Justfor1

Let me explain. I have finally realized that all too often I have used the "disease concept" as an excuse to relapse into alcohol/drugs. I'm not sure if anyone can relate to this idea. Instead of denying that I have alcoholism I embraced it a bit too much. I've been seeing a new therapist & she pointed this out to me. At first I was angry but realized she is right. I believed that because I had a disease that I had a right to drive drunk, fight people, buy illegal/use drugs ect.... I have never really accepted responsibility for my actions while drinking. Hopefully, by doing this my life will change for the better. I have almost 30 days(yet again) and am frightened of becoming a normal tax paying citizen in society.

TheEnd

I don't know about that one.....That's like saying, so what I have cancer, I might as well continue smoking.

24hrsAday

hi there Just.. i never wanted to be a Alcoholic myself and i really don't care how people want to categorize the Affliction. i never wanted to be anything but normal. at this point in time (closing in on 5 years sober) my life is as close to "normal" as i can ever remember. it still is not perfect and i sometimes question if i am doing as well as i could.. but, no matter what this life i have today is 100% better than the one i had just 5 short years ago! good to see you posting.. peace.

TwelveSteps

I identify with what you are saying. I relapsed a lot at first and I excused myself by saying, "Well of course I drank again, I'm an alcoholic, I couldn't help it." It's great that you recognize that. The reality is that we have a disease that makes us WANT to drink and prevents us from CONTROLLING our drinking, but we have to take responsibility by developing tools and "safety" measures like social support, positive habits, etc. that help us fight the urge to take that first drink.

GG

RobbyRobot

In my experience, anything can be twisted as an excuse to get drunk. Just because something can be justified in our alcoholic rush to get a drunk on is really just fantasy to satisfy our selfish wants to get that next drink.

Using the disease model of alcoholism to get drunk is pretty straight forward. I used it the same way myself back in the day. My delusions though didn't change the reality or veracity that alcoholism is an illness nonetheless.

Nowadays, the realization of my alcoholism as an illness absolutely serves to help keep me sober. Go figure.

Kellye C

Unfortunately, TE, there ARE people who think that way and continue on with whatever habit, addiction, etc. they might have and justify it in such a way as what you wrote above. It makes no sense to me, NOW, but I did it for a short while before getting sober 7 years ago and I have seen plenty of other people rationalize like that. Some come to their senses while others go on to the bitter end, whatever that might entail. My first sponsor did that and she is no longer here.

Just4one, I am encouraged by what you have written. It makes sense and taking responsibility for oneself, no matter what we do, is always a great start. I wish you the best in this endeavor.

Take care,
Kellye

Terminally Unique

This is a problem with the "take what you like and leave the rest" mentality, and I have seen it many times. People impassioned to continue drinking often take only what is convenient and feeds right into their addition, but leave the rest. The result is usually a free-fall into the abyss.

seek

Wow. You have courage and fortitude to admit that. That's major.

laurie6781

Yes, over the years I have seen several use 'the disease' model to actually drink themselves to death.

Now, since I took this disease, affliction, whatever you want to call it to the MAX, died and somehow my heart started on its own, when I hit the rooms of AA back in June of '81, I was actually glad to find out that there was an 'explanation' for what had happened to me. And as my head continued to clear, and I started to 'relearn' how to be a productive member of society, and looked into my own family, I could see how it had come down through the generations.

I didn't need the excuse of 'a disease'. I had a Calendar. It had something for every day of the year that I and drinkers like me, could celebrate. Some really 'dumb' things to, it was a perfect Alkie Calendar. One that has stuck with me all these years, and I have no idea why, was the Anniversary of Bluebeard's (the pirate) marriage to his 4th Wife.

Now I know that is silly today, but during my practicing of my alcoholism stage I was very serious about that calendar.

Sheesh

I am glad that your 'new' therapist is making some headway with you Just. Sounds like you've found someone that can 'guide' you on this journey of recovery!!

Love and hugs,

Lenina

To me, disease doesn't give me a free pass. Actually, it gives me a responsibility to take on. In all honesty, I have no reason or excuse to drink. Bottom (hehe) line is that if I drink, it's because I want to, deep down and dirty, I want that drink.

For me to stay sober,I have to take the responsibility to not drink. I can't have just this one drink on this exceptional occasion because I know if that was at all possible for me, I wouldn't be here now! Sobriety isn't always easy. There is a lot of responsibility and integrity to own.

I hope this makes sense.

Love from Lenina

ForeverDecember

Yeah, although it wasn't really ME using the excuse, just the alcoholic part of me. Heck, that part of me used ANY excuse to drink But one of them was "Oh, I can't help it it's in my blood... it's who I am". So I can relate with your thinking. It's also something I've seen obese people do quite a lot. They can see their weight, and it's a huge barrier, so why not eat just eat crappy food? What difference does it make? Same for us, although the alcohol isn't as visible.

I'm glad I've 'seen the light' and know that I am not that person anymore, the one embracing my own downfall... alcohol made me do a lot of horrible things, but the worst of all the things I ever did was let myself lose faith in the person I really am.

ReadyAndAble

I said on another thread today, take what works and leave the rest. I stand by that. But the operative word is "works." If they're drinking, then what they took isn't working, and it's time to re-examine what they left behind.

I believe this thread proves my point. A wide mix of approaches, interpretations, and opinions voiced by people who are not only sober, but share a desire to help others from falling back into that abyss.

BackToSquareOne

I agree with ready+able, many programs and self help methods have a lot of great ideas even though you may not agree with all of them. I've yet to find a program where I buy into all of it hook, line and sinker, so does that mean I should throw out the baby with the bathwater if I can't choose what's helpful and what's not?

Terminally Unique

Taking what "works" to keep you abstinent, and taking what you "like," which usually means what your addiction likes, are two entirely different things.

freshstart57

I prefer an addiction model that strengthens and empowers the self so that it can overcome the addiction, rather than a model that begins with the premise of an incurable progressive disease of some combination of the body, mind and soul.

I don't have a disease, and I am not immoral, I have the power of choice. I used to choose to drink. Now I choose not to drink. Putting into practice this choice is difficult, but only as difficult as I chose it to be.

We need to give ourselves every possible chance to overcome our addictions. Being loving, forgiving and gentle with ourselves is a good place to start on our own way along this most personal journey.

ReadyAndAble

I think we're on the same page, TU. You bring up a good point: people, especially in early recovery, may hear what they want to hear. I say "works", someone hears "likes." Something worth being mindful of, particularly when making a quick, abbreviated post.

I find threads like this really interesting because they also show how words carry different meanings and weights for many of us. The concept of disease would never strike me as an excuse to drink or fight or do anything else, but neither does it increase my resolve to stay sober. Yet for others, it has special significance, for better and for worse. Thought-provoking stuff, people.

Justfor1, all that aside, congrats on 30 days. I used to have the same calendar as Laurie. I like the one I have now a lot better.