hangingoninFL

Hello, I am pretty much just a lurker here, have posted just a few times. I just feel like I need to get plugged in somewhere. I was part of another forum but it ended up not being a good fit.

I cannot figure myself out because I am not the typical alcoholic. Unlike 99.9%of other alcoholics, my "disease" has not progressed but has actually regressed (is that a word?). What I mean is that I used to drink 10, 12, 14 drinks (which were never enough) til I couldn't -i.e. passed out, shut off, etc. But lately, I don't want any more after about 4 or 5. I am at a loss to understand why (not that I am not eternally thankful!!) I am worried that it means my tolerance has decreased, which is one of the symptoms of late stage alcoholism, but yet my bloodwork has recently come back showing that my liver is perfectly normal.

I really do want to get to total abstinance, for a multitude of reasons, but I still keep giving into the temptation once or twice a week. I hope to rely on all of you to accomplish that goal.

Thanks for listening.

Jeff63

You switch to doubles?

All kidding aside, congrats! in a year you'll be down to 2 drinks a day, 10 years after that, 2 a week and you'll be a moderate drinker...

hangingoninFL

I did get a good laugh out of your post!

I would love nothing more than to be one of those social/moderate drinkers that can have one or two and say no thank you to the third. I, like all of you, have read hundreds of stories of those that have tried to moderate but to only find out that they are unable to. I hope, wish, pray, that my biology will allow me to regress back to that point.

I am sure that my story is still somewhere in this forum for anyone that cares to read it. I am more surprised than anyone that I find myself drinking less than I did one year ago, two years ago, etc.

WARNING: my situation applies to me, and me alone, please don't take my situation and assume that you may be able to achieve the same. Everyone's biologies and psychologies are unique. I only wanted to point out that I do not agree with the disease theory of addiction, that every addict will automatically progressively get worse.

Sapling

You're still drinking four or five drinks a day...Why don't you try this for a couple weeks...Have 2 drinks a night and stop. Try that for 2 weeks and see how you do.

hangingoninFL

To get more specific, I have forced myself (through antabuse, probably not the smartest strategy) to not drink during the week. I do find myself drinking 4 to 5 drinks on the weekend.

You do have a great suggestion to try to reduce that 4 to 5 down to 2 to 3. I suppose if I can do that I may have made that rare transition from alcoholic to moderate drinker.

The holidays are coming up, they may not be the best time to try to regulate, but I will attempt this and will keep you posted as to my experience with this.

Sapling

You could be making history.....

Gerbosko

Are you feeling guilt when you drink? You told us that you're giving into the temptation once or twice a week yet you're going for total abstinance... It could be that the beer fills you up and you just don't want anymore, it's not like you're putting a vitamin drink into your body.

You're worried about your alcohol tolerance? Really? Really, Really? Hmmm.

So you're worried that you cannot shotgun 25 beers and still walk? Alcohol Tolerance is a very hard subject because I use to believe that I use to have high alcohol tolerance and then when I got sober I realized that alcohol tolerance is a joke - You're poisoning your body and your body is becoming adjusted to being poisoned and we're taking advantage of it.

Dee74

Welcome

If you really are managing to 'regress', and as you suggest there's no physical reasons involved, and it's just your will, you should be able to regress back to 3, 2...and back to zero, yeah?

not sure if I read you right, but using antabuse during the week and then drinking on the weekends is actually a pretty dangerous thing to do, Hanging.

For your sake, I'd recommend another strategy there.

D

Sapling

Good point Dee...I'm not real familiar with Antabuse...When I quit drinking I had to even give up pot...Which I loved. But I don't miss that either. No drink or drugs for me.....A clean mind is like a work of art in progress for me.

Deserto

Hmm.. I don't know all the details, but if you're taking antabuse and then drinking just 4-5 on the weekend and then not wanting more... I would think that the desire for only 4 or 5 or might have to do with going on and off antabuse rather than an unexplainable regression of alcoholism. To be honest, I think it's your addictive voice pretending it "doesn't know why" you can suddenly moderate, and to think that you're "not a typical alcoholic." Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. I can't say, but I know I've heard that one before

Dee's right, though, flipping back and forth between drinking and antabuse is probably dangerous. I'd be sure to speak with your doctor about that -- does he or she know? This is serious stuff.

NYCDoglvr

In AA's Big Book, Bill Wilson says alcoholics are "terminal uniqueness". We all think we're different, lol.

It's not about quantity. Can you have one drink? I say I'm "powerless over alcohol" because when I take the first drink I can't stop. I may think I will, swear I will, but I can't.

hangingoninFL

I'm back, ready to continue dialogue. I was a little buzzed last night when I posted, but am completely sober now. I am experiencing that 5:00 urge, but have not given into it yet.

Honestly, I am just trying to figure myself out. As someone pointed out, maybe I am making history. I have had 3 DUIs, gotten arrested for domestic violence, been Baker Acted, etc etc, all because no matter how many drinks I had drank I wanted more. However, I did not drink every day, usually only on the weekends and had no real urge to drink daily. Today, that is not the case. I seem to have substituted once or twice a week heavy binge drinking to daily moderate binge drinking (if I allowed myself to drink every day). I'm not sure at all whether this is an improvement, but at least I don't get hangovers any more.

I know I shouldn't be playing around with Anatabuse, but I have "practiced" enough with it to know how much I can take on a Monday and Tuesday and have it be out of my system by Friday. And a doctor did not prescribe it, I obtained it from an overseas pharmacy.

Some drinkers may be completely satisified with that progress, but my goal is still abstinence. Maybe I really can get there in steps.

P.S. When I was listing number of drinks before, those were doubles.

Sapling

You might want to start work on the honesty part of your life before the drinking part.

Deserto

Yeah, it's not an improvement. This is how people become daily drinkers, and eventually the amount you drink daily will probably increase.

It's great that abstinence is your goal, but I'm curious, what is your plan to get there?

And you realize you can kill yourself doing what you're doing with the antabuse, don't you? My advice: throw the prescription out and see a doctor if you want to use it. It's not over the counter for a reason.

sugarbear1

uh, you aren't "completely" sober.

try not drinking for 30 days with the antabuse, then 30 without the antabuse. tell us how that works for ya.