stigblack

Six days ago I was nine days sober. I barely remember most of the last five days and now I have to do it all over again.

It is hard to describe how disappointed I feel that I couldn't stick to my guns, the only thing worse is how I'm feeling physically right now.

bozboz

SB! Pick yourself up, and dust yourself of. We all make mistakes. At least you are back here and trying again.

bozboz

My hugs didn't show up, so ((((HUGS))))

Dee74

welcome back Stigblack

Most of us find this is a little harder than we'd like it to be, and many of us faltered a time or two, including me.

I think the key is to think of what else we can add to what we've been doing - do you need more commitment, more effort? do you need to look at your lifestyle? need more support - more posting here, or counselling, or a recovery group perhaps?

You can do this - find out what else you need to do
D

stigblack

Well, you would have thought that I had learned something last time and the time before. I know full well that this is going to be the result when I start up, the only variable is how long I manage to push it out before having to go through all this again.

Dee74

The key I think is to do something different now - be ready for the urge when it returns - have a plan in place

D

TwelveSteps

I relapsed a lot at first, it took me a long time to get to 60 days sober, and a year and a half in AA to get to 6 months sober. Each time I relapsed I learned something more about what was triggering me and why I started drinking again (in most cases, because I thought I could get away with "just one" despite OVERWHELMING evidence to the contrary!). Even with relapses, you are building up your ability to stay sober, just keep at it and don't give up.

GG

theaocp

It IS knowing the inevitable result, but ignoring that voice of reason. It's happened to me twice after seven months sober each time. I just forgot or ignored the truth. Know that no matter how you want to drink, it. will. not. help. I'm battling alongside you. Good luck.

stigblack

Day two, here we are. No surprise that I still feel like garbage but 2 hours sleep a night will do that to you anyway. Ankles like tennis balls again, the pain in them is so excruciating it almost takes my mind off the withdrawals.

PowerOfMind

There with you, stigblack. I started again today. Keep it up. I do think there is a learning curve to each attempt....

NYCDoglvr

It's ok, you can get sober. It can be a learning experience. What are you going to do differently this time?

stigblack

One day at a time to begin with. As well as the forums I'm visiting the chatroom to stay occupied. I am reading everything I can get my hands on even though my concentration span isn't as good as it should be.

VodkaDownfall

Hi I am brand new to this-I only accepted the fact that I am an alcoholic this past Thanksgiving weekend. Anyways, to me, just joining this group is kind of a relief-I am not alone. Even if I screw up every other day, there are people who understand.

You will get there. Good luck w/ the rest of your day.

-VD

stigblack

And good luck to you too.

I'm not feeling well, but am sort of feeling good now if that makes sense. Am keeping some toast and coffee down and I know in my heart the future will be a better place when I succeed in this journey.

stigblack

Not feeling so good now. Very anxious about the future. Apart from the physical side I have a huge feeling of emptiness about me.

quitforme79

I slipped recently after a month sober and I learned a lot from it in that I drove myself to the liquor store rather than come on here, call a sober friend or call my therapist. Of course what I bought wasn't enough so walked to a closer liquor store in my almost blacked out phase. You can do it again and it will get easier. All the people on this forum who have a year+ sober are a testament to that. I'm back at day 5 (happy about that) but once again dealing with the depression, anxiety and insomnia. Do whatever it takes. (hugs)

checkmate1

I relapsed after 6 months of being sober. I'm back in the anxious and depressed state of mind. But the days I spent sober showed me how good life can be. It's hard to see early on but the days do add up and the anxiety and depression for me slowly left me. It's a decision you have to make not to drink each day no matter what and from previous experience I know it does get better. I'm on day 4 at the moment and things aren't the best for me either but I'm hanging in there because I know things will improve once the poison I've been drinking is gone and the thing is each and every one of us owes it to ourselves to give it our best shot we all deserve a shot at being at our best.

Dee74

anxiety is pretty common for most of us, stigblack.
Stick around here for support

D

RobbyRobot

I'm glad its working finally for you, TwelveSteps. I agree that we really help ourselves out by keeping at it and not giving up. That was my experience as well, when I was between drinks and seeking sobriety the hard way.

As for relapsing, I can't say I learned something each time. As a matter of fact what I learned from relapsing is that I'm a drunk who is outta control, and I'm pretty well screwed with alcohol.

That overwhelming evidence that you speak about I saw too, and I just drank my way past it, more or less, it wasn't all that hard. The booze solved any misunderstandings with the facts of my life, all I had to do was keep drunk, and all was well in my alcoholic drunkeness concerning facts. Of course keeping drunk when you're an alcohoiic always leads to other troubles, you know, and so its just never easy to just be alcoholic and sit back and get a drunk going. There are always complications, lol.


Well, this absolutely has not been my experience, and I don't think its been anybody else's you know? I guess it all depends on what deluded thinking and lying to ourselves is defined as I suppose. It kinda implies the more often I relapse the better my chances at sobriety?!

Each relapse I had was one more time I risked staying drunk and dying that way. Even if i managed to figure something out from my relapses, I certainly wasn't getting more of an ability to stay sober.

"Military Intelligence" as an oxymoron comes to mind, lol. "Living Dead" is another...

You know, I do understand the sense in this statement though => that I drank myself into sobriety by surrendering to my alcoholism, and from that surrender stop drinking and get going with some sober living. That is different though then building up my ability to stay sober by drinking.

Like I said, I'm glad you got sobriety working for you now. Cheers!

RobbyRobot

I hope this time things work out for you with stopping getting drunk and you having sobriety instead of another relapse in booze.

I feel for you. Been there, we all have in our own way. Sorry for your current troubles.

You can get past the drunks. You can do this! Courage!