After almost four months sober, I drank last night....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PA
Posts: 19
After almost four months sober, I drank last night....
Hi everyone,
I have been struggling with a drinking addiction for about 10 yrs., but it has really gotten bad in the past three yrs. I have 2 DUIs, have lost custody of my daughters, lost my boyfriend, spent 70 days in jail....you would think I'd be convinced that I shouldn't drink.
I recently acheived 90 days sobriety on 10/19/11. I haven't made 90 days in over three yrs. and it was a big deal to me.
But....I was staying sober mostly for another person, not myself. I had developed a crush on someone, a dear friend in AA, and it motivated me to stay sober. He even gave me his 13-year old three-month coin.
Lately, after realizing he is probably not interested in me that way, I have not been able to stop thinking about drinking. The obsession returned and last night, while watching a romantic movie where they were having a beer, I decided I could do it too. I bought two six-packs and thought I could space them out. I didn't. I ended up drinking until I passed out with the 11th beer. I woke up with it next to me on my bedside table. I romanticize alcohol like I do men, sex, food, shopping....I actually think things like I'll meet the love of my life in a bar like on Casablanca. Good lord. I am more convinced now that I cannot drink. but I need to REMEMBER that when the hard times come. Thank you all for reading this.
I have been struggling with a drinking addiction for about 10 yrs., but it has really gotten bad in the past three yrs. I have 2 DUIs, have lost custody of my daughters, lost my boyfriend, spent 70 days in jail....you would think I'd be convinced that I shouldn't drink.
I recently acheived 90 days sobriety on 10/19/11. I haven't made 90 days in over three yrs. and it was a big deal to me.
But....I was staying sober mostly for another person, not myself. I had developed a crush on someone, a dear friend in AA, and it motivated me to stay sober. He even gave me his 13-year old three-month coin.
Lately, after realizing he is probably not interested in me that way, I have not been able to stop thinking about drinking. The obsession returned and last night, while watching a romantic movie where they were having a beer, I decided I could do it too. I bought two six-packs and thought I could space them out. I didn't. I ended up drinking until I passed out with the 11th beer. I woke up with it next to me on my bedside table. I romanticize alcohol like I do men, sex, food, shopping....I actually think things like I'll meet the love of my life in a bar like on Casablanca. Good lord. I am more convinced now that I cannot drink. but I need to REMEMBER that when the hard times come. Thank you all for reading this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 10
I know how it can be when you get sober for someone else, and then what you expect out of that someone else doesn't happen. It does cut very deep when you're trying to remain sober, but if anything you should take from it that regardless of who you stopped drinking for, you still had the willpower to last that long. Don't try to put too much focus on the fact you stopped drinking for someone else, because ultimately you made the effort and had the willpower to stop.
You can do it again but as you yourself said you need to remember it when the hard times come, I can relate a lot to feeling like drinking while watching a movie is easy and no big deal. I used to drink a lot watching movies or playing a game, and when I became sober I replaced that drink with cola which was worse for a while since it's loaded with caffeine! Depending on the time i'll just drink water instead, so I guess my advice if anything is to just find something else to drink during those films that gives you a similar enjoyment, fruity drink, anything.
Filling meals put me off as well, by the time I was done eating I couldn't eat another bite let alone drink something. Hope you'll continue to do well on your path to sobriety
You can do it again but as you yourself said you need to remember it when the hard times come, I can relate a lot to feeling like drinking while watching a movie is easy and no big deal. I used to drink a lot watching movies or playing a game, and when I became sober I replaced that drink with cola which was worse for a while since it's loaded with caffeine! Depending on the time i'll just drink water instead, so I guess my advice if anything is to just find something else to drink during those films that gives you a similar enjoyment, fruity drink, anything.
Filling meals put me off as well, by the time I was done eating I couldn't eat another bite let alone drink something. Hope you'll continue to do well on your path to sobriety
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: London, The UK
Posts: 104
Ha I can relate to your post....
I romanticized alcohol a lot too. Actually, I romanticized self-destruction in general. Not only that, but I glamourized it too.
And seeing people drink in movies/tv shows was a big trigger.
However, reality always turned out to be different. My drunken escapades were neither romantic, nor glamorous. They were tragic, ugly and insane. In the best of cases, they were simply boring and pointless.
I try to remember that when the alcoholic in me starts craving a drink. I needed to realize that a drink in my hand would make me look like a fool, not an enigmatic intellectual or a Hollywood glamazon.
I romanticized alcohol a lot too. Actually, I romanticized self-destruction in general. Not only that, but I glamourized it too.
And seeing people drink in movies/tv shows was a big trigger.
However, reality always turned out to be different. My drunken escapades were neither romantic, nor glamorous. They were tragic, ugly and insane. In the best of cases, they were simply boring and pointless.
I try to remember that when the alcoholic in me starts craving a drink. I needed to realize that a drink in my hand would make me look like a fool, not an enigmatic intellectual or a Hollywood glamazon.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 765
Originally Posted by coffeegrl 
Hi everyone,
I have been struggling with a drinking addiction for about 10 yrs., but it has really gotten bad in the past three yrs. I have 2 DUIs, have lost custody of my daughters, lost my boyfriend, spent 70 days in jail....you would think I'd be convinced that I shouldn't drink.
I recently acheived 90 days sobriety on 10/19/11. I haven't made 90 days in over three yrs. and it was a big deal to me.
But....I was staying sober mostly for another person, not myself. I had developed a crush on someone, a dear friend in AA, and it motivated me to stay sober. He even gave me his 13-year old three-month coin.
Lately, after realizing he is probably not interested in me that way, I have not been able to stop thinking about drinking. The obsession returned and last night, while watching a romantic movie where they were having a beer, I decided I could do it too. I bought two six-packs and thought I could space them out. I didn't. I ended up drinking until I passed out with the 11th beer. I woke up with it next to me on my bedside table. I romanticize alcohol like I do men, sex, food, shopping....I actually think things like I'll meet the love of my life in a bar like on Casablanca. Good lord. I am more convinced now that I cannot drink. but I need to REMEMBER that when the hard times come. Thank you all for reading this.
I have been struggling with a drinking addiction for about 10 yrs., but it has really gotten bad in the past three yrs. I have 2 DUIs, have lost custody of my daughters, lost my boyfriend, spent 70 days in jail....you would think I'd be convinced that I shouldn't drink.
I recently acheived 90 days sobriety on 10/19/11. I haven't made 90 days in over three yrs. and it was a big deal to me.
But....I was staying sober mostly for another person, not myself. I had developed a crush on someone, a dear friend in AA, and it motivated me to stay sober. He even gave me his 13-year old three-month coin.
Lately, after realizing he is probably not interested in me that way, I have not been able to stop thinking about drinking. The obsession returned and last night, while watching a romantic movie where they were having a beer, I decided I could do it too. I bought two six-packs and thought I could space them out. I didn't. I ended up drinking until I passed out with the 11th beer. I woke up with it next to me on my bedside table. I romanticize alcohol like I do men, sex, food, shopping....I actually think things like I'll meet the love of my life in a bar like on Casablanca. Good lord. I am more convinced now that I cannot drink. but I need to REMEMBER that when the hard times come. Thank you all for reading this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Aberdeen,NC
Posts: 1
Hay Coffgrl Mark 9:23 And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Just think about the days you did not drink those days were Victories you can build on. So what you went one day back you must know in your Heart and Mind that you did have 90 days that is awesome its a victory compared to the past 10 years hold on to that and build on it.
A quick story in War War 2 the Marines never lost a Island they set out to liberatre the landed on the beach and dug in the ganed a foot hold some days the would gain a hundered yards just to lose 75 yards others they would gain 75 and lose 50 others 50 and lose 25 if you total it up you will see that by not giving up aventually they would gain controll because they never gave up and lost it all. I am sure you have been through allot and inside most of that has made you strong NOW take that STRENGTH that GOD has given you and start again move forward move fortward move forward before you know it you will libertae that Island your on because its your battle to win or lose and its nothing compared to the past ten years. FIGHT
A quick story in War War 2 the Marines never lost a Island they set out to liberatre the landed on the beach and dug in the ganed a foot hold some days the would gain a hundered yards just to lose 75 yards others they would gain 75 and lose 50 others 50 and lose 25 if you total it up you will see that by not giving up aventually they would gain controll because they never gave up and lost it all. I am sure you have been through allot and inside most of that has made you strong NOW take that STRENGTH that GOD has given you and start again move forward move fortward move forward before you know it you will libertae that Island your on because its your battle to win or lose and its nothing compared to the past ten years. FIGHT
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Coffegirl. Your post shows you have a fair insight into some of the challenges that lead you back to drink. I found it helpful to think that what I am doing is not "giving up" alcohol but "learning" to live life.
It might be a good idea to avoid Rom-coms and the like when alone.
It might be a good idea to avoid Rom-coms and the like when alone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Sorry to hear this. I did the same for years too, decide not to drink and then drink and it would be bad like the other times, and then I'd decide not to drink...just a hamster wheel I'd jump on and off of, going nowhere.
In sobriety people lose things and relationships and jobs and don't drink if they have a solution to their alcoholism. If we have no effective solution a perfectly sensible reason to drink again will always come along. At least they sound sensible for the little time it takes to again jump back on the wheel.
What you've experienced is what you can expect, unless you find a solution that will work for you.
I'd lose the notion that your problem is you are and will always be a completely hopeless romantic. Maybe it would help to replace romantic with another word that better describes your problem. Starts with an 'A'.
In sobriety people lose things and relationships and jobs and don't drink if they have a solution to their alcoholism. If we have no effective solution a perfectly sensible reason to drink again will always come along. At least they sound sensible for the little time it takes to again jump back on the wheel.
What you've experienced is what you can expect, unless you find a solution that will work for you.
I'd lose the notion that your problem is you are and will always be a completely hopeless romantic. Maybe it would help to replace romantic with another word that better describes your problem. Starts with an 'A'.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by instant
Coffegirl. Your post shows you have a fair insight into some of the challenges that lead you back to drink. I found it helpful to think that what I am doing is not "giving up" alcohol but "learning" to live life.
It might be a good idea to avoid Rom-coms and the like when alone.
It might be a good idea to avoid Rom-coms and the like when alone.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I drank my whole life, coffee. I've done that same sort of thing - had 3 yrs. once & went back out for 7 lost years. I got 3 dui's during that time, back-to-back ones once. Yet now I'm heading towards 4 yrs. You can get your sobriety back and keep it this time.
Sending love to you coffee. You can get back on track and have a wonderful life without the poison ruining things for you. We're all behind you - you can do this.
Sending love to you coffee. You can get back on track and have a wonderful life without the poison ruining things for you. We're all behind you - you can do this.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I drank my whole life, coffee. I've done that same sort of thing - had 3 yrs. once & went back out for 7 lost years. I got 3 dui's during that time, back-to-back ones once. Yet now I'm heading towards 4 yrs. sober. You can get your sobriety back and keep it this time.
Sending love to you coffee. You can get back on track and have a wonderful life without the poison ruining things for you. We're all behind you - you can do this.
Sending love to you coffee. You can get back on track and have a wonderful life without the poison ruining things for you. We're all behind you - you can do this.
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