TylerDurden

Sometimes I think this form of alcoholism is just who I am. I am more confident on alcohol, more outgoing, and more positive. I should just embrace the whole thing. I'm tired of trying to hide the fact that once I start drinking I can't stop. Maybe I should just indulge. Maybe living a wild and crazy life is just who I am. I wish so much that I was wrong, but it's hard to fight my nature.

instant

There are pros and cons to each road. Swapping and changing my mind had pros and cons as well. Iv'e tried it most ways. Sobriety is best for me.

The key for me was giving up the fight. When there was alcohol there was always a struggle, I was never free of it even when sober.

Alcohol can not make me any more than I already am.

Only you can decide what is right for you.

Dee74

I thought all that too Tyler - I thought I was the wild and free rock and roll artist
type, and partying and drinking was integral to who I was.

I was wrong - there was a me I'd forgotten about, before I'd started drinking all those years ago.

I'm glad I was able to get in touch with that forgotten guy because *thats* who I am, not the drunk forever under the influence of alcohol.

The other thing to remember is that alcoholism is progressive - if you're still enjoying 'la vida loca' now, the odds are you won't in 5 10 or 20 years time.

By the time I quit I couldn't remember the last time drinking was 'fun' - by the end, I needed to drink to function - and that's not fun for anyone.

You seem like a pretty smart guy - I think you know what a rubbish idea this is.

D

TylerDurden

Dee I know it is "rubbish," but I am a conflicted individual.

I am unsure of how to express myself.

NewBeginning010

Hi Ty, As someone who has said all of the things to himself that you have written out I feel that I am qualified for a response. Here is my take on this one...

I am more confident/outgoing after I drink - I do & say things without thinking about the ramifications of my actions while drinking. All of the most stupid, childish, irresponsible, cruel, selfish, hateful, hurtful things I have ever done have been while drinking. Sure I thought I was the man, could go & talk to any of the ladies & be the life of the party (also the drunk idiot as well ;-). You are not more confident when you drink, you are actually truly confident when you can do these things sober with pride & respect.

More positive - Alcohol must have a different effect on you then me. Sure that perfect glow after a few (6-10 to be exact lol) but this is where it starts to get interesting.... After my 6 to 10 drinks went by is where something would start to turn on me... sometimes I was just a little silly & harmless, maybe even quite funny but when things went wrong boy did they go wrong (for me anyway). I would say & do things I would never even think I could while drunk. I wouldn't call getting into fights positive (verbal & physical). I wont go into detail about the amount of people I have hurt with my drinking (myself included). I cannot think of one positive action from drinking, sure the nice glow & escapism that goes with it is kinda nice for that short time in the glow/light buzz zone but everything after that is not worth it in any way shape of form.

If you are an alcoholic I know you already know this & are probably going through a bumpy patch & feeling like everything would be easier if you just gave into the drink... I can promise you with 100 percent certainty it will not.

All of the best in your recovery Ty, I know its tough right now but you can do this. Many of us have been in a simular place as you are right now & found our way out of the hell of alcoholism & I pray you can too.

Take care my friend

langkah

In some places the government has given up and as a harm reduction approach provides drinking houses for alcoholics who have also embraced their alcoholism. So, you won't be alone at least.

Not that the residents are able to connect with each other. Drinking seems to close a person off and prevent anything meaningful from happening. But, until their guts fail the alcoholics are able to get to the store and back.

Everyone has the right to choose their path in life.

Peter G

Uhuh. Good luck with that.

Wild and crazy life huh? Haha. Now that cracks me up. The end game to your wild and crazy drinking life is nothing but 24 hours a day of sickness, unable to function in any meaningful capacity. It's just so wild and crazy when you can't get out of bed without dropping down a 5th of Vodka. Good times man, for real. The end result of what you are thinking keeps you being "confident and positive", is to leave you a useless little boy who needs help walking you to the bathroom so you don't crap in your pants. Wild and crazy for real. Eventually, it'll be one bang up time on the day when you can manage enough sobriety to get a shower without falling over and busting open your head. Pretty cool.

Do you seriously thinking that stuff won't happen to you? Maybe you're some special kind of f***d up? Funny how we all thought that too, once.

You'll end up a shell of your former self mate, if you actually start believing what you just wrote. Believe me or not, agony and shame is the natural, inevitable progression of alcoholism. How quickly it happens is up to fate, but it will happen unless you put all this nonsense talk in check and get help.

Until the day came I went from Mr. Cool to that guy passed out in the corner I completely believed my destiny was to drink until the day I died. Until the day I woke up with a knife in my leg, broken ribs, knuckles and a gaping head wound I thought for sure drinking made me likeable, affable, and the same go-to guy I had always been.

Your post tells me one thing; you are lying to yourself. You're alcoholism is angling you into a very bleak future, and you're starting to believe it's OK to follow along. You're doing what we all did at one point, which is resigning to the fate alcohol is laying before you. Getting help is hard, getting drunk is easy. Booze is telling you to let it take the wheel, and you're about to hand over the keys. As free as it might feel to give in to the drink, it's nothing more than the lie that turns you into a slave. Don't do it amigo. Don't do it.

What has been said to you in past threads are the words of folks who have been where you are, and would like very much for you to NOT have to reach the point where your "more outgoing" drunks turn into "more isolated", and where your "more positive" drunks turn into the worst kinds of negative. But alas, it's up to you to turn that advice into actions and really, truly, seek out the solutions.

Nothing more to say Tyler, even though the kind folks around here will keep saying it for your benefit. Personally I'm not hearing anything that tells me you've taken 1 word of advice given in your past threads at all. Have you been to an AA meeting? Have you looked into Rational Recovery/AVRT? Have you looked into rehab or some cognitive therapy? Or are you still sitting alone in your own dis-ease trying hard to figure out the why's, how's, and WTF's on your own?

In the end this likely isn't very AA of me, but I don't see merit in beating dead horses. All I can say to this current post is... amigo I sincerely feel for you having been there myself plenty of times. Only you can take the steps and walk in the right direction. I hope and pray you don't choose the path booze is laying out in front of you. The path to help has been laid out before you in this and other threads, and now it's up to you which direction you choose to take.

switchboard

I thought those things before, too ... that drinking added to my enjoyment of life, to my happiness. And I suppose it kind of did at one time. But life moves forward, and alcoholism is progressive. Several years down the road, I was a shaking addicted mess trying desperately to hide my problem from the world, until I landed in the hospital with a failing liver.

Of course you know that "embracing your alcoholism" is silly .. but I totally understand how you're feeling. Totally. Please don't give in to that option .. because making alcohol that important WILL eat away at your life.

Me, I'm 46, a mom of two, was married almost 25 years, currently divorcing ... Seems like yesterday I was in my 20s, enjoying the buzz, happy as a clam and looking forward to how my life would play out.

Damn alcohol .. it's like a cancer.

doggonecarl

Quit thinking and stop drinking. You are deluding yourself.

soberlicious

By wild and crazy do you mean like Steve-O? Eminem? Steven Tyler? Anthony Keidas? They are all sober and more badass than ever.

By embracing your alcoholism you will go from the one everyone laughs with, to the one everyone laughs at. The one that even other drunks distance themselves from.

Alcohol creates delusions.

Threshold

I can recall the day I made the decision you are making Tyler. The day I said "ah, let the drugs and booze, etc take me away, Life is more fun that way anyway"

I THOUGHT I was living in hell prior to that, but what a nose dive into deeper levels of despair I took after that "decision". It wasn't really a decision at all, it was a lie I was telling myself because I was scared of life sober. Because I knew I could no longer keep of the front I'd been living behind, Because by that time my active addiction had gotten to a place I could no longer hide, and so I decided to embrace it instead, parade it, take pride in my "bad a**" behavior. I was the "cool" person, etc.

Well, not so much. Non functional did NOT equal cool or happy. Two years of that and I was looking up just to see hell. Sobriety looked less scary than where I was and where it was clear I was headed.

Life sober isn't easy, but it's easier than life wasted because that was a one way ticket and now I have options, opportunities and choices. Now I have the chance for good days, joy, relationships, and feeling good physically. I had lost all of that.

Lies eventually wear thin, unravel and snap, and down we go.

davaidavai

When I was in my early to mid 20s, I felt more confident on booze. Then, it began to make me feel even more introverted and awkward than sober. Then, later I realized that the way I was during my early 20s, on booze, only looked like confidence to me. To others, it just looked like being drunk.

Pinkcuda

I got better looking too.

Mark75

Until I wasn't... LOL

SamanthaIam

I tried that for a while, too, Tyler. I'm just going to be an alcoholic! Sin boldly! Ha ha! I'm just a crazy drinker!

I should have asked my kids about that decision before I did it. They would not have thought it was such a great lifestyle, and in fact, they really suffered because of what I decided to do for "myself."

And I should have asked my body how it liked that decision. Ha ha! I'm a drunk! My body took the abuse right up to the day I was s**ting blood and couldn't bend over because my liver hurt so bad.

Should have asked my clients how they felt about me disappearing and missing deadlines and messing up projects -- I guess they didn't love drunken ol' me because they stopped working with me.

Should have asked the other drivers on the road how adorable I was while "just being myself" and drinking in the car. Ha ha! It's just who I am! I drink all the time!

the list goes on and on.

sissy07

You are giving up, and it breaks my heart. If you are true to your word to keep drinking you have set yourself up for a life of hell. You don't want to know what your bottom is....and you will reach it before you expect to. Call Salvation Army - they have free rehabs that work, or do some research to find other help. We are here to help you, but you have to do it yourself, with the help of organizations whose sole purpose is to help alcoholics like all of us. Please get help....it is not impossible to led a sober life....I am living proof. It is just very difficult. Please reach out....your life depends on it. Bless you.

kickaha

I feel you- really- drinking for a drinker can sometimes seem to be worth the price- but you have obviously thought about giving up- why was that?- maybe focus on that?? try and divert yourself into something healthier- take up martial arts for instance or whatever works for you.

have you had your liver checked- maybe you should get it checked regularly- maybe you have some chance then of not going beyond the point of no return.

CRAZE

I used to think the same way up until November 6 of this year. Now due to my drinking and my accepting my drinking as just being who I am, I am facing serious leagal issues that I'll be paying for one way or another for some time to come. I now realize that I need to stop drinking or my drinking is going to stop me. I wish I had a third option but I don't.
Good luck embracing your drinking.

kanamit

If that's the case, why are you posting here? You know the risks and consequences of drinking for you, your friends and your family. If you've made the choice, what's the problem?

LosingmyMisery

I did and thought the same as you. Screw it, this is who I am and if no one likes it, tough. I lived that for years. The reality, I cared what others thought. That way of thinking brought me to a place of misery I never thought imaginable. It doesn't work. The confidence will wane and you will be left feeling empty and dark. You can't drink and live an unmanageable lifestyle without breaking down in every way. Time to rethink your thoughts and get busy. It takes work to move forward. It is easier to go with it, so to speak, but in the long run, it is much harder.