A question for alcoholics...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 270
My family don't drink, and very few of my friends either so it rarely comes up.
My alcoholism is my problem, so it's not my place to tell others not to drink. Although nobody except my wife and doctors know of my alcoholism.
If they all know then I guess it would be nice if they didn't rub it in your face.
My alcoholism is my problem, so it's not my place to tell others not to drink. Although nobody except my wife and doctors know of my alcoholism.
If they all know then I guess it would be nice if they didn't rub it in your face.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Hi, yes, my friends and family drink around me...if I am in their home...I ask that no alcohol be brought into my home...I can't change what they do in their home, if I choose to visit them , or go out with them, then that's my choice...but I do have the choice whether to permit booze in my home..and it's a no go zone!!!! either they respect that or they can leave!! my home is my sanctuary!! 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
I can tolerate it, but what I have said to my friends and family: if I need to bail during a social gathering with alcohol because I'm squirrelly, it's not about them and no offense should be taken. I have on two occassions had alcohol in my house since I got sober, but only because I had family (all of whom drink) staying at my home for the weekend. As a general rule, I prefer not to be around alcohol, but I accept that my choice does not impose restrictions on those I love.
Member_by His Grace
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 4
It is a mixed thing for me. I have been sober for periods of times over the last 3-5 years and some of my falls have been becuase of first of all me, but also being around it. It is one of the warning times that I have to be on extra guard that the "second dog" and dark one know that this is a weak time for me. As you guys mentioned, be ready to walk away if needed. The ones that love you will understand.
We have had birthday parties in our home with alcohol and I have been fine and also slipped. I cannot fall into the lie that "i can have just one". Does not work for me.
God Bless all and Happy Thanksgiving! (two days without a drink, today will be three at midnight tonight! "Stay Sober My Friends"
We have had birthday parties in our home with alcohol and I have been fine and also slipped. I cannot fall into the lie that "i can have just one". Does not work for me.
God Bless all and Happy Thanksgiving! (two days without a drink, today will be three at midnight tonight!
"Stay Sober My Friends"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Yes...
It's not about us. It's about Thanksgiving, and family, and friends and being together. Some people drink, some drink too much, I don't... Anymore.
It gets easier and yea, the first Thanksgiving sucked... Now it's just nice to see everyone.
It's not about us. It's about Thanksgiving, and family, and friends and being together. Some people drink, some drink too much, I don't... Anymore.
It gets easier and yea, the first Thanksgiving sucked... Now it's just nice to see everyone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
yes, and it is OK with me.....i'm the one that never stopped, not them. I even was asked to pick up wine for dinner, which i did (and delivered to my brother's house pronto). I sometimes look at how much others drink, but it is not my place to judge their consumption.
I do serve booze to others in my home at family dinners when i host. but the arrangement is that I pack it up and send it home with my friends or my brother...(i get extra boxes from the liquor store and just pack the bottles in with the leftover treats).
booze is not going to disappear off the face of the earth....it's up to me to deal with it for myself....it has gotten easier as time went on...i did all the tricks and trials, slides and a couple of depressing binges that made me see how easy it is to lie to myself.
it's not worth it to throw away feeling well and sober.
I do serve booze to others in my home at family dinners when i host. but the arrangement is that I pack it up and send it home with my friends or my brother...(i get extra boxes from the liquor store and just pack the bottles in with the leftover treats).
booze is not going to disappear off the face of the earth....it's up to me to deal with it for myself....it has gotten easier as time went on...i did all the tricks and trials, slides and a couple of depressing binges that made me see how easy it is to lie to myself.
it's not worth it to throw away feeling well and sober.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
I have somewhat of a "hard line" on this question, so - take what you want and leave the rest.
I am the one with the problem. Not my husband, not my friends, or my family. I would be ultimately uncomfortable if 20 people at Thanksgiving dinner decided not to drink because they had invited me. I've made it clear to all, and especially my husband, that God gave them the ability to enjoy alcohol the way it was meant to be, and it would really suck if they felt they couldn't drink around me.
Most of them know- - and they ARE incredibly supportive and proud of me for getting my proverbial ^%$^ together. There is respect on both sides of the equation, and they know that if I need to step outside or leave, it's all good.
Another side to my "normie" friends... let's pretend later today we are all having a good time after dinner, and I go into the kitchen. I am certain that if any of them saw me reaching for the rum, they would ask me if I really wanted to do that. They've got my back.
Again, your mileage may vary. Whatever your opinion or state of mind, I am thankful for you on this day of thinking about all the aspects of our lives we have to be grateful for.
I am the one with the problem. Not my husband, not my friends, or my family. I would be ultimately uncomfortable if 20 people at Thanksgiving dinner decided not to drink because they had invited me. I've made it clear to all, and especially my husband, that God gave them the ability to enjoy alcohol the way it was meant to be, and it would really suck if they felt they couldn't drink around me.
Most of them know- - and they ARE incredibly supportive and proud of me for getting my proverbial ^%$^ together. There is respect on both sides of the equation, and they know that if I need to step outside or leave, it's all good.
Another side to my "normie" friends... let's pretend later today we are all having a good time after dinner, and I go into the kitchen. I am certain that if any of them saw me reaching for the rum, they would ask me if I really wanted to do that. They've got my back.
Again, your mileage may vary. Whatever your opinion or state of mind, I am thankful for you on this day of thinking about all the aspects of our lives we have to be grateful for.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
Yes my friends and family drink around me and no, it doesn't bother me. Sometimes I get a fleeting feeling of jealousy but then the realization of what alcohol means/does to me comes back and I'm actually comforted by the fact that it's just not part of my life anymore.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Like others have said, I am the alcoholic not my family and friends. It is up to me to protect myself by not ingesting alcohol just like it would be my responsibility to stay away from peanuts or shellfish if they were deadly to me.
My family and many friends know that both my husband and I are in recovery and so out of respect they have asked if it would bother us if they had a beer. We have always said no. I have at times followed it with "Do what you want but please don't offer it to me."
Now that we've both been sober a while it rarely comes up. They have a beer or a drink if they want and we have tea or whatever. If either of us were to feel uncomfortable we would leave, no questions asked and they would understand.
As someone above said, I would feel VERY uncomfortable if people restrained themselves on my account. On the other hand, I do not permit alcohol in my home and we even banned it at our wedding. Anything that we host is not going to involve alcohol. That is our right but if it is someone else hosting or buying it isn't our business except to leave if we feel uncomfortable.
Good luck!
Kellye
My family and many friends know that both my husband and I are in recovery and so out of respect they have asked if it would bother us if they had a beer. We have always said no. I have at times followed it with "Do what you want but please don't offer it to me."
Now that we've both been sober a while it rarely comes up. They have a beer or a drink if they want and we have tea or whatever. If either of us were to feel uncomfortable we would leave, no questions asked and they would understand.
As someone above said, I would feel VERY uncomfortable if people restrained themselves on my account. On the other hand, I do not permit alcohol in my home and we even banned it at our wedding. Anything that we host is not going to involve alcohol. That is our right but if it is someone else hosting or buying it isn't our business except to leave if we feel uncomfortable.
Good luck!
Kellye
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
Like others have said it's my problem - not someone elses.
In my early days, though, I stayed away from gatherings where I knew alcohol would be flowing until I knew I would be able to handle them sober.
D
In my early days, though, I stayed away from gatherings where I knew alcohol would be flowing until I knew I would be able to handle them sober.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
When I got sober none of my friends or family were drunks so they had no problem not bringing alcohol into my home during the first year. It doesn't bother me as long as they handle the bottle/can and take it with them. When I go into someone's home I know they're not heavy drinkers and it's no longer a problem.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
Yes they do - but I think if I asked them not to or to put it away they would. It's me with the problem and I guess for me I'm okay with it being around at the house a little (not in stock) because I don't live in an isolated world and it's going to be there in the real world.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Roxboro, NC
Posts: 544
I had 27 guest over today and only one drank alcohol.
I won't be able to go through life avoiding the presence of alcohol. I have to maintain a program of recovery or I run the risk of a slip.
If I'm bothered by someone drinking around me at this point then I have issues I need to work on. Alcohol is not my problem, it's what causes me to reach for the alcohol that is the problem.
The person that drank alcohol today brought beer that needed a bottle opener to open them. Of all people he asked me if I had a bottle opener, with beer in hand. I took him to the bottle opener and even opened the beer for him. I'm a good host.
I won't be able to go through life avoiding the presence of alcohol. I have to maintain a program of recovery or I run the risk of a slip.
If I'm bothered by someone drinking around me at this point then I have issues I need to work on. Alcohol is not my problem, it's what causes me to reach for the alcohol that is the problem.
The person that drank alcohol today brought beer that needed a bottle opener to open them. Of all people he asked me if I had a bottle opener, with beer in hand. I took him to the bottle opener and even opened the beer for him. I'm a good host.
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