DayTrader

I'll try to be delicate here.....and I mean NO offense. I do, however, want to clarify what I read in that post.

In my experience and in that of maaaaany (most, actually) of the ppl I know in AA and in sobriety: those tools that I left above don't work for a chronic alcoholic.

That said, they ARE tools and they might work, for some. But just because "go to (AA) meetings" was mentioned, please understand that these suggestions are not part of the solution to alcoholism presented in AA.

Ira......if I've offended you, please feel free to PM me and I'll be happy to discuss it.

Mark75

What makes me vulnerable to those thoughts, of picking up? My restlessness, irritability and discontentment is what. It can strike at anytime, often when I least expect it.

Meetings are only an hour of the day, phone calls, yea, but I gotta work and I have a family. They help ENORMOUSLY but they do not keep me at peace with myself and the world 24/7 (well, I've yet to get to 24/7 ... lol ... but I can hope to!!).

I had to work the steps, as laid out in the book of alcoholics anonymous, exactly as written.

I still get restless, irritable and discontent. If I remember to inventory, pray, try to align my will with God's... I don't have to wait for a meeting, or hope that someone answers the phone... for serenity... I have my higher power and I can call on Him... 24/7 and now I have His phone number, the 12 steps...

I know, schmaltzy, but you get the idea, LOLOL Progress not perfection. It's not about not drinking, that's just the prerequisite.

OceanSize

hi Linz,

my first few days and even weeks in sobriety i was all freaked out about being around alcohol.

as time has passed i'm now able to hang out in a bar with a club soda.

granted, i still isolate by burying myself in my phone instead of socializing around the event where i may be, but that's part of sobriety, too. the part without wine.

i'm not sure there's anything any of us can say which will stop you from drinking, but i do wish you the best and can promise we are here any time if you want to come here instead of having a drink. you can PM me anytime I will be thinking of you!

NYCDoglvr

I suggest working on one addiction at a time. I was advised to wait six months until even thinking about nicotine.

honeypie

I can relate, too, Linz...and all the words posted in reply here are good ones.

It is a mind set. Be a non-drinker in your mind and in your heart. It is not easy to surrender to Step one (admitting powerlessness over a drink) but for me it is the only way to go. I know beyond a doubt that I want to drink, but I already did that for years. And now I want to be a non-drinker and that outweighs the wanting to drink.

Hang in there, take everyone's advice who posted! Listen to the winners. :-) I will do the same. One day at a time.

Terminally Unique

Are you actually suggesting that she start smoking again?

Zencat

When I was unaware of what my thoughts were up to, I'd drink right out of the blue. Like drinking when I wasn't going to drink. It all seemed like some big unsolvable mystery to me.

Meditation has helped me see these previous hidden thoughts that trigger drinking. Now I can stop the drinking thoughts, stop the craving and direct my mind on to healthy thoughts and activities.

Linz

RobbyRobot:
It's weird, isn't it? I don't have any cravings, not for cigarettes or booze. I just know that the triggers will come, and it will be harder and harder with time not to pick up. I never have any initial cravings when I'm trying to quit something, it always comes on strong a few days after deciding not to pick up.

To the rest of you:
Thanks for your words! It is an odd thing, isn't it?
Surprisingly my father and mum were the only ones at the dinner table who were drinking last night. My brother, his fiance, and my boyfriend didn't drink. They drank a few beers before dinner, and one or two afterward, but nothing, NOTHING, like people like us are used to drinking. If I would've started when everyone else did, (4:00pm,) it wouldn't have stopped until midnight, I would've drank a large amount of the booze that they brought with us to the cabin, and I would feel like absolute death this morning.
Instead, I got up at 7:30, made coffee for everyone, cleaned up from the night before, took my dog on a walk, and waited for other people to come around.
This is the first time I have EVER been able to do this on a holiday trip!

babycat

Very cool Linz. I have read a lot of your posts and I am really rooting for you. This time of year is so hard as alcohol flows everywhere, so you getting through this is very impressive.

irab

Quote:
"What makes me vulnerable to these thoughts ?? " We are human and have the disease of alcoholism ( or whatever addiction) - it is part and parcel of the disease !

Here is where having a personalized, written down, ( they are online)
RELAPSE PREVENTION PLAN to read and re-read and carry with you daily. !!

This will list your vulnerabilities as you do some soul searching , with your sponsor
and when 1 comes out - BE proactive, more meetings, ventilate, meet with sponsor more often, re-work a step. etc etc. and do not drink 1 day or hour at a time !!

A most valuable tool - we used to have clients develop in the very beginning of their rehab, and continually add to it to enrich it.

Good Luck and Best Wishes
Dr Ira B

Philo34

That's so cool. Don't forget to "enjoy" these things as they happen so you can reflect back when you need to later. Just my $0.02