Miela

Hi All,

I'm 64 days sober, which is great but at the moment I'm finding there's a lot of temptation to drink. I suppose it's that time of year. For example, I have already been given a bottle of wine as a gift from a colleague and I know there's more to come. I am going to a drinks party at a work colleague's house today. On Friday we were taking about it and I mentioned that I will be driving there. Everybody said, "no, take public transport because then you can have a drink!!". I came up with one excuse after another as to why I have to drive but they weren't listening. Even a very good friend of mine, who knows most of my troubled history with alcohol said that I needed to let my hair down. She's a psychotherapist and doesn't believe I should completely abstain from booze, just monitor my moods and be aware of the 'danger times', eg stress, anxiety, depression, and avoid alcohol then. She doesn't know how anxious and depressed I've been lately though
Then our work Christmas party will be on next week = LOTS of free drink.

I do not want to drink. The thought of physically putting alcohol into my body makes me feel nauseous. But the thought of feeling relaxed, warm and 'fuzzy' headed sounds so appealing. I just want these holidays to be over ASAP

How are you all avoiding/coping with the temptation to drink?

Thanks.

M

Pete55

It is difficult for many alcoholics new in recovery at this time of the year.
I wish I could offer some magical word phrase, but the best I have used when offered a drink is simply, "no thanks, not today, had enough".
I did this at a family gathering not long ago, a cuz offered to fill me a glass of wine. I said exactly that, "not today".
He had a a few already and tried to make fun of it cos it took him by surprise that I refused the offer of a drink. He asked again if I am sure, and I simply said again, "not today".
I was calm about it, rehearsed it in my mind for a day before going to this inevitable family event. I was not there because I was welcomed, it was a formality so basically nothing really to "celebrate" in my world of things.
I know if I had taken that drink I be powerless to not drink more, instantly.
While there is no alcohol in my system, I have some power and the Serenity Prayer helped.
I was out of that place after about 20 minutes and no one even noticed.
I did not get a phone call the next day, "where did you go" type of thing.
Nothing.
Had I drank, they be on their phone for the next 365 days gossiping my actions while drunk.
Not worth it.
( Not today, thanks)

dawnrunner

Heaven save us from our friends!!

I vividly recall how disturbing it was to talk to my best friend about going to rehab, and have her say, "But you don't have a drinking problem!" Little did she know, because I was so sneaky; nevertheless, even when I told her I did, she denied.

Get rid of the bottle of wine as fast as you can, and tell the gang "I don't plan to drink". Positives of not drinking even when all those around us are happily (or not so happily?) glugging it down at a party:

1. You can be the designated driver.
2. You won't be making as ass of yourself.
3. You will look prettier than they do.
4. You will wake up feeling awesome the next day.
5. You can savor the food instead of saving the calories for booze.
6. You will enjoy, and remember, the conversation - which is why there is a party in the first place.

Pete55

Oh yeah I forgot, with alcohol "presents", I guess one can be creative.
I have not been given any presents during my time sober, that's cos there was no body left in my life at the time. So I did not have to experience that and probably never will.
As a suggestion, you can refuse alcohol, or accept it and pass it on to a person you know that does not have a problem with alcohol, or simply pour it down the sink when they leave. Dispose of all "evidence" as fast as you can.
Then read a book to forget about it.
If it was any other way, I'd use it to fuel my car!

I have done the latter, pour alcohol down the sink.
It's such a buzz. Then wash the sink with bleach so the smell goes away.
Today I have a very clean house!

Miela

(((Pete))) (((Dawnrunner))),

Thank you for your replies

I like that reply, "Not today, thanks", Pete. Simple and to the point. I left the drinks party early. Everybody was drinking, and as each moment went by, I felt more and more anxious and found socializing with people extremely difficult. I kept tripping over my words and felt like a total idiot. Cue the very negative self-talk When I have a drink, I can be the most out-going, chatty person. Being sober has shown me just how difficult I find being around people, especially people I don't know.

Thanks again for your replies

M

Dee74

I think learning to be sociable sober is a skill like any other miela - it takes time to develop.
I'm glad you got through that.

Re-gifting wine is always good, unless you have a problem with that or just want it gone, in which case I find dumping is very therapeutic too

As for 'letting your hair down' there's a million ways to do that that don't involve alcohol.

I'm always surprised at how little imagination people can have, even professionals.

D

Terminally Unique

Typical. Take advice on addiction from psychologists who have never been hooked on anything stronger than their morning coffee at your peril.

wellwisher

My experience in early sobriety was that friends, while maybe being well-intentioned, really wanted me to stay EXACTLY where I was and tried to keep drawing me back in to the life.

Degrees don't necessarily make someone an expert - I find the best mentors to be those who have EXPERIENCED what it is like to break addiction SUCCESSFULLY.

My best advice is to proceed with caution and do what is right for you.

Miela

Thank you all for your replies

Dee, I will be re-gifting all the wine I get. I'm actually not to worried about it as my partner is still drinking and there is an open bottle of (my favourite) wine in the refridgerator right now and I'm not tempted to drink it.
As for socialising - I guess you're right, it is a skill I will have to re-learn, or maybe it would be more accurate to say learn as I remember being painfully shy as a child and as a teenager, until I discovered alcohol that it! My anxiety levels get so high and my brain 'freezes' so I practically lose the ability to talk. I become very self-conscious and stop hearing what people are saying. Ugh! Yet, in my job, I come across as being confident (once I'm speaking in medical terminology).

Where does one go to learn how to socialise?!?!?

Thanks again

M

bmwcycle

It takes time and resolve to be in social situation that you were accustom attending while drinking. It took me three to six months to enjoy these times without worrying about drinking or not.

As for other people, it is quite frustrating when someone just doesn't get that you do not want to drink, and further that I never asked nor do I want their opinion about the situation. It happened to me this weekend at a dinner party and the "wine guy" had a wine that I had to try even though I told him politely twice I was not interested, it took three times for him to get it, but it really wasn't a big of a deal because I did not make it a big deal and went about the dinner.

Be patient with yourself and your friends, this is new to them also, and I hope you will find peace with the situation.

Best of luck and keep it up,

SSIL75

I tell people that I don't drink anymore.

For example I went to a cocktails and cookies night the other night. Like a women's thing (group of girlfriends). The host was psyched about her speciality cocktail and poured me one without asking. I said "oh wow that DOES look good but I don't drink anymore. Thanks!" and grabbed a cookie (or 12 ).

It's just a non issue for other people because it's a non issue for me.

I also don't eat meat anymore and honestly nobody gives ashit about that, either

64 days is fantastic.

Ariesdch

I'm at the same stop date as you, well 10/08. You're the one that quit, wants to stay quit. My decision is to not go anywhere I could be tempted no matter what pressure is put on me. The bottle of wine? Toss it in the trash :-)

Your life. Your choice. Don't forget "Drunk You" LOL

Sober Me

SixStringZen

Honestly, in early recovery, I'd just avoid it....not go....