checkmate1

After a terrible drunken episode of about 18 cans of full strength beer on Sunday night. My family have said 1 more and I'm out for good. It has finally come to decide what to do. I have enough money to move interstate for good. Money is not the worry as I hate to leave on bad terms but the opportunity has arisen and its time for me to leave the nest and start a fresh somewhere else. I am 30 and the reason I haven't moved out before was because of mental health problems. Now that I'm the best I've ever been I think it may be time to get out of here and leave all the druggies, fake friends behind and drinkers. Sink or swim if you know what I mean and not come home and verbally abuse my parents after a heavy or bad night out. I have guilt over this. I think this is what I could do which would be better for all our sakes and sain. I have wanted to move out long ago but I think now that I'm stable and have the money to do it I should move and prove to them I can make it out in the world by myself. I relapsed after 6 months of sobriety from drugs and alcohol now that I have been given a second chance in life I should run with it, start a fresh and move on with life. It seems a bit daunting that I will be going somewhere where I'm new but think that this could be a step forward that I will eventually have to take. There are really no hard feelings between us and nothing that can't be made up as we had a talk today and they said its up to me what to do. I'm now sober 2 days and would love to be somewhere I can call home for myself.

freethinking

Yes, definitely move out if you have the opportunity.

Scolova

Good Luck,
I wish I had it in me to do just that when I was 30 (or before), clean myself up, kick the users outta my life and start again elsewhere. I know the 18+pack hangover feeling all to well, hope to never go through it again.

SteppingItUp

My experience is this: Geographical switches do not treat alcoholism.

I should know, I covered thousands of miles trying to make it work over and over again. It looks like it's getting better for a little while, and then *bam* the power of the illness strikes again, and I'd be drinking and using harder than ever before, more desperate than ever before, more incapable of digging myself out to face life than ever before.

Here's the thing: Wherever you go, there you are.

People, places and things are fundamentally not my problem -- the problem lies in me.

If this is really the best you've ever been, which happens to have included 18 cans of full strength beer on Sunday night, I think you might want to take another look to see if what you've got so far according to your own resources and your own thinking has actually been working.

Admitting complete defeat and surrendering to a program of recovery has been my way out. I truly do not believe I would survive my condition without it, drunk or sober, using or clean. I certainly would not be happy, joyous and free today, which, in fact, I really am. Absolutely amazing for a real deal alcoholic/addict like me. I love my life. Wow! How cool is that. Want that too? If you do what I know works, I believe it's all within your reach.

By the way, I might suggest that no one on an internet forum can tell you from your post if you should go or where you should be.

But if you have an alcoholic mind / addict mind and do not treat it sufficiently, you will drink / use again. And for me, to drink or to use means lock-up, insanity or death.

I'm sending big prayers and much love to you.

SIU

Justfor1

I can relate. I recently had to move back home to my parents house. I came home drunk a few weeks ago & stumbled into my mothers expensive table and broke it. I have mental illness issues as well and feel guilty also when I am verbal abusive when coming off my benders. 18 beers is quite a bit and when I drank that amount I would be shaking & having panic attacks the next day. I would be so dehydrated that I could barely walk. I'm glad I'm sober today. Take care

checkmate1

The total relapse time was about 4 weeks including drugs and after drinking that much on Sunday and getting the same hangover's as I used too made me realize that I may have took my sobriety time of 6 months for granted and so did my family. I think by the time I have finished looking for a place to move into it would be more sober time under my belt and if I relapsed again I would seriously have to rethink the move interstate. I need to be sure, real sure this time.
Yes I know geographicals are not the answer to my alcohol and drug problems. As I did 6 months sober and drug free which is a long time in anyone's books who have used alcohol excessively and binged. The problem lies in that I would like to take more responsiblity in my life and be totally independent of my parents. I don't think my parents think I have it in me to do it. I know that moving away will not fix any alcohol problem's but give me room to grow and learn more as a person how to live a good life. I think geographicals do work and have seen them work in some situations but that is not what I'm doing here clearly.

langkah

If people have done this kind of thing and it worked out well, then why not go for it?

On the other hand if you see it generally fails miserably and they wind up screwed up in a strange place without the props that normally keep them marginally in line instead of in a meltdown mess then that's good input to get too.

Looks like you're not hearing a stream of success stories. That should indicate caution.

If you were able to somehow put a couple of years together and were at that point moving TO something instead of running away it all might make great sense.

freethinking

Yeah, but he's 30 and still living at home. Even though I was actively drinking in my early 20s, I got a job and moved out of my mother's house. Having to pay my own bills and be responsible was really good for me. It didn't solve my drinking problem, but it did shape me up a bit. I met my now husband during this time too. I don't think everything is black and white all the time with regards to drinking. 30 is way too old to be living at home IMO.

Dee74

hi checkmate

I totally get the idea of moving, stop relying on your parents, a fresh start, room to grow etc...

I'm glad you're not clinging to the hope it will in itself change anything about your drinking though

D

1983ritag

I'm glad you're back with us. Good luck on your move. Sometimes this can be a good thing. If I didn't have so many things tying me down to my state, I'd move just for a different experience and some fresh scenery. I hope everything works out for you whatever you decide to do. Keep us updated!

gaffo

I've lived all over the country but I'm pretty well tethered these days with a business, house, family etc. I'm a little jealous of people who can up and move. I'm also a little impatient with people who should but don't. I moved out of my parents' house when I was 17. I was already sick of trying to prove myself to them. Do this for yourself. Good luck.

checkmate1

thanks guys I now have full support of my parents which is good....will be looking for a place closer to home now because I already have lots of the stuff to go inside a unit.....as long as I behave it will be sooner rather than later. As for my sobriety day 3 is ending and feeling a bit more positive about making a change. As with abstaining from alcohol I'm doing this for me noone else.

checkmate1

I believe there are many ways to get and stay sober other than surrendering to a recovery program. You talk of treating an alcoholic mind which makes me think you are using Jack trimpey's Rational Recovery AVRT technique. Also if your recovery program is AA there are many examples of people getting sober without it maybe check out the secular part of the forum.

ForeverDecember

Hrm... I think maybe SIU was less saying that you need to use AA to quit, more saying that you can't run from your troubles. Like, no matter where you go alcohol will be there, people who drink will be there. The only thing you can change in life are your own actions

I quit without AA or any group program, and am happier than I've ever been, so I'm not blindly defending those programs. I do have a healthy amount of respect for them though, as I've seen the good they do and won't ever deny it.

Good luck with your next steps checkmate It's great that you've got your parents support as per your last post, and fantastic that you have recognised the aspects of your current situation that contribute to your problems, as per your first post.

I look forward to hearing how things go for you

FT

Hi checkmate,

I just noticed this thread and wanted to hop on board to encourage you. I know your potential, and getting out on your own may be just the thing you need. I agree with you that there are other ways to recover than formal programs. You need to do what works for you the best.

Stay strong, dude. You can do this.

FT

Robbie86

Personally , I feel if I moved out to live by myself , I would never stop drinking . I nearly did it because I felt that it would remove all the guilt and shame I felt that I caused my family but I am glad that I did not because I knew what the main reason for moving out would be and that would be less consequences to deal with as a result of my drunkenness and an incentive to drink to my hearts content . I hope things improve for you friend . Godspeed .