vivjourney

Hi there, I've been on this site for a few months now and I finally thought I would post. I've read through all the threads still am confused as to:

1. Am I an alcoholic?
2. Do I need to give up alcohol completely?

I'm almost 38, hold a great job, am 'functional' for all the most parts. I have difficulty in relationships and dealing with emotions and stress so I am a bit aloof with relationships. I am back in therapy for anxiety and learning coping mechanisms for stress. I've admitted to my therapist that I can't go 30 days without drinking. The most I have done is about 2-3 weeks in the last few years.

This concerns me. And that's why I'm writing.

I never started drinking until about 22 and and when I did, it was all binge drinking right away in college. Then I stopped because of work and career. I picked it back up in my 30's just because I had more of a social life and going out to bars and would drink through out all the night. Seems like in the last 4 years, I am more and more drinking alone. If I go out with friends, I can hold my own and I just drink to match everyone else's pace. I never want anyone to know how much I really want to drink. But after I come home, then I find I will drink by myself to get more of the buzz and chill out from after going out. It's nuts.

Nobody knows I have any issues with drinking except my sister and good friend (because I am good with hiding everything).

I can still go about 10 days or so without drinking and I feel great! I am clear headed, optimistic, motivated, but then I get some trigger, and just go back to drinking for a couple of days until I feel like crap and feel terribly guilty and I try to get back on the 'no drinking forever' cycle. When I am alone, it's usually 1 bottle of wine, or a few shots of vodka. I find I love to drink slowly over a few hours while I'm cleaning, or organizing, or doing things that are really boring. It's something about the slow buzz that is entertaining.

I can say that if in my house, if I have 2 bottles of wine, I will drink it all. If I have 1 bottle of wine, I will drink it. So I never keep anything in the house. I just buy a certain amount for the night and then don't leave the house after that. But what kind of life is that? I do get relaxed, it does take the edge off of work and all the stress. I drink, I eat and watch a good TV show. But to be honest, I am single, I am out of shape, I haven't had a relationship in years, my finances are not where they should be, and I just don't feel proud of myself. I know I could be more.

I was thinking I should go to AA (I had gone to OA before for eating so I get the premise). I am sure my therapist would encourage it. I feel like I want to go 90 days but then it just seems extreme. I have a lot of black and white thinking so I am not sure if this 90 days thing is for me, but then I feel like I won't get as much out of AA if I don't go everyday for 90 days. Help?

I am not sure what do to actually. I have read all the threads so I am sure I know the answer, but when you are in the middle of it, it's confusing and I know there is a battle I have to face, there is a part of me that doesn't want to. For all intents and purposes, I am a functional member of society, responsible, kind, help others, I do a great job at work. But something is wrong if I can't be alcohol free for 30 days. Don't you agree?

Thank you for listening and I am open to hearing your thoughts about how to start.

north

There are lots of questionnaires online. This one AlcoholScreening.org | How Much is Too Much? might match what you are seeking

ForeverDecember

I don't think anyone here can tell you if you are or aren't an alcoholic. The main thing that's important (I think) is that you've identified that you want to change your patterns/habits.

I my (very humble) opinion, quitting for an extended time would be a good start. There is a program (which I don't personally believe in, but others have apparently gotten results) called moderation management which may be worth reading about. I believe it requires you to go 30 days without alcohol then has some strict rules on how much you're meant to drink. If you have good will power it may be something you can work. Be honest with yourself if you go down that track though - if you can't stick to their rules you probably need something like abstinence... AA is a great way to go, if that's something you're open to.

Being able to go ten days without a drink is a crazy hard feat for a lot of people here, so it might be less of a physical addiction to alcohol that drives you to drink, than an emotional "need" to self destruct because you feel bad about where you are in life. If that's the case then perhaps removing alcohol isn't the answer, but removing the feelings of low self-worth...?

I'll throw out my usual line here: Make an appointment with a GP and let them know you're worried about your drinking. They'll be able to run tests to see how your body has fared, and will be able to give you better advice on where to go next.

Good luck

Kza

Yes

dawnrunner

This question, "Am I...?" comes up regularly on this forum. I think the essence of the collective answer is,

"If you have to ask...., yes."

That means: You have a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol; you've tried to quit drinking and failed, you cite other life problems that are related, once you start drinking you don't stop, etc. And by 'you' I mean just about everyone who asks this question, including myself.

So, whatever it means to be an alcoholic (and I personally think there are thousands of individual ways to be alcoholic or an addict, and myriad levels of functionality are consistent with these), yes.

Now what is the best plan for getting free of alcohol and getting your life back on the bright side?

For me it was: M.D. consult, referral to OP rehab, AA, SR, AVT, dogs and horses, divorce, reading, and running.

BackToSquareOne

Quitting drinking is always good but it's not a cure-all for all of lifes problems. You must still do all of the change work for the areas of your life that need improvement or you'll just end up with a sober all the time version of what you are now. Go into it with that in mind and you'll be off to a good start.

BackToSquareOne

Double post. Deleted.

RobbyRobot

Hey great questions, and you've been reading up on the site, so your somewhat informed already about what is what on SR.

You know, being able to go 10 days or so without drinking, again and again, and feel great, clear headed, optimistic, motivated, etc is a good indicator your not an alcoholic, imo. Along with that is you feel worse after just a couple of days back to your particular style of drinking. Alcoholism the illness, is in my experience, not so confined in its causes and effects, as you have described. As well, you do not speak to having really any remarkable drinking experiences beyond what you have already described as your "normal drinking experiences" You find the slow buzz entertaining, for example.


Here as well you stay in control of your wherabouts, your schedule, your intake of alcohol. You also speak to enjoying taking the edge off, and relaxing. Nothing alcoholic in this in itself. Millions of non-alcoholic persons all over the world relax while having a drink. You dont seem to be having the deep crippling inner struggle with yourself, which is a trait of alcoholism for alcoholics.

No, I don't agree. Most alcoholics, those in treatment or not, can go without alcohol for 30 days and more or less "keep it together." Its no secret why there are so many 30 days programs, you know? It makes the claimed success rate of those programs and rehabs all the more convincing. Chronic alcoholics, no, they would find 30 days without alcohol (realistically) impossible, and even if they could manage 30 days, it would be an horrific 30 days, even if they had early real sobriety beginning. Of course, lol, "horrific" is a very personal evaluation, there is always the exception to the rule, but any ways, the chronic alcoholic would nonetheless be grateful for a belly full of sobriety rather than booze, no matter the horror of getting sober, you know? so they push through and eventually their lives change and the horrors are soon enough in the past.

You're interested in hearing from others, and thats way cool. Alot of drinking alcoholics have serious problems listening to others, you know?

FWIW, I would encourage you to look into being a problem drinker as it concerns your experiences with alcohol. For sure get into therapy / counselling about your personal life issues, challenges, failures, successes, what-have-you. While in therapy check yourself out and see if you can discover how alcohol is being used to "solve" your problems. If you can connect those dots, and do the math about how consistent you are in your drinking behaviors, then I would, in your place, consider myself a problem drinker, and move on with my life from that starting place and follow through with a permanent and improved lifestyle change so that you dont problem solve with alcohol. As for the question of should you ever drink again... ?!

Surprised?

Tigger41

If you think you are. You are.

RV GTO

If you're asking the question, then most likely you are.

lostnalone

When I was thinking about my own drinking and whether or not I had a problem I always told myself this,

"If I deep down DONT want to drink tonight but do anyways....I have a problem"

None of us can tell you if you have a problem or not, you already know deep down, best to face that problem early on before your life is affected more and more and more.....

LaFemme

Hi and welcome!

For me the question "am I an alcoholic" had to be thrown out for me to give up alcohol. By wrestling with tha question I could convince myself of anything, including that it was ok to drink a couple of bottles of wine nightly.

So I changed the question to "is my life better without alcohol". The answer to that is a gigantic YES! There is no benefit to alcohol ever. There are only negatives. Therapy and sobriety have completely turned my life around.

Am I where I want to be yet? No. But I am much closer than where I was 17 months ago

sugarbear1

Alcoholism has nothing to do with functionality. The only non-functioning alcoholics are dead ones!

Sorry, just tired of hearing rationalizations.

If you question your drinking, see a doctor and stop for 3 months!

RobbyRobot

Well, alcoholism does have something to do with being functional. To say alcoholism has nothing to do with being functional is being over generalising for no good purpose other than wishful thinking, imo.

Where is the rationalization that there is a relationship existing between alcoholism and personal function?

CRAZE

This is exactly my approach. I've quit for up to 30 days before to prove to my self I wasn't addicted. Then go right back to pounding beer every day feeling convinced I wasn't an "alcoholic". Bottom line for me the word to describe my drinking is not important the destruction I was doing to my life was. I finally came to the realization that my drinking however you want to term it had turned me into a person that I did not want to be, and it was doing great harm to my life and I needed to stop. If you think you might have a problem you probably do. I wish I would have stoped back when I thought I "might" have a problem.

Paraffin

90 meetings in 90 days huh?

Although many people recommend this ( for some reason?) it has very little to do with the AA program of recovery.

If you want to recover through the program of AA, then its the program you need to do, the meetings are just where we turn up and meet to discuss the program and a place where newcomers can find us and see what it's all about.

Meetings help but AA is a program of recovery, it's a book, it is a way of life. It is not simply meetings.

Best wishes.

PaleMale

"Functional Alcoholism" is not a type. It's a stage. Also, many of us can relate to the "born an alcoholic" idea. This doesn't mean we were born addicted to something, but that we had genetic and personality markers which predisposed us to alcohol abuse.

For me, I was treating anxiety, shyness, perfectionist, and self-worth issues with drinking. I got into relationships that were not good for me, and took part in other antisocial activities and nurtured a cynical outlook. All these things are markers for pathological substance abuse. There is no one gene or trait for alcoholism.

That you are recognizing a negative trend says to me, you may want to quit drinking. If you can quit entirely for several months with little trouble, then you're probably not addicted. If you are already protecting the addiction by worrying about not drinking etc. It may be an indicator.

Is your drinking a problem? In the end, only your diagnosis matters.

Welcome to SR!

Dee74

Hi vivjourney

Ok....I'm not in AA so my perspective and experience might be a little different to some here

This was the kind of drinker I was for a lot of my drinking career - I had a shorter turnaround of about 4 days rather than 10, but otherwise it was right on the money.

To me it's not so much the frequency or the even the volume of the drinking for me, it's what happens to me when I drink - and what happens to me when I don't drink that will inevitably lead me back to drinking.

Personally, I have no problem calling myself an alcoholic. I think I fit the profile

I think drinking alone - and preferring it that way, romancing that slow buzz, and not being able to stop for 30 days are signs of a problem, yeah.

I didn't listen to those warning signs and I ended up an all day every day drinker.

Whether you want to call yourself an alcoholic or not, I think you think it's a problem that needs addressing - and I'd agree.

Welcome to SR

D

langkah

Sounds as if you are a really nice guy who want's better for himself than what's been going on of late.

Regarding your question, if many strangers were to diagnose you as alcoholic you would not alter your life based on that. You would only change if you really believed it was critical that you do so for reasons that make sense to you.

At this point you are seeking and gathering information, and the best way to do that is to listen to and observe alcoholics and see if you identify with their experiences and feelings. Forget about 90 in 90 and check out some different meetings over the next few weeks and see if anything clicks.

You'll hear people who drank less and more than you for longer and shorter times and who had more and less difficulties with it than yourself. People who did things you did and stuff you didn't do. You may even hear from those who drank as you have for the same time who had the same difficulties and did the same stuff. Your story.

If you go and listen with an open mind for a few weeks your question will be resolved within your mind one way or another, and that's a positive thing.

ru12

If drinking alcohol is causing you problems then stop. If you find that you can't stay stopped then perhaps try one of the many programs/methods out there that can help.