Tyl3r

I read a lot of posts here on SR about how people are super happy with/enjoying/loveing their sobriety - long and short term. I just cleared a month, and I don't seem to be have any strong emotions one way or another. I'm not euphoric or delighted with sobriety, nor am I feeling like I really want to drink. I've had a few mild cravings, but they were manageables and I moved beyond them.

Anyone else know they're doing the right thing but not getting any emotional kick from it?

Aegian

Yeah, me. *waves*

I do feel boatloads better in the mornings, but still feeling kinda meh overall. I know my health has improved dramatically (followup bloodwork shows massive improvement), but no cherubic choirs or angels heralding my every movement.

Then again, I know it takes time. I just passed 60 days last week.

neferkamichael

Tyl3r, ive been sober for 1 year 3 months, 48 days off crack and your post explains my feelings perfectly. The one about all is i know im better of straight. Feel better today than most days.

Peter G

"Happy with/enjoying/loving sobriety" are not attitudes that suddenly manifest from the simple act of not drinking or drugging. The contentment you read about here often comes from adopting a program that replaces drinking/using with fixing/healing/correcting/e.t.c.... Clarity begins to manifest as we allow the negative emotions and reasons behind our excessive drinking/drugging to fall away, being replaced by a more mindful, manageable and just generally healthier perspective.

I started feeling purposeful (even a little hopeful) by putting in the time and effort to make the changes and relearn how to live again, sans the booze crutches I had leaned on my entire adult life. IMO, what you're looking for comes from just that, from working a program of recovery and self discovery. Just 'not drinking' is not any way to do sobriety IMO, it's white knuckling the problem. Having done it myself a few times, I can say with complete qualification that it's a miserable way to live.

I'd also add that one month is not enough time to judge how things will work out for you long term. One month, 48 days, hell, I'd say even 6 months... it's still only the beginning of recovery, and as such there's a great many things you will still be adjusting to - both physically and mentally. Your brain is rewiring itself, synapses regrowing, redirecting to their proper locations, e.t.c... Initially I was nothing but confused, for quite some time. I literally had no idea what to do with all the time I had once used up being a drunk idiot. And I was basically drunk all the time, so there was a lot of space to suddenly fill up. I'd submit that there's all kinds of nonsense still happening upstairs when we first stop, and sometimes it doesn't always lead to immediate nirvana.

You are right though, some people truly can feel great immediately after sobering up, which seems to me could be out of simple relief of immense proportions; knowing they are achieving what was once thought impossible. Either that or because they were so sick for so long they just enjoy feeling better physically and looking outward with a much more clear focus. Plenty of reasons for that initial pink cloud me thinks, and just as many reasons why it doesn't necessarily appear immediately. I'd say keep at it, and if you're not adopting a program in your life, be it AA or something else entirely, it's well worth a try to initiate the change you want to see in your life.

Terminally Unique

I'm probably in the minority here, but I long ago stopped searching for that elusive fourth dimension. I've stated before that I don't do sobriety, by which I mean that I don't consider sobriety a separate plane of existence, but rather a return to normalcy. Seeking Nirvana was what got me into trouble in the first place, and I no longer regret my suffering. I am content to simply be free, even if not happy and joyous all the time.

Many would call me a dry drunk, or say that I don't have true sobriety, etc. Frankly, I like my dry drunk. Truth is, I now love my anger, my "bad" feelings, etc. I have returned to being human, and I would not have it any other way. To heck with Nirvana. Serenity is not for me. I walk free, now and forever, and that is good enough for me.

Dee74

I'm happy now Tyl3r but it took me more than a month to get here - took me a bit of work too

I was pretty 'grey' for a long time - I knew intellectually I was doing the right thing for myself but I was really doubting if I'd ever feel it emotionally....y'know - in my heart and not my head....

I'd drugged and drunk for over 20 years...it took me probably 3 months to just get over that recuperation alone, and to find a perspective on life that I remembered as 'normal'.

It took me much longer to deal with the whole load of underlying issues I had that had driven me to drink in the first place.

It was hard work, and not always pleasant, but believe me - it was better than the drinking life I'd left behind

and the good news in all of this is - when everyone here said to me 'hang in there, keep working on yourself and your recovery and you'll find what you're looking for' - they were right

D

eJoshua

For me, although my life isn't all gumdrops and sunshine like you occasionally hear from some people here, it is 100 times better than it was before.

Sober living is always better than living in the chains of addiction, even though my short-sighted perspective doesn't always make it feel that way. I wasn't able to see a positive change in the first 90 days I don't think, it's really only been the last two or three months where I have really started to feel "normal" (whatever that is)

A big part of my sobriety is learning to be ok with normal -- being ok with being bored, being ok with routine, being ok with being ok.

instant

Tyl3r
Our malady can be looked at as a "disorder of satisfaction". I got to a state where I could never be satisfied whatever I did. I could never drink enough to get it right without going over the edge. When sober I was just biding time to have another crack at it.

I could can carry on the same way when I am sober. A big part of me wants to do just that. There is however another way, that teaches you to appreciate what is going on around you, what you have and are experiencing. It is your choice as to if that amounts to "meh". It may be something more. It seems to me it might be, but it doesn't come naturally.

I hope you find what it is you seek.

ArgentOfSilvae

I'm one week in, when I think to myself how do i feel? i reply with 'I feel great!' but its not an emotional state really its more like i just knocked all the coconuts off and won a stuffed teddy, i am feeling good because I am finally doing what has eluded me for so long.

The rest of the time i feel much the same, at times i suppose i feel worse, but not because anything has changed, but because my head is clear enough to feel/see what was there in the first place, i've been drinking for 8 years, before which i was a very depressed teen.

so no, I'm not walking on rainbows, but i'm not hung over either, so thats a good feeling right?

AoS

iliveforyou

I can relate. I almost feel emotionally numb and generally discontent but I have several underlying conditions that make living life clean...not so great. I'll admit it's hard for me right now and I honestly see/hear about people so....joyous in their recovery and have to wonder what the hell is wrong with me because I'm just numb. If I'm not numb, I am filled with an internal rage. Yes. I have problems lol but I'll take this over using and feeling much worse.

-Jess

SSIL75

I guess this is me, too. I really do enjoy normal life though. But I have to say that an absence of alcohol does not a normal life make (for me).

So I guess I would ask you (OP) what you're doing with your life? It might be as simple a thing as you're not doing a whole lot to be happy about yet.

Terminally Unique

This is true, but to expect to be euphoric all the time is addict thinking, and I had to let go of that idea in order to hack it without resorting to the bottle. There is nothing wrong with not feeling euphoric all the time. Most people go back to drinking not when things get bad, but when things get normal. I think the expectation that life needs to be one never-ending emotional high might have a lot to do with this. Instant's characterization of this as a "disorder of satisfaction" sounds about right to me.

Ranger

Tyl3r - Congrats on your one month. Might not feel like it, but one month is a big deal.

We alcoholics poison our bodies and minds for years if not decades. Then, once stopped, in true addict style many of us expect life to quickly assume awesomeness. And, to be fair, it appears such is the reality for some. But, for many of us that simply isn't the case.

For us the latter, at best the cessation of drinking provides the time and clearmindedness to pursue those things that foster a sense of meaning and happiness. At worst, the cessation of drinking reveals one or more underlying conditions that must be addressed on the way to emotional maturity and genuine delightedness. Yes indeed, many of us are onions.

Personally, in terms of substance I found very little behind the curtain of addiction when it was raised. That is, I'd spent my entire adulthood pursuing the bottle rather than pursuing the kind of "real" things that give life meaning. Because of this, my path to post-addiction happiness necessarily started from a very elementary place.

jamdls

It took me the better part of that first year before I really started to enjoy no longer being a drunk. I had a lot of issues and then several months after I stopped drinking my mother died then my father came to live with me adding to my issues etc but at some point it dawned on me that those things could of/would of happened even if I was still drinking and the fact that I didn't drink and didn't need to drink to get through empowered me and being a non-drinker continues to empower me 4 yrs later. Life really does get better and better.

raindancer11

No emotional kick here. Honestly, I'm content not having those emotional highs and lows. Glad to be off that roller coaster.

Poofy

It's something most people go through at some point in recovery. Learn to deal with your emotions, rather than run from them with drugs or alcohol.