Mark80

What are your thoughts on the best way to deal with slip ups? I was sober for 76 days but have slipped up twice in the last 2 weeks, both times for one day.
The way I see it I can do two things. Accept that I am getting weaker and that slip-ups are becoming common. Or forget completely about slip-ups and just focus on starting fresh, moving on etc.
If I do the first, it seems defeatist. If I accept that I am getting weaker, then I will be more vulnerable to slipping up in the future.
But if I do the second, it's denying a problem exists and that my resolve is weakening. So ignoring something which should be approached and dealt with.

What's the best approach in you guys opinion?

Thanks!

Terminally Unique

Get rid of the supply and stop having "slips" before you become re-addicted.

dawnrunner

Do a bit of thinking about what is causing you to slip i.e. what is your state of mind at the time? Then address that issue in your life.

Or more simply: Just go to a meeting or re-connect with your sobriety support structure, whatever it may be.

crdw

Mark80 Are you attending AA? ............ do you have a sponsor? .........
I also am not a person who came to the program and got it and have never had to drink again. I have been desperately trying since Oct of 07 and have had to "come back" at least 5 or 6 times. For myself personally I don't allow myself to call drinking " a slip" I didn't fall, I drank. Again for myself I feel that if I am not brutally honest with myself I am never going to succeed in finding serenity and true sobriety. This last time I realized that although I do all the "do" things including calling my sponsor regularly I DO NOT call my sponsor when I am in crisis. So this time around I have called in crisis and I did not have to drink over it.
I wish you luck

rws177

I would not view them as "common" because then it makes it easier to justify them. Years ago I was seeing a counselor and he would tell me that "slips" are normal for people with drinking problems. So then for the longest time I would have these "slips" every 60-90 days and think that was ok. Eventually I stopped seeing him and started doing the AA thing. Now I view those occurrences of drinking as "relapses" and take it very seriously. Right now I am roughly 8 months sober. Had over a year of sobriety but I "RELAPSED" 8 months ago.

Also I wouldn’t consider yourself as getting weaker. Your using your lapses as a learning tool to move forward with.

freethinking

Well, I wouldn't look at what you're describing as "2 slips", first of all. You're drinking again.

Next step for me would be to look at what happened, and what I can do differently, and why I chose to drink.

FML

It really sucks to go that long and then lose it all huh? I've gone over a month here and there and the days I accumulated were such a motivation. Then when I screw up it's like I'm not throwing so much away if I do it shortly after. Like it's been 3 days since I drank. Doesn't seem as much of a failure if I do it now compared to giving up after so many days. Doesn't really seem like a failure at all because I really haven't been trying to stop drinking or anything, but I know I should and I'm here. IDK it sounds to me like just not focusing on the slip ups would be a better option. That's what I think I'll do anyway. Maybe stop adding up the days in between. Sorry I'm kind of talking to myself. But hey you're definitely not the only one who slips up! rws177 has a good point too, about considering it a relapse. It will make having a drink seem less appealing if we look at it as a relapse. Doesn't sound quite as tasty as slipping up.

Mark80

I agree. Relapse is a much better word, much closer to what actually happened.
I'm not attending AA, its only recently I fully admitted I have a problem and need help with this. It's definately something I need though, otherwise relapses will keep coming. And to identify the trigger which causes these failures, relapses, however i should call the.

Scolova

For me, I know I cannot allow myself to 'slip' ever, it'd be a full relapse for another ~3 months until I crawled out from underneath the mountain of beer bottles and cans.

RobbyRobot

Whatever you want to call going back to drinking really at the end of the day is not important. I think facing that you wanted to go have some drinks, maybe a drunk, whatever, thats the thing I would focus on: wanting to drink.

I would forget about figuring out why you wanted to drink and start accepting just how much do you want to drink. Get honest about what you would really do to get a drink, not what you would do to not have any more.

Being honest about your wants for alcohol, and the drunks that go with it eventually, getting real about just how far you'll go for that drinking experience, that lifestyle, that escape, that place of drunkeness -- what does all that mean to you -- looking at that mess will do you more good than trying to figure out what to do about relapsing or slipping.

So yeah, you had 76 days, so do it again and this time pay attention to those wants and needs to drink. You may find out that the so-called triggers that get you back to drinking are really just you trying to deal with yourself in a selfish and self-centered lifestyle that sucks the life outta you. Honesty is not an easy thing to experience. Have courage.

When we dont do ourselves a good turn, when we go against ourselves, when we throw ourselves under the alcohol bus, its like we are pulling our own chains, and the joke is on us.

Eventually, no matter how much booze I drank, no matter the drunk, I couldn't feel myself laughing anymore... whatever I started out doing with alcohol was not what I ended up with. What a cruel joke is alcoholism.

I hope you can get past all the slipping and relapsing jive that brings down alot of alcoholics trying to get sober. If you drink, its because you wanted to drink, even if you didn't want to drink. Weird, eh? Just deal with it, even if you dont "get it" right away. Figure it out later, and get sober again now.

Congrats on your 76 days!

Dee74

Welcome Mark

I tend to agree with the blunt crew on this one - semantics schemantics...a slip is drinking again.

I think that's the time we need to look at what we have been doing, accept it's not really been enough, and look at what more we could be doing...

so what more could you be doing for your recovery Mark?

D

Dee74

Welcome to you too crdw

D

Anna

I agree. The word 'slips' doesn't describe the harm of drinking again.

It's important, I think, to figure out why they happened and how to avoid them again. It can be done. For example, do you have alcohol in the house?

bubblehead

Nevermind what its called, a slip relapse or whatever. What can you DO but pick yourself up again? You pretty much have to. Identify any triggers that caused you to relapse and make whatever changes you need to get back to business.

onlythetruth

The best approach is to make a commitment to never picking up a drink again, no matter what. Take the option off the table.

Zebra1275

I guess sometimes I want to have a drink with dinner. But then I remember that I have plans for Christmas. (Robert Downey Jr.)

Pretty much describes what might happen to me if I pick up today. A little bit of drinking is not going to work.

eJoshua

I think it has less to do with how you look at your drinking and more to do with what you do about your drinking. Are you going to do it again? Are you rationalizing it in your head or giving yourself permission to do it again?

Best way to avoid slip ups? Don't drink and do whatever it takes to keep yourself sober.

Best wishes, you can beat it if you want to.

tesquizito

I'm currently reading Dr. Marlatt's book Relapse Prevention. The clinical definition of lapse, although still not 100% clear, describes a single decision. A relapse includes repeated decisions, or repeated or consecutive lapses. Of course different groups and perspectives define these differently as well.

Where I am at is this. It was useful in my early recovery to distinguish between lapses and relapses, because it allowed me to build upon the successes I did have and learn to build up long periods of sobriety. These days I try to very careful, if I have a lapse, if left unchecked can embolden me for a future relapse, as I painfully learned just recently.

So I try to draw the boundaries at: no slips, lapses, relapses, or drinking....none.. whatever you call them, at any level it's just a dangerous activity to allow myself to engage in.

instant

The desire for alcohol is the problem, drinking is just what follows.

(at least that is what I am thinking right now)

freethinking

The desire is the problem, but the drinking is not just what follows in my opinion. Many of us still have desires to drink - it's how we handle them that matters. There are some people I guess who stop drinking and never have desire, but a lot of us still have desires (or we wouldn't be in this position). Having the desire in spite of negative consequences is what makes us alcoholic (IMO). I think one should look at having the desire as normal and nothing to feel badly about, but instead take that desire and figure out how to properly look at it and then address it. I choose to separate myself from the desire and look at it as my "addictive voice". It is not the real me, it's my addiction. Separating myself from that desire has been key for me.