I for this alcohol obsession to end.
 

Hey,


A little bit about me and a guy in my mid to late twenties. I am very much a problem drinker. I drink way way too much and I drink in secret. I have toyed around with moderation before quite a few times and I have discovered that I don't really want to moderate; I want to get drunk. Or maybe I would want to moderate--for a while. Moderation for me is just a tease. It is like foreplay without sex. If I have a few drinks in the middle of the week, I am still in control, but it starts the process of me thinking about getting drunk that weekend. My mind says "those 2-3 drinks were very pleasant, let's see what we can do to set up a time to have 12 drinks."

My problem is not a physical addiction. It is mental stuff. I think about alcohol many times a day, every single day. I binge drink on the weekends (will typically have 12-14 lite beers...maybe a little bit of liquor...all by myself). If I had under six beers on any given weekend and didn't constantly obsess about how much I am going to have over the weekend, then I would be fine. I can't do that, my mind just doesn't work that way.

I want to slam the door shut on the alcohol part of my life. I want to be able to get rid of that part of myself that begs for "moderate" drinking. That part of myself that says "what about parties" "what about friends" "what about New Year's" "why are you trying to quit in December during the holidays" "what about the possible health benefits of drinking" "what about those tasty White Russians" "there's a new beer on the market that you haven't tried yet." It never freaking ends.

Will posting and reading on these forums help me stay abstinent or will they just fuel my obsessive mind when it comes to alcohol? That's one concern I have...I genuinely want to help myself, not hurt myself.

It is completely sick how much I think about alcohol. In many ways, alcohol takes away more from me when I am sober than when I am drunk because during the week, I am constantly thinking about drinking rather than thinking about videography (my hobby that I never get around to because of my mind) or girls and sex. That's right...more of my mind goes toward thinking about and planning drinking than fantasizing about sex and seeking out a girlfriend. That's messed up!! I focus on work during the week because I have to...in many ways, work is the easy part of the week. It is the weekends and downtime that get me in to trouble.

I frequently find myself fantasizing about when I was a kid and felt entirely different about the world and life. I remember that I would get excited at seeing new places, things were funny--I laughed a ton all the time, and I typically had a big crush on someone at any given time. That was a real life. I really want to go back to that.

I am convinced that the reason why so many adults lose their passion and lust for life is because of alcohol. My bet is that, as Allen Carr says, many adults who are moderate drinkers suffer from low level addiction and probably have at least some preoccupation with alcohol.

I am like an abused woman who keeps coming back to her abusive boyfriend because she loves him and can't stop thinking about him...that's the perfect analogy with me and alcohol. I think that's the perfect analogy for a lot of people.

I set my sobriety date to tomorrow because I drank at 1AM this morning, so I can't count today as being sober. I am going to go out and have my two favorite drinks one last time as a way of saying goodbye to this chapter in my life and that will be it. Today I am breaking up with alcohol. I am not going to be a slave to the alcohol industry any more.

Good for you Calvin, and welcome. :)

This site has helped me immensely. I found this site 62 days ago, and have not had a drink since. I also see a therapist and go to AA meetings, (open meetings) when I find it necessary. I hope this site helps you as much as it has me.

only you can answer that Calvin, I think.

I think anytime we work on our ourselves and our addiction, we can face that problem, - we have to get past that. The alternative is to do nothing and that leads nowhere of course.

It's certainly helped me to be here, but I think it's more than posting - I really threw myself into listening to what other people were were saying, & I tried to help a few people besides....

If you find SR's not enough you'll certainly find advice on what to do and where to go next.

for me, I had to accept, and believe, that alcohol could never be a viable choice for me again.

Thats the only way I could stop the obsessional thoughts.

That took time and work - and I needed support. You'll find a lot of that here.

Welcome :)
D

Calvin,

I enjoyed reading on these forums for a while before I joined.

My obsession with drinking started when I was 18... I'm 35.

Really I think Dee is right, you need to know that it's over.
I've tried twice in the past year to moderate my drinking. I actually wrote out a plan to moderate. How many drinks, how many times per week, which situations were acceptable, how to space out my drinks, drinking water between drinks... there was a lot to the plan. Exhausting!

I don't have to worry about any of that anymore.

Just my two pennies, you can still count today as day one, who cares if you drank at 1 am. If you want to skip the "goodbye drinks" and count today as your start point, nobody says you can't.

The 1 a.m. drink was only 11 p.m. in some other time zone.

:)

Best wishes and wait till you start feeling fabulous and looking people directly in the eye - sobriety is awesome.

Alcohol is not a performance enhancing drug. I am coming to the conclusion it destroys and takes on many levels for many people.

My life is getting better without it.

I wish you the freedom of spirit you enjoyed in childhood. I find I am getting in touch with myself after many years away.