Getting out of this abusive relationship
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 4
Getting out of this abusive relationship
I just had my last drink. The break-up drink, if you will. And it felt like a break up...slightly sad, but mostly GOOD RIDDANCE!!!
I have been in, what I would describe as, an abusive relationship. It's my relationship with alcohol.
Alcohol, to me, is like an abusive and violent girlfriend/boyfriend and I am like the husband or wife that just keeps coming back. Keeps forgiving and forgetting the hangovers, the lying, the dangerous behavior, the jeopardizing of my health, and many other negatives. Whenever I would get burnt by alcohol or simply get fed up, I would leave alcohol for while and then alcohol would come back to me looking nicer than ever. Promises of moderation. Promises of carefree mildly tipsy socializing with friends. Promises that I could drink and fit in and just be one of the guys. Promises of more fun parties and good times without problems. Promises of tasty beer and good times with my buddies. Never mind the fact that about literally 80% of my drinking always ends up as solitary, secretive binge drinking that is accompanied by bad hangovers, occasional blackouts and occasionally very, very dangerous behavior. I have put myself in about 5-6 situations where I could have easily died and maybe about 15 situations where I could have been thrown in jail and charged with a crime and 2-3 things that are so bizarre and disturbing that I will keep them secrets that I will take to the grave. Never mind all that.
Anyways, so I would come back to drinking and things would either immediately get back to where I would get drunk and sneak around with alcohol, OR the self-imposed moderate drinking would drive me nuts until I finally caved and got myself drunk. But it is even trickier than that. I don't lose control when I am drinking (actually I sometimes do). I typically lose control if I have been drinking moderately for many days. As the days of moderate drinking role by, a desire to really really get drunk builds and days later I decide to set up a time when I can drink an entire 12 pack of beer. My mind says "hey 2-3 drinks is great, but more is better, let's see if we can set up a time to have 12 and REALLY party." It happens over and over. I estimate that I have been drunk about 600 times in my lifetime (8 years of drinking)...just binging on the weekends.
I have known for years that men aren't supposed to have more than 4-5 drinks in a day or more than 14 drinks in a week...yet I continually break that rule. I know that I am not supposed to lie to my friends and family. I know that it is very very very stupid to drink and drive. I know that it is stupid to spend $20 on a Friday or Saturday night for alcohol alone (what a waste of money). I make promises that I will moderate my drinking and never engage in these stupid behaviors ever again.
I also know that I am not a liar, and that I am honest and that I take good care of my health and finances and that I don't drink and drive or engage in dangerous stupid behavior. I know that all of these things are true about me...if I don't drink.
So I am sure alcohol will come knocking at my door saying "this time, things will be different." But even if I could moderate, do I want to spend the rest of my life thinking about my next moderate drinking session? I spend many hours a week thinking about my next drink, 7-8 hours drunk, and 4-5 hours hung over, then later comes insomnia and guilt. My one/two drinking sessions per week takes almost the same amount of time as a full time job.
Time for it all to end. Alcohol can dress itself up nice and pretty for me and promise me a lifetime of carefree, healthy drinking with friends in exchange for having "just a drink here and there." It's a trick. That's all it is...a trick, a scam. I am not falling for it anymore. That is the trick of alcohol.
Alcohol is a poison (that is literally true...look it up) and is addictive and, quite frankly, our society is brainwashed in thinking that it is natural, sociable and healthy to drink a poison. I am not a saintly everyone-should-be-sober type of person. I think that some drugs can be fun and relatively safe and non-addictive, but alcohol --in spite of its legal status-- is certainly not one of those drugs. At least not for me.
It is a shame that alcohol is so pervasive in our society. I feel like adult socialization (which is something we need for good mental health) has been largely monopolized with alcohol. I like to go out on Friday and Saturday night and have a good time with my friends. I have felt that way since I was a non-drinking child...the weekend=fun times with friends. I'd like to have fun with my friends without alcohol...and I don't want to be the lone sober person either.
I have been in, what I would describe as, an abusive relationship. It's my relationship with alcohol.
Alcohol, to me, is like an abusive and violent girlfriend/boyfriend and I am like the husband or wife that just keeps coming back. Keeps forgiving and forgetting the hangovers, the lying, the dangerous behavior, the jeopardizing of my health, and many other negatives. Whenever I would get burnt by alcohol or simply get fed up, I would leave alcohol for while and then alcohol would come back to me looking nicer than ever. Promises of moderation. Promises of carefree mildly tipsy socializing with friends. Promises that I could drink and fit in and just be one of the guys. Promises of more fun parties and good times without problems. Promises of tasty beer and good times with my buddies. Never mind the fact that about literally 80% of my drinking always ends up as solitary, secretive binge drinking that is accompanied by bad hangovers, occasional blackouts and occasionally very, very dangerous behavior. I have put myself in about 5-6 situations where I could have easily died and maybe about 15 situations where I could have been thrown in jail and charged with a crime and 2-3 things that are so bizarre and disturbing that I will keep them secrets that I will take to the grave. Never mind all that.
Anyways, so I would come back to drinking and things would either immediately get back to where I would get drunk and sneak around with alcohol, OR the self-imposed moderate drinking would drive me nuts until I finally caved and got myself drunk. But it is even trickier than that. I don't lose control when I am drinking (actually I sometimes do). I typically lose control if I have been drinking moderately for many days. As the days of moderate drinking role by, a desire to really really get drunk builds and days later I decide to set up a time when I can drink an entire 12 pack of beer. My mind says "hey 2-3 drinks is great, but more is better, let's see if we can set up a time to have 12 and REALLY party." It happens over and over. I estimate that I have been drunk about 600 times in my lifetime (8 years of drinking)...just binging on the weekends.
I have known for years that men aren't supposed to have more than 4-5 drinks in a day or more than 14 drinks in a week...yet I continually break that rule. I know that I am not supposed to lie to my friends and family. I know that it is very very very stupid to drink and drive. I know that it is stupid to spend $20 on a Friday or Saturday night for alcohol alone (what a waste of money). I make promises that I will moderate my drinking and never engage in these stupid behaviors ever again.
I also know that I am not a liar, and that I am honest and that I take good care of my health and finances and that I don't drink and drive or engage in dangerous stupid behavior. I know that all of these things are true about me...if I don't drink.
So I am sure alcohol will come knocking at my door saying "this time, things will be different." But even if I could moderate, do I want to spend the rest of my life thinking about my next moderate drinking session? I spend many hours a week thinking about my next drink, 7-8 hours drunk, and 4-5 hours hung over, then later comes insomnia and guilt. My one/two drinking sessions per week takes almost the same amount of time as a full time job.
Time for it all to end. Alcohol can dress itself up nice and pretty for me and promise me a lifetime of carefree, healthy drinking with friends in exchange for having "just a drink here and there." It's a trick. That's all it is...a trick, a scam. I am not falling for it anymore. That is the trick of alcohol.
Alcohol is a poison (that is literally true...look it up) and is addictive and, quite frankly, our society is brainwashed in thinking that it is natural, sociable and healthy to drink a poison. I am not a saintly everyone-should-be-sober type of person. I think that some drugs can be fun and relatively safe and non-addictive, but alcohol --in spite of its legal status-- is certainly not one of those drugs. At least not for me.
It is a shame that alcohol is so pervasive in our society. I feel like adult socialization (which is something we need for good mental health) has been largely monopolized with alcohol. I like to go out on Friday and Saturday night and have a good time with my friends. I have felt that way since I was a non-drinking child...the weekend=fun times with friends. I'd like to have fun with my friends without alcohol...and I don't want to be the lone sober person either.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Calvin -
I think you summed it all up very nicely! I'm glad you're ready to be done with alcohol - congratulations! I didn't even know how sick my thinking was until I'd been sober for a while.
This is a great place - lots of support and inspiration...... Keep reading and posting - you can do this!
I think you summed it all up very nicely! I'm glad you're ready to be done with alcohol - congratulations! I didn't even know how sick my thinking was until I'd been sober for a while.
This is a great place - lots of support and inspiration...... Keep reading and posting - you can do this!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 4
My plan is to remember how much alcohol is just like an abusive spouse and not fall for the trick of having just one drink ever again. I am also going to try and build a big non-drinking life; hobbies, dating, non-alcoholic recreation, etc. I am also going to tell my friends that I quit drinking (I need to think of a good excuse as to why I would suddenly quit when they don't know that there is a problem).
If you guys could help me with that excuse...that'd be great. I need an excuse that is firm and permanent, but at the same time, doesn't make them think that I am an alcoholic.
If you guys could help me with that excuse...that'd be great. I need an excuse that is firm and permanent, but at the same time, doesn't make them think that I am an alcoholic.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Calvin1 
I am also going to tell my friends that I quit drinking (I need to think of a good excuse as to why I would suddenly quit when they don't know that there is a problem).
If you guys could help me with that excuse...that'd be great. I need an excuse that is firm and permanent, but at the same time, doesn't make them think that I am an alcoholic.
If you guys could help me with that excuse...that'd be great. I need an excuse that is firm and permanent, but at the same time, doesn't make them think that I am an alcoholic.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Calvin1
If you guys could help me with that excuse...that'd be great. I need an excuse that is firm and permanent, but at the same time, doesn't make them think that I am an alcoholic.
I find reasons much more solid than excuses. Excuses are inherently full of holes and weak spots, you can't argue with an honest reason.
...or you could always say your're not drinking because the dog ate your homework..sorry, couldn't resist
Last edited by Threshold; 12-12-2011 at 10:26 AM. Reason: humor
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
What a great post! I'm keeping that for inspiration.
If someone really pushes me for an excuse for why I'm not drinking (but honestly, most people don't) I tell them that "I'm taking a vacation from drinking" or "It doesn't fit in with my program right now".
If someone really pushes me for an excuse for why I'm not drinking (but honestly, most people don't) I tell them that "I'm taking a vacation from drinking" or "It doesn't fit in with my program right now".
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
My plan is to remember how much alcohol is just like an abusive spouse and not fall for the trick of having just one drink ever again. I am also going to try and build a big non-drinking life; hobbies, dating, non-alcoholic recreation, etc. I am also going to tell my friends that I quit drinking (I need to think of a good excuse as to why I would suddenly quit when they don't know that there is a problem).
Regarding friends, to stop drinking I had to avoid all alcohol for a while and couldn't be around anyone who was drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 638
I was seeing an addiction counselor years ago when I realized my drinking was out of hand. He had me write a “break up” letter to alcohol in one of our first meetings. Until reading your post I completely forgot about it, I’m going to see if I can’t find it somewhere now.
Also I no longer see him anymore. It was 50$ a session and I only stayed sober for a few months. I’m in AA and find that it is way cheaper and have been sober a lot longer….I support any method of sobriety just saying what has helped me.
Also I no longer see him anymore. It was 50$ a session and I only stayed sober for a few months. I’m in AA and find that it is way cheaper and have been sober a lot longer….I support any method of sobriety just saying what has helped me.
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