UofI2008

Ok, so I have like 31 days sober from my last relapse and I just got out of an outpatient rehab. I have been to about a meeting a day for the past month and I have gotten a sponsor in the last couple days. I guess my question is did you guys feel awkward with your sponsor at first? I am kind of a shy person and I just feel weird calling someone every night and forcing conversation. My counselor in rehab told me it's totally normal to feel weird but to just keep on doing it. I'm just way outside of my comfort zone and I guess I just need some reinforcement/ encouragement. I feel like I finally may have my problem by the tail and I am not going to quit calling, going to meetings, showing up early etc. I just want to know if the awkwardness goes away? Like I said I'm a bit of an introvert when I first meet people. How did you guy's, espcially the quieter folks, get more comfortable meeting people in the rooms? Also, am I supposed to call my sponsor every night for a while or is it ok if I miss a day? I feel like I am ready to work the steps, do I tell him that or does he tell me when I'm ready?

langkah

Good to hear you dove into AA after rehab, so many feel they need a 'rest' period which often does not work out well.

He'll tell you if he wants to hear from you daily if you ask him. Since you're calling daily you won't need to wait long for his answer.

You could make a commitment to your sobriety to talk to this man before you take the next drink under any circumstances. Voice mail doesn't count. I'd also suggest you commit to yourself to be completely honest with him, and clean up any misstatements that might occur quickly.

You're on the right track.

NYCDoglvr

Completely normal and I agree, it will pass. Suggest sitting down with your sponsor for coffee, that will help a lot.

Congratulations on 31 Days!! I promise, it keeps getting better.

RobbyRobot

Awesome on the 31 days!

Calls to your sponsor, and when, depend on the agreements made between you both that you guys have so far worked out. Its totally up to you guys.

As for working those steps, dont wait for anything, begin today. Seriously.

Everybody has their own way of sponsoring and being a sponsee. For me, my sponsor did not call the shots, it was all on me. I made all the contacts, I did all the meetings with or without him, and big book study work, again with or with out him. He helped me with my 4th and 5th by hearing me out and keeping his personal opinions to himself. I wanted to be me, not a copy of him.

I moved through the steps at my own speed. The only thing offered by my sponsor that my sponsor was in charge of was the time he set aside to work with me. We became friends of a sort, and when I finally was sober living and responsible for my own 12th Step work, I went on without any sponsor. I never again was a sponsee, although I have selectively sponsored dozens in my turn.

My example is not the usual. Many members, is my understanding, prefer to remain as a sponsee in some compacity, and to be a sponsor themselves as they continue their journey.

There are no hard and fast rules. Your sponsor(s) must know the program all the way to the end, and they must be comfortable with their own 12th Step work, else you run the risk of being shorted out from your own effectiveness and satisfaction as you begin your step 12.

This last thing for me with my sponsor was the most important: I believed the man was a good honest sober man living a solid spiritual life, and I also believed he could see just how backwards I was with living sober and spiritually. He was not blind to my faults, and he understood my alcoholism like his own, and he called it the way he saw it.

All the best on your sober journey!

laurie6781

Absolutely!!!!!! I would call my sponsor and 'pray' for the answering machine, so I could leave the message, "hi, it's laurie, making my daily call" and hang up.

Even when she was home, it took quite a few months before I was feeling comfortable at all with talking with her on the phone. It was easier, when a 'bunch' would go out for coffee after a meeting, I could sit near or next to sponsor but sort of just fade into the background and listen and watch.

Look at it this way, here is a new person in your life, you don't know them from Adam except that they have more clothes on, lol and you're suppose to 'reveal' your 'all' to them. Nope, it takes time. Slowly I started to 'stick my big toe in' and ask a question of importance to me, and then watch her reaction and listen to her answer.

Stick with it, our trust does return.

After all these years, I see this more with us females, or at least us females showing our fear, more than with the males in the program. I don't know if this is gender or not, but .................................................. ........ IT DOES GET BETTER, and IT DOES GET A BIT EASIER.

Each sponsor/sponsee relationship is unique. Some become real close and dear dear friends and others remain just acquaintances.

Glad to see you moving forward!

Love and hugs,

Sapling

That's normal...You just met the person...You should call every night just like doing whatever your sponsor suggests you do. There is a reason for that. You get used to picking up the phone before you pick up a drink. It could save your life. You don't have to have a conversation with them...Tell them how you are doing...How your meeting or meetings went...At your stage I was going to 2 or 3 a day. And I still do some days. I called my sponsor every night for 90 nights...If I got a message...I left one that said I'm doing fine and would talk to them tomorrow..After 90 days he told me I could stop...I still call to check in.
I imagine you have a list of phone numbers from other members in your homegroup....If you don't have a home group...Take the meeting you like the best...or go to most and tell the chairperson before the meeting you want to make that your homegroup...It shows interest...Willingness. So my sponsor told me at a meeting one day...You have a list of numbers you can call if you can't get a hold of me right....I said yeah...I have about 20 names on it....He says...Call them all today....I'm like WTF....But I did it...I said who I was and my sponsor told me I should call everyone on my list and I really enjoyed what they shared in meetings. Now if I call most of those guys it's about a BBQ or watching a game or something. That's how it works.
Meeting people in the rooms...This is how I did it. Hang around after the meeting preferably with the people that are working a good program...You'll know who they are...Stick with the winners...Ask questions...Show that you want it. After 2 or 3 months of showing up early and leaving late...They'll know you are serious..Give it time...It will happen. How bad do you want it?
Working the steps...I went up to my sponsor and said....I've done one, two and three...I read the instructions in the book..Should say studied them...And he said...Have you said the third step prayer....I said I did my own prayer...It gives you that option. He pulled a card out of his pocket with the third step prayer on it (middle of page 63 BB) and said say this prayer today and start working on step four. I got on my knees at home...said the prayer, when done I grabbed a black pen and white paper. I thoroughly followed the path. Your sponsor may want you to do the prayer together...Do what he wants....He only wants you to succeed. Nothing more. He is there to guide you through the steps....Get to know him. And learn to pray...Practice it...It's fun.

Zebra1275

did you guys feel awkward with your sponsor at first?

Hell yes!

It took some courage to open up, heck it took courage to even ask someone to be my sponsor. But I was willing to go to any length.

UofI2008

Lol, this is 100% how I feel.

Thanks for all the responses. He told me to call him once a day for 30 days and then whenever I want after that. It just feels so strange to call someone I don't know. Next time I call him I'm going to ask him about working the steps. I kind of feel like maybe he wants me to ask him. That way it won't be like he is forcing the steps on me. I don't know.

New things are SOOO HARD. I'll do anything to get sober and not pick up a drink ever again so I guess I will have to get over it.

Oh and I am a dude btw. I guess my picture can confuse some people lol.

Sapling

I wasn't sure if you were a dude or not...I started out being politically correct...Then said the hell with that...It's a 50-50 chance.


I'd recommend that...Remember...Step one you admit something to yourself...Step two you come to believe something...Step three you make a decision...Step one is the only one you have to get 100% right..Enjoy your journey...It will change your life.

Itchy

Well "dude,"
If you keep this up you'll end up recovered. Congrats on the 31 days!

sugarbear1

I didn't have a problem buying beer every night....

with practice, all things get easier. get more numbers and call those people, too! just when you get used to calling sponsor, and Need him, he may not be available...get practice now!