drumstick

I don't know, just getting really tired and losing interest in all this recovery business.

Feelings are getting conflicted again, like in all honesty I use all sorts of tools in my arsenal to keep sober but just getting to the point where I feel like now my entire life revolves around being completely engulfed in the protectionist walls of the recovery programs I rely on. Sometimes these tools interfere with a variety of social settings and leave me gaurding my sobriety as to disclude myself from any setting with a chance of vulnerability to the sight of my liquid criptonite and former so called friend "alcohol".

My alcholic brain is rearing it's cunning, baffling and powerful lies and dropping hints of manipulation towards drinking in moderation within in social settings.

I am afraid of the consquences of even having one drink and it's this fear at this moment that is actually the primary front of resistence that is keeping me in check.

I doesn't matter how many AA meetings you goto, how many people you chat with there in the fellowship, how many counsellors you see, doctors, family, friends...

It seems to still feel lonely being an alcoholic.

Thanks for letting me let some of that out.

Dee74

welcome back drumstick - I'm sorry to read you're still not happy in your recovery.

One thing I've found the longer I go on is that balance is important - vital even.

What are your hobbies and interests drumstick? how do you relax?

Sometimes I think we can forget we get sober to live life....it shoudn't, and can't, be an end in itself IMO.

Recovery is fundamental to me - nothing else would work for me without it - but I need other things in my life...otherwise I'm just living in a theoretical recovery.

If you're feeling lonely, I don't think you need to be - and maybe you need to look at your life a little more closely?

D

kanamit

You just just heard—and recognised—your addictive voice (AV). You might be interested in visiting the secular connection forum and reading about AVRT. This is a simple technique anyone can use that puts the AV in its place and ensures a secure alcohol-free life. Your comment above shows that you're already primed to grasp the tenets of this.

There is a member here called Terminally Unique who is a font of knowledge on the subject. He helped me and many others here successfully employ this technique.

least

At two to three months I was sober but still miserable... until I started practicing gratitude every day. That made the difference for me between sobriety and happy sobriety.

instant

Many people get through life without relying on alcohol, and seem to live rewarding and fulfilling lives. They must know something I need to learn.

Getting tired of recovery might mean you are ready to branch out a bit, and try some new things?

24hrsAday

thanks for honestly sharing where you are at drum.. recovery from Alcoholism has not been an easy road for me at all. i struggled the most before it almost killed me. since then there have still been some difficult trials.. however, (so far) i have managed to avoid picking up. when i start getting into that cunning stinkin thinkin BS i UP my meetings!

SSIL75

I agree that you should switch it up a bit!

freethinking

I'm not usually one to push one recovery method over another, but from what you described it does seem like you could benefit from exploring some of Rational Recovery's ideas. I don't subscribe to it wholly because, quite frankly, my days of doing that with anything regarding not drinking are done...but it has helped tremendously. I don't shield myself from "people places and things" as I used to (and in the instances I am around booze and a tiny urge has popped up, the situation has been helpful to me in terms of observing my addictive voice and seeing how it works), and this is proving to be a much better approach, for me.

soberlicious

Yeah, no...drumstick don't drink. You know the mess that will create. Really just don't. The excitment, passion, fun, and stimulation you are searching for is definitely not at the bottom of a bottle. Never has been, never will be. Look elsewhere.

As far as moderation goes hahaaaa for me I wouldn't want to moderate. Moderation means 1-2 drinks. Seriously? LOL why bother? There is no way in hell I could or would moderate.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way right now. I know I have feelings of fear, frustration, and discomfort related to many things in life. It has helped me to observe the feelings, acknowledge them, not overanalyze them, not try to quickly rid myself of them. Just allow them to pass through. They do pass, more quickly even when I don't fight them interestingly enough. Like weathering the storm so to speak.

Best to you.

Anna

Volunteer, look around your community and see what you can give back. Get outside of yourself and you will begin to find gratitude in your life.

FBL

I've found that once I got sober I got really interested in some hobbies that I didn't have time for when I was drinking. Now, there's not enough time in the day to get everything I want to done. I also remind myself every day how grateful I am not to be trapped by my former lifestyle. Now, whenever I'm around alcohol the only thing I feel I'm missing out on is the hangover the next day!

newby1961

I don't think there is a person I know that hasn't been what the Big Book talks about irritable, lonely, & discontent. I know for me if I sit in that to long than it grows, the negativity of it, and before you know it I have rationalized why its okay to go pick up again.

For me it is vital to share it like you are doing, but I have to go on further from that and I can sum it up in a quote I heard that makes sense to me.

Ghandi once wrote that "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

TheEnd

If you're tired of recovery, you must be doing something wrong. Try developing some new hobbies or meeting some new people. Lots of people let AA become their life and I don't believe that's the way it's supposed to be. Everything they do is centered around AA and if that works for them, then that's fine, but to me that is not a fulfilled life of recovery.

ReadyAndAble

Sorry you're going through this. Sobriety alone didn't change my life. It simply made it possible for me to work on other aspects of my life—activities, people, and the way I look at the world.

How is drinking the solution to being tired and bored? Active alcoholism was the most exhausting, tedious, and lonely experience I've ever been through....

Terminally Unique

Drumstick,

I would add that your boredom is also your Addictive Voice, telling you that life is so very, very booooring and meaningless unless you have a drink. The same goes for your fear that you will drink again if you do not hide in a bunker behind protectionist walls all the time. It wants you to believe that you will live a boring life, afraid all the time, but it lies.

Your boredom is just part of life, and eventually, it will propel you to go out and do something, anything. Isn't that the point of quitting? To be able to do things that you couldn't do because you were drinking all the time? It really doesn't matter what you do, but I would recommend doing something constructive, since it will probably help you feel better. Many here have already given you some good ideas.

drumstick

I only take what I think helps me from AA and I leave the rest. I sometimes wonder how someone lets oneself become so obsorbed by AA that it now replaces their own life. I guess live and let live comes into play here.

drumstick

I caved... it is wonderful... I am warm and clear... calm, for some reason there is just a sense of speed, I can do this when I want and although the medicine is not to my liking I will take it again tomorrow.

eJoshua

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you come back.

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear that too.

Drinking's an easy fix, much easier than recovery - but it's just a band aid - sooner or later it won't stick again.

It took me 20 years to finally get it, but if there's one thing I know now? it's that there's no answers back the way I've come, drumstick.

D

24hrsAday

i would much prefer being sober and living around A.A.(as i am Now) than to be the way i was in January 2007.. the cunning baffling and powerful affliction tells me: you are OK you can have a few beers and it won't be like last time..