A question for alcoholics...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: St Louis Missouri
Posts: 71
I hosted Thanksgiving and even bought beer for some of the guests. Nobody drank. This morning I put the unopened beer in the garage, and it is not a temptation to me (I didn't purchase "my" brand) So elated I'm not hung over!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 68
Thank you for all your responses. My nephew (the one with the drug and alcohol addiction) didn't end up coming over for Thanksgiving so I did have some wine but I would have felt just awful drinking around him.
This is a great site. I am trying to get him on here, no luck yet.
This is a great site. I am trying to get him on here, no luck yet.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Yes I am in situations all the time where people are drinking. It does not bother me. I don't drink nor do I want to. Alcohol around me matters not. If I wanted to drink, I would cart my ass to the corner store in a second.
I do have one exception to this. There is one person in my life I will not be around if they have been drinking. I will not risk the violent behavior that ensues when they drink. But that's another story entirely.
I do have one exception to this. There is one person in my life I will not be around if they have been drinking. I will not risk the violent behavior that ensues when they drink. But that's another story entirely.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 344
My husband drinks every day, not just holidays. The way I see it is, I'm focused on myself and what I am doing to be healthy and sober -- I sure don't need to be the Booze Police for anyone else. I've made my decision for me.
Alcohol is everywhere. I'm now a non-drinker who lives in this world. So are lots of other people.
Alcohol is everywhere. I'm now a non-drinker who lives in this world. So are lots of other people.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 29
Like so many others have said, "I'm the one with the disease, not anyone else." That being said I learn what does and doesn't work for me. 99% of the time I am ok with others drinking around me, I don't put myself in that situation often...but when it does come up I am ok. I equate it to diabetes, if I have to take insulin I don't expect everyone else in my gathering to also. I do get jealous sometimes, but I play the tape through...I am jealous because I have lost the ability to think rationally when it comes to alcohol and I know where it takes me. Totally not worth it, in the best of times or worst. I think I would be more uncomfortable if everybody made a big deal about my alcoholic brain and didn't drink around me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Posts: 28
Yes, they do thank God, because my family would probably kill each other if they didn't have a few belts before they all got together.
Fortunately, I don't have to do that anymore. I have some tools now.
Fortunately, I don't have to do that anymore. I have some tools now.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
My family does drink around me during special occasions. it doesn't bother me whatsoever. It's only when my mind gets the best of me... my alcoholic mind I should say when I drink. But lately I've been doing great with being sober. And yes my familt know about my drinking problem and I have no issue with that.
To be honest. It is not wrong for them to drink in front of you. It's their right and they know how to drink properly, mind you some might have problems drinking themselves. Thats how I feel upon this. lol. 3 months sober and I still feel strong about not drinking and not bothered about family drinking in front of me.
To be honest. It is not wrong for them to drink in front of you. It's their right and they know how to drink properly, mind you some might have problems drinking themselves. Thats how I feel upon this. lol. 3 months sober and I still feel strong about not drinking and not bothered about family drinking in front of me.
Trying to Enjoy Life Now
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Fandy 
yes, and it is OK with me.....i'm the one that never stopped, not them. I even was asked to pick up wine for dinner, which i did (and delivered to my brother's house pronto). I sometimes look at how much others drink, but it is not my place to judge their consumption.
I do serve booze to others in my home at family dinners when i host. but the arrangement is that I pack it up and send it home with my friends or my brother...(i get extra boxes from the liquor store and just pack the bottles in with the leftover treats).
booze is not going to disappear off the face of the earth....it's up to me to deal with it for myself....it has gotten easier as time went on...i did all the tricks and trials, slides and a couple of depressing binges that made me see how easy it is to lie to myself.
it's not worth it to throw away feeling well and sober.
I do serve booze to others in my home at family dinners when i host. but the arrangement is that I pack it up and send it home with my friends or my brother...(i get extra boxes from the liquor store and just pack the bottles in with the leftover treats).
booze is not going to disappear off the face of the earth....it's up to me to deal with it for myself....it has gotten easier as time went on...i did all the tricks and trials, slides and a couple of depressing binges that made me see how easy it is to lie to myself.
it's not worth it to throw away feeling well and sober.
We're surrounded by alcohol so much that's I'll drive myself crazy trying to avoid it and I simply won't ask others to change for my problem. That's a good way to isolate yourself too. I'm not saying it's right or wrong but it will happen if you make other people feel they have to adapt to you.
If I ever have to explain why I'm not drinking I simply say something like "it just started kicking my butt at one point and it makes me sick now. The best way I could explain it it's like giving yourself a bad case of the flu on purpose."
I stop out at a local take out bar (because the wings are so damn good) by myself on occasion, meet friends at bars for occasions and take brewery tours. It empowers me to stare it in the face and say 'FU' actually. Do what works for you but I'll give you this advice; the world isn't going to change for you. It's you that has to adapt.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: pacific standard time
Posts: 289
Originally Posted by Jasmine2011
Do your friends and family drink around you during the holidays? If so, is that wrong?
this is my first sober holiday season - but i really appreciated the thanksgiving dinner i attended on thursday where there was a great mix of sober folk and "normies" alike.
at one point someone walked to our "side" of the table (sit down dinner) and offered us wine. we all said no and then made fun jokes like "if you only knew" etc.
it was a really lovely thanksgiving, more than i ever thought it would be, so i'm glad i didn't stress in advance. I had a wonderful time, bonded with other addicts but under very "normal" circumstances - without alcohol. I was able to socialize and feel ok and like myself and not have a hangover. In addition, i was....well....i was present.
truly present.
wine at the table had nothing to do with it.
I'll be home in about a week for a few days and my mom will likely drink wine around me ...or... act weird about it and specifically make a point to not drink wine (which is what she would normally do)
personally i like when people behave as they wish to behave. i don't mind if my family drinks - at least so far so good.
like i said, this is my first go-round without xanax, hydrocodone, oxycontin, wine etc.
i think maybe it's the first thanksgiving in 20+ years without any booze. that's just weird. and yet - i had a blast!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: land of the free
Posts: 10
If you are trying to quit useing and you go to a family gathering and people are drinking you might say what the heck just one wont hurt me but 1 ain't enough and a 1000 ain't to many. AA says it wont help you to be around the drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I think it says something quite different. Something about being fine in places where alcohol is served providing you have a good reason for being there... I have found that to be true.
Now, yea, early on... Maybe events where drinking is prominent is best avoided, but once recovered, it shouldn't be a problem....
Now, yea, early on... Maybe events where drinking is prominent is best avoided, but once recovered, it shouldn't be a problem....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 387
Only my husband, doctor, and a VERY few choice people even know that I had a drinking problem. We spend holidays with my husband's family and they like to drink and are unaware of my alcoholism...and as far as I am concerned it will remain that way. I KNOW that if they knew they would not drink around me. That would make me very uncomfortable. I have the problem...not them.
Live and let live.
Live and let live.
Last edited by anew; 11-29-2011 at 06:18 PM. Reason: too many words
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Originally Posted by Mark75
I think it says something quite different. Something about being fine in places where alcohol is served providing you have a good reason for being there... I have found that to be true.
Now, yea, early on... Maybe events where drinking is prominent is best avoided, but once recovered, it shouldn't be a problem....
Now, yea, early on... Maybe events where drinking is prominent is best avoided, but once recovered, it shouldn't be a problem....
"So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good."
You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good."
Kellye
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
