davaidavai

Days of elation, hope for change, despair, misery. Maintaining control, doing a good job, losing control, losing my temper. Wanting to reach a place where everything runs smoothly more or less, where I don't have to contend with myself as I do.

I feel healthy. My lungs don't ache as they seemed to off and on. I function on less sleep. I'm still alone in my life, my work, with no friendships. But what can you do really? This last week was like something breaking open, like a fist unclenching a little.

Everyday is a science of selfhood. I've got to watch myself better, stop driving myself so hard, be more of a careless flake if I cannot adopt the amazing self-love and total lack of self critique that seems to define happy, successful people.

BASEjumper

That's good. In my experience breaking the isolation that alcoholism creates is an important component to recovery and happiness.

Do you go to meetings of any kind? Talking and sharing your experiences with others in the same situation who can empathize helped me break out of the shell I built around myself.

Or pick a hobby, like rock climbing, SCUBA or something requiring training. As you go through the course you'll meet people along the way and have fun.