checkmate1

I think this is the end of the line for me. Everybody is worried about me. I can see that I never want just a few it is more like 10 and the rest. Got robbed, punched about 6 times in the jaw and went to the cops who ended up locking me up for being drunk in public $500 fine. I can see I know longer want to live like this. It will be jail or death in the end. I have alot of anger towards this and focusing that anger on the alcohol that is ripping my life to threads. I can no longer drink.......I need this to sink in.

RV GTO

Wow, I am so sorry to hear this happened to you.

langkah

Or you could keep away from those kinds of girls.

Interesting that they are now putting a fine on public drunk. In the '70s they'd just do a kickout in the am with no fine. Sounds easy but often I'd be bad sick and in a strange town having drank my money away and there were no ATMs as yet. Made for some challenging mornings.

Glad you're trying again.

Vantrina

I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. Sending positive and healing thoughts your way.

ducatijoey

That is pretty heavy bro. Sorry about all that

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear this too Checkmate.

I really hope you'll decide to go all out & make this time your last time - it sounds like it's getting closer and closer to the wire, man...

D

ru12

Checkmate, I'm glad you survived. I just had to stop drinking or I would have died. Keep drinking and die soon, or stop and have a chance at life. It took a long time for me to make that obvious choice. Life is so much better sober.

Justfor1

That's silly the police locked you up. I hope they at least took your robbery report. I have been robbed on a couple of occasions staggering around downtown Chicago in a blackout. I frequently woke up in Emergency Rooms and once with no shoes. It is a horrible way to live but know that you are not alone in these "incidents". Sadly, it took many years and many incidents until I realized I can't live this way anymore.

sissy07

Checkmate,

I am sorry to hear this has happened to you. Time to jump off the ledge my friend.

indakut

I am very sorry to hear this. Life sober is difficult at first but sooo much better than waking up with those issues looming over you. You life will be so much better when you quit

instant

Looked at another way the police kept you safe until you sobered up and charged you $500 for their professional services.

Straight Edge would seem the preferable option.

Anna

Checkmate, I'm glad that you're safe, and I hope that this incident helps you to focus on recovery.

checkmate1

Yes I'm going to stay sober it's the only thing that makes sense. I'm lucky things could have been alot worse. Stabbed, half dead, dead anything really. The plan will be similar to what I did until I relapsed 7 weeks ago after 6 months of sobriety. Stay away from the bad crowds, post on SR, start exercising (boxing, weights), read my recovery books, not pick up that first drink. This relapse totally shows to me the progressive nature of this disease. I was drinking harder and longer than ever before. Got myself in more trouble in these 7 weeks than ever before. As someone said lockup was probably the best and safest place for me. I have my freedom at the moment and drinking again will only jeapodise this. I don't want to be locked in a cell or die. I have been shown another chance again and will give this all I've got.

ForeverDecember

That sounds like an awesome plan.

I'm sorry to hear you had such a scary experience!!! Very glad to see you posting about it though, because it means you got through it. Also thrilled to hear that this is your final turning point

checkmate1

Had alot of mixed feelings tonight. Anger, dismay, sadness, guilt, shame. Has alcohol defined who I am a no good drunk. I'll sleep on this tonight knowing I could have drunk, was deciding, was going to but in the end I have come to the conclusion that I'm better than that as 1 more drink could be the deciding factor of my life or end of. Just thought I'd share thanks. Just felt like I've lost some pride after the other night and that's very hard to deal with. Worth drinking over no. Will hopefully come back a little stronger.

AcceptingChange

Not if you stop drinking. You can make the choice. It's really tough. Sobriety is hard work, harder in practice than it is when we imagine it.

This woman found an outlet for her feelings through intense working out.
Shouldn’t her existence add up to more? “I wasn’t going to adopt a child, but I knew I needed something of that order,” Nyad said when we met early in November. “Something that would require everything in me. No time for neurotic meanderings about the past, no luxury of that. Got to be my best self.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/04/ma...iana-nyad.html

checkmate1

thanks for the article it was good reading that. Alot of the time I have little to no ambition in my life probably laziness most people would call it. I can't help or change that. No real joys in life and even when I did get sober for 6 months was deemed worse than I was when sober. So either way I'm screwed. I drink out of complete and utter frustration in life. Only after drinking I somewhat come alive and feel it too. The rest of the time could hardly be called living a happy life even when sober.

checkmate1

then I think of all the good my old man has done for me it is all such a waste. I try hard but end up stuffing up time after time.

Paraffin

Honestly, sadly, Yes.

Alcohol has not defined who you can be, change is possible.

NYCDoglvr

Thanks for posting this, I need to be reminded of how far down we can go.