itstimetoquit

Hello everyone.
Have almost 3 months in now but the last few days I've been really thinking a lot about having a few drinks. I have been going to AA and have someone close to me that i can talk to but am finding it hard to open up about this.
I know what i should do but worry that no matter what, the urge is still going to be there and I'll just be putting off the inevitable. I know that's twisted, but can't seem to shake it.
This is the first time I've been really challenged this time around, it's been easy the last 3 months.
Just getting this out there, out of my head and on the screen. Someone told me this might help.

PaperDolls

I hope it does help!

Get yourself to a meeting or pick up the 100lb phone and call someone. It gets easier the more you do it.

Congrats on 3 months!

keithj

it'stime,

What Step are you on? Talking to somebody is great, but it did not, in my experience, substitute for the actions of the Steps that led to a spiritual awakening.

itstimetoquit

I haven't done any steps and not sure when I will be doing them. I am going to AA, twice a week, and am trying to get what I can out of it.
I have been in and out for years and have problems with some aspects to the program. The steps being one of them.

soberjim

For what it is worth..I am new to the journey of recovery..When I read comments by someone such as yourself who has made it 3 months (Congratulations!) I am very impressed by that accomplishment.

Please don't drink. You know inside that you will feel so much better if you do not. Posting here was a good thing. In 3 months times you want to be able to say you have gone 6 months without any alcohol. YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT A DAY 1 AGAIN.

Just do not do it. One day at a time.

Jim

DayTrader

Talking about your problems may help....but there's no guarantee that it will. Sometimes, discussing what's happening only bums me out more, ya know?

You mentioned AA and Keith brought up some great questions....because if you're going to AA, hopefully you're working the program of AA and not JUST attending meetings. Working the steps.....diligently.....and focusing on the 3 parts that chronic alcoholism affects a real alcoholic......that's where the relief in the AA program is. Matter of fact, recovery is guaranteed if you'll do it.

My crazy drinking and drug-using thoughts continued for many many months into my abstinence and were it not for an alcohol tether and drug testing several times per week, I'm pretty sure I would have gotten loaded before long. Once I really got into understanding and actually applying the steps in my life, aka, working the program vs attending meetings, those crazy "using" thoughts went away.

foodie1

Time, congratulations on your 3 months! I'm only 4 months myself, but I feel the urge to post some encouragement, so I hope that's ok. I'm discovering that, while the meetings are great, it's the program itself that's integral. The new way of thinking. The mindset of strong surrender. The unquestioning brotherhood/sisterhood. The steps are like tools that make for a stronger sobriety. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by using them. There's also options besides AA, maybe now would be a good time to research them?
I really hope you don't drink, but if you do, I really really hope you come back here when you're done! Best wishes to you

langkah

Sorry to hear that you're holding yourself back from utilizing the only solution AA has to offer an alcoholic. It seems to work exceptionally well for those who give it a shot.

But, if not now then you're wise to keep it fresh and unused as a possible future option.

In the meantime why not find another path that you find more agreeable? It must be very irritating to sit in the AA meetings and listen to the sober AA people talking about 'step this, and step that, and it's all about the steps, steps-steps-steps'...on and on the way they do.

If you ever do want to try AA it'll be there for you then. And on the plus side, the AA people will have even more time and experience sober by the time you get willing to do the steps and so will be even more effective in helping you if you ask them to.

You just can't lose.

Sally1009

When I have had those awful thoughts of inevitability I have shared them in meetimgs, and only had a positive response. Sharing seems to take the power out of those thoughts, especially when you find others have had the same ones too. Three months is awesome, and well done for posting about your fears. Keep coming back-it's the best way to fight this monster.

Gettingstarted

I'm also new. First time I have decided to quit (after 20 years) -- Remember that the urge will eventually go away. Make it through tonight and you will be thankful in the morning for a fresh new start, no hung over, not dehydrated, not feel full of regret! You are strong! Keep picking those feet up and go one step at a time. Even if they are turtle steps. :ghug3

langkah

Great you went almost 3 months this time, fighting the urges and toughing it out. I know how hard that can be. Well done.

Sapling

What they said...I found keeping myself so busy studying the big book and working the steps...I didn't have time to think about drinking...I made it a job for myself...One that could pay me back with my life. That means I had to work. Good luck to you.

keithj

OK, so not taking the Steps has led to continued difficulty with staying sober. Is it possible that taking the Steps would lead to permanent, contented sobriety? It has for the many recovered alcoholics in AA.

I'm glad that you're going to meetings. You don't have to take the Steps, just don't expect to recover like those that do take them. The first time the Steps were presented to me, I couldn't get past the idea of a higher power. I tried to do a 4th Step without the needed power, failed, and soon resumed drinking for another couple of years. When I returned to AA, I was a lot more beaten and desperate. That desperation made me willing to do the things I didn't believe in. I took the Steps as directed by the BB, and my life has never been the same. I have peace, freedom, and contented, lasting sobriety.

Maybe the same will be true for you.

sugarbear1

meetings are available so the newcomer may find us. I stay sober for the hour or so when i'm there, if I choose that. meeting makers attend many meetings.

relief & personal growth are in the solution-The Stepwork, as previously mentioned.

it's your choice. many people who "tried aa" only sat through a few meetings. in early aa, some groups only allowed people to attend meetings after they were guided through the steps as they had no experience to offer to the group.

miamifella

I think it is a mistake to discount the steps. I had a lot of trouble with them and did not get very far (never made it past step 2--but lied to myself and went on to 3 before realizing that I was being dishonest), but I had to confront a lot of things about myself and my values in working on them. I realized how important I thought honesty and integrity were--in fact that led me out of 12-step programs. But that set me on the path I did follow.

It is hard, because you do not get much guidance about those first steps. (I read here that some sponsors will work with you on the first three steps, but that was not the case with any of mine.) You have to read into the literature to figure out exactly what to do. But that is part of the deal. In figuring it out, you figure out a lot about yourself.

And who knows, the steps might actually be something that DOES help you. But in any case, if you really want recovery, you have to be willing to try ANYTHING.

Charon

Something to ask yourself - Do you really want to go through early recovery again? It will get easier, but if you go back to drinking you will have to endure those same three months again. It's not worth it. Please try to remember the pain and what it was like just before you quit. Do you really want that back? Hold Fast - the tide will turn, the storm will end - Hold Fast.

itstimetoquit

Thanks everybody. I didn't drink and won't today. Very much on edge though and basically just pissed off at things. Not sure why, may its the season.
Reading the replies has helped though. I just have to take some deep breaths and ride these urges out, I know it won't last and I also know that giving in and drinking will make things worse.

NYCDoglvr

Thanks for posting this. That's why the fellowship of AA is so invaluable, you can tell any alcoholic what you think and he/she will understand. This is a drink signal and I suggest calling another alcoholic and increasing meetings. We can't think our way out of craving a drink but we can ACT our way out by having brutal honesty in being upfront about ourselves. The action of calling and increasing meetings (and participating actively) will get you through this.

oak

Welcome to SR. I hope you find what you need here. I'm glad you are writing about your thoughts about drinking. I agree that it often helps to get it out (writing, talking, etc.).

I've been struggling with intense urges lately too. Yet- I know it is easier to stay sober than to get sober. It will get easier over time, as you learn more non-alcohol-related ways to cope.

Whenever I have given into the urges to drink in the past, I am amazed at how awful I feel and how much I wish that I had stayed sober. As much as I think drinking will help, I feel much worse after starting to drink again.

I hope that AA starts to feel like a better fit or that you find another group/resource that works for you. I tried all the groups I could find, and individual therapy. They all had positives (and negatives).

Good luck! Keep posting.

Russelrb

You are not putting off the inevitable. this will pass I PROMISE YOU! Stick with it, hang in there, go to a meeting, talk to a doctor, whatever it takes....dont give up! There is a life on the other end of this beast.