choublak

Is denial just one of many coping mechanisms, or is there something more to it in relation to alcoholism?

BackToSquareOne

I see denial as a word the recovery industry likes to throw around. Most alcoholics are totally aware that they have a problem but make the choice to drink anyhow.

Sugah

I was well aware of my alcoholism long before I did anything about it. I wasn't in denial about that. Where denial kept me sick was in my unwillingness to look at my own behavior. A case of, "If you lived my life, you'd be alcoholic, too." My life had little to do with it. My not taking responsibility for my life (denying responsibility) had a great deal to do with it. Once I owned all of it and quit blaming others, I got better.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

choublak

It's just that loved ones of alcoholics frequently say that their A doesn't see his/her drinking as a problem; I wonder how that is possible for an alcoholic to not see their own drinking as a problem at all.

Dee74

For me my denial was not so much in denying I had a problem but in thinking I could fix it, and drink normally.

I was really defensive too - I dunno about anyone else but when I said 'my drinking is not a problem' I really meant 'how dare you/I manage this/it's not your business/leave me alone'.

I knew it was a problem tho - if drinking was really 'no problem', I would have quit it, no problem.

D

Bianca105

I'm not sure all alcoholics experience denial, it's an interesting subject.

I would have gladly told anyone the whole time that I was an alcoholic and sometimes I even said that I drank to cure my pain, that sort of thing. Bizarre. I had no problem saying it, I knew it was true.

Twice in the past year I have brought up to close friends that I thought it was a real problem, like, a real, real, problem, but my friends insisted I was fine or maybe could just cut back a little. Of course, they're my friends, so what did I expect.

I think I may have had some issues with not realizing all the impact such severe drinking and some substance abuse was having on my life (work, reputation, etc). But I was seriously just too messed up and busy trying to nurse a hangover and make sure I had clean laundry to try to take stock of life that way, I don't know that it was denial.

Anna

I wasn't in denial about my drinking. I knew it was a problem, though I didn't see it fully until I stopped drinking. I just had no conception of how to begin to fix things. I had always felt broken, from childhood on, and I didn't know what to do.

BackToSquareOne

I think the word "Rationalization" is much more appropriate in trying to figure out why we drank as opposed to denial. I rationalized it as being the only thing I had found that made me feel the way I truely wanted to feel. I loved the warm glow, releif from inhibitions, feeling like anything was possible (if only in my mind) and short term sedation that alcohol provided. At first blush I fell in love with it, we all know how that works out though.

ForeverDecember

My two cents...

PS I'm playing with formatting today.

Alcohol is a huge part of an alcoholic's life. When we think about getting sober it means the alcohol will go away. This is loss. We're losing our "old friend" who's always been there for us (even if it is just to stick a knife in our backs...).

5 Stages of Loss
The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central
As I went through them...

1. Denial and Isolation
- I'm not an alcoholic. OK, sure, I have a "problem" with drinking, but I can control it. I just need to handle myself better. I need to just not go out when I'm drinking, drink at home where I can't hurt anyone. Or just go out and then come home BEFORE getting drunk-drunk, so that I can be at home where no one can see how much I'm drinking. Everyone does silly things when they drink, I'm no different just because I do it more often.
2. Anger
- Why didn't I stop? Why can't I stop? It's not fair. Why can't I drink like normal people? It's not fair, why can't I just stop like the others do? Why can't I have "Just one"?
3. Bargaining
- If I can go one whole month without drinking, maybe I don't have a problem. What if I have a few tonight and then tomorrow I'll quit. Yes, OK, I'll have a couple tonight then tomorrow I'm off it for sure.
4. Depression
- I can't believe I did it again... I'm killing myself, what am I doing? I'm hurting myself, my family, my relationships, my work. If I don't change things I'm going to end up dead, in jail or in hospital. My life is miserable and it's because I drink.
5. Acceptance
- I can't live with alcohol... when alcohol's part of me then I'm not living. Sobriety, 100% abstinence is the only way I can be sane and happy.

Of course, I went through a combination of steps 1-4 several times over the last 6 years since I realised I was always the last to leave and first to arrive at the bar...