tesquizito

Feeling better, although looking back at the last 48 hours (since I've been sober), it may take a while to realize how damaging this relapse really was. It affected a lot of people whom I love dearly, all in one fell swoop.

I spent the entire day cleaning, getting my things in order (stuff for work, etc.). At least I'm prepared to face the day. And I'm not so worried about urges so much, as in facing people :-(

Will continue reading tonight, g'night everyone.

artsoul

Sounds like you had a productive day.... Tomorrow should be even better. Remember to take things one day at a time - we can't fix everything immediately. Give yourself time to get your footing again.......

I'm sending a prayer that everything works out for you. Congrats on getting through day 2!

DayTrader

tesquizito-

AA's steps and the program were designed to enable you to handle such matters with little to no anxiety...perhaps you should check it out.

tesquizito

Thanks DayTrader, I've worked a number of programs including AA, and I've been using SMARTRecovery in recent years.

Attended a F2F meeting last night which was extremely helpful, I've never stopped going to meetings (4 years), but I'll probably increase my frequency given my most recent relapse.

I feel much better now. From a harm reduction standpoint, I suppose this relapse was short-lived (a few days), but then again, completely unnecessary.

Will continue the day-to-day activities that have proven to support my sobriety, and continue to reflect on and plan for those circumstances that accommodated my relapse.

kanamit

Are you using AVRT from Rational Recovery? I would have thought so because you mentioned AVRT but you have also mentioned that you have been going to meetings, and the two don't mix well.

tesquizito

Yes, AVRT from RR. And I do go to meetings regularly, SMART meetings, there are several in my area.

Terminally Unique

AVRT is incompatible with forced abstinence, or what you called being under surveillance.

DrivenHeart85

I understand about you saying you're waiting for your internal motivation to return...I've been there before, it's like your AV has a death grip on your brain for a while right after a relapse. Important thing is to regroup internally as soon as you can and build a taller, stronger, thicker wall when you get your motivation back. And watch out for SMART, although I love it to pieces, I do feel it feeds into your AV by permitting internal discussions regarding WHY you want to drink. After all, YOU don't want to drink, your Beast does.

tesquizito

True, AVRT is incompatible with those relying solely on forced abstinence. But, let's be clear. I am not currently relying on forced abstinence. Perhaps I used a poor choice of words. I do have, at this moment, a number of close friends who are checking in with me daily, largely at my own request. I do not call that forced abstinence.

I used AVRT countless times to great success over the years, I find nothing incompatible with asking friends to intervene, especially when already in a unsafe moment of relapse.