lostnalone

Morning all,

After coming face to face with the cold hard reality of my alcoholism, I made it 30 days sober, basically all of October. During my 30 days I went to meetings, met with a psychologist, a work counsellor and exercised at the gym and went to Yoga almost every day. For all my efforts, I felt great, I felt like I was accomplishing more and more with each passing day. Just when I thought things were going to be different for the rest of my life.........my wife and I started our divorce.


I left my home and my marriage over two weeks ago and I've been drunk everyday since.


I cant even begin to describe how hopeless I feel. My mood and my emotions change almost every hour, I've been through many tough times in my life and I can honestly say that nothing compares to how alone and desperate I feel now.


What happened to life? I remember being twenty years old just a short time ago without a care in the world. I was always happy, never "addicted", and had desire and zest for everything I did. Now? Im 26, divorced (almost), fat, broke and I can barely make it through a day at work without breaking into tears in front of my coworkers.


Anyone else going through this? Or Anyone else gone through a divorce and relapse at the same time?


To anyone else on the verge of relapse......please dont, its the worst feeling in the world, I wouldnt wish what I feel on my worst enemy.

24hrsAday

lost i am so sorry to hear you are struggling right now.. just remember you ARE NOT ALONE! this affliction does not care who we are! it kicks EVERYBODYS A$$ the same. i had to make it through the darkest days of my life before i finally stepped out into the light.. you will too. i wish you the best!

least

I'm sorry you're going thru this hell. Only thing I can offer is that you've got to believe in your deepest heart that drinking won't make anything better, but will, in fact, make everything worse. I hope you can get back to a sober life and deal with your problems with a clear head.

InParticular

Oh man, that sucks. I have never been through a divorce, but I know what it feels like to feel absolutely lost, alone, and helpless. You are NOT alone. And you will get through it. You have to not alienate yourself though, you have to get yourself out and involved and accountable. And GO EASY on yourself. You are allowed to feel destroyed right now, a divorce must be just a terrible, demoralizing thing to go through.

One thing I do have to say though is, you are so lucky in that you still have your YOUTH. That is one thing you can really be thankful for. So many people (myself included) take decades to clue in to the fact that they have a problem and start the journey. And that's what this is for you, it is a journey. You have taken the first step of acceptance now just don't lose sight of the goal.

Try practicing gratitude. I know that must sound crazy to you right now but it really works. Find one little thing that you are really grateful for, then build on that.

You can get through this. I know it seems hopeless now but you CAN get through it. Use this forum as a tool to share and get it all out.

DrivenHeart85

Ah, you poor thing I wish I could help. :ghug3 I'm 26 too...not divorced though.
If you get back and keep your sobriety through this, you have a whole life of potential ahead of you. If you don't, you'll harbor and hold onto every piece of "why me?" and never move forward. Alcohol will not help your situation, you may think it's helping you "cope" with reality but it's not. There is a lot of pain in what you're going through but that's okay, it's okay to feel and accept negative emotions without alcohol. Remember, you're 26 and you can turn all of this around...it may take time, pain and determination but you can do it. I've met so many guys that never let go of lost love and try to drink their way through life because of it and it is so heart breaking to watch. They are unable to let in any new opportunities and any chance to be happy again. I truly hope that you will know in your heart that alcohol cannot help you right now and that with strength and determination you will get through this.

SamanthaIam

Hugs to you, and so very sorry for the tough times you're in.

It will get better. I hope that somewhere in this experience you discover the love for yourself that might set you free from drinking.

Keeping a good thought for you,

tesquizito

Wise words here. It will be difficult to deal with a divorce, it will be far more difficult to deal with a divorce and and an unchecked alcohol addiction.

You've already proven you can do 30 days, you certainly can do much more if you want. I pray you decide to to make your life easier in this already troubling time

omegasupreme

Where were you in the steps?

newdayfortoday

I went through a breakup while I was getting sober, not relapsing but I understand the draw to drink during that time. My and my ex were together for almost three years and lived together so it was painful but I knew that drinking wouldn't make it any better. We broke up before I hit 30 days I made it to 88 days and then had some drinks and directly there after stopped again so now I'm on day 10.

Life happens and we're not perfect, we all fall down but you have to pick yourself back up, get your resolve back and try again. What you're going through is hard but drinking is just making it worse. Relapsing doesn't have to be permenant and you don't fail until you stop trying so just try again. I hope you find your way back to sober living. It gets better but the path to getting better isn't always linear.

NYCDoglvr

I'm so sorry you're going through a tough time. Divorce is one of the most painful things in life so many must endure. Nevertheless you, like everyone, will rebound and find you have decades of life ahead.

I suggest returning to meetings. In addition to being sober there is enormous support for times like this. I've gone through painful periods with the help of other recovering alcoholics.

OceanSize

you arent alone. i'm going through a tough breakup in sobriety, and to put it in simple terms: it sucks.

I'm trying not to get caught up in the insane alcoholic thinking (suicidal thoughts, self pity etc) but it's hard b/c i don't know how else to be.

However, that's not exactly true - i DO know how else to be, it just takes practice.

I never thought this would be me, but i wake up and pray in the morning. I've mentioned it in other threads, but my HP isn't god at all. More like the Jedi Force. i get up in the AM, talk to yoda, and it definitely affects my day.

Did you have a sponsor before? Have you called him/her?

I hate my breakup, i wish it wasn't happening, but it is, and nothing i do will change it, so i'm just gonna sit back and hand it over while i start on my step 4.

Wishing you all the best, keep posting. and forgive yourself.

we slip, it's what we alcoholics do - it's our disease, and we share this disease. You are always welcome back (so cool!) and here's a suggestion that worked for me after my "last drunk"

when you look in the mirror at morning & night for tooth brushing....say "i love you & I forgive you" try it for 30 days.

i started doing this 82 days ago and haven't stopped. I do believe it is helping me learn to feel loved without the aid of another human being.

We're right behind ya. Welcome back

onlythetruth

You know, it's funny....I've been through a number of incredibly painful things in my life, and by far the worst and most painful things occurred AFTER I quit drinking. Several major losses including a divorce. Each time, I think...My God, this is the worst pain. I'm never gonna make it. I really am not, it's completely impossible that I'm going to live through this. But then, I do. Emotional pain has NEVER, ever killed me.

Drinking, though...now that would kill me. I know that. So I don't do it, no matter how bad things get...and eventually they get better. Even though in the middle of the darkness I think they never will, they do. I live to see another day and smile again.

So hang on my friend. I know it's tough, but hang on, don't drink, and you too will live through this to smile again.

quitforme79

Lost, I broke up with my SO august and moved into my new apt in September. I bascially drank every night from then until 8 days ago. I felt so alone, lost, hopeless, sad, desperate, numb ...u name it I felt it. On my really drunken alone binges I would just cry and beg God to take me. One night I was so bombed I thought I would die so I wrote a goodbye letter and thought "I'm sorry to whoever finds this first". So yes, I have been there and even though I wasn't married (it was headed that way) and I was devastated. I finally realized that even w/o my ex, I have wonderful things to live for: my sister, my brothers, my family etc. I also help people for a living. I make my friends laugh. Try to start focusing on what you do have, even if you can only think of one little thing a day. Have you stopped drinking? Do you have a plan?

D226

Thank you so much for your honesty - I can't even imagine what "you"are feeling -but i do know that helpless/ hopeless/ why me feeling ( all too well ) Trust me it does get better -one day at a time . There is nothing that drinking will help with !!! It will only lead us further into that living hell in our own minds -I went through a very similar experience a few moths ago - didn't use or drink - but thought I was going crazy and losing my mind . Even after 10 years of sobriety - my disease can still try to "get its teeth" into me !!!! Thank God -that I was strong enough to reach out for help - Recovery is not about being problem free or happy ever after - its about being able to survive the storms - I would have given anything to numb the pain -but recovery has taught me that the pain will go away -only if I face it and walk through it -It sucks / its not easy -but we do RECOVER -my thoughts and prayers are with you - Sending you love and lots of light !!!

Hevyn

You'll put it all back together again, lost. A whole new world awaits you - things never stay the same for long. Everything you've dreamed of is still attainable, and you'll appreciate it even more.

Sending love and hope out to you. You can do this.

lostnalone

Thanks all, I cant express how much the kind words and phrases of support have touched me.

Not gonna lie, Im still struggling with alcohol and still not thriving, but Im doing better than I was yesterday which is a small victory, but one I will gladly accept.

Things with my soon to be ex wife are what they are and I am slowly learning that alcohol is a horrible horrible coping mechanism. With all the other options, opportunities and resources available to me, why do I still turn to a tall glass of whiskey when I suddenly feel depressed or overwhelmed.

To anyone else out there with the same or similar problem as me, plz dont bottle it in. There is so much support and encouragement on this site, it is just silly to ignore the vast resources available.


Today was supposed to be day 1, but that didnt happen, so here is to tomorrow and the possible day 1 it could be!

grateful101010

Hi lost: You already have the best weapon in the world for conquering addiction: you're honest with yourself and your feelings. It comes through in your writing. Many people never get to this point and you have. You'll be okay if you just don't drink, keep coming to SR and stay honest.